In the midst of a dark blanket which contrasted with blacks and yellows, and the occasional white, there are stars which dot the blanket in the intricate pattern of Kylo's destination. The hallowed path of light-speed thinned out into a subtle light that had adorned itself with the diamonds of thousand moons and one thousand dreams, for they weaved themselves on that cosmic territory of divinity, in which we had entered.
Once concealed away from my sight, when it swirls before me I don't hesitate to bask in its glory. Drowned were now the stars and anchored by them was the globe, which was a vast orbit of divine creation.
The axis of the planet was slow and barely moving to the human eye from space, but you could still see the swirls of bright ink that there were currents of precision in the mess of a world-wide, snow storm.
From my wide eyes, the planet looked like something I had conjured up in my own imagination, in a desperate, childhood attempt to feel something real in the attempts of an orphan who needed a home.
It was brilliantly sphered as if it was moulded by clay, with a snow-blurred contouring of seas and continents in a vague freckling of grey and white, which sheltered the brown and green.
Still one with the stars and from this far, none of the planet's surface features were yet distinguishable, so I couldn't yet see the tall mountains and low glaciers; And in a frail state of mind that was full of unbroken wonder, I turned to Kylo – Who was already staring back at me as he drove the Command Shuttle into the planet's atmosphere.
"Is this..." I swallow, "– My birth planet?"
Kylo turned to me and the bright illumination coming from the planet, which a sun a million miles away, shined through, danced on his dark hair and reflected on his equally as dark, eyes.
He twitches his eyebrows together and up, as if he is watching me with as much adoration as I am to him. His voice comes light and airy in the small space of the Command Shuttle – A stark difference to how it sounds usually in his deep and velvet tone.
"Yes."
My chin wobbles and I have to tug my lips between my teeth to stop a rising sob, "How did you find it?"
He swallows and breathes a small breath in, his broad chest expanding and falling as he does so.
"When The Resistance took you... I tried to find everything about you in the time it took to figure out your whereabouts." He sighs, his shoulders falling as he looks to me, resembling a lost puppy, "I couldn't get my mind off you when you weren't with me."
It takes a second or two for the new information to sink in, even though it is right before my eyes in the loving glow that exudes around him, brighter than life itself. My chest caves in, wanting to squeal and then, I feel my lips stretch wider into a gaping grin as my heart arches and aims to shoot itself into his own body, for it must be a better home for it to live in that warmth than the ice planet he drives us into.
It was ironic that we fought previously about the knowledge of his past, but here he is admitting that he had decoded the lost life of mine – But I guess, that was Kylo in a nutshell.
Maybe, it was my ignorant tenderness that was so delighted with the idea of Kylo needing me so much that his mind couldn't tear himself away, even though the rest of his body was – But as I turn back to the window and watch the clouds crash by in a mystical rush, my stomach twirls in strain as I realise I was being taken back to the very place where my future should have resided instead. The very place where my parents had been shot dead and I was kidnapped for a life of unwilling.
The engine roared and the gravity buffeted around the tall wings; In a sky-born cradle, rocked by the winds far above the grounds, Kylo's hands gripped around the steering and tugged it in every direction as if he already knew where to go. Even as the engines turned, his brain relaxed into dreaming mode as his brown eyes shifted over the horizon, and as I forgot there was a new beautiful sight to take in, I tore my eyes from him and then back out the window.
The clouds gathered around and above his ship as he sunk it lower to the snow covered grounds, twisting above icy oceans with their deep, dark blue colours – I was enchanted by the amount of colour in a world so monotone. Overhung in the sky, the sun seems hesitant to make itself a home on the soil as it only peeks through in the cast of silver rays.
In this frozen world, I sat in the Command Shuttle, opened mouth and eyed, as I resist the temptation to press my hands up against the window to feel a hint of the crisp air from the outside.
Kylo glances over, every once-and-a-while, and I pretend I don't notice him watching nor the smile that creeps onto his face.
