"I wrote a song about you," Nathan said as he sat on his bed.
"Oh yeah?" Kelis smiled as she descended to land on his lap. "What is it called?"
"Renee's song." He answered.
"After my middle name? Why not name it Kelis'?" She asked.
"Because in the future, when we have kids," he started, smiling as he noticed her blush. "I want one of our daughters to be named Renee. So the song can be dedicated to my wife and daughter."
"Can you sing the song for me?"
"I can, but you have to play the guitar for me." He said as he picked up his guitar and grabbed her hands. "You need to play one chord. I'm going to teach you how to play the G chord. Put your finger up here."
"Don't I need a guitar pick?" she asked.
Nathan's lips curled into a playful smile, and he gently placed a finger on Kelis' lips. "Shh, just listen," he said, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Put your finger up here," he led her hand up to the second fret. "And pull on the last three chords. Now try it."
She dramatically exhaled and applied pressure on the strings. "Oh, look at me. I'm Jimi Hendrix in this bitch!"
"Relax, you played one note," he deadpanned. "I'm going to play the other two notes, so you'll play that note twice. Then I'll play my notes twice, and you'll play that note twice again Got it?"
"I don't know if I completely got it, but we'll see when we start." She said. "C'mon, I wanna rock out!"
Nathan laughed and grabbed his guitar. "There's a song I like to sing. It says your name. I love the ring, so come here, so come here. I may be broken by my past. But I know my worst days, they won't last. If you come here, so come here." He sang while he kept complete eye contact with her.
Kelis' fingers froze on the guitar strings, her eyes widening as Nathan sang. Slowly, she lowered the guitar to the floor, her breath hitching with each heartfelt lyric.
"Oh, isn't it beautiful? Watching the cards unfold? Oh, I want you to come here. Oh, I want you to come here. Touching you loving you, touching you loving you. I've been touching you loving you, touching you loving you."
Nathan carefully placed his guitar on the bed. "How was that?"
"That was so beautiful," she said, then dabbed the corner of her eyes. "Oh my god, I'm actually about to start crying." She fanned her face.
"Goddamn, the song is that good? "he chuckled as he pulled her back into his lap and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry."
"Bitch, you didn't tell me it was gonna be like that." She hit his chest. "I thought we were finna be on some rockstar shit. Instead, you got a bitch crying." She dabbed a napkin under her eyes and sharply inhaled. "C'mon, Kelis. Bad bitches don't cry."
Nathan awed and kissed her forehead. "I love you, bubba."
"I love you too. I'll love you forever." Kelis grabbed his cheeks and softly kissed his lips. "Nathan?"
"Nathan!" He heard a couple hundred times more.
Just then, the sound of enthusiastic fans outside the tour bus became more pronounced, effectively pulling him out of his daydream. He opened his eyes, but instead of Kelis' pretty brown skin meeting his vision, a barricade of fans crossed his eyes, serving as a reminder that he was no longer in the past. Instead, he was here, in the present, the timeline where Kelis hurt him.
And it wasn't 2017 anymore.
"Hi Nathan!" A fan yelled.
A faint smile graced Nathan's lips as he offered a wave to the fan, but his eyes betrayed a mix of emotions as he hastily darted into the sanctuary of the tour bus.
"Is he alright?" The fan asked Zaire.
"I don't know, but we have to leave soon, so good night, guys," Zaire blew a kiss and rushed after Nathan.
"What happened to him?" Kian questioned as he climbed out of his bunk.
"We'll explain later, but right now, we have to help Nathan," Javier said.
"What is going on?" Andrew and Beth simultaneously asked.
Nathan's legs gave way, and he collapsed onto the floor, his sweaty hands fumbling to remove his outer layer of clothing. His breath hitched in his throat, and a loud gasp escaped his lips, only to be followed by rapid, shallow breaths as panic engulfed him.
His gaze darted around, meeting concerned faces encircling him, while his trembling hand reached up to brush away the beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. "Don't touch me," he warned, holding a beer bottle in front of him.
