Picture Perfect

Chapter 3

"It was the weirdest thing, Quinn. He, like, watched me the rest of the hour. I couldn't help but suck in my stomach knowing that's what he was looking at." Quinn and I make our way to the library where we spend our lunch. I haven't eaten lunch in the cafeteria in ages.

"He was not looking at your stomach. He was probably just looking at your pretty face. But importantly, was he cute?" I look over at her and roll my eyes. Of course that's all she cares about.

"I don't know. I didn't really notice."

"Sure you didn't." We sit down at one of the tables and Quinn pulls out her lunch. I just pull out my phone and scroll through random posts.

"Where's your lunch?" She asks me.

"I forgot to pack one," I respond, not looking up from my phone. If I do bring lunch it's usually just a small salad. But what Quinn doesn't know is that after I usually purge it out. I can't afford to gain any kind of weight.

"Ashley. Come on. You didn't just forget."

"Yes I did. And even if I didn't, I wouldn't eat it. I'm not hungry."

"Sure you're not," she says, taking another bite of her sandwich. It actually looks really good. I can't remember the last time I had a stuffed sandwich like that.

"So, how did things go with the new kid?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh my gosh! He's amazing and easy to talk to. Not to mention gorgeous! And turns out he's in one of my classes. We're having a study session in two days." Leave it to Quinn to already have a date with the new kid.

"What's his name?"

"Vince. It just rolls off the tongue, you know? Vince," she says, enunciating each syllable.

"Sure." I click on a picture I posted a week ago of Quinn and I at the mall. We each had on a pair of sunglasses and were posing in a goofy way. At the time I thought we were having fun and the picture was funny but not funny ugly. Funny, cute. I obviously thought wrong as I scroll through the list of comments people left.

Those girls are so ugly, their skin would have been better used as a handbag.

Ashley should just kill herself, nobody even cares about her anyways.

How much did she pay that girl to make it look like she has friends?

She looks like a sumo wrestler, her face is so swollen.

I click my home button to get rid of the comments as tears start to stream down my face. How could people be so mean? But they wouldn't say those things unless they were true, right?

"What's wrong?" Quinn asks, packing up her lunch. I quickly turn away as even more tears come.

"Nothing. I'll see you later." I scurry out of the library not wanting Quinn to follow. She calls out after me but I don't slow down until I'm in the bathroom behind a locked stall. I stick my fingers down my throat and force myself to throw up anything I can manage. All I get is acid since there is already nothing in my stomach.

I flush the toilet sink to the floor against the cool stall door and wrap my arms around my body and continue to cry. I'm sick of never being perfect. Of not making anyone happy no matter how hard I try. I'm sick of just being a figure, not an actual person. No matter how much I lose, I'll never be good enough.

"Ashley?" A girl knocks on my door but I don't answer. "I know you're in there. Let me in. Please?" I sniffle but open the door. Standing there is another one of my best friends, Yasmine. Her face instantly falls when she sees me.

"Oh, no. I saw you run in here crying on my way from the caf. What's wrong?" I can't answer her, my sobs are too big, the pain is too much. I wrap my arms around her and cry into her shoulder.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"You can. And you will. Everything will be alright."

"But do you know what people are saying about me?"

"I don't give two shits about what people are saying!" I can't help but let out a soft laugh at hearing Yasmine swear. The girl never swears unless she's really upset. "You're going to get up and march out of here with your head up because you are strong and people's opinion doesn't matter." It does if your whole image is opinions and judgments. I don't say any of this to Yasmine though, just grateful that she came to help.

"Thanks, Yasmine."

"Anytime, chica. And remember you can talk about what's going on. You don't have to fight this on your own. People will be jerks but it's up to you on how you decide to deal with it." I give her another hug as we leave the bathroom.

"I know. Check you later." We wave goodbye heading to our classes. She's right, it's up to me on how I decide to deal with it. But maybe my decision isn't the one she had in mind.