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It took me a moment to gather my nerves. I suddenly felt so nervous and embarrassed all rolled into one. Nigel, that asshole, knew I was avoiding this moment!
I pulled the blanket more securely around me, feeling quite self-conscious with how I looked. I mean, I'm sure almost everyone looked just as dirty and bloody but still... this was Ridge.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I took in a deep breath and slowly turned around.
Slowly opening my eyes to Ridge's, I felt myself tremble.
When I had returned to Carmel, I couldn't see the old Ridge in those green eyes of his. There was an emptiness in them. No connection between him and I.
Now... well, now those eyes were just as I remembered during the week we got to know one another. There was the light in his eyes that I missed seeing. The kindness of the man I fell in love with so hard and so quickly.
I took in the damage done to him. My brows furrowed at the claw marks on his chest, his shoulder, and then to his face. The claw marks had been cleaned up a little from the dried blood now gone, but left behind were the red cuts. The healing wouldn't kick in until later but they looked painful.
What made it worse was that I had done most of that to him.
I glanced around, noticing that my family had disappeared just as quickly as Nigel had. A tiny part of me had hoped they wouldn't have left me alone with Ridge.
We stood in silence. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking anywhere but at Ridge.
Swallowing, I forced myself to peek up at the alpha.
Ridge had his gaze lowered between us, his brows dipping. He took in a breath, slowly shaking his head and spoke so softly that I could hear the ache in his voice.
"I---I don't---don't know how to apologize for what my dad did to you."
The alpha shut his eyes, turning his head and clenched his jaw tightly. His nostrils flared and his chin trembled.
"Or what I did to you..."
I frowned, wanting so much to touch him. To wipe the tear that came down his face. I wanted to take away the agony he was feeling.
He didn't know. Ridge wasn't... well, Ridge for the past month. I could not blame him for that.
"Ridge..." I waited for him to look up at me but he kept his face away. I sighed, adjusting my hold on the blanket and reached up my free hand to touch his cheek.
Ridge tensed, shutting his eyes tighter and I kept my hand against his cheek. My thumb caressed it as I tilted my head and told Ridge that he had nothing to be sorry for.
"You weren't the Ridge I knew," I pointed out. "That wasn't your fault. That was mine..."
He immediately frowned at me and I weakly grinned, shrugging a shoulder that I was the reason Ridge had a head injury in the first place. Because of the fight we got into.
My brows furrowed. I looked down, dropping my hand from his face and held tightly to the blanket. I felt my nose tingle and my lip tremble as I relayed to him that I was so sorry for what I did to him. What I did to him back then and tonight.
I shook my head, angry at myself for hurting him the way I did.
"Gianna..."
My heart thumped so loud hearing him say my name again in that tender way only he knew how.
I looked up at him, tears welling up and Ridge stared at me. His brows furrowed, reaching over and hesitated before deciding to drop his hand by his side.
Ridge told me not to feel bad. That he understood more than anyone that I had been struggling with who I was. He hated being the reason the Darkness awoke in me so long ago. Ridge mumbled how unfair it was to put me through so much and for everyone to just turn their back on me when I needed them most.
"Especially me..." Ridge swallowed. He scowled, lowering his gaze between us again.
The alpha couldn't look at me as he whispered how he'd never forgive himself for the death sentence he gave me... and for the past month with Molly.
My jaw clenched, looking away from him as I remembered that Molly had been going through the 'heat period'. And to sate that heat, Molly had been locked away with the alpha. Any time she got aroused, Molly lured the only male in her vicinity and the alpha willingly answered the Siren's call.
Shutting my eyes, I shook my head after a moment. I kept them shut as I sighed that I didn't blame Ridge for the past month. That he didn't know things had changed between him and I.
"I can't be mad at you for that, Ridge."
Ridge looked upward, jaw clenched and he replied that even if I wasn't mad at him, Ridge was mad at himself. Because he promised to never hurt me again and at the first opportunity for Molly and his dad, Ridge had hurt me anyway.
A dark look came to his face after mentioning Molly and his dad. He stared off tot he side, mulling over something and I bit my lip.
I wondered what was going to happen now with his dad. Mr. Beaumont had acted inappropriately as acting alpha and in the process had tarnished what relationship I had with Ridge.
The man was so focused on hurting me... Mr. Beaumont didn't think about his own son. Ridge was the one who got hurt out of this, I think, because he wasn't even aware of the brainwashing his dad had put him through.
Your own father... I can't imagine Dad doing anything like that to me.
Brows furrowed, I pursed my mouth to the side and thought about Molly. I expect her heat period was done by now and with the mess tangling her with Mr. Beaumont's orders, I didn't know how Ridge was going to handle the whole thing.
Particularly if Molly was actually pregnant this time.