"Nathan, please calm down," Andrew said.
"Andrew! He's having an anxiety attack. The last thing he needs is you telling him to calm down." Beth chastised the older man. "Everybody back up," Beth said, taking the beer bottle from his hands. "How can we help you, Nathan?"
"Water... I need water." He panted as if he had just eaten the world's hottest hot sauce.
Jordan returned with a cup of water and handed it to his friend. Nathan gulped down the water and threw it onto the chair.
"Nathan, look at me," Beth said. "Open your eyes." He slowly opened his eyes one by one. "You're going to do this exercise with me, okay?" She said and turned towards the others. "Can you guys wait out there for a minute? It's not good to surround him."
The others respectfully filed out of the space, leaving Beth alone with Nathan to guide him through the grounding breathing exercises.
"Breathe in for five seconds," she instructed, and Nathan pushed her away. "Nathan, you have to do it,"
"Elizabeth, back the fuck up." Nathan snarled. "I'm being so deadass."
"Nathan, you are okay. This process will be a lot easier if you listen to me. Do you remember square breathing?"
Nathan nodded and did the breathing exercises accordingly.
He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the chaos in his mind and concentrate on the sensation of his breath. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Slowly, he felt his heart rate begin to steady, but the remnants of panic still lingered in the corners of his mind.
"Do you want to talk about what just happened?" Beth asked.
With his heart finally slowing to a more regular rhythm, Nathan wiped away the tears that had pooled in his eyes. He pulled his knees close to his chest, feeling slightly exposed and weak. "May I speak to Jordan, please?"
"Of course." Beth smiled and rose from her feet.
Jordan walked in seconds later and took the same position as Nathan. Since Jordan was Nathan's friend for so long, he already knew that after these types of things. He needed peace and quiet for a couple of minutes.
Jordan knowingly nodded when he heard the sounds of Nathan's weeping.
"Something about seeing her still triggers me." He admitted. "Especially when he's with her." As the vision continued to haunt him, he squeezed his eyes shut. "And she looked so... so..." He cut himself off with another sob.
"Happy?" Jordan finished for him. Nathan looked over at him and nodded. "She wasn't the one."
"How could she be so okay? How could she move on that fast after everything she told me? It doesn't make sense." He coughed. "We talked about kids and marriage the week before the whole thing went down. And then she just- she just threw it all away."
Kian poked his head through the curtain and mouthed 'is everything okay' to Jordan. Jordan gave him a thumbs up in response, sending him away.
"How can you call someone your soulmate and then sleep with another guy a week after?" His lips quivered incessantly. "Doesn't she feel guilty? Doesn't he feel guilty? Does she ever think about how she did me wrong? Does she ever think about where our relationship might have gone?"
"Maybe we would've been engaged by now. Maybe she'd be on this tour bus with me. Maybe she'd sleep with someone I know, probably Dominic or Zaire."
"I don't think Zaire would do that," Jordan said. "Dominic, on the other hand, is a different story."
"She can be very convincing." Nathan chuckled. "I remember we went to the fair. She had her heart set on the biggest teddy bear in the entire carnival. I barely had twenty dollars left, but she somehow convinced me that my puny arms would be able to beat the high score on the punch bag game. I spent every single dollar on that game." He wholeheartedly laughed. "It got to the point where the game operator just gave us the thing for free."
Jordan joined him in his laughter. "I remember she came to school the next day with it. Ms. Donaldson called her mom because she wouldn't take it to the main office."
"You wanna know what's so depressing about all of this?" Nathan asked. "I still don't know why she did what she did. I had the opportunity to ask her tonight, but of course, my first instinct was to run away and cry."
"You may think that you're the biggest coward for reacting like that, but I think it was appropriate for you to do that," Jordan said. "You put each other through some messed up shit. It was natural for you to feel triggered."
"Do you remember the day that we played against Newtonbrook?" Jordan inquired. "If you need any examples, just remember that day."
I remember that day so vividly. We'd find everything to argue about.
Nathan sighed as he gazed up at the night sky. He pulled out his phone and stared at a picture of him and Kelis celebrating at one of his basketball games.
