"I don't know about this, Gigi," Cece trailed off, pulling in her lips as she was helping me brush out my hair. I could see the worry in her face through the mirror hanging on my wall.
My sister had been doing this a lot where she'd be sitting with me on my bed to brush the tangles from my curls. I had to admit it felt really nice and it was an opportunity to spend time with my sister. She was the one who insisted on this bonding moment before bed each night.
This was routine ever since that first night of her helping me deal with Ridge being with Molly. I would patiently look to the doorway until Cece would show up, smiling, and holding up her favorite hairbrush.
I stared at my hands in my lap, my fingers fidgeting because of my nerves. My sister was concerned about me going out tonight to meet Ridge.
When I had told her and Eden about the long while spent of Ridge sitting at my door and watching me draw, my sister was already reminding me to not fall head over heels for him because I was only going to get hurt.
"I'm already hurt," I told her, shaking my head. "And I'm not head over heels for him, OK? Sadly, I'm way past that."
They both stared at me. I think they knew that they wouldn't be able to convince me to not meet with Ridge. But I knew I had to do this. I think I just needed to see him a few more times. Enough that would satisfy me and my wolf side before letting Ridge go completely.
So now here I was, sitting in from of my sister with my robe on after taking a shower, and Cece was once again hoping to change my mind of going out tonight. My knees were pulled up to my chest and Cece was seated behind me with a leg draped over the edge of the mattress.
I could feel the bristles of the brush stroke down my waist-length dark. It had taken me so long to get my hair this long but having curly hair made it more difficult to grow at the pace I wanted it to.
My sister continued to brush my hair while softly saying, "I am scared for you, little sister."
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. "I know. Honestly... I am too, Cece. But I have to go. I have to."
"Why?"
"You don't understand how deep this bond is. It's so easy for him to beckon me and I willingly show up. I want to be strong and fight it, but---but his happiness matters to me."
Cece stood up, frowning as she sat in front of me and took my chin in her hand. She tucked her hair behind her ear. Her brown eyes staring into mine as she gently cupped my chin in her hand.
"No one's happiness should be more important than yours, Gigi. When are you going to stop being so selfless and take the chance to let yourself be happy for a change?"
I tugged my chin out of her grasp, shaking my head that it wasn't so easy as she made it sound. That it was part of my nature to be that way, and doing anything other than that was odd to me.
"Look, I know he's hurt me in the worst possible way, but I can't help it! I can't help that I love him this much and that I want to---need to---see him again!"
I stood up, my bare feet pacing the center of the room as I threw my hands up in the air.
"God! You and Eden keep warning me about him and it's not like I don't know! But the pull is too strong for me to not go!"
My sister huffed, shaking her head as she tossed the brush on the bed where I had been sitting.
"So... then you don't plan on accepting the rejection. You won't because you still have hope that tonight he is going to change his mind and pick you instead."
She hit it right on the nail with that one. My lips parted, but no sound came out. I just stared back at her, a warm blush rising to my face.
Cece's lips tightened, shaking her head again and stood up. "I can only tell you to be careful, Gigi. Your heart is delicate right now. And letting that asshole mess with it, even more, is only going to make things worse. Drastically."
My sister made her way past me, stopping to kiss the side of my head and mumbled that she'd stay awake to keep an eye out for me. She left my room, closing the door behind her. I just stood there, biting my lip as I thought about my sister's words. Her concerns and Eden's.
I was now doubting if I had the strength to face Ridge and to hear what he had to say. My sister was right about how delicate my heart was right now. I wasn't sure how much more it could take.
I took a deep breath, removing my robe and tossing it on the bed. My clock read eight-twenty, which gave me ten minutes to decide if I was going to show up to see Ridge or not. But my feet carried me to the window which meant that I was going. I bit my lip, tugging awkwardly at my shorts then tried to be quiet as possible to open the window.
Sticking out one leg, I slipped the rest of me out and stood on the platform edge of the roof. I turned my head over my shoulder, taking a short look over of all the belongings in my room before turning away and slowly slid down to the edge of the roof. I jumped off, wincing when I landed wrong on my leg and sucked in a breath from the zing of pain shooting up.