He begins to fly over a long, drawn-out field of tall pine-trees that were catching the snowflakes with their spread out branches. I gasp when I see little wooden houses below, finally giving into that urge and slamming my hands on the glass and looking over to Kylo with an astonished face.
"There's houses!" I grin, glancing back to the spread out cottages and then back to him, to not miss either of the sights, "People live here!"
Kylo chuckles and shakes his head, "You weren't the castaway of this planet. Of Course, other people live here, not many though." His grin fades, and so does mine slightly – I force it back up, forgetting about the destruction that had happened on this icy planet.
"It's so beautiful here." I chime and he tugs the corner of his lips back up, glancing over to the window once more.
Lingering my stare on the constellations of his freckles for a while longer and wondering if they are truely spelling out my love or if that is just my heart hijacking my senses, I know what to come is only anguish in a flood of right and wrong, but I also know deep down that I will never drown with him around for he is my safety – He is my true home.
Kylo had proved he cared enough to show me my old roots, but I can only hope in this realisation that there is enough nurtured care for our love to grow from new stems on different grounds – Soil away from The First Order, to which I will lead him astray from.
This world is quite breathtaking, when I begin to claw my way out of the lingering worries for the future, and instead dwell in the painful, forgotten past. The houses below start to lessen and I peek over the horizon and see glazed nature without the haze of discontent or the ruins of a brutal war.
Squinting my eyes, I can make out one final house on the bank of the forest, so lonely from the rest and small in its peaceful size. My heart stammers when Kylo shifts his steering and nears it as the ship lowers on a landing where trees had thinned out.
My breathing becomes painful in my chest and I know what is to come but I clench my eyes closed and embrace the hidden nostalgia that creeps into the back of my mind when I recognise the cottage before us.
Hovering above the snow and then landing gracefully, Kylo switches off the ship and flicks multiple buttons until there is no overbearing noise to camouflage the erratic beating of my chest. Kylo places a gloved hand on my thigh.
"Do you want to get out?" He whispers and I can sense he is looking even before I open my eyes. "If you don't want to, we can just go back."
I sigh away a large pressure of anxiety off my chest and try to act like it is still not lingering and building within, shaking my head, I glance over to Kylo and give him a nervous smile.
"No. I want to see... I'm just, scared." I mimic what he had told me earlier. He brushes a leather thumb on the fabric of my pants.
"Okay. Whenever you're ready, just come outside." He lets go, getting up from his chair and tugging his gloves closer to his hands, "I'll wait."
He opens the entrance to the Command Shuttle and I listen to his heavy boots thud on the metal until they crouch into untouched snow.
The sounds had ebbed to nothingness, now only the silence was as pure as the wintry blanket outside, I could hear ringing in my ears and my shallow breathing. I was scared – Yes. I was anxious, nervous and dwelling upon everything outside this window. We had parked right where the carrier from years ago had. We were beside the spot where Hux had shot my Father, though there was no stain of blood to prove so.
Everything outside will make my vision become all so much more real, even though that is all it ever was – I muster up the courage and force myself out of the seat, before I fret my oncoming emotions and call for Kylo to take me back to a place much more dangerous.
Walking softly on the Command Shuttle's ramp with hesitated footsteps, the entrance is a beaconing light that shines through, but still not as harshly or lifeless as the bulbs in Finalizer were.
The devices still lay hidden in my socks and I pray that they don't fall beneath my heels again.
A breeze rushes onto my flesh as if it has always waited to thrust its coolness onto my frame and I flinch with its chilly force. The giddy currents of the wind flow through woodland canopies, unaware of how the song it whistles, soothes my frantic fears. The breeze is free, chaotic even, yet it too has its path, even if there are infinite possible destinations; It is something I didn't even realise that I had missed since being moved to the still atmosphere of outer-space.
Walking out of the Command Shuttle, I looked to the horizon, covering my eyes to protect them from the remnants of a glossy sun; And standing not too far off, beneath the billowing fall of white snowflakes, was Kylo in his mess of black – My heart's burning desire in a world of chilly ice.
