How To Save A Life - Grey's Anatomy

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Meredith's POV

Cristina burst into my room and disrupted Derek and I's conversation. She shooed him away and replaced his spot on the bed next to me. Derek walked out of the ICU room to get some food and coffee for himself while we had a conversation. Cristina put both hands on my face, one on either side and looked straight into my eyes.

''Thank you for not dying.'' She moved her hands from my face and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. She rested her head on my shoulder and held onto my other arm.

''You know this constitutes to hugging.'' I said with a smile. 

''Shut up.'' She said and continued hugging me. ''You're my person. You will always be my person.'' She continued to hug me for several more minutes until she finally let go due to the buzzing of her pager. 

I sat in the bed alone and thought back to the dreams I had over the past few days. Derek mentioned his dreams, now I wanted to think about mine. I grabbed a notebook and began writing, I felt like they were something I should remember. 

Dear person in the future reading this, 

If you don't know me, I'm Meredith. But you should know me because otherwise I'm not sure why you would be reading this. I'm not going to go into detail about who I am as a person, but more of the things I have experienced in my life (seriously, it's crazy! someone needs to make it a tv show). When I was 5, my dad left. I don't really remember my life from when he was around, I just remember him being there, and then him not being there. Then, when I was older, my mother got Alzheimer's, and I had to deal with losing a second parent, maybe not physically but mentally. My mother was still there but not there. During conversations, she often thought I was a college friend of hers, not her own daughter. She  used to think she was still a resident and I was her 5 year old daughter running around the hospital being a nuisance. She thought this from the comfort of her nursing home bed. Then I met Derek. 

Derek and I began a relationship and then I found out he was married. That kinda ruined what we had until he finally divorced her and we got back together. But before that happened, I almost got blown up in the OR as I had my hand on a bomb in an open chest cavity. You could say that was traumatic, but that would be an understatement. And then my mother died. Honestly, her dying was not some big event in my life. Sure, it added to my internal emotional trauma, but it didn't really affect me physically. I had already lost her, and when she died, nothing really changed. Deep down, it made my mommy issues a lot worse, but at the time I didn't think it affected me. I was dark and twisty Meredith, Cristina and I were the 'Twisted Sisters'. And then I almost died (not the first time, won't be the last). 

We were at a mass casualty at the docks saving people from a ferry boat crash until I fell into the icy water and drowned. Somehow, Derek found me unconscious, dead, in the water and rescued me. The doctors, my friends, almost gave up trying to recucitate me, but it was ultimately Derek and Cristina that saved me. When I was dead, I was in an afterlife sort of world. I saw my mother, Dylan Young (the leader of the bomb squad) and Doc (my dog), and along the way, Dylan told me that if I joined them permanently, I would only get whiff's of Derek and Cristina and everyone I loved. I decided it wasn't enough. A whiff of Derek and whiff of Cristina was not enough. My heart began beating again and I was alive. 

The next major event in my life was when George, one of my best friends, almost died. He got run over by a bus trying to be a hero to save this poor woman. He risked his life to be a hero and I have to say, I'm proud of him. And then Izzie almost died of cancer. Luckily she was ok and made it out alive but it was still a very stressful time in our lives. Derek and I got married finally (it may have been on a post-it note but, oh well) and we were finally happy. The one night stand I was determined to forget became the love of my life.