"It was like watching my past self."
I stared at the laptop screen, wracking my brain, in hopes to find it. Five minutes passed, then ten, even fifteen, yet I couldn't find it. What? You may ask.
The confidence.
I was re-reading the stories I wrote, and dammit, I have to say, if you read through this whole book without cringing at least ten times,
dude.
Hats off.
Laughing sometimes, cringing way too many times and my conscience asking myself, "Ye kya hai bhai? Kyu hai ye? Kaun hai tu? Kaha se ayi hai tu? Aur kyu ayi hai?"
Translation: What is this bro? Why does this exist bro? Who the hell are you? Where the hell did you even come from? And most importantly, why did you?
This is what happened ,when after being on hiatus for almost two months, I had the courage and audacity to read through the chapters I wrote in this book. Question for @ dyysfunctional_bitxh: why did we write this again? And most of all, what were we thinking?
Wait.
Don't answer that.
"I didn't like it, but yet, I was so fucking glad."
But in all honesty, thank you my dear past version. You were not the best author in the world, or even in your home, but thank you for making me realize, I've improved so damn much, and so have you.
It was really like watching my past self, on videos or looking at the pictures. Thinking I was a dork, but that at least that smile on my face was real. (This corona virus had me grow up slowly each month, and don't ask me how.) I didn't like the kind of person I was before, but I was so fucking glad I was someone who we're all slowly not being anymore. She was me, and was fucking proud of it. She had the courage to press the publish button, not really caring what anyone thought of her, liking the stories she wrote. I'm proud of myself. As her future version, I would like to promise myself that I'll be a person I can be proud of everyday. And to whoever reading this, you should be too.
To @dyysfunctional_bitxh : I hope you understand why I'm doing this. You're my best friend and one of the most important person in my life. I swear to God, this isn't just my daily dose of 'Lets change the world' phase. I don't wanna sit on my ass all day long just to regret it, anymore. Most importantly, I want to live, so yes, I'm sure.
Thank you for everything, especially the times, when we were @fangirling_withmybro rather than 2 different people. I really enjoyed those.
To anyone else reading this, or needs to hear this: You're strong. It's okay to have flaws, we all do. Just remind yourself everyday, it'll get better.
I really enjoyed writing this book and thank you for everyone who read it.
To my future self: I hope you find this cringy, or else, you're just the same dork you were right now, and I hope that my decision turned out right in the end.
Once again, thank you.