I had to wait a few minutes, taking baby steps forward to balance myself on my feet again. Once pain-free, I snuck around the edge of the house, peering around. My eyes widened seeing my little brother talking to one of his friends on the porch. This was nothing unusual since Cody was allowed to hang out with his friends as long as my parents were still awake.
Tilting my head a bit to listen in on the conversation, I could hear Cody's friend---I think it was Mark--- softly asking if Cody had told his parents yet. My little brother didn't reply and Mark sighed that it wasn't exactly fair of Cody to expect Mark to be OK with keeping 'this' a secret if Cody wasn't planning on talking about it to his parents down the line.
My little brother grumbled something about it not being that easy and that Cody was scared. He didn't know what to say and that he can't help how he feels. Mark sighed and then replied, "You're one of my best friends, Cody. But how exactly is it OK for me to be accepting of this and not your family? They are so open-minded."
I narrowed my eyes, peering a little more around the corner. Raising an eyebrow I saw Cody and Mark still on the porch but my little brother's head rested on Mark's shoulder. It wasn't something I saw often with Cody and his friends. At all, actually. Which was why I observed Mark's hand reaching over to rest on my little brother's and Mark sighed, "I promise it will be OK. If you tell them... it will be OK."
"You really think so?" my brother asked, not moving from where he was resting.
Mark just nodded, replying, "Yeah. I really do."
As much as I wanted to eavesdrop a little more, I knew that Cody wouldn't take kindly to me snooping on him. Even if I was his favorite sister. With Mark there it would make things awkward for my brother. But I was going to have to mentally note to check in with him tomorrow.
I decided to head back around the house, taking the long way to the road leading towards the forest. I was able to keep out of sight and looked over my shoulder for any sign of my brother spotting me. He hadn't which was great.
I reached the forest clearing right on time. My arms crossed, shoulders rising as I tucked my hair behind my ear. I looked around, eyebrows furrowed while I took in the fog blanketing the ground. Miles and miles of fog thickness spread through the pack and it would have spooked me had I not been used to it.
"Gianna."
Turning, I blinked a few times and scanned the treeline until Ridge emerged from out of the shadows. He still had the same attire from earlier today and there was a tiny linger of her on him. My nose scrunched a little and I wondered if this was before or after he talked to me because I caught my own scent on him too. It was a lot stronger than Molly's and figured maybe it was before he came to my house.
I was just grateful Ridge didn't decide to get laid before we met up because I'd have known about it and I don't think I would have been able to stomach facing him.
Looking up at Ridge, I made sure to stop a good amount of feet from him. I tightened my arms around me and shrugged, "OK. I'm here. What'd you want to talk about?"
The Beta stared at me. Just standing there with that same look he gave me earlier today. It was uncomfortable to be honest because I didn't know how to read that. To read him, actually. Ridge was difficult to see through. His green eyes were beautiful in the moonlight and I had to force myself to look down, frowning as my face got hot again.
"Stop looking at me like that!" I demanded. "Please."
Ridge cleared his throat, his hands in his sweater pockets as complied. He glanced towards the forest then back to me. He nodded in the forest's direction, asking if I would walk with him.
Looking at the treeline, I could hear my father's warning of never going into the forest alone. Especially after dark. But my stupid stupidness got the better of me because I was in such close proximity with Ridge and I nodded a silent 'OK'.
He waited for me at the treeline, looking at me as I caught up to him. I still made sure there was space between us and kept my focus on the ground, letting the gold coating of my wolf take over my irises.
Our feet crunched the twigs and leaves as we walked the first couple of minutes in silence. The light breeze whistled through the leaves of the trees surrounding us and I recognized the path leading to the creek.
It wasn't a secret or anything but it wasn't visited often which was why I was a little surprised Ridge had been there before.
"How's... How's your family?" he suddenly asked.
I looked up, a confused frown on my face as his gaze peered at me then looked forward again.
Eyeing him curiously, I quietly replied that my family was good. The same as when he last saw them some hours ago. I saw him wince, now realizing his error.
In all honesty, I couldn't help but grin a little. Biting my bottom lip, I looked down, clearing my throat and nodded again that my family was good then thanked him for asking.
