The hospital room is devoid of chaos, whilst I am fuelled by dread.
Finalizer's hospital walls are not in the slightest, a difference in white to the rest, and it's illumination: no harsher. The room has an undertone of bleach and the floor is simply black.
I sit beside a window that is no bigger than the size of the trays from the Dining Hall—the galaxy beyond is still the same, but somehow not as beautiful as it looked from the view in Kylo Ren's quarters.
There are multitudes of intravenous drips and monitors that beep and buzz in the eerie air, all hooked up to the patient who lay there quietly. Kylo lies in the bleach tinctured ward beneath the thinning, white sheets and beside him, a curtain hangs limply on the chrome railing that was hooked to the ceiling, looking like it's been washed a thousand times.
The apprentice is so still in that bed that I would presume him to be dead if it weren't for the rise and fall of his chest or the beeping of the machines; the only indications of his heartbeat, one in which I would have previously presumed, did not exist at all.
But as I watch it continue to rise and fall... I figured that if it were to stop, so would my purpose—chewing on my bottom lip with nerve, only when I saw him nearly dead upon that stretcher, I realised that if Kylo Ren to die, the First Order would most likely be presumed ruined too. I needed him as much as he did, me.
Kylo Ren wasn't the best person in the universe, anyone could tell...but he was the only person I now have. Only when did I think for a moment that Kylo was truely dead, was when I realised I would have nothing without him. I have no home, no friends anymore nor parents. I fear that without Kylo Ren, I no longer even have a purpose.
What use would I be to The First Order without him?
There was a tiny glimmer of hope before, and that was the assurance of knowing Five was out there somewhere, but now... I cannot be so certain. I hadn't seen him come off any of the burning space-shuttles earlier today, so the little voice in my head tells me to abandon that tiny glimmer for it would be foolish to keep it around if it only results in pain.
My soul swam amongst the fire burning inside my mind and within the smouldering embers of a time where there had once been logic. But now, that void is being slowly filled with a cold, howling storm of longing that refused to ever let up.
I shouldn't be so drawn into Kylo's own scorching fire, and yet here I am... being lead to it like a moth who knew no better. Desperation is a violent force, and now I fret I have been succumbed to its might, and there's nothing I can do to bring myself away.
I sit in the corner of the bright room, my back pressed against the cold tiles that I was preoccupied with, as I dragged my finger along the thin lined edges—thinner than my strength.
Hours pass, while I waited for those brown eyes to show beneath their lids, and as every minute went by and they never opened, I never grew impatient... for I would rather wait here for the rest of eternity than face what is about to come.
The state of raw dread threatens to swallow my sanity whole; the fear travelled in my veins but never made it to my facial muscles or skin. If I think about it for too long the dread draws in on me, pulling the walls with it as it comes—for when I do think about it: all I want to do is make a run and hide, but I know even the door to this hospital room is locked.
Not to keep anyone out, but rather me, in.
General Hux hadn't said what time exactly I would be required to face the Supreme Leader, but he had said tonight, and though I cannot tell by the view from the window, the clock on the wall tells me it has already struck and end to day.
Shaking the fear from my shoulders, I look back to Kylo Ren who slept peacefully. His usual scowl replaced with something much more relaxed and though I try not to stare at the brutal cut that ran along his cheek, I keep finding my eyes diverting back to it.
Broad and rough. Whatever had caused this wound was either blunt or something much more sinister as the nurses couldn't even bandage it without the material sticking to the torn flesh. One moment that flesh was so pure, white and soft with the occasional freckle, now it was scarred with red—somehow so extraordinary that I slowly started to forget what he had looked like without it in the first place.
Suddenly, swollen eyes meet the dismal view of this hospital room, flickering to the lights above, to the door and then to me. I immediately knew it was confusion that flooded within his throbbing veins—so desperate for movement that I wondered what those blue cords looked like amongst his rough hands that sat beneath the bedsheets.
"Kylo." I gasp, whispering his name into the small hospital room as I made my way to his side. I hoped he found no fury at the lack of power my voice gave to his name.
With eyes on the polystyrene tiles above, they fluttered shut for a moment as he winces. I feel my chest tighten into a knot like a cramp and a quiet need to soothe him twitches in my fingers.
I'm nothing without him...
I want to tell him that it's okay—that he's okay—but my nerve has no mercy to my apprehension. I wince as he does, Kylo's eyes almost seeming as if they were trying to peer down at the flesh of his destroyed cheek.