Snow danced in the light, flickering a choreographed ballet routine that was conducted by the wind. As I watched them fall, my eyes grew a tiny bit wider as I held out a hand, noticing the intricacies of the snowflake that swayed onto my palm and melted into my warmth – Much like I would to Kylo, who watched me from behind.
A shiver ricocheted up my spine and threw a thousand goose-bumps over my flesh in the flood of cold air. The cold that had seemed mild at first, now numbed my nose and made my lips dry. Chilling air licked at my face and crept under the thin fabric of my short-sleeved shirt, spreading across my torso like frigid water. With purpling lips to match my faded bruises, tinged with blue and the gentle chattering of my teeth, I wrapped my broken arm beneath my other and held them close to my chest.
Kylo chuckled from behind, I turned to meet his warm browns.
"Cold?"
I smiled and nodded, squinting my nostalgic eyes to my surroundings and then back to him, "I don't remember living in a place so cold..."
Kylo tilted his head to the side and gave me a small smile. Suddenly unhooking the neck of his cloak and draping it off his shoulders, he shakes it out in the frosty air and then hands it to me.
"Put this on."
I hold the heavy fabric in my hands, the leather seeming wet in the gloomy air. I shake my head, "No, don't worry. I'll be fine."
He narrows his eyes.
"Put it on." He demands, pressing the cloak further into my hands.
Biting away a sly smile at his pressure and deadpanned eyes, I roll my own and throw it over my shoulders. It smells stronger of him than his own skin does and it is heavy upon my frame. Before him, I attempt to fasten the little button that was hidden on the inside of the collar, but my fingers are too pruned to do so.
Kylo rolls his eyes and sighs loudly as he steps forwards. Pushing my hands away with his gloved ones, he furrows his brows at the button and tries to hook it in. My collar bones tingle beneath his touch and I bite my bottom lip, looking away from the smoke that he breathes against my flesh in the cold air.
Glancing over to the side, I finally rest my eyes upon the very thing that I had avoided the moment I left the ship, and air gets caught in my throat at the sight.
Thinning wood from a cottage which sunk into the ground rather than stood – The home has pine wood that was painted white from snow which threatened to even camouflage the small windows that peeked to the outside.
This house has lain dormant for years, an empty space since the old owners were shot and their only child, taken. I don't know if my eyes become glossy from staring for too long or if it was the emotional build up that was clawing at my insides, but once Kylo had finished hooking the button into place and tugging the hood over my head, I made my own indentations in the snow, uncovering the dying, green grass that must hide below during the winter.
Glimpses of StormTroopers with their chaotic flight to form a line up the small steps to the home, flood my mind from my vision and the groans of wood beneath Kylo's following feet, cause me to flinch.
Just like that same vision, I round the corner to the tall door that was slightly cracked open, and I'm hesitant to go any further. In a groggy mindset, I hold my fist to the wood, ready to knock – Until I realise nobody had ever been home. Switching my hand to an opened palm and inhaling a nervous breath, I push the door open, to which it shrieks against the dried up, hardwood floors.
I almost expected to see the remains of my Mother sprawled across the floor and maybe even a hawk picking on her bones, but instead, the home was barely filled with anything.
There is no warmth from my vision of the crackling fireplace to my side, only fading away ash. The floorboards creak in the wind and I trudge myself in, my chin wobbling as I etch every minuscule detail of the home into the back of my mind.
Kylo follows, but waits in the doorway, his broad shoulders without the cloak covering the breeze that tries to make its way into the cottage and his gloved hands hold onto the rotting wall.
Going inside sets my heart beating faster than I knew it could. The snow can be heard battering the windows and it smells faintly of wet soot. Dust lies as thick as the snow over everything, perfectly undisturbed, but there wasn't much furniture other than a couch that was torn in the middle of the room and an empty bookshelf in the back. There's a small, single room conjoining at the back of a dusty kitchen, but that space is completely bare.
The main room where I stood, right by the couch that laid over the space where I recall my Mother clinging onto me for dear life, held an ominous air. The wooden walls peeled slowly and the floors creaked under my feet with each step I took. The small home is unsurprisingly cold, enough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. I turn back to Kylo, and the slight rush of air, causes me to realise I was already crying.
