TW: Suicide, Self Harm, Self Deprecating Thoughts, Abuse (slap, punching self harm scars,) Calling Other Person a Robot, Swearing, Calling a Male 'Princess,' Gay People, My Writing, Attempting To Lie About Feelings, Unsympathetic! Virgil
Edit: Adding a TW
AU: None
Ship: Analogical, backround Royality, backround Demus
Very fluffy beginning, VERY angsty ending
Logan's POV
I had just been summoned by someone into Thomas' living room. "Salutations, how may I assist you?" I calmly asked. "Once again, there he goes! Robot voice and all, he really doesn't feel anything, does he?" Replied Roman with anger.
"Hey!" Said my currently secret boyfriend. "He does feel, I know it!" I smile a little. I feel love for Virgil. I feel sadness inside from every insult from Roman, or disapproving look from Patton, or whenever Virgil and I fight. I feel happiness when my boyfriend lies in my lap and lets me run my fingers through his hair as he talks about his day. I feel a lot.
"Prove it!" Yells Roman. Good thing we aren't filming right now. I look towards Virgil and say, 'May I?' With my eyes. He nods. I walk over to him and put my arm around his waist, pulling his chin up into a kiss. He wraps his arms around my shoulders. Roman gasps, Thomas and Patton squeal.
"Here is your proof, Roman." I say with a smirk after pulling away from the kiss, keeping in a hug with my beautiful, short, emo boyfriend. I'm facing the others and he is facing away from us, but I can tell he is smiling. "Well what if Mr. Nerdy Wolverine is faking it!"
At that remark from Thomas' 'hero,' Virgil pulls away and looks me in the eyes. "Are you faking it?" He asks. "No, princess. I love you." "O-Okay." He says.
Eventually, we have to get back to filming, so I return to my place.
After we have finished, all of us sides return to the mind palace. I stayed in my room working on something for about an hour, before then watching a movie. "So, you two are dating, huh?" I turn and see Roman standing there, his arms crossed. I nod. "Didn't take the robot to be a romantic type." "Hey!" Patton runs in the room. "Don't say that, babe! He isn't a robot." Roman gives Patton a kiss. "Sorry, Pat. But, he acts like one! He only talks using smart people talk, he never has any expression in his voice or actions, and he never seems to care when sad things happen!"
I suddenly feel that pit of sadness grow again, tears in my eyes. Believe it or not, I'm very sensitive to being called a robot. I give a small nod of my head before going to Virgil's room, hoping that we can do an activity together to get my mind off of Roman. I walk in, knowing that we established a small code. If one of us wasn't feeling particularly well, physically or emotionally, don't knock. That way nobody has to talk about it, risking the others hearing.
Once I spot him, he's sitting on his bed. Tear tracks stain his face, his breathing seems to have just calmed from being irregular. Did he have a panic attack? "Princess, are you alright?" I ask. He turns to me and stands up, walking towards me after I shut the door.
"Am I alright?!" He yells. "Does it look like I'm alright?! I stayed in here, panicking, hoping you would come in and help me calm down, but you were too engulfed in your work and whatever movie you were watching to notice! And whatever little conversation you were having with Roman, probably about disney, knowing him! Do you even care?!" I feel the tears regain their place in my eyes as I back up, but he continues walking forward until my back is pressed against the wall. He may be a bit shorter than me, but he is still terrifying when he does this. Yes, he has done it more than once. Me being the cause, not knowing he panicked.
"What were you even talking about that was more important than me?!" "H-He had to-told me I was-" Virgil didn't listen. "You of all people should know what a rhetorical question is! I don't CARE what he told you! You could have walked away to at least check on me, you emotionless ROBOT!"
I didn't expect it. It came quick and painful. Virgil punched me in the thigh, right where he knew I self-harmed. He then slapped me in the face, all in half a second. As he jumped back in surprise, I fell to the ground against the wall, one hand on my face where I was sure a red mark was forming, one hand on my leg which he had punched, the more painful one of the two. He was surprisingly strong.