"It's just a deep cut, try not to move your face too much," I mutter, but it is the traitor that is my touch, which sends my apprehension and nerves, spiralling.
It was like all the air in the room had become thin. I could tell Kylo Ren's mind was a surging perplexity as he wore a puzzled expression, not even looking at me as I spoke; but when I had placed a gentle hand at his shoulder that was covered in the thin material of a hospital blanket, his honey coated eyes met mine and almost softened in realisation.
"Six?"
"Yes," Eyelids fluttering shut, I allow a quick smile. A nice thought crosses my mind: that maybe the air began to feel less dense because he had calmed at the sight of me. "How do you feel?"
He peered from the bed to take a glance at his frame beneath the covers before letting his head fall heavily back onto the pillow, "Never any better."
His brows knitted together, and with his head still on the pillow—hair splayed around him—he turned and we locked eyes once more, but I was quick to tear mine away. He's so vulnerable in this moment—nothing like I had ever seen him to be.
"–What are you doing here?" He looked so pale that he almost blended in with the bleached walls and the furniture of the hospital, the only thing that stopped him from morphing into the bedsheets were his soft, dark hair and the scar on his cheek that I so desperately wanted to run a delicate finger over to adore its puncture.
A slight pang rings in my heart at his amnesia, though I never expected him to remember calling my name from the stretcher as he was almost blacked out completely by then.
"It's a long story," I swipe a hand in the air, brushing his question away from the tension. "How's your memory? Do you remember what happened?"
His eyes break contact with my own as he moves his head back to the ceiling, the brown flickering slightly at the harsh lights as if he was recollecting his memory as easily has he had forced his way into my own, many days ago.
"I remember... the Resistance attacking StarKiller, somehow taking over the planetary shields..." He dragged, and I could slowly feel the rage eating away at his insides but he never let it show on the surface as he continued, "—The whole place erupting in flames and sinking into itself as it crumbled. The snow–"
Flashbacks of that gentle and lush, cold to the touch, snow, falling upon the chaos of my own memory. Blaster pointed. General Hux pulling the trigger. My father crashing to the ground. Crimson bleeding into that pure surface of... snow.
All of a sudden, the once calm touch of the air turned dark as the burning anger hissed through Kylo and I could feel it too. Every violated phrase he began to speak was like gasoline to it, his fists began to clench and his jaw rooted.
"I tried to stop the scum, but they snuck their greasy way in and completely obliterated the base. I recall the lightsaber slicing my face open and can still smell the burning of my own flesh as it did so. That... that–"
White knuckles clenched beneath his blanket and he exuded an animosity that was like acid—harsh, stinging, furious. Kylo's face was red with rage and when the final words had passed his lips, he exploded with anger, with no control of the objects that levitated and broke.
"Kylo—" I grip onto his shoulders as he lurched up from the bed, attempting to rip the cords out of his veins. I push him down so his back rests against the head of the hospital bed and I look into his eyes with my own full of promise, as the sink attached to the wall on the left began to crumple in on itself.
"It's okay! You're back on Finalizer now."
Something shifted beneath that hard exterior at my touch and Kylo slumps back. I sit on the side of his bed and the tension is suddenly gone, his face no different to that stare he usually gives me where I have to wonder if he is secretly plotting to kill me or admiring. He closes his eyes and lets his limbs fall loose, head tilting backwards as sweat forms on his forehead and collarbones—only then, did I notice he was shirtless beneath the bedsheets.
I sucked in a sharp breath as his shirtless torso was exposed to me. Gawking wouldn't quite describe my state. I was shocked, stunned and somewhat mesmerised by his physique that was no longer hidden by dark and thick fabrics. It was like nothing I've ever seen before and I think he noticed my surprise, for I wasn't only shocked by the strong core of muscle that was revealed, but rather every single violent impurity that was laced upon it—somehow beautifully.
The apprentice desperately tried to cover them with the sheet, but I removed it once more. Dozens of scars were dug into his body. Older ones. Newer ones. There were even some cuts that were fresh. Still puffy, red and bloody. Deep cuts against an unfinished canvas. It wasn't fair that he was so brutally marked, and yet–just like the fresh one along his cheekbone–it still didn't look so hideous to me.
"What are these from?" My voice was shaky and every word wobbled. But he didn't have to answer for I knew what they were from. Countless of years training, battling and fighting... these marks we're only a lucky reminder that he was a warrior at what he did, and he was still alive after so many battles–unlike Five.