"And while she moves on, I'm stuck with all these questions." He scrutinized every detail of the picture. "Damn."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You thought it was smart to take a highly contested shot with two people guarding you?" Coach Rivera criticized Nathan's gameplay. "All because you wanted to be the hero."
Nathan looked down and closed his eyes. "That was my bad coach."
"You're damn right. It was your fault," Coach Rivera barked, his voice booming across the court."The next time you do something like that, your spot on the starting lineup is gone! Some freshmen would do anything for your spot right now and work long hours on the court to prove it. Don't let your ego get in the way of your game." Coach Rivera lectured. "Lead the team out." He finished and walked away.
Nathan turned to his teammates and sighed as he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets. "I cost us the game." He started. "I didn't follow the play, and I'm sorry that my actions caused us a loss. We have conditioning tomorrow at five-forty-five. Meet in the weight room. I'll see you guys tomorrow." He softly spoke and silently walked to the parking lot.
Kelis leaned against the window of her car and frowned at Nathan's sulking. He got in and closed his eyes as he rested his head back.
"Nathan, are you alright-"
"Just drive." He cut in. "Please."
She pursed her lips and fully turned towards him. "What did Coach Rivera say?"
"Kelis, I've had a long day. I want to go home. I have an assignment due and a really important test tomorrow. Please start driving."
"No, you're upset. What's wrong with you? Is it because you didn't win the game? What's so special about this game? You've never reacted like this before."
"Just fucking drive Kelis." Nathan groaned. He punched the dashboard and climbed out of the car. "Jesus fucking Christ."
"Nathan," she called out. "Nathan, please get in the car. It's going to be a thunderstorm.
"You're wasting my time. I don't want to talk about feelings. I want to go home. Why can't you just fucking listen?"
"Why are you getting so mad?" She asked.
"Because I'm tired!" His yell came out extremely hoarse. "I'll walk home. You... just go somewhere."
"Excuse me?" Her eyes narrowed, and she stepped closer, daring him to continue. "Watch your damn mouth, Nathaniel."
Nathan shook his head and tiredly rubbed his eyes. "Why couldn't you just start driving the goddamn car? If I wanted to talk about it, I fucking would talk about it! Fuck is wrong with you!"
Kelis let out a sarcastic laugh. "You know what, my mama didn't raise me to stand here and listen to no damn boy yell at me like this." She turned on her heels and walked towards the driver's seat. "I hope your bitch ass has a jolly ole time on that long ass walk home." She gave a petty smirk. "Fucking bitch ass motherfucker." She mumbled.
"Wait, hold on," He advanced towards her. "I didn't mean that." He reached out and touched her shoulder.
"Don't fucking touch me." She flung his hand away.
"Bubba, I'm sorry. I overreacted."
"Stop talking to me," she snapped. "This conversation right here is a real eye-opener. You can't appreciate when people who give a damn about you dedicate time out of their day to make sure you're okay. You think you can do everything by yourself and you don't need anybody. Eat a dick, Nathan." She ranted before closing the door and speeding out of the parking lot.
Startled, Nathan's eyes widened, and he stumbled back, narrowly avoiding his foot being run over by the approaching car.
Nathan let out a heavy sigh, his breath mingling with the rain-soaked air as he began the long and lonely walk home, his footsteps echoing in the downpour. He grabbed his headphones and plugged them in. As soon as he took out his phone, the rain came pouring down, drenching it in rainwater.
He came to a halt and looked up, huffing. "Today just isn't my day, is it?" He mumbled, pulling his hoodie over his head and speeding up.
Desperation etched on his face, he fished out his phone, attempting to summon an Uber for a swift escape, but his frustrated yell echoed into the rain-soaked night when the signal remained stubbornly absent.
As he trudged on, the minutes felt like an eternity, and just as the rain's intensity grew, the music in his ears abruptly ceased. he retrieved his phone, only to find a lifeless black screen bearing the dreaded symbol of a dead battery.
