#ELHL05 || Esteen Samantha Vinzon
"Umuwi ka ng maaga mamaya Esteen, dadating ang daddy mo." A woman's voice reminded.
"Okay po."
Maaga akong umuwi noong araw na iyon para sana hindi maabutan ang pag-uwi ng ama, pero pagdating ko ay nandoon na siya sa sala, nakaupo sa sofa at madilim ang mukhang hinihintay ang pagdating ko.
"Bakit ngayon ka lang?" Madiin ang paraan ng bawat bigkas niya sa mga salita.
My hands trembled in fear after meeting his lethal eyes. Itinago ko iyon sa likod at pinilit na makatayo ng tuwid sa harapan ng amang may galit ang mukha ngayon.
"Alas singko po ang tapos ng klase namin." I nervously explained.
"Yes. I know that and it's already six o'clock in the afternoon. Ang alam ko ay wala pa sa kalahating oras ang byahe pauwi. Isang oras kang late." He gritted his teeth while his firm eyes are still at me.
Mahigpit si Daddy, sobra. Mismong pag-uwi ng late ng kahit ilang minuto lang ay nagagalit na siya. Even with a reasonable reasons ay hindi niya pinapalampas. It's suffocating but since he's my father, I let him do what he wants.
"You can ask the driver po kung bakit ngayon lang kami nakadating." I politely uttered.
His face turned crimson red in furiousness.
"Inuutusan mo ako?" Halos maipikit ko ang mga mata ng itapon niya sa akin ang kanyang nakamamatay na tingin. This is why I don't like looking at his eyes. I feel like I'll die anytime.
"N-no daddy." I stuttered as I averted my eyes. I harshly pinched my hands to calm myself.
"Go to your room now. Hindi ka maghahapunan." He commanded. Namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Wala naman akong ginagawang masama, bakit nagagalit siya?
Tiningnan ko siya sa mga mata-determinadong ipaglaban ang sarili.
Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya sa galit na sinuklian ang mga tingin ko. Ang determinasyong nabuo sa utak ay kaagad na nawala. I lowered my head and heave a sigh while slightly bitting the inside of my cheeks.
"I already said my order, Esteen. Don't make me repeat myself."
Tahimik na nagbagsakan ang mga luha sa mata ko. Hindi na naman ako makakapaghapunan, itutulog ko na naman ang gutom na nararamdaman.
"Esteen, anak." Mahinang boses ng ina ang gumising sa aking mahimbing na pagtulog.
Agad akong lumapit sa pintuan at pinagbuksan siya habang marahang kinukusot ang mga matang nakapikit pa dahil sa antok na nararamdaman.
"Kumain ka na muna." She immediately close the door of my room in a silent way. Afraid that my father will see us.
"Si daddy po?" I nervously uttered.
She slowly shook her head while her worried eyes are on me. "Tulog na ang daddy mo. Sige na. Bilisan mo ang pagkain, baka mahuli tayo."
Agad akong tumango at kinain ang dala niyang pagkain. Kaunti lang iyon pero sapat na para maibsan ang gutom na nararamdaman ko.
"Thank you, mommy." I sincerely said with my teary-eyes. She gave me a small smile and kiss the top of my head.
"Magpababa ka muna ng kinain bago bumalik sa pagtulog, Esteen. Mahal kita anak." She tenderly said that made me smile widely.
"I love you, mommy."
Dahan-dahan ang mga ginawa niyang hakbang nang makalabas sa silid ko. Nang mawala siya sa paningin ay muli kong sinarado ang kwarto at kinandado.
I was about to go to sleep again when I heard some smashing things and something got broken.
"Ang sabi ko hindi siya maghahapunan ngayon Emelda! H'wag mong pakialaman ang paraan ko ng pagdedesiplina sa anak mo!" My fathers furious voice surrounded my ears.
I am certain that he is now hurting my mother again.
Kahit na gusto kong lumabas sa sariling silid at tulungan ang ina ay hindi ko ginawa. Alam kong lalo lang iyong ikakagalit ng ama at mas lalo kaming sasaktan.
I can hear my mothers helpless sobs while I am here in my room, stopping myself from sobbing for me not to be heard. They didn't know that I am hearing all their fights and even if its all because of my, my mother isn't saying a single thing at me. Alam kong tahimik niya iyong tinatanggap para hindi ako ang mapagbuhatan ni Daddy ng kamay.
Inilapat ko ang nanginginig na mga kamay sa bibig para maitago ang mga hikbi.
I'm sorry mommy...I'm so sorry.
Humahangos na napabangon ako mula sa pagkalahiga. I held my trembling hands and tried to calm my pounding in a harsh way heart.
What was that? Who are they? Sariling gawa na naman ba iyon ng utak o may ibang pinagmulan?
Ipinikit ko ng mariin ang mga mata nang makaramdam ng pagkirot ng ulo sa sakit.
I feel lime its breaking into two, I wanted to cry and shout.
"Esteen anak, kakain na. Mahuhuli ka na sa klase." I heard Nanay called.
Gustuhin ko mang sumunod ay hindi ko magawa. Mas lamang ang pagkirot ng ulo na nararamdaman kaysa sa kagustuhang sumunod sa sinabi ng ina.
I heard the door of my room opened as Nanay's worried voice filled my ears.
"Esteen, anong nangyayari? Ayos ka lang ba?"
I cut my head and wince in pain. Fuck it! It hurts like hell.
I close my eyes tightly as I felt myself getting eaten by the darkness.
I woke with a slight pain in my head. Ang kaninang sobrang pagkirot ay malaki na ang ibinawas ngayon.
I peek on the wall clock in my room and gasped as I saw the time. It's already eight in the morning!