With those brown eyes watching me, my face crumples and my knees give out. Kylo catches me before I fall to the floor.
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I hear my own sounds, like a distressed cry, raw from the inside as it lets out the pain that I was brewing within. It takes something out of me I didn't know I had left to give. I feel all the muscles in my face tremble as I grab onto the fabric of his uniform and sob into his chest.
I'm not crying because I miss my parents. I'm crying because I missed the chance to.
Every breath in my body, burns my throat and I look up to Kylo with pleading eyes for him to take away this pain and save me like he had done so before.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles to me and I sense the guilt burying itself into the soil of his heart for bringing me here in the first place.
I shake my head and cling myself closer, he wraps his hands around the thick drapes of his cloak and holds me tighter. "It's not your fault." I rasp.
Kylo rests his chin above my head and I sniffle below him. He and I both know who's fault it was – But I was too broken to speak it and he was too ashamed of his allegiance to them.
With shaky breaths, I move my head out from beneath him and look at him once more. He stares back, his lips twitching in uncertainty as we both crouch to the hardwood floors. His scar was the first thing to catch my gaze, on top of the silver, a flawless beauty that I believed he shined even with an order of darkness overbearing his soul.
Flicking my sight to the pink lips, I knew what drug I needed to relieve this pain, and like any addict, I gave into the urge without any second thought.
His lips opened to the unspoken words that I no longer needed to tell him. For no matter how guilty he feels for associating himself with the reason for my growing life of pain, I still cannot forget about the generous euphoria he brings to me.
Between our lips all of our secrets were laid bare, only all of our passions and a spark of warmth existed between us.
In this kiss, I was strong, but also a soul who wished to have another do all the brutal work of an existence.
Kylo's calculated mouth was parting my trembling lips, sending wild tremors along my bones and nerves, inflicting sensations I had never known someone was capable of feeling. I open my mouth wider, allowing his tongue entry deeper than all the galaxies in the Universe. His vanilla lips imprinting themselves on mine like a footprint in the snow, forging a sense of exoticism and roguery.
Adoration and elation rushed into my veins and soon, the entire system, as he continued to press his lips more impenetrably and rougher onto my own. When his sinful hands leave my back and pull the hood off my hair, he curls his fingers into the strands and tugs.
I moan into his mouth.
Shuffling closer and causing him to lean back on one hand, I unbuttoned the cloak with fiddly fingers and threw it behind me so I had more ability to pull myself into his lap. It was easier to straddle him in pants, but I slightly worried about the devices that were hidden by the tall leather of my boots.
This close, I can breathe in his natural scent and melt into his soft mouth. Hands then moving from my hair and then, tip-toeing down my spine, he shoved a big, leather hand down the opening of my pants, squeezing the flesh in his grip.
He pants in our kiss and I rock my hips against the hardness that grows beneath me.
When his silky tongue begins to explore the inside of my mouth, I feel like I'm drowning in my senses and my eyes roll to the back of my head even beneath their closed-lids. Suddenly needing air, I pull away and we are heaving into each other's face, flickering our gaze upon every feature in elation with wild eyes.
We lock eyes for just a moment, just enough for me to immediately feel safe beneath that stare. He's delicate in a suspended moment in this abandoned cottage, though his frame was incredibly strong and broad beneath my touch as I moved my hand into his hair, now that his had moved from mine.
Though, I am incredibly cold, I want to feel his warm touch all over me and all at once, I pull slightly away and lift my shirt from the bottom, and then up and over my head, exposing the wired underwear that The Resistance had given me. It was hard for the shirt to tug over the cast of my arm, but I managed and giggled when it got slightly stuck.
Kylo's eyes flicker to the white fabric and his hand twitches beneath my pants. Leather sliding over the chilly skin, he also leverages off his other hand and switches our positions, cradling my back and lowering me onto the sprawled out fabric of his cloak – My hair flying out beside me.