Looking into his eyes once more, they are hesitant and weary at what I could do or what I thought about the twining marks that laced his perfect skin.
"They're hideous," Kylo Ren mutters, never blinking as if he had read my mind and disagreed.
I bit my lip and shook my head. Etching my hand above the flesh with frailty and caution, shaking gently as it hovered above. I only whispered back to the man beside who once frightened me, "No they're not."
There was no justice for the weak and no safe haven for the stronger ones, that's what these marks whispered. There was only hate and brutality in this universe, and Kylo Ren was in the centre of it—and yet, I still believe in that good person that lies beneath these scars. I gently brushed my fingertips across them; coarse and soft at the same time under my touch and then my hand trailed up his body, causing shivers as I pass his ribs.
My mind was screaming at me to stop, to let him go and feed into the twist of my stomach... but I did neither, and nor did he push me away.
I bite my bottom lip to suppress my nervous breathing, eyes everywhere but his; which I could feel burning the apples of my cheeks. Suddenly, he grabs the hand that danced against his flesh with his own. I snap my head up to him finally, meeting his gaze and my eyes grow wide at what I had just done—I await the scowl to form on his damaged features, but it never comes.
There's an unreadable look in his eyes and his lips almost quiver just as much as mine. I feel like the room is spinning and I can't control my own thoughts as I take a peek at those rosy lips once more, and I'm sure he can read my mind clearly for it is pleading for them to touch my own.
Slowly, Kylo moves closer with those eyes that look so deeply into my own, his breathing becoming softer and more vulnerable, the pensive look melting into something that I know I will never find anywhere else, as if in that moment our souls have made a bridge that lead directly to our destiny—the only instructions are how to follow it, but they are missing in my mind.
We stared at each other in an odd way, as if it were a silent argument. Our glances battled each other but we sit frozen, from both fear and apprehension. Suddenly, Kylo Ren leans in, just enough that our foreheads rest against each-other. I can smell the metallic crimson that dried along his flesh and how burnt it indeed was.
My hands were trembling, and the trepidation in which the apprentice brought was slithering through my veins and fighting against this brand new feeling of lust, which was only loneliness in a mask.
I close my eyes, not knowing what to expect in my moment of fragile innocence. We both know this was not allowed, that our souls were paired but never to be intertwined, but that didn't stop Kylo Ren from etching his lips closer to my own.
"Six," Kylo whispers the letters slowly, as if to savour them and prolong the time it could take for one of us to change our mind—but neither of us did. I try to smile but failed to do so, my heart fluttering at his voice as I clasp my hands on either side of his face, he never flinches as my thumb accidentally brushes his gash.
This is really happening.
His lips finally brush mine. Not innocently, like a tease but not yet making their home among my own. I want to pull away before I lose myself but I can't seem to. My senses have been seduced and I can no longer think straight.
Instantaneously, those lips which threatened to clash with my eager ones, are gone. Kylo Ren suddenly pulls away and I am left cold in this distance between us as my hands drop from his face.
My heart almost lurches its way through my chest and bleeds a stain among the floor with my humiliation–but when the doorknob starts to twist, he gives me a small smile and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
The nurse entered the room in a uniform that resembled my own if it weren't for the apron that was wrapped tightly around it. Maybe the First Order wished every woman to wear the same thing for we are nothing more than pawns? Though, I would never know the real reason as to why we both wore this slate grey.
I make further distance between Kylo and I, backing up against the wall as she furrows her brows at the bent sink and begins washing her hands. When she turns to the apprentice, her face hardens beneath the caution and she introduces herself before changing the bags that the cords in Kylo's veins connected to.
Occasionally, she would ask a pointed question but other than that, the chatter was none. Kylo Ren never flinched or became uncomfortable she poked him with needles and inspected his wounds—quite possibly so used to being in the emergency ward, or maybe... just like me he was too captured within his own mind about the events that played out earlier.
The nurse fussed with the bed, fiddling with the curtain and tidying the objects that were thrashed around. She raised the head of the bed saying that dinner was coming soon and then she was gone.
Silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground, and its shards gnawed at my nervous insides. The air between us was like a gaping void, needing to be filled with sounds, words, anything.
"How many casualties?" Kylo Ren suddenly breaks the silence and it is as if those lips that pronounced his words, had never even thought of placing themselves on my own.
