Metanoia: A Change of Heart

Chapter I ~ Joshua

Tick. Tock.

Time was so cruel for a typical Senior. I sighed, no use. This hour felt a decade. Our Chemistry teacher had the power to freeze time for her pleasure and our pain.

"Why do we have to sit here again, Joshy?" Fredd desperately tapping his desk using his pen. We sat at the back corner of the Chemistry classroom where I found the popsicle stick the day before yesterday.

I rolled my sleeves up because of the heat. There were two aircons but no use, that was the farthest corner even the lecturer could barely be heard. "Here," I lent him the stick.

"So...?" he read it. "You've shown that to me a hundred of times already. Are you waiting for a rainbow to magically appear anytime here?" He laughed mockingly.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Just sit anywhere else if you like."

"You know I can't leave you hangin' here to rot." He shrugged and placed an arm around my shoulders. "I'm willing to rot with you, bro."

I wiggled his arms away from me.

"Stop tapping the desk!" The teacher was annoyed and cleared her throat. "Mister Cabalce? Any problems with your seatmate?" She was fat and her hair was fixed in a shiny bun.

"Nothing, Mrs. Dalla." Fredd answered for me and she went on teaching the topic, sending us evil glares. Fredd was forcing not to laugh, making his already-dark complexion reddish.

"Stop it, man! Not funny at all." For a change, I wrote down notes.

No quotes for two days. Maybe it was just an accident. Someone had dropped it and stacked it under this desk the day before yesterday... who knew?

The thought wouldn't leave my mind until lunch. My friends were going nuts telling I was insane. Ironic, huh? They were the crazy ones the last time I checked and they'd admitted it.

"What if hewas gay? Or a guy doing prank?"

"Gay or not, I must know." I defended while eating my pork stew.

"Oh! What if the stick has sensors, camera, and tracker for the benefit of your stalker?" Fredd joked around with serious face.

"Bro, that won't happen." Kennard chimed in with his own food tray and sat beside Fredd. It was cute to see both of them together. Fredd was dark, while Kennard was super white. If I went in the middle, we would be color palette.

"Yeah, that won't happen. Who would waste time stalking someone like the Joshua Jakei Silva?"

"You're not helping." I protested. We were bestfriends since kindergarden but I admit they had a little mental problems regarding seriousness.

I ate in silence as they talked about the pop quiz they had in history. "Unfortunately, Mister Silva here doesn't need to study." Kennard said.

Their conversation was interrupted by two girls who were standing by our table. I was speechless when I saw who they were, the girls I saw before I entered the Chemistry room the day I got the stick.

"Hi," The girl with strawberry blonde hair said. "Can we sit here? The canteen's full." She smiled then my breathing became unusual.

"Su--sure." I looked away, instantly felt insecure. I found my friends staring at me so I raised a brow. They looked away and laughed. She sat beside me and next to her friend. "Anyway, thanks. I am Nicole, but you can call me Nikki and this is Andrea." The girl with bangs waved and ate.

"My friend, Joshua, knows you very well, Nikki." Fredd said, revealing a hint of my own secrecy although no one knew I liked her.

Nicole giggled. "Really? Doesn't know I am worth knowing, just a new student from far city." She was looking at me and I simply wanted to... not sure. Run away? Stay closer? I was pathetic. She smiled once more and ate. No response. What was I expecting? I never had been good in conversations like this. Yes, I had several mutual-understandings relationships but nothing lasted, neither of them felt serious too.

"Thanks for the table," Andrea said as they rose.

"Yes, thanks." Nicole greeted us one by one by our names.

"It's nothing. See you again sometime." Kennard grinned. They walked off.

"What was that, Joshy?" Fredd laughed.

"That?"

"Yeah, you are pro in so many things but I just noticed you are left behind in girl stuffs." He air-quoted the last two words.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I finished my food and pushed the tray away.

"Look at this, you are in love with the girl sitting beside you five minutes ago and you didn't do anything at all!" Fredd explained.

"In love?!" I smirked. "I am not in love. As far as I knew love is just a word--series of chemical reactions in the brain and hormone secretions in the system. Sorry, but you're talking to the wrong person."

"Don't science-talk me Jimmy Neutron." Fredd shook his head.

Kennard laughed. "What kind of people doesn't believe in love, man?"

"I am attracted to Nicole--Nikki, whatever--but loveher? I don't think I will be able to fall in love with her. I never experienced, I don't know if I will ever experience it." Was I a bad person? Maybe not. I just didn't believe in true love. We had choices and our choices came from our mind, our decisions. Reasons why people a were with people they're happy with. Maybe I was just being over-acting in this.

"You'll understand someday, child." Kennard said.

"Okay, dad." I said with sarcasm.

"Mary!" Fredd called from behind me. He waved and grinned. Without looking, I know Mary probably waved back or rolled her eyes. Then he looked at us and said, "Love. You'll see, Mister Joshua Silva. You'll see."

I would understand, maybe someday. At that time, I was sure I wouldn't yet. I had so many plans to fulfill, dreams to chase, and goals to achieve. The word wasn't in any of them.