He kissed his teeth and pushed the phone into his pocket. As the rain blurred his vision, a pair of bright headlights pierced through the darkness, heralding the arrival of a familiar car that pulled up beside him.
A wistful smile played at the corners of Nathan's mouth as he caught Kelis' eye roll. "Get in." She said, not taking her eyes off the road.
He quickly climbed in and looked over at her.
She put her hand in front of his face and started driving. "Don't even talk to me."
"Oh, that's funny. A couple of minutes ago, you begged me to talk." He smirked.
"Uh-huh, keep on. Watch how I'll beat your ass when you get home." She said.
He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I'm sorry, Bubba," Nathan said, his lips forming a playful pout as he tilted his head. "You're still mad at me?" he added mock-innocently. "You're gonna be upset at an innocent boy like me?"
"Shut up," Kelis snapped, her eyes narrowing with feigned anger, though the corners of her lips betrayed a hint of a smile she tried to suppress.
"Kelis," he called out, and she purposely ignored him. "Baby, Kelis, Bubba, babe, Renee, love of my life, Ms. Carter,"
"What! What do you want?"
"I love you," Nathan said while smiling cheekily as he stared at her.
Kelis rolled her eyes and softly smiled. "I love you too, asshole."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Run that back," Nathan told Zaire as he put the headphones on. "Make sure it's recording with the metronome."
"Is this normal?" Beth whispered to Kian and Jordan. "I thought he'd be sadder."
"This is how he copes," Jordan said. "Don't interrupt him. Let him cope the way he knows how to."
"You were my favorite entertainer. I'd watch you. I'd laugh; I would fuck with you. Don't you take me for a fool. In this game, I own the rules. You were my favorite entertainer. I'd watch you. I'd laugh; I would fake it, too. Don't you take me for a fool. Imma show you a thing or two."
"Add the sirens at the beginning," Nathan said. Zaire played the beat out loud as Nathan furrowed his eyebrows. "Yo, something ain't right with this. I don't think this progression matches."
Nathan pulled the office chair to the computer and tapped the drum pad. He bopped his head to the melody and finished the beat with a few hi-hats. "Damn, that's sick. Okay, start from the first verse."
"You thought you had me, didn't you? When you lied to my face, I could see the truth. Every step of the way, I knew. How you fooled me, boo. Guess you didn't know that,"
"What's next? The bridge?" Nathan asked, resulting in a thumbs-up from Zaire. "In C major?"
"C minor," Zaire corrected.
"Know it's harder to take, and let's face it. No one's playing your game. Let's face it. I'm being straight up. I know fake love when I see it, anyway. Imma turn you down when you need me anyway, anyway, anyway."
"Never seen you comin'. I'll turn you down when you need me the most. I will turn you. When you need me the most, I will turn you down. Never seen me comin'. I'll turn you down when you need me the most. I will turn you. When you need me the most, I will turn you down."
"Yo, we're good for now," Nathan told Zaire.
As Nathan logged off of FL Studio and packed away the equipment, his phone suddenly buzzed with an incoming call from Layla.
"Nathan, I have a question." Layla started. "Why didn't you tell me you saw Kelis?"
Nathan paused, his gaze shifting to Layla's blank stare on the phone screen. "It never came up."
Layla chuckled and folded her arms. "So you're telling me that we've been talking about this girl nearly every damn day, and when you finally come in contact with her, you forget to bring it up?"
Nathan's voice cracked slightly as he admitted, "Yes? I guess so."
Layla shook her head, "You're full of shit, Nathan. You're lucky I have class in five minutes. You're going to tell me everything when my class is over. It's annoying that I had to find out through Jordan."
Nathan turned his head to Jordan and rolled his eyes. "I'll tell you what happened. I just had to take a few days to recollect and think."
"I'll talk to you later, Nathan." She said before hanging up the phone.
Nathan logged off of FL Studio and walked over to the PlayStation.
"Who invited this trash-ass kid to the party?" Zaire teased as he opened up Grand Theft Auto.