I reverently rub my fingers along the cotton of his chest, feeling the expanding muscles beneath the fabric and he licks his lips at the sight of me. Moving in-between my opened legs and placing his gloved hands over the bust flesh of my chest.
I arch my head back, exposing the tendrils of veins in my neck.
I never thought I would ever be in this house, let alone, brought here by Kylo Ren – Who I would later open my legs for upon the rotting wood. Looking into his eyes once more, I knew exactly what that look was in the brown, a plead that wanted to be certain of my consent before he completely lost himself in the passion that bled into the pupils.
"Please, Kylo." I whine, arching my hips up in a needy expression.
All at once, he kisses my neck and my mind crumbles. After just a few delicate touches of his warm lips, my hands will start to do his bidding, twining into his long hair and tugging lightly – Urging his lips go harder and when he nips the flesh, I moan.
He huffs against my neck and I can feel his lips stretch into a grin against my flesh. My face flushes momentarily but when his mouth returns to my own, I forget about any other warmth that isn't him in this icy air.
With his hands along my hips, my own fall down his back as my head swims. Then his fingers move up to my chest, and my heart threatens to jump into his grip for him to own as he delicately cups my bust again, his thumbs grazing over the material as if to map out the skin beneath it.
He rips it down. The clasps at the back, snap entirely. Throwing the underwear to the side as if they were wrapping to his gift, his pupils dilate at my exposed breasts.
With shaking breathes, he doesn't tear his stare away, even as he pulls off his own shirt.
I sucked in a sharp breath as his shirtless torso was exposed to me. The chiseled chest and skin glowing in the overcast, as I swallowed saliva down before I started drooling.
My heart feels incredibly defenceless behind only bone and flesh that prickled in the open air, but my organ would bleed out dry for Kylo in this very moment.
His eyes then rake in my collar bones and back down my whole stomach. His eyebrows furrow at the mess of fading purple upon my abdomen, and suddenly he pulls away to get a better look at it with sad eyes.
My heart pangs. I shake my head. Lifting myself up from the floor, his eyes are stuck in the same position as if he had lost himself in thought, until I cradle his cheek in my freezing hands.
"It's okay." I whisper in the small space between our lips.
"It's okay." I repeat, kissing him once more. He shakes his head and detaches our mouths. Turning his face out of my hands, his jaw clenches at the wall.
"It's not." He sighs, and my stomach drops when he lifts me off of him and stands, no longer giving me lust filled eyes but the strength of muscles in his back.
My mouth parts and the pain returns.
No!
"Kylo..." I try to breathe, but he cuts me off.
"That was my fault." He shakes his head, still not looking at me who sat broken on the floor. The cold moves in only to meet the warmth of my blood, my defence against such ice.
"No it wasn't." I breathe, tears forming in my eyes.
I grip my hands into the fabric of his cloak around me, almost wanting to throw it against him and beg for him to return between my legs, but I could tell there was no lust in his guilty frame.
Looking down at the chills that ran down every inch of my exposed skin, I scrunched my feet in discomfort. My ankles digging into the metal that surrounded them. Widening my eyes, I glance back up to his broad back as he breathed shaky breaths. Deciding on a course of action that would beg for his warm return, I begin to unlace my boots.
"I should've been there to save you before they got their hands on you." He gritted between clenched teeth as his hands curled into tight fists. I glance up to him, making sure he wasn't watching as I curled down my socks and shoved the devices in my empty boots and then the socks over them. Throwing them to the side, I sighed.
"But, you did save me eventually."
My feet are like ice blocks in the breeze but I ignore it as I begin to unbutton my pants, pulling them down as if they were a bandage.
"But not before you lost the child." He chokes, "Now you might be expected to go through that all again."
He turns, and his eyes widen at my nakedness. My tight undergarments much thinner and shorter than what he was used to. My face softens at his words,
"Do it all again?" I whisper, my jaw falling slack, "Do you not want to?"
He swallows at the sight of my bare legs and then drops to his knees.
It worked.
He grabs my face in his big hands and I can taste the tangy leather as he swipes a thumb over my lips. "Not if it is for the very Order that caused you so much pain before."
