"Slow down. I can't keep up with this body."
Four apologises and smiles, immediately slowing his pace to one that my swollen feet could sync up with. He had always walked in a way that made him seem perpetually in a hurry. His steps weren't rapid but his legs were long and his strong shoulders always arched back as if he must stride with as much purpose as possible.
I laugh at him when he begins walking unusually slow—almost robotically—as if his brain was struggling to tell each foot to take the next step hesitantly rather than rushed. Now dawdling in the halls, everyone around us seemed to fly by. The people on Finalizer marched rather than walked—striding down each hallway and disappearing from our view, it was like everyone else was sped up and blinkered. There was so much happening all at once, and yet everyone failed to notice anything other than their own duty.
Still, some people muttered complaints beneath their breath behind us , overtaking only to turn crimson when they realised Four's status upon the emblem that sat on his sleeves and chest.
"It was good to see Commander Victor and September, wasn't it?" He asks.
"Yes, it was," I reply, looking over to the blonde boy.
I am so grateful for the fact that Four still provided me company in the lonely hours when Kylo could not—he had never been a close friend of mine, but I am happy to say now, that we were closer than ever imagined.
"How has everything been since Five came back?" I ask him, nodding my head to the book in his hands.
Four huffed a breath and rolls his eyes. "I thought that when he came back, I would finally get back to training," Lifting the book in his hands into the air between us and waving it around, he sighs, "But nope... still stuck in the books it is for me."
I hum a sympathised breath behind tightly-closed lips. "I'm sorry about that. I hope you get back to training soon," I smile, punching him in the shoulder lightly. "It would be such a waste to not utilise this much brute."
Four shook his head, looking down to his steps and chuckling. Then snapping his gaze back up to me, he held a cheeky smirk with his lips. "... How's Kylo Ren?" He chimed, closing his eyes and pouting his lips into a tight airy kiss.
This time, I roll my eyes and a grin perches itself upon my face as I push his sarcastic kisses away with the shove of my palm against his cheek.
"He's good." I tried to hide and maintain my wide grin behind a pursed smile.
"Just good?"
"Just good," I chuckled.
Four turns his head back to the path forward, not needing to dodge every passerby's shoulders like I did, because everyone stayed clear of his direction.
"Is it nice?" He asked, furrowing his brows but not yet turning back to look at me. I scrunched my face up, my lip tugging to the side in a sly smile, prepared for his taunts about Kylo.
"Is what nice?"
The book in his hand hangs loosely by his side, occasionally smacking his thigh with every step. He didn't speak as soon as I had answered—rather waiting quietly to continue only when the group of StormTroopers ahead had finally passed.
With a deep voice under his breath and a side glance upon me, he breathed, "To be with your lover even in this brutal place?"
Upon his words, my lips parted in surprise and my eyes blew wide as so did my lungs. I could feel the hurt in his chest, an overwhelming ache for the one he loved, who was so many stars away. His lover, Three—or as I had found out a couple of months ago: Erato.
I swallowed in the silence and my mouth dried.
"Four... " I began, but I didn't actually know what to say as I furrowed my brows and curled my hands over my stomach in a new habit.
"You can tell me," He said under his breath, looking over and into my eyes with a friendly warmth. "I'll always keep your secrets."
My shoulders slumped and the compassion inside grew a new leaf in my heart. It's the look that he gave to me. Those pale blue eyes, which probed into my soul, desperately wanting to see what's going on in there, lead me into the belief of his words; and I knew no matter what, Four would keep my secret—even if the Supreme Leader had just found out about his own days ago.
"It's hard," I whispered between the two of us, "But yes. Its nice in the end, when there's no prying eyes around... when it's only he and I, like it should be."
He walked by my side, listening to my words and his wonder burnt stronger than any pain that has corroded my heart like vultures pecking at it.
The First Order are those vultures, who circled dark clouds above us constantly. I felt as if they are awaiting for the very moment to strike—the moment like when they would find out just how much Kylo and I loved each other.
"That's all that matters then... those good moments."
In those blue eyes, I know he sees those vultures above my head too. His words have a tone of empathising as he continued, "I must say, I was surprised the other day when the Supreme Leader found out about Three and I... I can't imagine how much pain it caused you to know that our love is permitted, but yours is not."
I shake my head when he places a hand upon my shoulder and huff a tired laugh, though it's not from joy but rather tire of all this chaos burning before me. Though, Four isn't here to judge like most would but rather always here to to help, he still didn't quite understand the consequences or the underlining remark Snoke said beneath his offer.
"Four. You have to understand that nothing is ever permitted here," I explained, my heart jolting against my ribcage when he furrowed his brows at me in question, "Snoke... he's a game-player. Everything to him, is a game. I don't believe that he would ever let one love so freely without something in return."
