I throw my heels into the closet by the door and walk right into the bathroom. I don’t look in the mirror because I know I’ll just compare myself to Annabelle. I don’t need more frustration and disappointment right now.
I start the shower and toss my dress on the ground. A second later, I pick the dress back up and hang it in the closet. Will paid a lot of money for that, and I’m not going make him think I don’t appreciate it just because I’m angry.
Annabelle can’t win Will back by being herself, so she’s going to try to get rid of me instead. Well, it’s not going to work. She’s not going to succeed. Her words might have knocked me down, but I’ll get right back up. By tomorrow, I’ll be able to force her out of my mind completely.
I need sleep, and I need Will. But I only get one right now, so I need to figure out how to deal without Will for a night while he’s out being successful.
A shower helps, and eating some chocolate covered granola bars does also, but nothings the same as having Will here to say everything is okay. What did I ever do before him? Oh yeah, I didn’t have jealous girls from my boyfriend’s past coming to harass me because I didn’t have a boyfriend. In the end, the pros of having Will outweigh the cons at least 10-1, so I shouldn’t be complaining.
Will loves me, and that’s all that matters right now. I won’t worry about the future again until I need to. Annabelle did erase the lingering memories from my panic attack, so I should be thanking her.
I crawl into the far side of the bed and pull the covers up to my chin. I have a perfect view out the window from my position. We’re in a room low enough that I can see the cars on the street and the outline of people walking down the sidewalk. It’s a great way to distract me, but I still can’t fall asleep. After I create a little story about someone I see walk by, my mind goes to Annabelle, and I have to find a new person to create a story about. It’s back and forth for hours as I wait for sleep to take over.
Eventually, I hear the door open and close. I don’t say anything and I close my eyes to pretend I’m sleeping. Will had a long week leading up to this event and an even longer night, thanks to me. He needs sleep more than I need someone to talk to. The sun will be rising soon, and we planned on staying in bed on Sunday anyway. I can talk to him in the morning, when he’s not exhausted.
I hear the rustle of clothes, the bathroom door open, close, then open again, and finally the sound of footsteps coming over to the bed. The weight of him makes the bed dip next to me and I feel the familiar warmth and smell that comforts me immediately. An arm wraps around my stomach and pulls me backwards so my back is pressed up against his front.
“Stop,” Will whispers into my ear. Of course he knew I was awake.
“Stop what?” I say back in the same volume as if we don’t want to disturb someone sleeping in the same room.
“Whatever Annabelle said to you, stop thinking about it.” His voice is deep and raspy from talking all night. Just the sound of his voice eases me. To have it mixed with simple and reassuring words is all I need to finally drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
“Go back to sleep,” I say in my abnormally scratchy morning voice when I feel Will’s fingers tracing the outline of my face. I thought for sure this would be the first time I would wake up before him.
“I slept until one in the afternoon. That’s a new record for me. Now it’s two o’clock and your peaceful face was too tempting.” I open one of my eyes to look up at him. “Sorry. Couldn’t control myself,” he says with a smirk.
I scoot myself closer to his bare chest and his hand moves from my face to my arm and then down my side making me shiver.
“What did Annabelle say to you?” he asks shyly.
“How did the rest of the event go?” I ask instead of answering. The focus of this trip should be Will, not me.
“I’ll tell you as soon as you tell me what she said to you.”
I glare at him, but his smug expression doesn’t change.
“She was just being annoying.”
“Explain.”
I roll my eyes, but continue because I know he won’t move on.
“Reminding me of things I don’t want to think about.”
He furrows his eyebrows.
“Elaborate.”
“Will,” I groan. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“And normally I would be okay with that, but nothing she said could have been true. I don’t want you to continue to think that it is.”
“What bothered me the most about what she said is true, but we’ve already talked about it and we don’t have to talk about it again for a while. So moving on…”
I know what he’s going to say if I bring up what Annabelle said about our future, and I don’t want to be reminded once again.
