"You're cruel to your mates."
"No I'm not, Jane."
"Yes, you are."
"I'm not."
"Are."
"Not."
"Yes!"
"No." I raise my hand to put our senseless bickering to a stop.
"Josh here had locked Els in his room, together with him, during the whole week her heat was up. Forgot already?" Jane says pointing to Josh and Els.
"Yeah... And maybe we should do that again." Josh whispers at Els' ear. But of course, we hear it.
"Ew. Can't you use your link for those kind of stuff?" Paula dramatically shivers with disgust.
"What about you, Nick?" Jane gets on with her 'I'm gonna make you feel really bad 'coz you're cruel to your mates' drama-rama. I roll my eyes at her. "What would you do if you were in their shoes?"
Nick looks at Veronica then to me, then back to Veronica. "I guess, I'd just accompany her all the time." He says scratching the back of his neck.
Jane gives me the look that basically says 'see?'
"Whatever, Jane." I roll my eyes at her and completely ignore everyone.
I may have been a bitch to Euan and Luca four days ago, alright? But I need to live my own life! High school's over and the last of it would be graduation. I don't want to look stupid on the day itself – not knowing what to do, or where to go, and when to get stuff. Maybe I said some harsh words, I admit it. But excuse me, I was too hormonal at that moment.
"Trey would have let me!"
Okay, maybe that was a low blow. They literally stopped talking. Gawd, even Luca became so quiet. And believe me, it was very disturbing. It would have been better if they yelled at me or stuff like that. But I was so desperate to win the argument! A lot of things had happened, and for just some time, I wanted to feel normal again – like just a regular teenager without the fucked up stuff about being lupis. Can't they give me that?
I did win in the end. However, as a result of my 'stubbornness', Euan and Luca are giving me the silent treatment and won't even look at me.
Fine, fine, you guys, go ahead and team up.
Today's the third and last practice for our graduation. We decide that our group will go into the town to shop our outfits for the graduation, after the practice. I don't bother to inform my mates.
Duh. Surely, they won't let me go. If they want to shut me off, then I'll do just the same.
Carter's my ride to the town. Josh, Els, and Jane went together; then Paul, Paula, Veronica, and Nick.
"Well, hell to them. I think I've been able to think clear again after they shut me off, you know." I sigh. "I've been in relationships continuously. And you know how shitty the previous one was. So now, I'm kinda thinking... that maybe I need a break." My lips fall into a thin line.
Confiding in Carter about the stuff with Trey's really one of the best decisions I've ever made. He's become my own Dr. Phil.
"Why?" Carter turns serious.
I really love him for the moments like this – he lets me talk and listens attentively, then he gives me his opinions after I'm done chinwagging. If this was years ago, I would not believe that Carter's capable of such a disposition. Well, by now, through all the shitty stuff, I've really learned my lesson about not judging books by their covers.
"I don't know. I just... feel overwhelmed, I guess. I mean, come on! I never really had a breather from Trey. They came in while I was with Trey. Plus, I really feel responsible for Trey's state." I heave a long sigh. "If it weren't for their fucking pheromones I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have jumped on their boners." I mumble the last part but I'm pretty sure Carter heard everything because he chuckles softly.
"Well, what's your plan?"
"I don't know. It's not like I can stay away from them." I admit. "I guess, all I just want is even just a little bit of breathing space."
Carter suddenly changes our route and instructs me to text the others that we won't be joining them anymore. I ask him why and he tells me he's giving me the breathing space which I was saying I desperately need.
We come to a cliff, which is at the border of the pack's territory.
"No one really comes in here. It's my refuge so don't dare blab about this place to anyone else." He narrows his eyes at me playfully.
"I won't, Mr. Stingy." I place my right hand over my heart and raise my left hand, gesturing a fake oath, which makes Carter chuckle.
"Tell them all the stuff you told me." Carter says with all seriousness. "They're your mates. They will understand you for sure."
"Are you freaking nuts?!" I shout – which is too dramatic for the situation, if I must say.
"Why can you tell me and not tell them?" He raises a brow.
"Of course, Mr. Obvious! Because you're not them!" I roll my eyes at him.
"And I thought you're the 'direct to the point, cut all the bullshit type' of person." He teases.
"It's complicated." I reply dryly. "You won't understand."
"Belle..." Carter places his hand on my knee.
All of a sudden, I feel a titanic wave of lust rush throughout my body, coming from my core. I moan.
"Shit!" Carter shouts as he quickly pulls his hand off me. "Belle, you need to control yourself." He tells me sternly.
I'm looking at him and my eyes seem to have focused on his lips which are moving deliciously as he spoke. He grips the steering wheel tightly and I can clearly see his muscles contracting.
Carter's actually really good-looking. In fact, he's hot. Hotter than Trey even. While lupis are naturally well-built, Carter's body is buffer than the others who are on the side of the lean but muscular type.