He seemed relieved with my not pointing out his error more. He just sighed, nodding and then glanced at me that Ridge officially had a tree in his own room. Courtesy of my drawing.
"Took me a while to get it pinned up though..." Ridge pointed out, huffing out that his mom almost thieved it from Ridge.
I grinned when Ridge explained how his mom suggested she keep it on his behalf. 'For safe-keeping,' she told him.
"I can always make her one," I blurted out the suggestion and when I did I sucked in a breath. I scolded myself.
It wasn't very wise for me to be any closer to the Alpha family than expected as a Warrior offspring. Getting too close for comfort wasn't going to help my situation anyway. I needed to remember that!
"I think she'd love that," Ridge's soft reply made me stiffly nod. I mean, just because I nodded doesn't actually mean I'd go through with it. I'm sure he'd forget about it anyway.
We ventured down the path in silence again until we finally got to the creek. It was where I spent a lot of time with my sister and Eden post-rejection.
Ridge and I stood near the ledge, looking below into the water. With the moonlight peering through the trees, it reflected against the water and almost gave this glimmer to it.
I reached my foot out, toeing at a pebble that I pushed over the edge. It plopped into the water. The water was making its way down the rocky path and I knelt to reach down to let my fingertips touch the water.
It took me a moment but I felt Ridge staring at me again. I tried really hard to pretend that he wasn't but my face heated up the longer he was looking.
"Are you going to accept the rejection?"
My gaze lifted from the water, my hand still in the creek. I swallowed hard, unable to face him.
Ridge shifted to face me and waited a moment before saying, "Gianna. Did you hear---"
"I heard you," I answered quickly, rising to my feet. I tightened my fist, letting the coldness from the water numb up to my wrist.
Swallowing, I stared at the water, shaking my head as I whispered if he really had to bring me out here to talk about that?
I narrowed my eyes at Ridge.
"Couldn't you do that today earlier in my room?"
Ridge stared at me, his eyebrows dipping the longer we stood there. I shook my head, looking out across the creek into the night.
My lip and chin trembled, that 'stupid stupidness' of mine hitting me hard to think this meet up was going to have a positive outcome. Meeting in secret should have been my first clue that it wasn't.
I felt my vision blurring, keeping my gaze forward. I thought long and hard about what I got out of holding onto Ridge. Holding onto the hope that something will change. But it wasn't. It never would.
Taking in a shaky breath, I forced myself to nod as I frowned, "I am."
Again, he was staring at me but I refused to look at him. I wasn't going to. It would hurt more, I knew.
I sniffled, deciding to sit down because my knees were shaking. Tucking my knees to my chest, I rested my chin on my knees and focused on the sound of the creek.
"I have to," I explained. "I have to accept it. There's no point in holding out for something that isn't going to happen. Not for me."
Ridge slowly sat down, making sure to keep some distance between us which I was grateful for. He stared out into the open from what I could see from the corner of my eye.
His eyebrows dipped and his jaw clenched tightly as I pushed out what I needed to say.
"If one of us is going to move on and be happy then why shouldn't it be you? After all, you'll be Alpha after your dad steps down and an alpha should be a strong leader."
I swallowed, forcing back my tears.
"I will accept your rejection, Ridge. So you can have your spectacular wedding... with your beautiful mate... and have just as beautiful babies running around."
My eyes shut tight, scrunching my nose at such a picture-perfect future Ridge and Molly would have.
Turning my face, I didn't care if Ridge felt uncomfortable with my tears because he didn't care the day he made me cry when he flat out told me I wasn't the one he wanted. Whether he was uncomfortable or not was no matter, not when I deserved this moment to tell him that even though he was getting what he wanted, it would be at a price. For one of us, at least.
"You," I grit my teeth. "Have torn my world apart. I don't have to ask you if you know that. Because you do. You see me! You see how I hurt when you are with her... when you look at her... touch her..."
I felt bile rise in my throat as I looked out across the creek.
"Especially when you make love to her."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Ridge stiffen and this confused frown appeared on his face. His head whipped to me but I just stared forward.
Why did fate have to do this to me? What was the Spirit World thinking?