“Jess, what did she tell you? I’m not going to ask again.”
“Good. Don’t ask again.”
“Jessica.”
Ohhh, Jessica. Fine! He wins.
“Have your views on marriage changed at all?” I ask hesitantly.
A smile crosses his face which makes my heart fill with hope. Then he chuckles.
“Of course not. What the hell would make you think that?”
Me, I think. I thought maybe I would make you think differently.
“Nothing,” I say looking away from his amused eyes. He thinks of it as a joke. “Annabelle just brought it up again. That’s all.”
“And that’s what was bothering you? Jessi, I’ve been very clear about my views on marriage and you exactly why I-“
“I know, I know,” I cut him off so he doesn’t push the knife further into my chest. I don’t want to get married soon, but I do eventually. I can’t imagine marrying anyone else, and it makes me more upset than it should that Will doesn’t imagine marrying me. But I’m not going to be one of those scary girlfriends who always brings up the future like she has already named her five kids and picked out where she would live. I have no idea where we would live because I still want to move to New York and Will would be stationed in North Carolina. And it’s not like I have a list of names I would want to name our never existing children…
“So why does it bother you?” he asks.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it. I already told you what she said, so can we not talk about it?”
Is he really that oblivious that he can’t figure out why it would bother me? Is it so strange that I picture myself married someday? Apparently for Will it is. But I have to remember the horrible view of marriage that he’s been exposed to. Will has changed so much since I’ve known him and especially since he’s moved to North Carolina, so his views on marriage can still change. We have years before it becomes an issue. I don’t know why Will insists on talking about it now.
“If you really don’t want to talk about it, we won’t.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
It’s a topic where it’s only possible for Will to cave, and he almost never caves. That leaves us at a standstill with Will on the winning side. I’d rather not fight about it.
“I’m just trying to understand you,” he says slowly running his fingers through my hair.
He’s not trying to fight with me, or make fun of me. He’s just trying to understand me. He doesn’t understand why I would want to get married or why I would want him to want to get married when it’s not even logical until I graduate college. I have to remember that Will isn’t out to hurt me. His intentions are always better than I instinctively think.
“Thank you, Will, but I would much rather talk about the rest of the convention.”
He brings his haughty smile back looking down at me.
“Everyone loved it.”
“I told you they would.” I was actually really worried, but I tried not to let that rub off onto Will. We both did a pretty good job at acting calm and attentive, until the trigger word was brought up. But that’s another topic I don’t want to talk about.
“Mr. Washington and Arizona couldn’t stop raving about it and how all the last minute changes were executed perfectly.”
“Are Mr. Washington and Arizona actually from those states?” I ask too sidetracked by their names to concentrate on rest of the story.
Will chuckles, bringing a smile to my face as well. “That’s not actually their names. I just can never remember them so I call them by the states. They’re two of the other presidents and if they like me, then there’s a better chance of getting Jack’s job. I’ll be working with them a lot.”
“And do they like you?”
“I believe they might love me,” he says cockily. “It’s not every day that a twenty-two year old saves their asses.”
“Keep talking like that and your arrogant ass will get the job in no time.” Wills laugh rings throughout the room.
“All in good fun,” he says rolling over so he’s on top of me and kissing my neck.
“Are you sure you got enough sleep?” I ask before the pleasurable feeling interrupts my coherent thoughts.
“What?” he stops. “You don’t want me to kiss you?”
“Yes, I mean no, I mean yes I want you to kiss me, but I want you to sleep if you need to.”
“I feel like I’ve slept all day,” he says kissing me again.
“How come I always have to be asleep for you to sleep?”
“That’s not true.” He moves up to my jaw making my eyes involuntarily flutter close. He’s trying to distract me. It’s working.
“Ye-Yes it is,” I manage to say between breaths.
“Jess, it’s really hard for me to enjoy the time with my girlfriend in Paris when you keep asking serious questions.”