Nagmamadali akong tumayo sa kinahihigaan at pumasok ng banyo para makapag-ayos. I didn't even bother cleaning myself thoroughly because of rush.
"Nay, alis na po ako." I quickly informed her.
I saw how Nanay walk in a fast pace towards me with her worried look.
"Ayos ka na ba? H'wag ka na munang pumasok."
Umiling ako bilang pagtanggi. "May pagsusulit kami ngayon, nay. Hindi ako pwedeng lumiban sa klase."
Wala ng ibang nagawa ang ina kung hindi ang tumango at magbigay ng iilang paalala. "Kapag nanakit ulit ang ulo mo ay umuwi ka na."
I nodded at her concern reminders before turning my back on her.
I saw Argon on our small frontyard sprinkling water in Nanay's plants. Agad akong lumapit sa kanya at hinila siya pasunod sa akin.
"Wait. I thought you're sick?" He asked with his forehead creased.
I immediately entered his car and prompts him to drive me to school.
"Pahatid ako, please. Late na ako."
Kahit na puno ng pagtataka ang mukha ay mas pinili niyang itikom ang bibig at agad na sundin ang hiningi kong pabor.
Mag-a-alas nuwebe na ng makarating kami sa eskwelahan. Agad akong bumaba sa sasakyan at nagpasalamat bago patakbong pumunta sa silid-aralan.
Napabuga ako ng hangin nang makitang nagtuturo lang ang guro sa harapan. Ilang minuti nalang rin ay lalabas na iyan kaya mas pinili kong manatili na lang muna sa labas ng silid.
Sandali akong bumili ng makakain bago muling tinahak ang daan papunta ng silid. I saw my friends curious looks at me after I swiftly emtered the room.
"Maaga ka pa para sa second subject." Bethyl chcukled while nudging my arms.
"Legend only."
"Bakit late ka?" Blanche worriedly asked.
I stilled on my seat after remembering my dreams earlier. Pakiramdam ko ay ramdam ko pa rin ang kirot sa ulong naramdaman kanina.
Umiling ako at malaki ang ngiting hinarap siya.
"Nasarapan sa pagtulog." I shrugged.
I saw how Blanche's worried face turned into a suspicious one. I know she's trying to read what's on my mind but I didn't let her.
The voices... they sounds so familiar. Pakiramdam ko personal kong narinig ang mga boses at hindi lang sa panaginip. But that's to impossible, I have my Nanay and Tatay. I called them mommy and daddy in my dreams. Siguro ay talagang gawa-gawa lang iyon ng mapaglaro kong utak.
"Tara. Baka naghihintay na roon ang boyfriend mo sa field." I almost sciwled at Bethyl after she slapped my arm. Nagising ang diwa ko sa ginagawa niyang iyon kaya isang masamang tingin ang ipinaling ko sa kanya
I hid my smile by biting my lower lips as I saw Argon waiting on the same spot at us. He's pacing back and forth like he's thinking about something uncomfortable.
My eyes almost widened when I saw him infront of me in a flash of seconds. His worrued face is directed at me. My forehead creased as I tried to look at his eyes but immediately averted it after a few seconds.
"Ayos ka lang?" I asked.
He's brow form a line as he grimaced at me. "I am the one who's supposedly asking that."
I assured him that I am fineby smiling. Agad akong umupo nang ihanda niya ang pagkain naminng may malaking ngiti sa labi.
Silence enfilded us for an hour. Hanggang sa matapos kumain ay walang nagtangkang bumasag sa katahimikang nakapalibot sa amin. The silence isn't uncomfortable, it was a bit relaxing.
"Ayos ka lang ba? Kanina ka pa tahimik." I worriedly asked. He tilted his head to look at me intently.
"I'm fine. Ikaw? Ang sabi ni Nanay Lina ay may sakit ka. Bakit pumasok ka pa?"
"Nanakit lang ng kaunti ang ulo ko kanina kaya nakatulog ulit ako." I lied. I just felt like hiding it from everyone. I need to find out what is that all about first.
"I don't believe you. Nanay said, you passed out."
"Hindi, nakatulog lang ako ulit."
I saw how he hesistantly nodded his head and look away.
"H'wag ka nalang pumasok sa trabaho mo mamaya." He commanded. I was about to opposed but his glare made me stop from doing so. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa malawak ma field at nagbuntong-hininga.
"Understand?" He firmly said. I unconsciously close my eyes tightly after some sentences lingered on my ears.
"I already said my order, Esteen. Don't make me repeat myself."
Who the hell is that? My heart started pounding harshly againts my chest again. My hands trembled in fear in an unknown reason. My breathing becomes unruly as tears started pooling in my eyes.
"Hey, are you okay?" Argon worriedly asked as he held my arm. I flinched and wiggled myself from his grip. His jaw dropped after seeing my frightened expression.
"D-don't ... D-don't touch me." I whispered under my breath.
I flinched again after a hand hold on me again.
"I said don't touch me!" I squeled after taking a step back at them.
Shock was evident at their faces as they look at me worriedly. Para akong binihusan ng malamig na tubig ng mapagtanto ang ginawa.
My knees weakened that made me fall on the ground. My trembling hand doesn't want to calm down. Halos wala na akong marinig kung hindi ang malakas na pagtibok ng puso gawa sa nararamdamang takot na hindi ko alam kung anong pinagmulan.
"Samm... Samm!" A voice called. I repeatedly blink my eyes as I snapped out on my thoughts.
Tears wrecklessly fell from my eyes without a warning. I lowered my head and tried to calm myself.
What is that? Why am I feeling this fucking fear everytime I am hearing that voice?
"Are you okay?" I heard them repeatedly asked.
I slowly nodded my head-trying to assure them and myself that I am perfectly fine.