How did the Spirits not see this coming? Why would they let it happen?
I guess in a way I could do what Ridge is doing.
I could get involved with another Werewolf but then that time would come when I'd have to let them go too. They would be bound to meet the person they were meant for and I wouldn't have the heart to keep them from fulfilling that hole in theirs.
My wolf side would not allow that to happen. Not when she'd know how it felt.
Because with Ridge, it was a rarity to find that other person you are meant to be with. And for that 'one' to be Ridge who lifted me into the air and let me drop... It shattered me. And I was still unable to piece myself back together because the glue of "holding onto him" wasn't working.
Though Ridge loved Molly with all his being, I loved him with all of mine. And like I had told myself before and my sister, that I should just let Ridge go because I thought of his happiness before all others.
I do think it really was that time to face reality.
Ridge was so adamant in forgetting about me and getting me out of his life that I should stop fighting it. It was no use. I lost.
And I was definitely wrong before... I couldn't do what Ridge was doing, after all.
I nodded slowly, sniffling, "It just wasn't meant to be, you know? The---the Spirit World got it wrong this time."
My throat went tight as I began to admit what a failure I was.
"There's no point in me waiting. In thinking that I'm going to get my ever after because it was already taken from me."
My eyes drifted to Ridge's. His green eyes swirled with emotion that was so raw I couldn't let myself read into it. HIs jaw clenched, swallowing hard.
I weakly grinned, shrugging a shoulder. "And... And I guess I can't fault you for falling in love with someone else. You spent so much time with her after all. I just wish..."
I stopped myself, wiping the back of my hand across my cheek.
"I just wish that you could feel for me even a pittance of what you feel for Molly but that's never going to happen because you took the cowardly way out, Ridge! You took the easy and selfish way out and I didn't even get a chance to know you."
I bit my lip, wiping at my tears, and looked at him. "I guess I don't have to... since I can see you were nothing as I imagined. The cute boy I secretly liked for years was just me being stupid! Why should I hold onto someone like you when someone else out there might be that much better?"
I frowned, shaking my head. I scoffed that maybe I didn't even want anyone down the line. That I didn't need a man to love me to feel self-worth.
"Just because you don't think I am worth it doesn't mean I'm not!" I bit at him.
The entire time I was expecting for Ridge to interrupt me because of my forceful argument but he just sat there. He took my verbal lashing.
Ridge lowered his gaze, his brows dipping and looked back to the creek. He looked lost in thought while I settled from my adrenaline.
I tucked my hair behind my ear, sitting up with a iron rod back. My brows furrowed and I gave a short nod as I sighed, "So, yes, Ridge. To answer your question, I will accept. Under one condition..."
Ridge's frown was still in place though he turned to look at me. He squinted, nodding silently at me.
I swallowed, staring at this beautiful boy-turned-man.
"If you have any part of your heart still open, please---please!---just keep from sleeping with Molly for the next month! Just a month!"
I swallowed hard, tears prickling my eyes and my nose tingled from the sob working its way up my throat.
"I can't---can't take another moment, Ridge." I whispered, shaking my head. "I feel it... Every. Time. And I can't bear it! I---I just can't!"
My head dropped to my hands, sobbing loudly though still pleading with Ridge to ease my heartache just a little after tonight by giving me this one thing. That's all I'll ever ask of him.
After a moment of my sobbing easing up, I lowered my hands to my lap. I still sniffled, but didn't bother wiping away my tears. They dropped off my cheek and chin but I didn't care.
As I fidgeted with my fingers, Ridge finally spoke. And his voice sounded so hoarse that I slowly lifted my gaze and looked at him, my brows pinched a bit.
"I didn't know..." Ridge croaked out. He was staring at the water. His chin trembled a bit and I eyed him, tilting my head as I asked him what he was talking about. What he didn't know.
Ridge barely could look at me that he didn't know that I could feel when he and Molly slept together. He didn't know that was a thing.
I frowned at him, craning my neck forward how he couldn't know? How Molly could know but not Ridge?
"Molly?" Ridge frowned, blinking at me.