I shake the memory from my mind, pretending it never had happened too, "I have no idea... but it was the majority of the Base."
He shakes his head, glaring at his hands that sat in his lap.
"–Destiny had decided you wouldn't be one of those lives lost," I lick my lips, my throat forming a lump due to nerves. I didn't exactly know what I was saying, all I knew is I had to say something—anything, to get that frown off his scarred features.
"We can only thank the universe for that."
Kylo Ren furrows his brows, eyes meeting mine as he huffs a sarcastic laugh, "Or the First Order. They will never let their greatest weapons perish... or even worse, get in the hands of their enemy."
The First Order?
Weapons? I couldn't tell whether he spoke of real ones... himself... or...
My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. Quickly, I make my way back over, my knees nearly buckling as I sit beside him once more with pleading eyes.
"Did you..." I know I'm digging myself a grave by what I am about to say, but I have to know the truth, for that tiny glimmer is still greedy and won't be leaving without knowing, "–Did you see the boy from my home? Is he..."
"Dead?" He cuts me off, his voice nonchalant and his eyes distant.
Suddenly, all that warmth from before has deteriorated and has been replaced by an icy tension. My eyes plead for him to say no, and my hands grip at the wrist by them, my fingers working their way around Kylo's flesh, feeling each crevasse, each line along his grip.
"Yes."
I spent so long in that first stage of grief, in-denial, that now the truth is too cruel as he spoke it.
My chest suddenly felt as if a red, hot coal was burning through it. My heart was in shatters and my brain was being shredded from the inside. Emotional pain flowed out of every pore and from my mouth came an intrusive cry, so raw as my eyes flooded with tears at the loss of my best-friend.
In this moment, there is nothing romantic between us but when Kylo Ren surprisingly opens his arms, I don't hesitate to go into them. Crashing into his chest of scars as my tears glistened them. Slowly and gently, he pulled me closer into him, wrapping his arms around me—he held me firm and distant, as if he had never hugged another before.
"H-How?" I sob into him.
I can feel him sigh beneath me, his broad chest rising and falling beneath my cheek, "There wasn't enough time for him to get out before the bombs began to drop."
I cry harder and shake my head at the thought of Five so afraid, so alone. Kylo's embrace was warm and his big, strong arms that are so used to causing chaos, felt only protective when wrapped around my frail body. The world around me melted away as I squeezed him back, not wanting him to let go for I was being crushed enough on the inside.
I am more thankful for Kylo than ever and though he will never give me his heart as Five would, I can survive anything if he continues to show me his warmth. Even these pains that come to explode within, these silent hand grenades—for there is something in him, I know it, and I will not let my life go wasted in his gloom. Five wouldn't wish that upon me, just as I wouldn't wish destiny to end his life so soon.
Moments later, when the door-handle turns once more, Kylo still doesn't let me go, but rather holds me tighter.
I have stopped sobbing by then and I am just the weak shell of a broken girl, and when General Hux rolls his eyes at the sight of me wrapped so tightly in Kylo's grip, I have to find all the strength within to not curse him out; bt I don't, because I know why he's here. The dread had never left.
"Sorry to ruin your little... moment," He flinches at the word, as if even acknowledging it had caused nausea to bubble within his stomach. "But it is time for you to come."
Hux's gaze is on me and the fear is still ever present beneath the subdue. I nod against Kylo's chest and finally pull away to be met with the puzzled expression he portrayed.
"Come where?" He slanted his eyes and furrowed his brows at General Hux. That warmth now gone as he tuned into that violent side he had to endure whilst around the General.
Hux raised his eyebrows, and crossed his arms behind his back. An evil glimmer in his eyes as he smirked behind his next words, "Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to speak to your hound."
Ouch.
Standing now by General Hux as I awaited to be lead to my doom, I glance over at Kylo's face, anger smouldering underneath his stony expression,
"Why?"
General Hux's eyes were on the side, as if afraid to let the light in and his mouth was small and rigid, as if only used for the sort of smiles that mask cruelty.
"Don't panic, Ren. I'm sure it won't be anything too... sinister."
Suddenly, Kylo Ren rips the blanket off him and I realise he is still dressed in his pants that he wore beneath his robes. Trying to tear the tubes from his flesh, he spits, "I'm coming with her."
"–You are not." General Hux merely tusks, gloved hands wringing together in somewhat boredom, "Snoke's orders that she comes alone."