Eyes blowing wide beneath his stare. I have to set up tall boarders in my mind before I dwell on the thought of my plan once again. If only I could tell Kylo about the devices in my boots to the left or about the fact that I will try and sway him to leave The First Order with me – But it was too soon, and I knew I couldn't do it now, for his loyalty still clearly resides with Snoke.
My breath hitches, a tear falls down my cheek and over his hand. "That's a choice that I will never get... Please Kylo – Let me forget all about that before you have to take me back."
Eyes searching mine. I plead into the brown and with freezing hands scratching up the scars on his chest. He gives into my request.
Lips caving into my own once more, I feel his hands sway behind my back and pull off the leather gloves. Bare, warm hands now cradling my cool frame, a hand sneaks down to the thin undergarment.
I feel my back arch in anticipation, knowing where his fingers will soon reach and my head rocks backwards, pulling his lips off my own.
As his hands move over my most delicate area, swiping my undergarments to the side, the rest of my body has a transitory paralysis whilst my mind was unable to process the pleasure his that fingers were bringing so fast.
His fingers were barely beginning to become chilly to the touch, but when he inserts two digits at once, I only clench around the new sensation.
Thrusting his fingers deep and slow inside me, I whimper when the touch is gone too soon.
His head moves around to my left ear and suddenly my body is off pause-mode and I turn my face for a kiss that's both soft and hard. Both of us moving in an intoxicated dance of limbs.
"You deserve more than me." He breathes, his voice shaky and the lust floods his tone even in the vulnerability.
I shake my head, my mouth going dry. "I don't want anything but you, Kylo."
He growls.
Leaning me back onto the cloaked floor, he's all business, hands groping my thighs and pulling off the undergarment as if it never had a purpose. Slowly, Kylo returns his hands to my legs, and I notice him glance to my entire nakedness.
I'm so lost in his stare that I can only listen to the sound of his belt snatching through the loops and the metal scrape against the floors as Kylo threw the leather aside. My breath comes in quick, eyes pleading for him to break the distance once more.
When his pants etch down and reveal himself entirely, I gasp under my breath at his length, for I will never get use to it. When a large hand falls into the dip of my hip, I feel my back arch in anticipation, knowing where his length will soon reach. My head rocks back against the floor as he moves closer between my core, a moan escaping my lips when it meets my entrance.
"Kylo."
His eyes meet mine. He leans down and kisses me once more, letting go of his member and thrusting his hips delicately into me.
My passion has a raw intensity, breathing fast, heart rate faster. He leans in lower, his torso almost against mine as our skin is moving softly together, like the finest of silk. I feel him enter slowly, my willingness making it easier to slide in, but my shivering body caused my walls to tighten around his warm length.
Thick and long, it feels uncomfortable for a moment but when his lips break from mine and his head falls into my shoulder, I relax. I thrust my hips higher once more, meeting what was left outside of me and he moans, understanding my intentions.
"Six." Kylo groans, hands leaving my body and propping himself up as they are placed on each side of my head. I watch his torso tense and my legs wrap around his back as I long to feel more of him – Twining my arms around his shoulders.
He continues to thrust purposefully into me, the sounds of skin hitting skin mixing with the sounds of our loud moans.
Quickening my breathing with every thrust and forcing my moans to time to his movement, I feel the pleasure grow – That same euphoria swimming in my eyes and flooding my mind like a tsunami of lustful passion.
Kylo pays attention with drunk eyes, how my legs move, watching my body writhe beneath him. He slows his pace for a moment, prolonging our lust and taking time to watch the way my mouth widens with every thrust and the way my eyes almost roll to the back of my head.
He slows for just long enough to intoxicate my mind before quickening his pace again.
I scream into the cottage, my voice echoing off the wooden walls – I was surprised the roof didn't cave in with the brittle shriek. Holding onto his shoulders tighter and whimpering against his neck, I kiss the bare skin and nibble lightly. Leaving my own mark upon the thousands of battle scars.