Plus, his jaws are sculpted to perfection (and yes, I may have jaw fetish).
"How come I never paid much attention to how yummy you are?" I tilt my head to side and roam my eyes all over his appealing, beefy body.
He's about to shift the gear when I take hold of his hand and bring it closer to my face. I don't want him to go anywhere else. I don't really know what's happening. All I know is that I want to fuck this strong and delicious piece of meat in front of me. With that in mind, I begin to lick his hand and I start to suck his middle finger. He groans which causes another wave of lust to gush out from my core.
"Fuck, Belle! Stop!" He yells but I only double my effort.
I quickly remove my seatbelt then go over to sit on his lap, straddling him. The mighty, heated bulge in his pants causes me to moan. I start dry-humping him with force. All I crave is that friction against my core.
He's trying to get me off him but there's only little space where we are, so he really can't push me off him. Whenever he makes a move to push me back into the passenger seat, I grind on his manhood harder.
When he groans with his mouth open, I crash my lips on his and kiss him. Something in me feels repulsed, but the lust overpowers it. Soon, Carter stops fighting me and starts kissing me back.
Carter starts to return my grinding, thrusting his hip upwards. I moan on his mouth and he, in turn, groans. I place my hand on his chest and start to feel him up. He, on the other hand, is either tugging my hair or caressing my sides. I trail my fingers downwards and my hands go under his shirt on their own, searching for more heat. When I run my hands on his bare chest, Carter rips my shirt off. He starts feeling me all over, his huge hands causing my skin to prickle with both repulsion and hunger.
After hearing loud enraged growls, I am torn from Carter's hold.
I immediately feel the sparks on my skin and without even thinking of anything, I jump on my predator, wrapping my legs around his waist, and start kissing him with so much passion.
My predator kisses me back violently – expressing that I am his possession. His tongue thrusts in my mouth with so much hunger and force, but it only brings me pleasure. I feel his growing manhood and I start gyrating my body against his. My predator growls against my mouth then throws me off of him.
I land on my butt. I landed on fucking rocks!
I glare at my predator and then realize it's Euan.
It seems like I'm slapped hard and ice cold water's poured on me, both at the same time. My strict sanity comes back, my jaw drops, and my eyes widen.
I look around and sees Luca, pummeling Carter to death.
"Luca!" I yell and run towards them.
When Luca's about to land another blow on Carter's already bloody body, I hug Carter, using my body as his shield.
I wait for Luca's vengeful fist to land on me, but it never came. When I lift my head up, his knuckles are merely inches away from my face. Euan was able to grab his arm just in time. I exhale loudly, releasing the tension and fear from within my bones.
Luca pulls me fiercely onto his muscular chest which is pugnaciously heaving up and down.
"It's not his fault." I whisper despite the dread I feel from his unforgiving grip on my arms.
"Sorry." Carter croaks. "Her smell drove me to the edge."
"We told you that something like this could happen! And what did you do?! You were too obstinate to listen. And now look what happened!" Luca roars. His and Euan's face are equally vicious.
"I'm sorry." I cry.
"Sorry?!" Luca laughs sadistically. "You should be! You are a dishonour, woman!" He snarls.
My lyall makes a piercing pain in my head, causing me to wince and cry. It's fighting me for control, wanting to appease her mates. I don't really put up a fight and I give it to her willingly.
I hate seeing their eyes get darker as they close – filled with hurt, anger, and betrayal.
I feel so scared. Scared that my mates will never forgive me. Scared that I ruined my friendship with Carter. Scared that this will cause me to lose everything that's right in my shitty life.
I feel so mad. Mad that my heat just had to make its fucking advent when I was alone with Carter. Mad that I didn't even think of it when I jumped in his car. Mad that I had to be such a slut.
I just feel like I'm slowly breaking into pieces. As if every bridge of connection I've built with Euan and Luca are slowly being burnt into ashes. It feels as if there's not a single word in the whole world that could describe the hurt I caused them, like I stabbed them with a dull double-edged knife.
"We give you what you want and then we find you fucking another guy?!" Luca snarls.
I take in Luca and Euan's appearances. I notice they both have faint bruising all over their chest up to their stomach. Their mouths are also swollen as if someone shot a forceful punch straight to their faces.
I physically injured them when I made out with Carter.
Where I touched Carter with lust, they received pain. Where I kissed him with hunger, they accepted hurt. The realization makes my insides cower with regret and self-loathing.
"-iked it didn't you?!" Luca shakes my body hostilely, bringing me out of my internal soliloquy.
"I didn't!" I reply with desperation.
"So that explains why you were moaning loudly, eh?!" He laughs heartlessly.
The sounds of bones shifting fill the air which catches my attention. Euan has shifted.
With one long, livid look – one which will surely haunt me forever – he turns on his heel then runs away.
