Those Dominant Eyes

Chapter 33

"You really don't have to choose. I just thought I'd ask since..."

"It's fine. I... I can do it," I said hesitantly. He held me closer to him in his lap and it made me feel reassured that he would always be there.

I thought about my decision and what I might choose. I tried to think of ways to hurt him, ways to repay him for the pain he caused us.

I thought of all the usual, roundabout ways to hurt him, like the ones you see on tv. Imprisonment, torture, mental torture, and others came to mind but those were really at the center of my thoughts.

I imagined him suffering under intense pain, bloody all over and writhing in pain. Begging to be let go, for forgiveness. But the thought didn't satisfy me, it only made me want to puke up what I just ate. I didn't want to think about it anymore. But I couldn't stop seeing the image of that same bloody person, coming back for more. For revenge. I wasn't suited for this. I couldn't do it. I couldn't find it in me anymore.

"Love. It's ok, you don't have to. I'll take care of it all," he said, turning my body around so I could burry my face in his chest. Tears I didn't know had fallen soaked his shirt.

"You do it. I just... can't think about it anymore," I wept as he consoled me. He was so gentle as he held me in his arms. It was like warmth immediately overtook my small body.

"I understand. I'm sorry for bringing it up in such a way," he said apologetically, bringing his lips to my forehead.

"What? No," i popped my head up to look into his eyes. "It's not your fault, I just... don't wanna think about that anymore."

His lips pulled into a small smile as he cupped my face. "And it's not your fault either," he said with a deeper meaning in his eyes. "So please stop blaming yourself, Love."

Ahh. So he knew. Although I had no idea how. I thought I did good covering myself, apparently not. He saw through it all. At this point, I don't even know why I tried to keep my feelings hidden. I could trust him. I could love him.

I gave him an assuring look and rested my small head on his strong shoulder. I turnt my head into my favorite spot on his neck and took a deep breath of his scent. I let the breath go, as I let go of many other things, and nodded my head.

"Yes. I'll stop, I really will. It doesn't benefit me anyway," I said truthfully.

"Good," he said, bringing his hand up and laying on my curly hair. We like that for a bit, just reminiscing with each other, when we heard the bell ring.

"I'll get it, Love. Stay right here," he told me. Zane sat me down on the chair. He left me alone as he walked o the door. But he came back, like I knew he always would, with a certain person in clutch.

"Hello, brother," I flinched at the word that I didn't feel fit me. "I'm ready to tell you everything, anything. I want to explain things, so maybe at the end of this... we can be as close as before."

'Yeah, right. You goddamn traitor.' I thought to myself.