"Zaire, I made you rage quit yesterday. Stop playing with me," Moses retorted. "I killed you with the rocket launcher. You were like, 'this nigga cheating,' and then left like a pussy."
"Bro, you killed me and instantly put on passive mode," Zaire argued. "If you were a gangsta, you would've gone after me again."
"I'm better than both of you," Nathan cut in.
"What?" Zaire and Moses shouted simultaneously.
"Nathan, you can't even drive properly," Moses said. "We failed so many heists because of you."
"If I drive so bad, why would you always assign me as the driver?"
"Because you can't shoot either!" Moses exclaimed. "Every time you step out of the car, you get shot within the first two seconds of the mission, and then we lose all of your team's lives."
Nathan smacked his lips. "Alright, bro, you didn't have to go in like that." He said, resulting in laughs from his friends.
As the laughter and friendly banter echoed through the room, Jordan and Zaire eventually decided to log off the game after another two hours to film a new tour vlog. With the gaming session over, Nathan took a moment to catch up with Moses.
"How's football going?" Nathan asked.
"It's pretty chill right now. My coach wants me to play in a couple of scrimmages before he puts me in the starting lineup."
"Oh man, I can't wait to see you destroy these fools." Nathan hyped him up. "Best running back in the game."
"I need some advice," Moses said.
"Speak your mind, lil bro," Nathan said.
Moses leaned back in his chair and sighed with a smile. "So there's this girl—
"Ooh, lady talk," Nathan said. "Keep going."
"There's this girl I met. Her name is Nia. We've been in the talking stage for the past two weeks."
"How did you meet?"
"She's a cheerleader at my school. The cheerleaders ride the bus with us, so my friends dared me to talk to her."
Nathan chuckled and bit his lip.
Huh, sounds familiar.
"I dropped all my hoes for this girl. Every single one of them, gone, just like that." He snapped his fingers. "I don't usually fall in love with girls, but she got it. She's different, Nate."
"What's she like?"
"She's so fine. The way she talks and carries herself is so fucking attractive." He gushed. "She got dreams, like actual dreams. She wants to be a dancer."
Nathan smiled as he listened to Moses' rant about how much he adored this girl.
Wow, she wants to be a dancer. Sounds super familiar.
"Well, why haven't you pulled the trigger yet?" Nathan asked.
"Chill," he dragged out, resulting in a laugh from Nathan. "I'm still doing what I have to do. I'm waiting one month and giving her a chance to drop anybody she was messing around with. Then, after that, I'm cuffing her up."
"You got it, lil bro. You've got gorgeous brown skin and beautiful curly hair, and you're a star athlete. It's every girl's dream."
Moses laughed. "Thank you." He said. After a brief period of silence, Moses released a deep sigh. "I know your breakup with my sister was horrible, but she didn't do it for no reason."
"What? Everybody cheats for a reason. I think it was because she was mad at me, but I'll never know her reasoning."
"I'm not trying to be a lil instigating ass nigga, but she was going through some traumatizing ass shit. It wasn't only your fault that led her to what she did," Moses explained. "It wasn't entirely your fault. She changed and didn't properly recover from what happened to her."
"Well, what happened to her?" Nathan asked.
"I can't say," Moses said, and Nathan huffed. "I know it's dumb for me to bring it up and not tell you, but this is something that she needs to tell you herself."
"Thanks for that. It clears a lot of things up. Does she still have the same number?"
"It never changed," Moses said and yawned afterward. "Yo, I got practice tomorrow, so I'm gonna log off, but remember what I said."
"I'll talk to you later," Nathan mumbled. "What could be so traumatizing that she decides to lose her mind and cheat on me?" He scratched his head.
He bounced his leg as he looked down at his phone. He moved his hand forward slowly, pulling back when his fingertips almost touched the phone. "Hell nah, I'm not ready for that." He shook his head. "Fuck."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Elizabeth, darling," Kian spoke in a British accent as he approached Beth.
Beth closed her eyes and placed the bookmark in her reading book. "What do you want, Kian?"
"I'm sad." He pouted as he leaned his head on her shoulder.