Kylo gives Hux a cold stare that dares the General to go without him—but Hux's heartbeat never even quivered before that look, for he knew all too well that Ren wouldn't defy his Supreme Leader's Orders–and he never did.
I am broken within and when my mind is only playing through the memories, I can't see clear no more. The best-friend that exited my life so abruptly, leaving me so vulnerable and lonely. I was now only enduring the aftertaste Five left of reminiscing; ignoring my unverified future with the man now behind me.
The walk on the way to wherever they had set up Supreme Leader Snoke's throne-room, was long and winding. I follow General Hux with feet that threaten to turn the other way and run back to the ward where Kylo was, but they never do. Hux walks ahead, his hands wrapped tightly around each-other behind his back and every once-and-a-while he craned his neck back to me, to check if I am still following.
Stranded tears cleansed my cheeks, not caring for the voice inside my mind that screamed for them to stop. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring my vision with waves of sadness.
The silence lay on my skin like a poison. It seeped into my blood and paralysed my terrified ponders. My pupils became dilated and there was a tremor in my hands. I was a tsunami of emotions that never mixed but clashed against each-other, fighting to be at the forefront of my mind. I was nothing but a vein full of intense sadness, fear and affinity—the last emotion attached to Kylo Ren like a coiled up string.
General Hux eventually brings me to a hallway that stood on the highest level of Finalizer, tucked away from the public eye for hundreds of metres. Around a closed, wide door stood two StormTroopers with their guns drawn; although, at the sight of General Hux, they positioned them downwards, rather more willing to shoot their own feet than fire at the man before them.
"Wait," General Hux demanded, and he held a gloved hand upwards to me as he walked through those doors–not paying those Troopers any time. Around the door, the guard's helmets kept forwards, and I swallowed, the cold air of the silence only adding fuel to the fear that burned within.
I glanced a fearful look to one of the StormTroopers who stood as if I wasn't even there. I could see my own reflection in the dark pane of his eyes and I truely see the nerves upon my features now.
Behind those doors wasn't Kylo Ren, who I was now used to the terror he sometimes provided—no. Behind those doors was the very thing that made Kylo Ren that way, and I could only assume the Supreme Leader is more cruel than his own creation... more evil.
An unseen signal seemed to pass between the two StormTroopers, and suddenly the doors before me opened, revealing what was inside. My feet stood frozen to the ground and I don't dare to look in–my fearful gaze only locked to one of the guard's mask, almost pleading for help, to which he only nudged me with his weapon and ignored.
I walked in. The space was open and dark, the floors a glossy black to which I could see my own reflection upon as if I was walking along water rather than solid ground.
"Ah! Number Six..."
My entire body froze unwillingly in fear as the man before me drew me in closer with the motion of a thin, pointed finger. The torn skin of the rag and bone man is matched only by the holes in his neck and the crack in his skull. The eyes that stare through my soul are the colour of normal, pale blue, but the red that rimmed the white proved the evil.
Supreme Leader Snoke sat on a throne at the end of the room, the chair itself seeming as if it was coated in the blood of those who had fought for it and praised upon with all the anger and wickedness in their hearts. Red guards all file around the edges of the room and General Hux stood proud behind the throne.
I wondered where Kylo's place was—would he join Hux behind the hideous man before me? Or did he cower upon these stairs that lead to it, like I did?
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, after all these years!" His voice calls huskily into the barely lit room, "Kneel before me and let me get a good look of you."
His face is gaunt, lined and haggard before his time. The man himself is all rags over jutting bones with no fat to keep him warm beneath that golden cloak.
I realised hopelessly, as my legs refused to co-operate, that even if I could try escape, there was nowhere to go; so I did what I only could: I obeyed.
"Embrace your destiny," I greet, looking to the stairs before me, my terrified features taunting me back. Suddenly, I wished I was wearing my headscarf just for that little reassurance of fake shelter beneath the man's horrid stare.
My breath gets caught in my chest and I know the fear is gaining on me. I breathe in shallow and find a way to release the tension—but the soothing never comes.
"With open arms and welcoming." The Supreme Leader chimed.
"You requested my presence?" I croak to the floor, my hands jittering at my sides, "S-Supreme Leader."
At first, I don't see Snoke rise from his throne, but then his frame is drawing closer in the reflection of the floor. The light streams in from behind, giving him a halo effect around his head—but he was no guardian.