Luca pushes me away from him crudely, letting me fall on the ground once again. However, the pain I get from falling on rocks is inexistent. He also shifts then follows towards the direction where Euan went, after snarling bitterly right in front of our face.
They'll never forgive me nor want me ever again. Why can't I just follow our natural instincts to be with our mates? I had to be sappy and fucking difficult!"
"Belle." Carter croaks.
He goes over to my side, not without difficulty – seeing his current state – then pats my shoulder. "Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry." I whisper. "You're hurt."
"You're hurt too."
He pulls me onto him so I can lean on his shoulder. When my head touches his shoulder, I cry loudly, not giving a damn about how I look or what I sound like.
"They'll never forgive me." I mutter in between sobs.
"They're just angry. And we both know they have the right to be. But... surely they'll find it in their hearts to forgive you. You're mates after all."
"But-"
"I believe that true love can and will surpass all other things." He says with conviction.
"I hope so, Cart. I really hope so."
Carter and I drive back to the pack house.
To avoid any further interrogations from my friends, I decide to go out and be alone. Now, here I am in my secret tree hole, still bawling my eyes out – stuck thinking about all the shitty stuff that happened. And to accompany me, I reunite with my sweet escape during my 'with loony Trey' era – Devil's Springs vodka mixed with a little dose of wolfsbane.
Now, thinking about it, maybe I should have just mixed in tons of it! I laugh like I'm crazy.
I'm scared to death that I'm thinking dying is the best option for me.
We only had so little time to have good times together. Is it any wonder that I feel so suicidal when I know for certain that I'm losing them? Especially since it's my fault.
Yep, all, all, all my fault.
Is this the way it's really going down?
"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted."
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though all your friends tell me you're doing fine."
I'm crying so hard, snot's probably running down from my nose.
"Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all."
I start singing with the music, not caring if I'm in tune or not.
"I remember the day you told me you were leaving. I remember the makeup running down your face. And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them. Like every single wish we ever made."
They don't even need me.
"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia!" I sing at the top of my lungs. "And forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you. And the memories I never can escape. 'Cause I'm not fine at all."
No. I'm not fine at all. I would never be fine anymore... without them.
Having finished one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight – yep, eight, I nod at myself, proud that I've counted the empty bottles correctly (I think) – I let out a long sigh.
I jump down from my tree hole straight down to the ground. I fall because I couldn't keep my balance in check.
Duh, I'm kinda doped A T M. And maybe 'kinda' is the biggest understatement of the year.
I walk and walk and walk, swaying from side to side while crying - unsure of where I'm going. At times, I pause then scream "I'm so fucked up!" Then I proceed to walking aimlessly again.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" A familiar voice says in a sing-song voice. "Oh my, oh my, it's little Belle."
I laugh at his theatrics and do a curtsy as if I'm a princess, or ballerina, or... whatever.
"Well hello fair sir, indeed it is I, little Belle." I chuckle, sniffing the waters in my nose.
"Ah, I see. The little princess has been crying?" He smirks.
"Oh, I'm glad your eyes are well." I do a little pirouette.
"And you come running right to me?" He mocks with his devilish grin.
"Whatcha doing here anyways?" I ask like a typical intoxicated person while tapping his nose with my index finger.
"Your breath fucking stinks with wolfsbane. How much did you even take?" His face crumples and I giggle.
"You ugly, Jordy." I continuously pry my hands on his face.
"Whatever. I should be the one asking you. What are you doing here?" He raises his brow and takes my hand off his face. "FYI, you're in my territory."
"I am?" My eyes widen.
Shit! I could get freaking killed for trespassing and I'm too... incapable to fight R N.
"Yep." He says popping the 'p'. "It's been long since I last saw you. And I've been hearing a lot of... stories." He grins smugly.
I tilt my head to the side. "I'm no fairytale princess 'though."
He laughs. "Aren't you adorable?"
"I am." I tilt my head to the other side. "Well, I'm not adorable. F Y I. I'm awesome. Ha ha ha."
"L O L, pretty little Belle."
"Don't imitate me, Jordy." I pout. "Are you gonna kill me or we gonna fightie?"
"Nah, don't worry, I'm not going to kill you."
I exhale loudly and wipe my forehead.
"Killing a pretty little thing like you would be such a waste. You are such a jewel after all, oh great black wolf." He muses.
"H-how did you-"
"I've made a deal with your little devil." He smirks.
"Huh?" I raise my brow.
My mind's getting heavier as the seconds pass. The alcohol and wolfsbane just decided to kick in now.
I really am lucky. Note the sarcasm, please.
"... plans... Ashley... stupid... witch... lucky... you are... power..."
Bla bla bla. Yada yada yada.
My head's spinning and it's like everything was in slow-mo.
It's his jerky shit face that I last see before everything turns black.