Metanoia: A Change of Heart

Chapter XXXV ~ Joshua

The night before remained in my mind and I recalled what happened: Thonia and I went up the stairs, all soaking wet with Ludwig van Beethoven's Fur Elise playing on my phone. Then she stopped right infront of their room to face me. She looked at my eyes and smiled. "Goodnight," she whispered in a low and sweet voice. I cleared her face from the hair that blocked her beauty. "Goodnight," I also said but did not plant to leave her just yet. The night went so magical I did not want to end it.

Thonia leaned over to smell my neck. For a moment, I felt something tingled inside of me, I thought of smacking myself later on. "Wait, you don't smell beer, weren't you drinking?" She sneered at me suspiciously.

I smelled my shirt. "I was drinking. Bottled juice." I winked and grinned.

She chuckled and slapped my chest playfully. "I don't know but I swear this is my second best night."

"I am grateful to be part of it." I leaned and kissed her forehead because I just wanted to kiss her. In the lips still felt inappropriate, maybe it would eventually become normal but I did not like her to feel awkward with me and other way around.

"Them," she corrected. "You were part of my first."

After all of those, I had fallen asleep on the couch Fredd's room. I had no other place to sleep because my other guy friends occupied the two queen-size beds. The next morning as I was saying, I woke up at seven o'clock, too early after two consecutive parties. I was hesitating to wake up, anxious of what happened last night might just be a dream, but my phone was ringing and I saw May's caller ID. I answered it.

"Why aren't you answering?" she asked.

"I was sleeping, of course. What made you call me this early?" I yawned.

"It is PharmaSilva' anniversary! We have a whole-day party and mom was looking for you." May explained. Shit, I whispered. I forgot about it.

"I'm coming. Just go ahead and I will follow you there. No need to wait for me." She hung. I wore my slippers and packed all my things in my backpack and paper bag.

"Josh?" Kennard said while slipping from the drowsiness. "Where are you going?"

"I need to go home." I said. "Just tell Fredd I left." He nodded then fell back to sleep.

Thankfully, the maids of Fredd's mansion were awake, but before I even went out of the house, I remembered something. I reached for my wallet in my backpack and get the paper I kept there ever since Thonia gave it to me. I looked for a pen and checked the boxes in the checklist.

√ 1. You find her face and voice. No matter how thick the crowd is, you'll still catch a glimpse of her. After, you'll be satisfied.

√ 2. Keep on thinking about her although your mind has other works to do.

√ 3. You have hundreds of reasons why you need to talk and be with her but when she is already there, words seem to fail you.

√ 4. You wanted to make her happy in every single way: impress her, do things for her, show you deserve her.

□ 5. TBA

Four boxes with check and I encircled the last one with an empty checkbox and question mark. I was eager to find what the fifth sign was.

For the record, I always think of her since I've known her deeper than an acquaintance I had in school; I had the instinct to find her. In the first place, the popsicle sticks she had made were the reason why I was drawn closer to her, excluding my friends' connection and the StuPub, but the sticks and quotes were what made me think she was different and I had to find who made them; For weeks, I always wanted to talk to her. I always wanted to tell her my feelings but I wasn't sure when the right time woud be until last night, whenever I got the chance before, my confidence fell and I would simply want to stare at her; lastly, as what I told her the night before, I was a first-timer in these kind of stuff. I was a love stupid and she was the love genius, but being with Thonia Buenviaje made me want to be the best guy she would ever want. I wanted to impress her with unpredictable and inexplicable things, just like herself. So there, I passed all four in the checklist. I guessed I was ready for the fifth.