My euphoria is now in flames that grow lighter as it only grows with every moan he releases, and I am no longer shivering in the wintry mist but burning with every touch upon my glazed skin.
My numbing toes curl and my fingernails dig into his flesh deeper.
I tug on his hair and he throws his hands upon my wrists, but pulls them away when he remembers the cast, now shoving his hands beneath the small of my back and arching me up and into a different position.
When the intense pleasure is becoming all too much for our bodies to take, he wails my name and I am starting to see stars that are more amazing than the ones in outer-space. The wood below, is uncomfortable in my shoulders but I don't care for I am feeling the bliss within my core build until it is overflowing.
Even in my release, he continued his animalistic thrusts until he was pulled over the edge and bringing me with him.
His hips were moving, hitting my core in an unsteady, fast pace, and dragging along my walls that throbbed with the same rhythm of my erratic heart. Rough hands now returning to my exposed thighs, with every squeeze of those big hands, I bucked my hips impossibly closer to his, and that was when he groaned loud, squinting his eyes and pulling out of my core quickly, to shower my stomach in his fluids.
His passion was a beautiful climax and even when his length had left me, his frame never did, falling into the crook of my neck and petaling soft kisses into it.
The room was now only filled with our breathing and even the snow seemed to have settle to make way for our elation to soar off into the sky. Draping what's left of the cloak around my body, he tore his face out of my neck and slid his hands over my frame once more, pulling me onto my side and him on his – We stared longingly into each-others eyes, and though that is all we ever did... They still looked so new every-time I got lost within them.
Kylo's face softens and he raises a hand, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear, "You could stay here, you know?"
My heart skipped a beat at his words, my eyes narrowed. "Why would I do that?" I ask.
He rests his hand on my cheek and furrows his brows, mouth twitching downwards as he watched my own. "All you'll ever be brought is pain with me."
I watched his eyes flicker from my collar bones and then back to my eyes. Kylo Ren was a soldier, who was ruthless in his killings; And yet here he is holding me as if I was a piece of glass, unworthy of being shattered in his combat hands.
There is a gentleness in his chest that made my heart reach out and I shook my head, knowing even if I wanted to stay here, I wouldn't be able to. For I would rather die by his side than leave it forever more – And besides, I still had to save the rest of Project Destiny before I found safety for myself.
"I want to stay with you." I whisper, raising my own hand to his face and trickling my fingertip along his scar – I can't even remember him without it. "Destiny decided that."
He sighs and leans into my touch, "Destiny didn't decide it... The First Order did. You were supposed to be someone different before they took you."
I smile, he kisses my thumb that I hold upon his lips. "There's nothing about my past, that I can do now. I am who I am meant to be, when I am with you – Who I was meant to be, I will never know, so I cannot dwell on the loss of my past."
Kylo opens his mouth but shuts it soon after, as if he is uncertain to speak or not. With furrowed brows and pursed lips, he gives in, "But what if I could tell you who you were meant to be?"
I flinch, "What?"
He swallows, "When I was searching for where you came from... I found your name."
I clench the fabric of his folded cloak around my chest and a breath gets caught at the bottom of my throat. My name? My real name?
"Do you want to know it?"
Kylo watched me as if I was stuck in a dream, struggling to get back to reality. It never really dawned upon me that I was born with a name, not a number... But when that name sits on the top of his tongue, I don't wish to hear it.
All I have ever known was Six and the purpose that came with that title. I don't wish to have my name a constant reminder of my place in this Universe, but if I were to be called by another I feel as if I am abandoning the rest of Project Destiny, as I could've if I stayed here instead of returning.
Being thrown back to that day in the Dining Hall, I recall the way I used to be so scared of the man before me and yet he asked me what I wanted to be called by him and I answered, "Just Six." Because that's who I have always been and who I will always be... Unlike Kylo, I can't remove my past as easily as he could with such traitorous disgust of the person he once was.
My heart is heavy with my choice, but light as I place it in his hands to hold forever-more.
I smile.
"No."
He nods. I continue,
"– I'll always be your, Six."