Sleepy Bois Inc One Shots - and other mcyts

Not My Memories

{abuse, violence, panic attack, sexual assault, puke, freezing, drugging}

I sat in my bed shaking. Why did I have these memories? Another flash came through. Being on the ground, kicks landing on my stomach. I tried to reach for something to ground myself. My hand hit the glass of water on my bedside. It fell to the ground. The shattering sound brought another flash. Glass bottle being smashed then pressed into my back. The shards hurt even though they weren't real. I never experienced any of this. I shook my head trying to clear it.

I stumbled to my feet. I barely made it to the bathroom before I leaned over the toilet and threw up. Flashes were coming quick. Each one with people who I had never seen before. Sometimes the people were repetitive but most of the time they were new.
Hands reaching down my pants. Arms being tied behind me while a sharp weapon was dragged down my side. Screams of how useless I am. Knife being dragged down my leg. Hammer being brought down on my fingers. Needles being put into my arm. Knife cutting behind my ear. Something being shoved down my throat. Razor being pulled across my chest.

I flinched away from each flash. They had never happened. Why could I remember it so well? I leaned back to the cold wall, trying to stabilize myself, but it just brought another flash. Someone pushing me against the wall of a freezer. They closed the door. I opened my eyes but they had stopped processing anything. I felt myself get colder until I heard the door to the bathroom open.

Someone came in and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away harder than I meant to and hit my head on the sink. I let out a yelp and then covered my mouth. I was shaking and had fallen to my side. I registered the person calling for someone. Oh shit. And then I passed out.

(*Time skip brought to you by a panic attack*)

I woke up in my bed, I could feel someone clinging onto me. I jolted upright, startling the boy sleeping next to me. It took me a solid bit to recognize the boy as Tommy. He was talking but my ears were ringing. It was actually nice. I didn't have to hear anything and I couldn't. I gave my best friend a confused look and then frowned, tapping my ears to tell him I couldn't hear.

He seemed to understand and he wrapped his arms around me. I squeezed him tight and then slowly got to my feet. I wobbled a bit and Tommy jumped up to stabilize me. We walked down to the kitchen slowly. As we got to the kitchen Tommy helped me sit down and then he sat down next to me. Phil came in and brought pancakes. He started talking but Tommy interrupted him and he nodded. I still couldn't hear anything so I assumed it was about that.

Phil came back in and handed me a white board that he had used for homeschooling Tommy a few years ago. I quickly wrote out a sorry for being a bother last night and that my ears were ringing so I couldn't hear. Phil frowned before writing an 'are you okay' I nodded and then started to eat my pancakes. Slowly the ringing died down enough that I could hear Tommy and Phil talking. From what I could process Techno had found me in the bathroom and gotten everyone up.

"I'm sorry about last night I didn't mean to wake anyone." my voice was quiet but they focused on me instantly.

"Hey Tubbo, what was happening?" Phil spoke the question I was dreading. I didn't know how to explain it.

"Well I sometimes when I get panicked or panic attacks. I sometimes will start to remember things. Things that didn't happen or couldn't have. Like abuse and stuff. Most of the time it is just flashes of memories that fade quickly but last night there was so much. So many different things. I couldn't snap myself out of it. I tried. I umm I had one that was particularly bad of being locked in a freezer right before Tech came into the bathroom. I think I hit my head because then I woke up next to Tommy." Phil looked confused and shocked. He had known me my whole life and he would know if those things had happened.

"Are you okay?" Tommy's voice shattered the silence in the room. I nodded softly then shrugged.

"It is always better in the morning. In those moments though I feel like I am on the verge of dying." I admit as I think about the last one. I had never had one like that. Most of the time it was just getting cut or hit or yelled at. I shuddered.

"Tubbo, you can get us if these things happen again." Phil stated. I nodded knowing I wouldn't. I could do this myself most of the time it was just last night. I yawned. "When you are done eating you should go back to bed. I doubt you got much sleep seeing as it was almost 6 when Techno found you and it is only 9 now." I nodded and finished my pancake quickly. I then headed up to my room where I fell asleep as I felt Tommy lay down next to me.

if you know what this is please tell me cause i get this shit when i get bad panic attacks. it's like fuxking memories but they can't be mine due to a lot of different things but like i don't know what it is.