I nodded, looking away. I told him about the day of the meeting when Ridge announced Molly as his mate. That Molly followed me into the forest.
I gave a lazy gesture to the spot we were in now where Molly told me about her and Ridge. That she was the one who told me about her "offer" to befriend Ridge on my behalf. For my sake, apparently.
Shaking my head, I told him how Molly warned me about what happens after True Mates go through the Recognition process. That with Molly admittance of her and Ridge being so intimate with one another, that I'd feel it this time. That I was in danger of feeling what should feel so good to me... will actually be utterly painful.
"You hated me..." My nose scrunched. "That's all I kept telling myself when you and her would fuck each other over and over! You wanted me to feel how much you loved Molly... how you'd never feel about me."
I shut my eyes, leaning my head back. The light breeze chilled my hot cheeks and it relaxed me a little.
When I opened my eyes, I straightened and looked at Ridge.
The look on his face wasn't what I was expecting. His skin turned pale and his green eyes stared off at nothing in front of him; his brows dipped low. He could barely swallow.
"Ridge..." I tilted my head, frowning. "Ridge, are you alright?"
Ridge shot to his feet when I tried to reach over to touch him. I was startled, leaning away, wide-eyed.
The Beta was breathing quite erratically---almost in a panic---and was pacing around. I stayed where I was a minute longer, watching Ridge rake his fingers into his hair as he was muttering under his breath.
His green eyes disappeared behind the gold of his animal side and my eyes widened more when Ridge snarled, his claws coming out from the drips of blood seeping from his hairline.
"Ridge!" I pushed myself to my feet, rushing over and tried to get in front of him. He was still pacing around, growling at nothing and everything.
I managed to get in his way, his gaze looking at me when I reached over and yelled at him to stop. I gestured to his bloodied claw tips and he stared at them for a long moment.
His chest rose and fell heavily, brows furrowed and his fingers curled in. He winced from what I can only imagine was his claws purposely pushed into his palms.
I'm not sure why I did it. But I reached over, carefully and slowly, to rest my hands on top of his. My fingers gently caressed his curled ones while I whispered for Ridge to pull his wolf back.
It took a minute or two but he began to lose the tension he felt. And just as I stepped back, retracting my hands from touching him, Ridge made me yelp when he made a swift motion to dip and wrap his arms around me.
My feet were lifted off the ground and I stared over Ridge's shoulder with wide eyes. It was my turn to breathe in panic and I tried to wiggle out of his hold.
"Stop it!" Ridge pleaded, making me still immediately. I frowned, glancing at the side of his head hearing him plead in a softer voice, "Please... Just... Just stop."
I swallowed, letting myself relax to not add tension to his already agitated behavior.
My arms instinctively wrapped around the back of his neck and I rested my head against his. I stared off at the scenery behind him, listening to his breathing slow and return to normal. His hold on me tightened but not enough to hurt me.
"I don't deserve you," Ridge suddenly whispered.
My brows furrowed, blinking a few times and my fingers subconsciously grazing the back of his hair.
"Ridge---"
"I don't deserve you, Gianna," Ridge said again, this time with more assertion.
He kept a tight hold on me as Ridge told me that he didn't know about what he'd been doing to me. He didn't even know that was a possibility---that he hadn't been very studious in that lesson during school.
Ridge shook his head, mine still against his as he confessed that Molly never mentioned anything about her following me into the forest to confront me. He didn't know that Molly had told me about the consequences of going against a True Mate bond or that was the reason Molly insisted on spending the night with him that day.
My eyes shut on their own hearing this and he turned his face a little, feeling his breath against my ear and part of my cheek.
"I've hurt you... so much. Mind... body... and soul."
I bit my lip, tears falling from my closed eyes. Ridge only pulled me closer, the tip of his nose caressing up the side of my neck.
His voice shook when he whispered, "And you have every right not to believe me when I plead how sorry I am, Gianna."
My eyes opened, brows furrowed as I stared out into the night. I rested my head more against his, feeling his forehead against my temple. He was staring at me and I couldn't look at him.
I didn't know if this was real... or if I was dreaming. It had to be a dream.