I addressed this, peering at the alpha if he was going to be able to handle what his dad and Molly had done. And if Ridge would be able to reconcile with Molly if...
I reeled in my lips, looking away. It was easier to think about than say out loud. I didn't want to say it. It was too painful.
A few moments of silence settled then Ridge mumbled, "She's not."
My head snapped up, eyes wide at his words.
The alpha frowned, looking right at me and repeated that Molly wasn't pregnant. He said that Molly had been adamant of taking at least one pregnancy a day to check and wouldn't let Ridge see them because she didn't want to disappoint him.
Ridge took in a deep breath, letting it out slow. He raised a brow, pursing his mouth to the side and muttered that now it actually made sense to why his mom had been so diligent in giving Molly tea every morning.
I frowned, tilting my head and the alpha glanced at me. He straightened, informing me that there was a special tea made for she-wolves that was strong enough to prevent pregnancy.
Ridge laughed in disbelief, shaking his head. He told me that he didn't know how he didn't recognize the smell of the tea his mom had shown to Ridge growing up. It was part of the Werewolf version of 'the talk' regarding contraception.
He ran a hand through the front of his hair, grinning a bit and let out a relieved sigh that Ridge had been so caught up in the fog of Molly's heat period that it didn't register to the alpha that his mom was intervening at the time.
The alpha pursed his mouth into a boyish grin, looking at me.
"Seems Mom was looking out for me the whole time..."
Was it awful of me that I was relieved? Because I was. Immensely.
"Oh..." was all I could say though I was doing cartwheels inside.
I grinned coyly, shrugging a shoulder as I said, "Remind me to paint whatever your mom wants."
The alpha laughed, for the first time it was light-hearted.
After he settled, I asked Ridge how he was feeling overall with everything that's happened. I'm sure with his regaining his memories, everything was hitting him like a freight train.
He nodded, agreeing that it kind of felt like that but not as much as needing to see me. To tell me how sorry Ridge was with what happened and that he had to know if I could ever forgive him.
I tucked my hair behind my ear, tilting my head to the side. I grinned, nodding that of course I could forgive him as long as he could forgive me. The alpha agreed.
As we stood there, now silent again, I realized something.
Ridge was an alpha now.
As alpha, he had obligations to Carmel and the pack. But as for me...?
I was a Quail Wolf. I was the newly pronounced Dark Queen, the one to rule over the other Quails once I found them.
That means I'd be leaving Carmel for God knows how long. And leaving everything and everyone here. Even Ridge.
I guess the timing was just never right...
Ridge frowned, looking over my grim look then asked what was wrong.
I bit the corner of my lip, my eyes welling up again. My chin trembled as I shook my head and shrugged that the Spirit World had a funny way of running my life.
When I explained to the alpha what I'd discussed with Nigel, and how I would be leaving to search for the other Quails, Ridge's posture sulked.
The alpha swallowed, glancing to the side before looking at me and whispered, "Are... you coming back?"
I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I just stared at him.
Ridge frowned, looking down and swallowed hard. "You're not." He answered to himself.
He turned to the side, closing his eyes and all I could do was just stand there.
I took in the alpha for that moment. From the dark hair falling over his beautiful green eyes, to the straight slope of his nose, to the robust jawline that I'd kissed so many times months back.
Ridge sighed, shaking his head, "This is all my fault, you know..."
I tilted my head, waiting silently for him to explain.
When he remained quiet a minute longer, Ridge scowled at the ground then nodded, "It's my fault that we turned out this way. Had I approached you six years ago, and got to know you myself instead of seeking help from Molly..."
Ridge growled at himself, clenching his fists at his sides.
"Then perhaps things would have ended differently."
There was silence again.
A breeze gave me goosebumps, and I tugged the blanket closer around me.
"I don't think that's true," I replied finally.
Ridge glanced at me, and I nodded, "I'm serious. I think it would have ended up just like this anyway. Being who I am..." I shrugged a shoulder, nodding to the side. "And what I've become..."
I shrugged a shoulder again.
"I was bound to leave anyway, Ridge. It's what the Spirit World wants. A world with unity for all Weres turned out to be more of a priority for the Spirit World than letting you and I be together."
This didn't help at all because Ridge shook his head, looking away again.
I walked forward, reaching out and let my fingers touch his forearm and graze down until touching the back of his hand. Ridge's hand twisted around until his fingers lingered against mine. His head turned; eyes watching our hands.
"Everything happens for a reason, Ridge," I whispered.
My hand tucked the corners of the blanket securely under my arm so that my free hand could reach up and place my fingertips against his chin. I turned his face towards me and stared at the sadness in those gorgeous eyes.
"Regardless of whether or not we met six years ago... I would still have to go. There are others counting on me. Nigel and Emory, included. And because of that... that means you and I would have not ended up together anyway."
Ridge's hand lifted to hold mine against the side of his face. His chin trembled and eyes watered again.