I glance up at the Supreme Leader without being invited to do so. No guards close in on me as Snoke had come over, for this man clearly needs no protection; no matter how frail he looks.
"What a fine young girl you grew to be," He grins, but along the torn flesh of his face, the smile looks ruthless; his teeth yellow and jagged. "From that seven year old to now, destiny gave you much more than a purpose, I see."
I gulp, but make no sound.
"–I can also easily see why Kylo Ren has become... distracted."
My eyes squint—that rage still living in my belly.
"Is that a problem... I thought my purpose was to be paired with him," I ask, suddenly finding confidence amongst all this overbearing swell of caution; though, it couldn't have come at a worser time.
The Supreme leader advanced on me, his physique slender and long. With each slow movement, my heart slowed with every step, until he was finally standing in front of my trembling form.
Suddenly, I am on my feet with a rough pull of the force, the toes of my shoes barely grazing the floor as they swung to be grounded. Snoke has his hand reached out, his face drawing in close with a scowl.
"Number Six. The last found force-blood... but the oldest—" He grits into my face, his voice uncertain whether it wanted to be laced with wonder or the cruel intention he had within, "So powerful... yet you will never possess it entirely, for you are just a girl."
"All those years ago, when Hux had told me he found another female... I was disappointed that destiny would provide such a gift and waste it on the weaker kind... but I gave you a purpose! I would not let that gift go to waste, because I gave you a chance to fulfil a destiny rather than perish."
His hand creeps down, his fingernails long and sharp as they scratch their way down to my womb—My empty womb. "–And yet here you are, wasting my kindness as you would've wasted your power!"
Fear also returns, turning my rage to ash upon its frightened flames.
"So, tell me Number Six..." He spits into my face, his eyes glazed with wicked, "Why is it your womb is empty? When that is your only purpose on Finalizer—when your only purpose in this universe is for it to be filled."
The Supreme Leader was trying to scare me, taunt me as if he had my life grasped in his bony hands. But no matter how much he dangled my life in front of my eyes, I still believed I would meet my death on my own terms. For he needed me—Supreme Leader Snoke needed me if he wanted more force-bloods to align into his cruel army.
I will meet my own death on my own terms; with bravery and self-control, I know this is true. I will not give Snoke the satisfaction of seeing me scared, neither will I for General Hux. They believe they created my life, but they didn't; my parent's gave me life, and the First Order were merely the ones who stole it.
I am staring into Snoke's eyes with a defiant look. My heart is hammering but I keep my eyes casual with no hint of hesitation. Snoke pushed his face closer, and I knew retreat would be a disaster as my show of weakness is a path for Snoke surge through with his games. Nothing in my face betrayed the fear, it was a mask of defiance and surety.
"You think of yourself too mighty. You didn't give me a purpose in the name of destiny. You only tore me from my original path for your own benefit!" I spit, my teeth snarling at the Supreme Leader, "Just because you sit upon a throne doesn't make you an Emperor nor my ruler, so don't think you can create my path with orders and threats!"
I think back to Five—my eyes glazing over.
"–For I will never listen to the men who killed my parents... I will never kneel to your Empire, because I am not that seven year old you tried to mould into a walking womb and I am not Kylo Ren's concubine."
He smiles. My eyes widen.
"Is that what Kylo Ren told you, hm?"
Suddenly, fingers that weren't actually there, tightened around my throat, closing the airways beneath the flesh. It feels as if my lungs have completely collapsed as I try to bring air in.
I can feel my muscles straining and the thoughts in my head turn from fear to a dizzy confusion. In the grip of silent terror, wild eyes, pupils dilated, heart racing, brain on fire; panic is building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach. I cannot concentrate on anything else apart from the Supreme Leader's next words and the spots that slowly took over my vision are merely the avalanche of trepidation to my soul.
"–Kylo Ren is weaker than I had presumed, but he still has a chance to redeem himself... as do you."
I claw at my neck, but find no hand to draw from strangling me. My heart starts to beat harder and faster—my adrenaline levels rising as tears spilled from my eyes. General Hux still stood patiently behind the throne; a wide grin on his face upon my suffering.
Suddenly, the grip around my throat is gone and I am thrown to the ground beneath me. I heave in oxygen as if I had never inhaled before—and the crisp air shocks my lungs and my heart beat quickens, as I lay vulnerable at Snoke's feet.