I gathered the courage to finally turn my eyes to his. Those green eyes that matched the forest green around us. A finger of mine traced the side of his face, unknowing when I had even moved my hand.
Ridge just watched me and I watched him back. A brow of his lowered as my finger grazed dangerously close along his bottom lip.
My gaze lifted to his again, seeing the green disappear behind the gold of his wolf. My own wolf allowed the gold coating to emerge in a silent reply. It was all that was needed.
Ridge leaned forward and pulled me closer at the same time. The moment our lips locked, I felt the surge of emotion from that day in my room when he kissed me just like this.
One of his hands allowed its fingers to rake into my hair. His mouth sought mine like one needs water in a desert. I met him with just as much fervor.
Ridge panted my name between our kisses and I felt shivers run down my spine. Only he could say it that way, enough to effect me so easily. So strongly.
Ridge knelt, still holding me to him until we both were lying on the grassy part of the ground by the creek. I pecked small kisses to his lips, him returning them as he was leaning me onto my back.
Ridge turned his head, peppering kiss after kiss along my jaw and down the side of my neck. I arched off the ground, sighing out his name. It earned me a deep guttural growl.
My eyes were still shut as I took in that vibration from his chest, smiling to myself and enjoying the tender open mouthed kisses bestowed down my throat towards my chest.
His fingers slipped under my shirt and I opened my eyes to meet his. Ridge stared at me, pausing for my reaction. I bit my lip, looking into those golden pools.
I kept his gaze while reaching down to rest my hand over the one under my shirt. I led his upward, trembling already from his skin grazing mine.
Ridge didn't break eye contact, even when I was holding up my arms so he could finish pulling my shirt over my head. He tossed it aside, still staring down at me.
I stared into those gold eyes, the raw craving in them making me tremble again. I wasn't sure what this was... what this meant... but I'd made my decision earlier and I wasn't going to change it. But this... well, this would be enough to silence me forever after tonight.
I leaned my head forward forward after watching Ridge reach behind his head and pull his own shirt off. My lips pressed gentle touches to his hard abdomen. I trailed kisses down to the hem of his jeans and my fingers enjoying the feel of his taut muscled torso.
My gaze lifted to his before lying back down again when Ridge gently took hold of my hand; stopping me from going further past his waist.
He had me lie back again, hovering over to take my lips with his. I moaned, arching to press my breasts against his. Even through the fabric of my bra this felt so good.
I kept reminding myself it was just for one night. Just one. Oh, but what a beautiful night it will be.
"Gianna..." Ridge groaned against my neck.
I sighed his name back, touching his back that contracted as my nails gently grazed down his spine. Ridge buried his face into my neck and I tipped my head back, moaning again.
I opened my eyes, fighting to keep focus so that my gold coating still hid my wolf's eyes. I didn't want this moment ruined but damn it was it difficult to focus!
I closed my eyes, letting my wolf and body regain control. Ridge's arm wrapped around my waist, tugging me closer to his warm chest. Our make out was heart-pulsing and I grasped the sides of his face to drink him in.
My leg slid up his side, wrapping behind him to tug him closer. His pelvis now against mine and I gasped as Ridge groaned.
His brows dipped, whispering, "Fuck..." when I purposely tightened my leg around him again, pushing him against me.
However long we made out there in the forest, so late at night, I endured it. I embraced it. Because it was just one final night, I told myself. After tonight would change everything.
Lying half naked in Ridge's arms, we eventually just stared at one another. Our eyes unable to look elsewhere. He didn't retract when my fingers lightly traced the side of his face.
He didn't seem to mind my caresses and I didn't mind him keeping me beside him; letting my head rest against his arm. Ridge's fingers slowly tucked my hair behind my ear then caressed down my cheek.
I could feel myself getting sleepy from these wonderful touches of his. My eyes drooped and Ridge just stared at me, his own eyes starting to fall prey to the night.
We had gotten caught up in the 'pull' again. I know we did. It's what happened the last time. But at least this time, I accepted the inevitable. After tonight it wouldn't matter anyway.
All I kept thinking as I drifted off to sleep, there in the middle of the forest in the arms of my True Mate, was an aching, 'Letting you go is the hardest thing I'll ever do.'
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