John and the boys hadn't been out late; he'd gotten home just after nine, just as Roxy and the kids were halfway through a movie and it was strange - instead of joining them like he normally would, he went straight upstairs.
Roxanne didn't even hear him come in, not realising that he was home until she went to bed herself.
He wasn't asleep, she knew he wasn't but given that he didn't acknowledge that she was there, she suspected that something must have happened while he was out and so instead of questioning him, she'd gotten ready for bed, climbed into bed beside him and wrapped her arm around his waist.
The next day, he was still quiet but he said that he'd take the kids to their summer clubs and to their friend's houses even though they'd agreed that Roxy would do it.
"Oh," he murmurs as they're heading out the door, "Fred said he was going to come by."
"Today?"
He nods, still not meeting her gaze and before he can follow Isla outside, she catches hold of his arm.
"You're never this quiet," she whispers, "What's going on? You're scaring me, John."
He stares at her for a good half a minute before pulling her into his chest, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead, "We're going to be late."
"John-"
He's out the door before she can say anything else and Roxy sighs, stepping out onto the doorstep to watch the two oldest fight over the front seat while John straps Robert into his car seat.
He really was starting to scare her. He had never been this quiet before and never, not in their whole relationship had their been any secrets. And of course, her mind always jumps to the worst case scenario. Had something happened while they were out last night and was she right to be worried?"
++|++
Freddie arrived at noon, knocking on the door in the same way he always did before swinging the door open as if the place was his own.
"I'm in the kitchen!" Roxy calls, turning as he swoops into the kitchen with a grin on his face, "Hi!"
"Hello," he pulls her into a tight hug, pulling away almost immediately when she reciprocates less than enthusiastically, "What's wrong, darling?"
She huffs out a laugh, "How do you do that? Know that something's wrong?"
"It's a gift," he grins, taking her hand to lead her to the table, where he sits her down and he returns to the kettle to finish making their tea, "So come on, out with it."
"Did something happen last night?" Roxy picks up a random pen and taps it on the kitchen table, "While you were out?"
Freddie's hand stills and he glances over his shoulder, "That might have been my fault, darling."
"Your fault?"
He takes a deep breath before turning around, giving her an attempt of a smile, "I...I'm sick, Roxanne."
"Are you talking about your throat? Fred, that'll clear up in time for the gig-"
"It's not my throat, darling," he says quietly, silencing her.
"Then..."
"I went to the doctor," he begins and her brow furrows when he starts washing the dishes they'd used for breakfast that morning, "And he..."
Roxanne feels her heart start to thud when he trails off again, keeping an unwavering gaze out of their back window and she gets up, placing her hand on his shoulder, "What? What did he say?"
"I've got," his words catch in his throat, "I've got AIDS, Roxanne."
It feels as if he's punched her. Honestly, it feels like the wind had been knocked clean out of her and when Freddie doesn't look at her, she starts shaking her head, "No. There must have been a mistake. The doct-he,"
"No mistake," he gives her a sad smile and with shaking hands, Roxanne wraps her arms around him.
They stand in the middle of their kitchen and Freddie holds her tightly while she cries.
He's done all of this, gone through every stage until he came to accept that thses were the cards he'd been dealt and when Roxanne starts to calm down, they move to sit at the table where she doesn't let go of his hand.
"The boys know?" she asks, voice thick and he nods.
"I told them last night. Rog and Becca are telling Becca and Alice but I wanted to tell you myself." he squeezes her hand, "We've always been close. I know it doesn't feel like it now, Nessie but back in our hey-days."
Despite everything, Roxy smiles, "We were."
"I hope you weren't worried about Deaky last night," Freddie says.
"He was just quiet," she shrugs, "Didn't even say that he was home."
"He probably thought he'd let it slip," he nods, "I'm sorry if it scared you."
"I was just worried that something had happened," she admits.
"I asked him not to tell you," he murmurs, rubbing her hand with his thumb, "That's probably why he was quiet. He didn't want to let slip."
She nods in understanding. Of course he would. If Freddie asked him to keep hush, he would. That's just the kind of guy he is.
++|++
John got home just after Freddie had left and after helping Isla and Robert out of the car, he opens the front door for them before returning to the boot to get the shopping that he'd picked up.
"Hi, mummy!" Isla chirps as the two of them run by her, straight into John's music room so they can say hello to Jellybean and the still nameless kittens.
Roxy stands at the door, watching John as he lights up a cigarette as he leans up against the car. He had stopped but whenever things got too much and he was stressed, he'd smoke. It was seldom but it did happen though though he always made sure to do it away from the kids.
She gives him a weak smile when he meets her eyes, stepping out into the driveway moving to stand in front of him, taking the cigarette from him to throw down onto the drive before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"It's not fair, Rox," he whispers, keeping his face hidden in her neck and she closes her eyes, holding him a little tighter.
It really wasn't.