I looked up at him in fear, tears spilling down my face, both from the pain and from being called a robot relentlessly today. I..didn't think that he would ever hit me, especially where he knew I self-harmed. Before he could say anything towards an apology, I stood up and stumbled out the door, my leg in pain and preventing me from walking normally without getting hurt.
I heard a gasp, and looked up to see Patton and Roman still in there, Patton was on the counter and Roman had his hands around Morality's waist. I stood up all the way and ran into my room, closing and locking the door before falling to the carpeted floor.
I stayed there and cried, letting my emotions out. I frequently heard knocking on the door, voices of every side in the mindscape trying to check on me. Remy, Emile, Roman, Patton, and even Virgil.
"C'mon, gurlie, you gotta tell us what happened, Virge isn't spilling."
"Logan? Are you alright in there?"
"Please, Lo, I'm sorry, but you gotta speak up."
"Kiddo..? You okay? Please tell us what happened."
"Logan, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, please, come out babe, please, I'm sorry."
But I lied there, not speaking to anyone. I eventually got the energy to look up at the clock. 10:58 PM. How had I been lying here for ten hours?
I stood up and walked into the bathroom. A noticeable bruise had formed on my face. I rolled up the leg of my pants, trying to inspect where I had been punched. A few of the more recent cuts that Virgil didn't know were there had opened upon impact, and bled through the bandage and my jeans. I replaced the bandage and changed my clothes into my NASA sweatshirt that I knew Virgil loved to wear, I would make it smell like me and then let him wear it as an apology for being such an idiotic robot. I put on a pear of black jeans that I knew would not be as noticeable if the cuts bled again.
I did not know how to hide the bruise on my face, so if anyone asked, I would give them some sort of smart explanation to bore them. Finally, I walked out of my room. By the door, I found a few letters that I did not bother reading. I continued into the living room. When Patton noticed me, he pointed me out to the others as I simply came and sat on a chair by myself.
Roman put a hand on his face where I had been slapped, and made a questioning look with his eyes. I tried to speak, but I could not, so I instead made a scratching motion hovering by the bruise, trying to lie that I had been scratching my face. He didn't seem to believe me, but he took it anyway.
Virgil looked like he regretted his own existence. He should not, I deserve it for being a robot and not checking on my own boyfriend. He put his hand on this leg in a fist, referring to the punch. 'Did you bleed?' He mouthed to me. I shook my head, lying. He gave an audible sigh of relief and turned away from me.
You would think that someone locking themselves in their room for ten hours would make another set of people reconsider their emotionally and physically harmful actions, but it did not. Roman continued to call me a robot, Patton discontinued stopping him, Virgil continued to punch where my scars were, and I no longer had any acknowledgement from any other sides.
We were helping Thomas with a problem without filming, and I was just staring at the ground, not putting in any input. "Logan?" I heard, but did not answer. "Logan?" Again. "Hey, Robot!" I finally looked up. "Oh, so he is a robot." I tried to shake it off, but it still stuck.
"Roman, we need to focus! Did you seriously just call him a robot while he was bleeding?" Patton reprimanded. Wait, I am bleeding? I looked down to see that my cuts had opened and bled again from when Virgil punched them earlier. "Babe, are you okay?!"
"I want to die."
I clamp my hand over my mouth as Janus appears in Remus' arms. I attempted to say 'I am fine.' Damn it, Janus. Everyone looks shocked, even the dark sides. I sink out to my room, locking the door and beginning to pace, not even cleaning my cuts.
What will they think of me? Virgil will for sure hate me, Patton too, Roman will think I want attention, or call me a robot and say I am faking, Janus will continue making me tell them so that they can laugh, Remus will make jokes, and Thomas will not hear me out in videos anymore. I can not afford Virgil hating me. I love him! I still love him. Does he even love me anymore?
I resort to cutting and burning myself up again, becoming more and more careless with the harm. I let it venture to my arms and wrists. I look down, contemplating what I have thought about for months. I spell a word with the cuts. Without thinking, I take a blade and a lighter to my veins, and everything eventually goes black.
