The Recovery: Part Three of Five
(Untold told scenes from the point of view of Michael)
Michael
Week 9-
White walls. That's what I look at every morning when I wake, like they are trying to cleanse me from every bad thing I have done. At night the bright white becomes covered by the shadows of the night, making some nightmares reappear. But it's getting better, better than it ever had been.
Being in a rehab center, knowing that no one is going to be waiting for you when you get out, is probably one of the hardest things I have done. I knew I have horrible issues and I know I had pushed every person who ever cared about me away, so I needed this.
These white walls these past two months had become my home. I decided to go to this rehab center to get away from everyone, so I could find myself again. I was getting closer to finding myself, but I am still battling with inner voices telling me I need the alcohol or the drugs to keep me alive.I knew they were wrong, but need to get them out of my head.
The people here aren't as comforting as one would think, they support you but also give you the chance to recover yourself. The first week I had regretted coming here, because I thought I had made a mistake and I could help myself get better. But the longer I stayed, the more I saw how important this place is for me. The strangers that help me gives me a fresher look of what I have been doing.
I'm not entirely sure why I had decided to write in a journal this far into the treatment, but my thoughts were hurting my head. Even if no one ever reads this, it will help my cluttered brain.
This start of all of this had been because of her. When I say her, I mean Andy. I met her at the All Time Low concert, and I thought of how an interesting and unique person she was. I had no bad intentions when I started having a liking towards her. I honestly liked her, and I don't think she would ever know that unless I told her. But for some reason, I felt powerful over her, and I liked the feeling.
I never wanted this to go the way it did, but my mind told me something else. My anger issues didn't help the case, they made everything worse. I would get irritated in everything she did, when she wasn't even doing anything wrong. So I felt satisfaction when I would be superior over her.
I lost control.
It was that one day when I lost it. I had hurt her, I had broken her even more than she was already. And I had no regrets at that time. But now it is the biggest mistake have ever made. She meant so much to me, but the only way I showed it was through abuse. I would never expect her to ever look at me in the same way. I had broken all trust and crossed every single line with her. I don't even know how I was going to forgive myself.
Luke had taken her away for me, and for that I am grateful. I was in no condition to be in a relationship, especially with an amazing girl like Andy. I was glad he is giving her what she deserves. Even if Luke thinks he is a bad person, I know he isn't, he just hasn't seen it himself yet. I owe Luke so much.
After Andy was gone, our band basically disappeared, no one had made effort anymore. And this was when I started to get into drugs and basically spent my days with my mind lost. Since I didn't have Andy and I barely had a functioning band, and maybe two friends, I didn't really see the point in trying. I gave up on myself.
It was when I disrepected my own mother, I knew I had to do something. I had no friends, I had made my family hate me and I had nothing else going for me. So I made the decision to help myself. I told my mom about my plan, she cried and told me she was proud of me. I knew she still didn't want much to do with me, she was just glad that I had made one good decision.
So now I'm here, 2 months sober, staring at white walls. I hope this is worth it.
Week 14-
Again, not really sure why I am writing in this journal, but it seemed to help last time so why not.
I am leaving the rehab center today. After the last time I wrote, I seemed to let the thought of alchol and drugs leave my mind. It was extemely had to do, but the therapy sessions and the isolation from the world helped a lot.
It was now that I needed to get my life together. I now have been able to recover myself, but I needed to build up my life again. But it feel good to start from stratch, but that also didn't mean my once friends were ever going to forgive me. Esspecially Luke or Andy, I didn't expect them to forgive me. I was still going to try.
I was notitfied that my mom was going to come get me, I thought about how lucky I was that she wanted to still be in my life.
Now it was time to say goodbye to the white walls that have been considered home to me. It shouldn't be so hard but it was hard to give up the safety I had been living in the last two months. It was time for me to get back to my life again and deal with all of the things I had destructed.
I am scared but I am ready.
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Hello everyone so this is sort of scattered but I did that one purpose to try to show you how michael was feeling during the rehab. I hope you liked it!
The sequel again will be up after the last one shot is posted because I know a lot of you have been asking. I have been slacking I know sorry I don't have much of an excuse
love you guys