october 17, 2020
i am very disappointed.
to be honest, i really thought last night would be the night. i literally did SO much yesterday just to get my chances higher. i drank like 7 bottles of water throughout the day, i said affirmations during the day and did things as if i was in my dr, i meditated twice, i read my script, i listened to a harry potter subliminal and harry potter related music, i looked at pictures that reminded me of my dr, i watched to youtube videos that you should watch before you shift, AND i read a draco fanfic (ik ik).
so i did the raven method (because i also used it the last time i tried and you don't want to switch it up too much) and everything was going smoothly. there was some noise in the house once in a while but it didn't distract me. i visualized scenes from my dr and said an "i am" affirmation every 10 numbers. the problem was, i wasn't able to fall asleep again. i read for 45 minutes before i tried and i thought it would help me to calm down and get me sleepier, but i guess that wasn't the case. eventually i just knew i wouldn't be able to fall asleep so i opened my eyes. i'm really upset that i did that even though it might've not changed anything. then i was too drained to do another method, so i went to sleep just saying i'd be in my dr and visualized a bit (apparently some people have shifted this way but i feel like it's rare) and then i woke up around 6:00 am. i am probably going to take a break tonight but i will update the next time i shift.