He shook his head, face scrunching in confusion at my words, not quite understanding where I was going with this warning. "Something in return? Like what?"
I sigh, "I don't know. I just know we cannot trust him. Though, maybe his only reasoning to do that was to hurt me?"
He gulped.
"Maybe." Four breathed and I turn to him once more, before letting my gaze fall on the overwhelming white halls we walk around.
"Just... be careful." I warned him, "If Three ever comes here, you must still be fearful of the possibility of Snoke tearing you apart if he thinks you two are too... intimate beyond her purpose."
Just like Kylo and I. I added in my own head.
Though, it pained me to tell him this, I knew it was for the best. He loved Three, just as much as I loved Kylo Ren—and it would kill me to be torn away from the one I thought I loved so easily—so ruthlessly—as if I was a clingy rag doll to a child.
Four nodded and pursed his lips, he understood.
Walking side by side, we allow our warm hearts to be curious regarding how to cure the cruelty of the home it lives, but our minds acknowledge the fact that we could never fix a brutal Empire that lead us like puppets on a string.
He sighs and raises the book in front of my face once more, letting go of the subject and remembering his duties. "Well, I guess I better go and get back into it." He mumbles, already fretting the moment when he will have to read the multiple, boring pages within that binder. He turned on his heal and began walking backwards, waving the hefty novel in the air and groaning.
"–These books aren't going to read themselves," He rolled his eyes, "And I've got at least... twenty more collecting dust back in my quarters."
My shoulders shook beneath my laughter and I lifted my hands finally from my stomach and waved him a goodbye as the distance between us grew.
"Goodbye, Four." I smiled.
"See you next dawdle," He chimed, finally turning on his heal and walking away, dodging the engineer that he nearly crashed into.
Walking by these overwhelming white halls, there is nothing for my mind to hang onto whilst on the walk back to Kylo's quarters other than the man himself—Kylo—who lately, was the only thing on my mind.
Lunch had just ended moments ago and around the Dining Hall, a swarm of workers began to linger and make their way back to their stations. The hallways were more crowded than usual and I wrap a cautious arm around the swell of my stomach just incase somebody bumped into me, leaving me dodging everyone who passed by.
In swarming mass of people, clarity is hard to find—but when I saw a familiar face with blonde hair, far ahead: My adrenaline rushed.
Arion.
I saw the way the girl looked over through the crowd, with blue eyes dilated and blown wide—meeting my gaze and then turning on her heal to hurry away. In a sudden surge, my hands and legs become jittery, trembling beneath my weight.
Anger, betrayal, sadness, a concoction of fleeting emotions flood my veins as I stopped dead in my tracks, so intertwined that perhaps their reasoning aught to be tweaked to reflect the true origins of those emotions for I was utterly bitter and my lip curled as I lunged a determined step forward; ready to follow that electric hair of gold through a crowd of bland.
I thought I told her to get off Finalizer or else there would be consequences! And yet here she is, hurriedly speeding away through the mess of the crowd that I now try to push through without harm to my gait.
Arion kept looking back as she hurriedly walked. Shoulders back, yet her neck hunched inwards, it was as if she wanted to be seen but also hidden—as if she wanted praise for her invisibility.
A furious sweat rolled down the flesh of my back in thin, salty beads and I can feel my lungs throbbing inside my chest, pleading to be released in a shout. Side-swiping shoulders and pulling my way down the hallways, circling conjunctions and following the radiant hair like a beacon, I grit my teeth together in frustration.
There was no possible reason for her to be here other than treaty to the First Order, who she had already betrayed once before. But that wasn't why I was seething in anger, oh no—I was furious to all completion because I gave her a chance to leave without consequence, and she has completely disregarded that for the chance to take the First Order down. And although I didn't care for the Empire one bit, I cared for the people among it: Four, Five, Kylo Ren... my child.
Weaving dangerously in and out of the traffic of people, half blinded by the glare of the beaming lights above, the onslaught of people to dodge was too hard to judge but it seemed to be thinning out, and when I followed the distant hair around the final corner, it's then gone completely.
Halting in my movements and spinning around to find it with a wondering eye, I had lost her.
In now an empty hallway, there was no familiar sight, no sound other than my own rapid breathing, and even the lights that should've helped were instead, blinding the distance and no match for my wild eyes.
When I whirled around a final time, just to see if my eyes were hallucinating and that indeed, she hadn't just disappeared in thin air: I still couldn't navigate Arion.
Mind spinning as fast as my heart pulsated through my veins, I was completely and utterly disorientated. Eyes flickering in every direction, they stop suddenly on the familiar, white, pane.
No...
Snapping my head to make sure nobody was around, I crouched down slowly and dug my nails into the hatch so quickly that I began to feel blood draw from the delicate flesh beneath them.