"But we would have had that, Gianna. Six years. Compared to only the short months, we could have had longer."
I grinned a bit. He had a point there.
Nodding, I agreed, but then added that it didn't mean I loved him any less.
His eyes lifted to mine, and I smiled a little bigger.
"You're my first love, Ridge Beaumont. That'll be something I never forget. And I never want to forget. I had a chance to love. Something other Quails won't ever know. Because they won't have a soul mate like I did."
His grip on my hand tightened. Ridge swallowed, his green eyes a lighter shade from the tears welling up in them.
"Gianna, I---"
Shaking my head, I smiled and stepped closer to whisper, "Don't. Don't, Ridge. Don't ruin it. All I ask is for you not to regret what we had. It was beautiful. It was everything that I wanted."
I swallowed, grinning when he reached up to wipe the tear from my face.
"Even as short-lived as it was..." I told him. "That doesn't mean it didn't happen. Because it did. And I want to leave here knowing that the man I love is going to be alright."
"How can you say that...?" Ridge frowned, shaking his head. "How can you ask me to be alright when I am going to lose you all over again?"
"Ridge..." I sighed, tilting my head.
I lowered my gaze to his injured chest, taking a deep breath then lifting my eyes to his again.
"You don't need anyone by your side to be the alpha I know is in there. The Spirit World made you a son of an alpha for a reason. They don't do things by accident, you know? And they gave you the alpha title because it was who you were meant to be. To protect those here in Carmel..."
I smiled, shrugging a shoulder. "Just like I was meant to be a Quail Wolf who has to protect everyone else."
Stepping closer, I lifted Ridge's hand and pressed my lips to his knuckles, closing my eyes when I turned his hand to rest my face against his warm palm.
Opening my eyes, I stared at the struggle in those green eyes.
"You are going to be an amazing alpha, Ridge Beaumont. And I can't wait to be out there somewhere and to hear your name pass someone's lips. Because when it does," I laughed a little. "You'll be someone I have to keep my eye on."
Ridge closed his eyes, his chin trembling again while leaning his forehead against mine. He let out a small, shaky sigh as tears slipped past his eyelashes and down his cheeks.
"Gianna, my love..." Ridge swallowed, opening his eyes to mine. "For as long as I live---however long that'd be---you will be the only one I want. The only one for me."
I frowned, not pulling away from him. He raised his hands to keep my head to his just in case though.
Ridge nodded, "As you said... I won't need anyone by my side. Instead, I will want someone who I can't have. Who I know is meant for more than just being an alpha's mate. Because you are the only way to keeping our kind safe."
My lip trembled, my tears unable to stop and my chest ached as I held a hand of his to my chest. I clutched to his hand, sniffling and shut my eyes as Ridge lifted his head a bit, brushing his lips lightly against the middle of my forehead.
The alpha leaned closer, whispering in my ear, "I will wait for you. Even if I never see you again."
When he looked at me, a small whimper came out of me and the alpha gave me a small grin, caressing his thumb against my cheek to catch another tear that fell.
"I love you, Quail Wolf. Don't you ever forget it."
Ridge lifted his chin to press his lips against my forehead again and I gasped in a sob before he pulled back.
His eyes studied me a moment, the corner of his lip curling up then shook his head as he admitted, "Not picking you first will always be my biggest regret."
The alpha's hands drifted down my arms to hold my hands in his. He lifted them to kiss the back of them then stepped backwards.
"Goodnight, Gianna."
I stood there, holding my blanket around my torso and watched him walking away.
Everything that we spoke of swam in my mind. It was making my chest tighten because reality was starting to settle in. This would be the last night I see Ridge, and tomorrow would be the last time ever.
I looked down, watching my vision blur and my tears fell into the grass under my feet.
A sudden feeling entered my heart, my wolf was even urging me. I could feel her nudging me, whining in a plea.
I lifted my eyes to Ridge disappearing into the shadows.
"Ridge!"
He spun around and then widened his eyes when I threw myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning into him and kissed him.
His arms wound my waist, taking hold of my mouth in his with so much desperation.
Ridge's kisses was going to be something that I think about all the time. And though it'll hurt to think about, it would be worth it. He was worth it.
Ridge and I stood there, our kisses sharing what we felt for one another because we knew it would end after tomorrow.
I pulled my lips back a little, looking into those eyes of his. I smiled, touching the side of his face. My fingers traced along the side of his temple, along his jaw and grazed over his lips.
"Stay the night with me," Ridge whispered, caressing his nose against mine. "One last night. I want one last night to hold you in my arms."
Closing my eyes as his nose grazed its way down the side of my neck, I shivered before pulling back and resting my forehead against his.
I nodded, "Okay" then got lost in another lip lock with my alpha.
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Xoxo Always,
SAMiAMiz