"What is the song that has a important meaning to you? And could you sing the part that is the most important to you?" The brunette woman asked
"Oh.. I think Dark Paradise.. Yeah.. I wrote it a long time ago in a short amount of time, but I'm still emotional every time I have to sing it or whatever" I faked a giggle and cleared my throat nodding
"And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody
It won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side"
I sang and brushed my eyes with my thumb, feeling tears forming around my eyes.
"That was amazing, thank you! One last question. After your successful songs, I presume they are written for a boy, right?" The woman who interviewed me asked
"Yeah.. Something like that.. We broke up months ago.." I nodded and tried to fake a smile
"Sorry for asking but how did you managed to get over it?" The woman asked and I squeezed my hand in stress
"Well..I don't know how to tell you exactly... Karen.." I chuckled
"It was the most painful type of loss. Him. Slowly melting away, making sure he burned every piece of myself" I nodded biting my bottom lip and moved my hands around while I was talking
"Slowly I forgot him, first his voice then his face.. But I never expected that the hardest thing to forget was the happiness he made me feel once upon a time."
I gulped and looked back at the woman
"Maybe it was meant for our souls to cross paths in this lifetime.. Maybe this wasn't our lifetime to spend together. I should appreciate that we both were able to share unconditional love... Even if it was just for a moment" I sniffed
"So, to respond to your question, I don't really think I got over it. I think I just learned how to hide it" I chuckled and nodded
After the interview I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror as tears were falling from my eyes. My phone started calling after a while and I picked it up. It was Katie.
"Hi?" I sniffed and brushed away the tears
"I'm still in tears Bec, so is Breana, and Kelly.." Katie chuckled
"Fine, fine.. And Matt, Jamie and Nick" She continued and I started giggling
"You all watched me? I hate that woman I swear. Even her name is annoying" I chuckled and sniffed again
"Are you okay? Are you crying baby?" Katie asked
"hm? noo" I lied but Katie knew I was lying
"Wait.. Let me go to the kitchen..." Katie said
"I don't want to push it, but it's clearly that you love Alex.. Why can't you just try to talk to him?" Katie asked as I was walking on the hallway and quickly left the building
"It's not that easy Katie.. We aren't good for each other. He deserves to be happy. And that means he has to be away from me" I sniffed and began walking around the crowded city
"Are you kidding me?" Katie asked
"No? Look Katie, I love you all so much and I'm so thankful everything but Alex should move on and live his life." I exclaimed
"Becca he didn't ch-"
I closed the call and I began walking further. It was fucking painful. But it was only for his best.
It was 2 september so that meant in 7 days the new Arctic Monkeys album will be launched. I already apologised to the boys when I told them I wasn't going to the launch party. I wasn't ready to go back, and clearly, I wasn't ready to see Alex.
I clutched my bag to my hip as I was walking around the city. I realised that in 19 days I'll be 21. I sighed and walked back to my apartment.
I took a shower and then ran to my bed, being too lazy to put pyjamas on. I grabbed my phone and looked on Instagram. I saw that my last post was the one with the polaroid picture so I decided it was time to be more active on social media like I was months ago. Only friends followed me there but still..
I pulled the white sheet over my body and took a picture. My necklace was visible and so was my little heart ring. My index finger was sitting on my bottom lip and all you could see were my lips and a small part of my chest, along with the white sheet. I posted it with the caption "am I the girl you dream of?"
I instantly got a few likes and comments and started smiling while reading them. Breana, Katie, Kelly and Arielle commented and I started smiling. God I missed them so much. In that moment I realised I haven't spoke to Arielle since that day at the mall and I felt so sorry.
I missed everyone so much. But I can't go back. Even my friends got tired of me..
