TW: Minor Self Harm (Pinching), Selective Mutism, Momceit, DadRemus, slightly unsympathetic! Light sides other than Virgil, unsupportive 'friends'
Prompt: "He's nonverbal, you fuckers!"
AU: None
Ship: Demus, respective familiar Anxceitmus
Sign language
Woohoo a few kinds of panic attacks, and the two that are important in this chapter!!
1. Full On: Most known. Shaking, crying, vulnerable, could be or could not be aware of situation and surroundings, shortness of breath.
2. Fidgeting: Always has to be moving, indecisive, quickened breathing, from person to person possible purposeful/accidental harming to self. Ex, Virgil tapping on the folder/paper when Logan asked if he was okay whilst they were in Patton's room.
3. Internal/NONVERBAL: Could be either or both. Internalizing panic, becoming quiet if not entirely nonverbal, from person to person could do something to hide themselves, from person to person possible disassociating. Ex, almost any time someone says or does something towards Virgil, and he puts his hood up and looks away.
Varies from person to person! These are only a few different kinds of more recognisable panic attacks, and the two in bold are the ones important to this oneshot.
Virgil's POV
Being the embodiment of anxiety, I tend to have anxiety and panic attacks, duh. But I also take a lot of anxiety away from Thomas. This has caused multiple differences between the other light sides and me, one example is that I am extremely sleep-deprived, and another is that Re and Jan are very overprotective of me. They are more dads to me than Patton!
Another thing my anxiety brings on me is selective mutism. I talk, yeah, but only when only people I trust can hear me. So you can imagine how anxious I was when I first started living with the light sides. The dark sides always accepted me as one of them, even back when I didn't talk to them. They let me sign and use writing, and I really appreciated that. Though, when I get panicky, I usually stop talking all in all.
But the light sides were not so accepting. Patton and Logan tried, I think, but Roman just didn't either understand or care. It's not something I can just be like 'Oh, yeah. Thanks for saying hi to me or whatever, I trust you completely now.' But he doesn't understand that. He gets frustrated and annoyed when I don't answer him, or I answer on paper or with sign language. They all know sign, they just want me to talk, even though I've told them it takes time.
Thomas makes me talk on camera, but thankfully, he is accepting. When we film my lines, he makes everyone leave the room, and lets Janus help me film them. I couldn't ask for a better host.
Enough explaining, onto the actual story.
I sat at the table, drinking coffee after having another sleepless night of eating hot cheetos and drinking unsweetened tea at the island in the kitchen, and scrolling through my phone. After a bit, Patton comes out. "Hey there kiddo!" He says.
Hello P-A-T-T-O-N. I sign. He hesitantly nods. "Did you sleep well?" I nod. "Mhm. What are you drinking?" 'Coffee.' "Listen, Anxiety. You know that I accept and support you, but you really have to talk. We know you can. It's not that hard! You can do it."
I glare at him and shake my head. "Well why not?" 'I don't trust you guys enough.' He sighs. "You still have to talk. I don't trust your friends, Remus and Deceit, but I talk to them." 'Its different. I'm anxiety, and don't you think that means I have anxiety?' He just sighs again and walks away.
A few hours later, I get a text from Logan telling me to go to his room. I walk over there from mine and open the door a peek to see him standing there, so I walk in. 'You needed me?' I ask him. "Yes. It is about your selective mutism. I know that you do not trust us, and therefore do not talk to us, but I believe I have found a good way to teach you how to talk. We simply can start off with easy words, such as people or things you see everyday, and work our way up to the hard words, instead of teaching you how to talk in full sentences first. How does that sound?"
'L-O-G-A-N, I know how to talk. I have a very large vocabulary. But I don't talk to you three because I don't trust you, it's not as easy as teaching a three year old to say m-a-m-a. It doesn't work like that.' He nods and sighs. "How long will it take before you trust us?" I shrug before walking out.
We had just finished filming my lines and had allowed the others back in when Roman started shouting, much to my displeasure.
"I don't get it! You talk to them and you talk on camera! You're not mute! Just talk, it's not that hard, emo nightmare!" I shake my head. I don't like people yelling at me. "NOT NO! JUST SAY SOMETHING, WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN TALK!" Panic sets in. I start cracking my knuckles as I back away slightly, twiddling my thumbs and generally messing with my hands to get something to focus on before I spiral and have a full on panic attack, eventually also pinching myself.
"JUST DO IT! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WON'T YOU TALK?! WE KNOW YOU CAN, GOD YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" I pull my hood up over my head, still in an attempt to stabilize myself before I end up on the floor in tears. Speaking of tears, a few start silently falling down my face.
I try to control my breathing. Having a full on right here probably wouldn't help. Logan and Patton aren't doing anything to stop him, and I don't think I can stabilize myself much more. I try and use mindlink, it's something that sides of the same kind can do to communicate, Patton, Logan, and Roman have mindlink, Remy and Emile have mindlink, and Remus, Janus and I have mindlink.
'Dad.' I think. Dad. I sign, still trying to get Remus. Patton sees me signing. "Yes, kiddo?" He asks. I shake my head. 'Not you.' I sign to him. 'Dad!' I try again.
"What are you doing here, Remus?" I hear someone ask. I turn around to be faced with Remus standing there, his mace in hand, looking at everyone. "Oh, nothing good for you. Wanna explain to me what's going on here?"
"Well, Roman got a little bit frustrated with anx- with Virgil, and told him that he wasn't very happy that Virgil wouldn't talk to us." Remus scoffs and comes over to me, noticing that I am obviously crossing territory dangerously into panic. "Touch?" He asks. I nod, and he wraps his arm around my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "Breathe, Virge." We do the breathing exercises that he and Jan taught me. "What happened?" He asks.
'R-O-M-A-N got mad at me, and started yelling at me because I wouldn't talk to them but I talk to you and in videos. I started panicking and mindlinked you and Jan to try and get someone to come.'
"Someone translate what Mr. Emo just said, I don't read sign that fast." Roman says. "He said that you got mad at him and started yelling, all because he wouldn't talk to you, but he panicked because of it, and mindlinked Deceit and I so one of us could come help him." Remus replies, and Roman scoffs.
"It's his fault for pretending to be mute!" Remus gets angry at that. "Virgil doesn't pretend to be mute! He only talks to people he trusts, and I don't blame him for not trusting you! Here you are yelling at him for not talking, and you expect him to trust you? Some light side you are." The whole time he keeps his arm around my shoulder, and I can't say I have a problem with it.
"Well, you're here, so why isn't he talking now?" Patton asks. Remus looks at me.
'I got panicky and had an internal/nonverbal attack but you showed up before it got worse.' I link. Remus turns around.
"He's nonverbal, you fuckers!" "We know that much!" Princey says. "Nonverbal, not as in won't talk to you. Nonverbal as in you scared him so much with your yelling that he had an internal panic attack and he's temporarily nonverbal. Dumbass."
Janus suddenly appears. "Deceit!" Logan yells. "How could I not come and join this wonderful gathering? I've heard you're scaring Virgil, and I am not happy with it. Remus?"
Remus nods, and they switch places. Janus around me protectively, and Remus with his mace facing the light sides.
"Who's next?" He asks, after taking a swing at Roman.
Im sorry! I didn't know how to end it so I hope that was good! Thank for the request Pen_Ink_Thorn !
Word Count: 1544 including this and all of the beautiful authors notes at the beginning