The man continued to do laps around my weak body, intimidating me even more, like a lion would taunt its prey before slaughtering it. His smirk never faded, only became more prominent as his tongue peeked out for a moment to lick his bottom lip.
I hate him. I hate Hux. And I hate the First Order.
My body had lost its strength long ago; maybe from the moment I had first stepped foot upon Finalizer. My mind had shattered and the rest of me is slowly following suit. I have nothing anymore, but my hatred.
Forget the deal with Kylo! I will never do anything to benefit the First Order.
"I will never do anything you desire!" I splutter, my breathing rapid and contorted. Snoke merely continues to smile, and at that: I know only the worse is to come.
My heart thundered in my chest, whilst he leant down to my coiled frame on the floor. Fingers soothed my scalp, a mockery of tenderness, at the predicament.
"You will with some motivation," He snarls, his voice thundery beneath its threat. "I will find what you most care about and take it away from you if you do not become pregnant in the next fortnight, do you understand?"
His hands yank my hair, stretching my neck back and forcing me to look him in his evil eyes.
I laugh. Light and tired as I flick my gaze over his thin skin, "I'd like to see you try."
The tears run down my cheeks. My grief and sadness... a traitor.
"–There is nothing you can take that you already haven't. I don't have anything to care for anymore."
Snoke gives me a smouldering stare and I could almost feel the venomous bad in him all gnarl together as he withdraws his hands from my hair and replicates it with his other as they place themselves on my temples; his long fingernails cutting the skin where they laid.
He leans in close and I can feel his breath fan my face, "I will be the one to decide that to be truthful or not."
All at once, that unbearable pain is back from days ago. I can feels those bony fingers clawing their way into my mind, reaching inside and sorting through its contents. I scream, my hands clawing at his own but they are weak beneath this agony.
I try to resist Snoke but the pain he causes feels like he is tearing my insides to shreds and dangling it in front of me. When the void starts to pull my mind into his palms, I scream as the fright begins to ignite in the depths of my bones, the adrenaline quickening the pace of my heart.
I see my whole life flash before my eyes. Every emotion, every event all over again. In my heart, I can feel the sadness, happiness, anger and... love, all at once, whilst the pain in my mind consumes me. And in the middle of it all, was my best-friend. My dead, best-friend.
Instantaneously, the pain and darkness is gone and I am thrown back onto the ground, sobbing into my arms.
"You're a liar," The Supreme Leader chuckles, getting up from his place and going back to his home back upon the thrown, lounging on it as if he had never left.
I shake my head, for I wasn't lying; I had nothing left to love—for it had only perished moments ago. I couldn't find the energy to speak as the pain left an aftertaste within my already, weak bones—but it didn't matter for Snoke took my silence to his advantage and continued,
"Just as I had thought... the boy. Five." He smirked, glancing to General Hux with an amused taunt, "I could feel the love you possess for him... Now, if you do not fulfil your purpose, I will rip away that boy... force-blooded or not. Nobody defies me and gets away without consequences."
His words were like a knife in my ribs, the sharp point digging deeper into the grief but I only chuckle once more, staring at the man on the throne.
"You're wrong again." I say, depleted but pretending to be strong as the grief eats away at my soul, "You can't kill Five. He's already dead."
The thin-faced man gave a wry laugh, mimicking my own and an evil glimmer shined in his eyes as he smirked behind his next words, "You are as much of a liar as Ren is."
His evil eyes moved to behind me.
"–Bring the boy in."
Snoke's eyes fly over my head and to the doors behind. And soon enough, I hear them open and shut, its noise bringing a chill to my spine. Quaking and sweating with fear as the stranger's boots tapped on the floor as they entered, I didn't dare look, for my body was frozen beneath the Supreme Leader's mischievous eye.
I breathed in and out but air wouldn't enter my lungs. Starved for air, my heart raced at tremendous speeds, and my lungs shallowly rose and fell in time. I stood there for what felt like an eternity but it was actually only a couple of seconds before that familiar voice could be heard above the muffle of my heartbeat.
"Supreme Leader." He said, "Embrace your destiny."
My jaw drops and I gasp; Snoke's grin only widened and in those eyes I could read the silent message he told me, "I win. I always win."
I finally turn, but too slowly to be normal. When I speak my voice trails slowly, like the words are unwilling to take flight. There is dread in my eyes, and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach—the nausea swirling unrestrained around my heartache as my head swam with regrets.
Upon sight, I whisper his name...
"Five?"