Virgil's POV
We were all hanging out, and Logan had been disassociating again while I was talking, which I had asked him not to do. I punched him where his cuts were. I don't know why I do that really, but it always gets his attention, and he says he doesn't bleed, so it's fine. He flinches a bit and looks up at me. "Yes, princess?" He says. "Pay attention!" He nods. I keep catching him not paying attention! I don't wanna punch him twice in one day, so I simply tapped him on the shoulder, which for some reason he still flinched at.
After I caught him not listening a few more times, I punched him a little harder. He jumped and winced. Did I hit him that hard? At least he was paying attention again. Thomas summoned us to help him with something he didn't wanna film.
We were just talking, I was glancing over at Logan every couple of minutes, because he wasn't responding again, and Patton seemed to be doing the same. "Virgil, look!" He yelled. I was surprised Logan still didn't budge, but when I saw what Patton was pointing me at, I freaked. Oh my god, he lied to me. He was bleeding, so much that it was visible through his black jeans. Wait, that means they weren't just scars anymore, if they could open and bleed, it meant they were fresh. Is he cutting again?
"Logan?" I asked, no answer. "Logan?" Came Patton. "Hey, Robot!" From Roman, and he looked up. "Roman, we need to focus! Did you seriously just call him a robot while he was bleeding?" Logan looked down at his leg, and sure enough it was bleeding. "Babe, are you okay?" I asked him.
"I want to die."
He said, before clamping his hand over his mouth as Janus appeared in Remus' arms. Did I do this? Does he want to die before me? He sinks out. At least he will go clean up the cuts and talk to us, that's what he's doing, right?
Right?
Wrong.
It was half an hour after he left, and my boyfriend still hadn't returned. I grew worrisome. I thought about what he could have done. "Thomas." I got his attention. "What's 4x5?" He thought. "30?" Oh no. "4x4?" "44." "2x2?" "18." He has no fucking Logic. He didn't do it, right?
The others notice what I was trying to figure out, and we sink into his room. He isn't there. Roman turns on the bathroom light. "FUCK!" He yells. I run in there.
My boyfriend is dead. He's dead. He's on the floor, a blade in his hand, cuts on his legs, arms, wrists, and stomach. A few words are written on his legs with the cuts, but the one I'm focused on is spelled loud and clear on his wrist.
R O B O T
He still thought he was a robot. I kneel by his side.
"Babe, please, wake up! Come on, please! Logan, this isn't funny! Please, I'm sorry! Babe, please, it's princess! I'm your princess, right?! Wake up! It's princess! Come on, please! Babe! Baby! Please!" I shake him, trying to get him to wake up, even though I know he's gone. "WAKE THE FUCK UP! BABE PLEASE! IT'S FUCKING PRINCESS!" I continue to shake him until I'm pulled away, kicking and screaming.
My boyfriend killed himself.
Roman walks back in, looking as if he was re-seeing something. "He wrote 'third drawer, left side.' On his leg." I jump out of my holder's arms, which I saw was Remus, and open the drawer in his dresser to find hundreds of suicide notes. I grab an envelope that was painted purple, throwing the ones in the colors of Patton, Roman, Remy, Remus, Janus, and Emile to them, and the one with all of our colors to Thomas, who came to his room with us.
Princess,
If you are reading this, I have successfully killed myself. I could not take it anymore. I am not a robot. I know it. I am not a robot. Am I a robot? I am truly sorry for lying to you about whether or not my cuts bled if you punched them. They bled almost every time. I never mean to ignore you, however, I am always distracted by voices in my head telling me that I am unworthy, and not good enough, or that I am a robot. Now that I am thinking of it, I do seem like a robot. I can feel emotions, such as love, happiness, and depression. I am sorry for being as selfish as I am to kill myself, but you deserve a better person. As I am not an emotion, and Thomas can not function without logic, another trait will appear. He will look, act, and talk like me, but he is not me. I love you, princess. Do not forget it. I will never knock on your door.
With love,
Logan Sanders.
I messed up. Big time.
YA THINK VIRGIL?! WOOOOOWWWW
Word Count: 2568 including this