Tina sat, the large doors open onto the long garden of the treatment centre she was currently staying in. she was finally drawing. She had woken up that morning with an overwhelming feeling that she had to draw. She was drawing the Fall trees, using her colour pencils to melt the colours into the drawing. She wanted it to be perfect. The door opened and Bette walked in, pushing Xavier who was sleeping. Bette closed the door softly before pushing the stroller over to where Tina was, and sitting down.
"Hey," Tina said, softly her eyes still locked on the tree she was drawing.
"Hi, did you sleep okay?"
"Not really kept waking expecting you beside me," Tina admitted softly. "I miss the soft noise you make as you sleep. I miss waking in the middle of the night and looking at you, with your hand under your face."
"I miss you too," Bette smiled softly at her wife's words.
"How is Xavier?"
"He is good, he has had his vaccines this morning that was hard to watch, then I had to sign some papers at the lawyers office."
"For his adoption?" Tina asked, she finally looked up.
"Yes, the social worker has visited the ranch, they are happy with how I'm handling everything,"
"I hate that you have to jump through hoops for him to be officially your son. He is your son, you're certainly doing a better job of raising him that me,"
"It's not a competition Ti, I would rather you were at home, being the loving mother and wife I know you are. But I also know that you have to be here right now."
"I've let you and him down,"
"No Tina, you haven't." Bette reached out and gently tucked a lose piece of Tina's blonde curls behind her ear. Her fingers gently lingering on her wife's smooth silk skin.
"I have, I'm sorry." Tina let a tear run down her face, "I was talking to Sims yesterday, she said that I have to stop blaming myself but I can't help it. I mean Claire burnt my house to the ground, my parents hated me because I was gay and they died in a car accident, I couldn't carry my son to term and my wife..." Tina bowed her head.
"Loves you, knows that you're in a good deal of pain. You are in metal pain, a pain that I cannot fix that only treatment and help can help you with." Bette reassured her.
Tina nodded.
Silence filled the room. The sounds from outside flouting in. Tina slowly got up and put her drawing down and Bette got her first look at the amazingly detailed drawing of the gardens outside, filled with the Fall colours. Bette looked up as Tina walked over and looked at their son, smiling at him, she reached out and gently ran her finger along his face.
"I love you buddy," Tina smiled,
Bette looked at her watch and knew it was nearly feeding time for Xavier. It was important to her that he had a relationship with Tina. They had a special bond and she wanted to ensure that wasn't lost even with Tina being in this horrible place in her mind. Bette moved and took out his bottle, she warmed it up and walked over the table putting it down next to the sofa that was in Tina's room.
"Sit down babe," Bette said and Tina did, as Bette took Xavier out of the stroller, he opened his hazel eyes looking at her,
Bette smiled and moved over to Tina, gently passing her their son. Bette grinned as Tina looked down at Xavier,
"Well aren't you handsome?" Tina said kissing him and taking in his smell, "How did I think I could leave you," A slow tear ran down her face.
"Why don't you feed him?"
"Thank you," Tina took the bottle and gently held her son, feeding him.
Bette took her phone out and took a photo. Before she sat beside her wife.
"Doesn't he look cute?" Bette asked, today she had dressed him in a little shirt and jeans and he looked very relaxed.
"He does," Tina smiled, she was overjoyed to have her son in her arms. She knew Bette was close. As she was feeding him Sims walked in,
"Hello Tina, Hello Bette, I'm sorry little man I didn't know you were feeding?" She said,
"He would answer you but he is busy," Bette laughed.
"How are you today Tina?"
"Right this second I'm overwhelmed by love," She admitted.
"That's not a bad emotion to be overwhelmed by," Sims said sitting into the armchair.
"I've been drawing this morning,"
"Really? How did that make you feel?"
"Relaxed, it was nice to sit and listen to the birds like I do at home, I felt almost normal for a second,"
"Just a second?"
"Yes, then my mind starts racing again with the thoughts." Tina said, she looked down at her son who was drinking happily he trusted her completely. This little man was hers. She had given live to this boy.
Sims saw something changing in Tina
"What is it Tina?" Sims asked.
Bette had noticed and looked at her wife.
"I gave him life, I did that. I couldn't give him the best start but I gave him life. He is part me. I carried him for all that time, I brought him into the world. I've let him down in the worse way and he trusts me completely.
"He knows you're his mommy," Bette said softly.
"He does, doesn't he?" Tina was filled with wonder, her mood changing again, "Yet I walked away..."
"You will get better Tina," Sims said. "You're stronger than you think. You're doing better than you can think. We have got to take steps. Forward. You have to learn to deal with your past. Deal with the thoughts you have. You are very unique talented woman, we want to get you home with your family,"
"We want you to get to that stage," Bette said softly, as she took Xavier to wind him, their son burped making the room laugh. She curled up into Bette,
"How is the adoption going?"
"It should be final by Friday, I've signed everything today, Tina has signed her paperwork, its just up to the judge now," Bette smiled, as she kissed the top of her son's head.
"That's good news,"
"It really is," Bette smiled.
Tina looked at her wife and son. She slowly got up and walked around, Sims and Bette watched her for a few moments before Tina went back and picked up her drawing pad and started to draw.
"Its how she copes," Bette said slowly, "I'm guessing her mind is racing again,"
"I'm thinking so, she's overwhelmed and her way of coping is drawing. We need to get her drawing, I was thinking maybe we could try and get her to draw her feelings."
"That would work, I could bring some of her paints if you think that would help,"
"I believe it would. We have to get her to open up and different things work for different people and I think drawing or painting or any other form of art she wants to do would be best for her."
"I am willing to try anything," Bette remarked as she put Xavier back into this stroller. She walked over to Tina who was colouring away. Making the tress and ground come to live on the page. Bette was in ore of her wife's talent. She just wanted to try anything to find some form of healing.