“How is that a serious question?” I feel him sigh and then smile before collapsing by my side.
“You’re impossible.”
“I’m just curious.”
“Aren’t you always?” He says it very lightheartedly, but it still makes me pause. I’m always pressing him for information, and I never give him a chance to tell me things when he’s ready. I always assume he’s keeping secrets, but it makes sense that he would want to keep a few things to himself if they have nothing to do with me. I’m dying to know what his conversation with Jack was about last night, but if I needed to know, he would tell me. Plus, I don’t know how I would bring it up without saying I was eavesdropping.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.”
“Don’t apologize,” he says quickly. “I was joking.”
“I know, but I shouldn’t be demanding facts out of you.”
His expression softens. “It’s not like you tied me to a wall and threatened me with cats until I gave you answers.”
I try not to laugh, but I can’t help it. “Cats?”
“I’m allergic,” he says shrugging.
“You’re allergic to cats?” Fact number 3468 about William Hastings. I’ve got about a million to go.
“You didn’t know that?” he asks shoving my shoulder. “Way to go, Rosie.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Stop apologizing!” he yells rolling on top of me as we both fall into a fit of laughter. Careless tomfoolery ends with us both falling on the floor next to the bed resulting in more laughter.
“You’re an expert at distractions,” I say raising my eyebrows at him once we’ve both caught our breath.
“It’s stupid,” he says leaning against the side of the bed and closing his eyes. I’m momentary distracted by his messy chestnut hair that falls almost to his eyes and his spellbinding body only cover half way with a pair of flannel pants.
“Nothing about you is stupid,” I say finally. “I’m not going to make fun of you, but I said you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just say so.”
“I’m afraid you’ll leave.”
His words make me freeze.
“Will, nothing you tell me is going to make me leave. Plus, we’re in Paris, so that would be kind of difficult.”
He turns his head to the side to face me and slowly opens his eyes giving me a lazy smile. “No, when I go to sleep I’m afraid you’re not going to be there when I wake up. That’s why I like you to fall asleep first and why I like waking up to you still asleep. Then I know you won’t leave and haven’t left.”
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I never knew he was so paranoid about me leaving. I never thought the idea would cross his mind. It never crosses my mind. All I’m consumed with thinking about is him leaving me.
“Will, that’s…”
“Stupid,” he finishes. “I don’t actually think you would just leave, but that’s what my father did and I never really got over it.”
I just when I think I can’t feel anymore gutted over Will’s past, he throws things like that at me. How is it possible that such a passionate and kind and loving person was created from a life so awful?
“I-I didn’t know,” I say quietly because I don’t know what else to say. ‘I’m sorry’ is what I want to say, but I know he doesn’t want to hear that right now.
“It’s not a big deal, Jessi.” He keeps the sad smile on his face letting me know that, for him, it really isn’t a big deal anymore. He’s had his whole life to get over it, but for me, hearing it for the first time is like it just happened.
“Don’t be so gloomy,” he says scooting closer to me. “There’s been too many depressing topics brought up on this trip and that needs to end right now. We’re going to be happy, for fucks sake.”
A smile makes its way onto my face.
“But you need to know I’m never going to leave you. I know you can’t control the feeling,” I know about deep rooted fears better than anyone, “but I’m not going anywhere, and I want you to remember that, always.”
He places a gentle kiss on my lips. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
I should say it more often since I think it about ten times a day.
“Now let’s move onto happy French topics,” I say standing up. “I think we should order French food while you read me the French paper and we talk about French things.”
“You’re perfect,” he says looking up at me. “That’s perfect,” he corrects himself shaking his head. “But the first thing is true too.”
And the best part is the little bit of blush that creeps onto his cheeks which he tries to hide by kissing me again and again.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
How do you made a strawberry shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
H A H A H A
This is one of my favorite chapter titles to be honest XD
I'll update again on Monday. It will be a nice reward for completing your first day back at school if you start back this week:) Good luck in your second semester.
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