Metallic and heavy, I groan as I shove the board to the side, my arms trembling as I move the weight in this weaker body. Behind the pane that I had just torn from the wall, reveals the dark hole which was dusty with handprints from crawling, still etched into the thin surface.
It was hard to crawl with a child in my womb, but I managed after I closed the entrance once more behind me.
All I can see right now is loose forms in a dim light and I desperately need my surroundings to come into view before I make my next move. Eyes squinting, my sight is becoming clear and I step out into the small room once more.
The room was one dim light away from impenetrable blackness and as I stepped in, I watched my shadow dissolve into the surrounding void. The absence of light meant the absence of a warming touch, so I wrap my arms around myself to remain some.
In the small room, the only sound that met my straining ears was my own echoing footsteps and the pound of my heart against my chest.
"Arion?" I utter, but in this silence, I already knew she wasn't here.
Was I going crazy?
There was absolute stillness and I expelled a tired breath as I turned to make my way out of here—but when my foot accidentally kicks an object across the floor, it rattles and grazes across the dirty tiles.
Knitting my eyebrows together, I squint my eyes and find the object tucked now into the corner on it's metallic side.
Lying on the ground, was a metal object that was splattered with dust and dinted in on the sides like it had been dropped a thousand times before.
It didn't belong here, and I had no idea what its purpose was; nor its function.
Picking up the small object, I flipped it over in my hands and danced my fingertips over its surface.
The object made no sense at all. It had no internal work, yet it was cold like ice in all its metallic format. It was the size of a round pocket-watch, but without a face or a pitted surface—the only identifiable feature was the small, black button on the right side and speaker-like dots on its surface.
My lips part in confusion as I hold it in my grip, whatever this was... Arion wanted me to have it. She too, had lead me like a puppet on a string. Only she took me here, to this device, but why?
When the perplexity is no longer an anchor for control, I take it home—back to Kylo's quarters and tried to figure out why this thing was important enough to leave in the one place she knew I would be the only one to find it.
Not even the sides could crack open to show its inner workings, no matter how many times I tried to pry it apart with Kylo's kitchen knives or threw it against the wall. Even the button on the side was useless, for it had no purpose at all.
I was becoming frustrated to the core in this surging confusion, but when Kylo eventually comes back, I forget about the device as I shove it beneath my thin mattress.
Laying in the dark, my mind rattled upon every possibility as to what the device could be. As I listened to Kylo's beating heart below, the only thing I could come up with was that it could be a bomb of some sort, though it was too small and I had smashed it upon every surface and yet, it hadn't detonated.
In the darkness of Kylo's bedroom, he was softly asleep but subconsciously, he wrapped a strong arm around my waist and pulled me closer, gently rubbing the skin with dreaming fingertips. Despite the heaviness of my stomach, it still fluttered at the feeling of his body so closely pressed to his toned one. I sunk into the warmth he gave, closing my eyes and falling into an appreciative smile.
His touch cleared my clouded mind somehow and the universe around me now seemed a little less bleak as I began to drift into sleep also—until I heard it.
My eyes shot open.
There was a slight dinging in the distance, barely audible but I could hear it as clearly as I could hear Kylo's soft breaths.
His long legs were sprawled over and under my own, and as I listened to that ringing coming from somewhere out of his room, I looked at the black hair which fanned over his eyes once more, making sure he was truely asleep before I slowly, peeled my way out of his grasp and tiptoed out of the room.
The beeping was quiet, yet consistent. Muffling in its shriek which lead me to my own bedroom. My footsteps where hesitant for I already knew what the sound was coming from. Crouching down, my knees crack but I couldn't hear it above the cry from the device.
Inhaling a large breath, I shoved my hand beneath the mattress and pulled out the device Arion had left. Now much louder in the silence, my hands began to tremble around the metal and my heart beat quickened. Snapping my head to the door with wide eyes, I fret the ringing has woken Kylo—but I had not yet sensed his awakening.
Licking my lips and panicking, the beeps come in waves, but in a pattern of some sorts. Banging the back of the device with a slap of my palm, nothing happened. The ringing still cried.
Breathing becoming erratic as I still crouched upon the floors, I furrowed my brows and my mind circled over everything I could possibly do, but it only stopped on one ridiculous idea which was to somehow throw it outside, through the un-openable window.
I groan, slapping the device over and over.
My thumb hits the button on the side.
The ringing stops. The device beeps once from underneath my thumb.
Mouth falling ajar and tongue going dry, I slowly hit the button once again.
Beep.
All at once, I felt clarity. My endless spiral of thoughts had silenced as soon as the device did and so did my wonder. Mind crashing over the events from a couple of weeks ago. Flashes of books in Four's hands, golden binds and lettering... I knew exactly what I held in my hands—what Arion had given to me.
It was a telegraph sounder...
It was a morse code device.