Beth looked around and smiled down at him. "What do you want me to do with this information?"
Kian picked his head up and glared at her side profile. "Well fuck you, Beth." He scoffed. "I'll keep this in mind the next time you're having a shitty day." He went to stand up, but Beth pulled him back down.
"What's the problem, Kian?"
"Well, Madison told me she needed to take a break. However, it's been an entire week with no contact. I'm beginning to get worried."
Beth chuckled. "Kian, you know a break isn't just two to three days, right? It might take that long for you to think, but Madison probably needs more time."
"I just miss her." He whined. "We don't even talk anymore. I thought we'd at least text each other goodnight or something like that, but nope. Then, to make matters worse, she's having another one of those social media breaks. I haven't been able to hear or see her. I will jump off a building if I don't get to talk to her soon."
"How about we don't do that?" She joked. "I think you need to give her the space she asks for."
"I just want to talk to her and hear her voice." He mumbled. "How can I go to sleep knowing I didn't get a goodnight text from her?"
"It'll come eventually, but for now, give her time to think before you provoke her and cause a huge argument," Beth said. "When I used to tell Devin to give me space, he wouldn't listen, and then we would argue. Don't be that kind of boyfriend."
Kian snapped his fingers and pointed at Beth. "Thanks for that advice. I was about to call her a billion times before I came here, and you talked me out of it, so thank you for saving me from being yelled at by Madison."
"No problem, Kian." Beth smiled.
"This whole thing is making me feel a little shitty." He said. "What if she's taking this break and realizes she doesn't want to be with me anymore? Or she finds some other guy to be with?"
"I doubt that Madison is a disloyal partner." Beth pointed out. "She's probably making a song about this. I think you need to do the same. Just get a piece of paper and write down all your thoughts."
"If only it were as easy as you make it sound."
"Nathan does it," Beth said.
Kian chuckled. "Well, Nathan is a superhuman songwriter. He can write hits in his sleep. I, unfortunately, have not been blessed with such talents."
"Or you can just make a journal entry. Everybody else has someone they can vent to. Nathan has Layla, Javier has his friend Eric, and Zaire has his uncles. You need someone like that."
Kian nodded and stood up. "Uh, thanks again for the advice. You're wonderful, Beth."
He walked away to dial Billie's number.
"Bills, are you free right now?" Kian asked.
"Uh yeah, I don't have anything going on until another four hours. What's up?" Billie asked.
"A lot." He sighed.
"Madison?" Billie asked.
He sighed again and laid his head back. "Yeah, we're having a tough time right now. I feel like she's getting tired of me."
Billie guffawed. "Kian, that girl takes time out of her busy schedule to make sure she talks to you. She's obsessed with you. So don't do that thing you do where you get in your head and ruin things for yourself."
"I think I did something wrong." He said.
"Kian shut the fuck up," Billie said. "Stop this nonsense."
"Maybe I pissed her off."
"Okay, perhaps she is upset. What would she be mad for?"
He clenched his jaw and deeply exhaled through his nose. "I don't know." He shrugged. "This is something that I haven't experienced before. I'm not used to going a week without her."
"Think about it this way. After this long wait, you'll appreciate talking to her. It's like having something every other week. You'll cherish it even more if it's not given every day."
Kian hummed and nodded. "That doesn't sound completely ridiculous."
"In the meantime, work on a song or read those hundreds of books you have. I know you only have them to be 'aesthetically pleasing.' You don't actually read them."
"Shut up." He chuckled. "I might go do that. Thanks, Bills,"
"You're welcome." She smiled. "Now go read those boring ass books."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Approximately two hours after Nathan finished talking with Moses, Nathan remained in the same position. His cold gaze remained fixed on the phone on the desk. The room around him had darkened as evening descended, but the weight on his shoulders kept him rooted to the spot.
He would spring up, pulling at his hair with every chime and ding.
"Dude, this is ridiculous," he thought to himself. "I don't even have to call her. The main focus of my phone isn't to make calls."
"It kinda is." He quarreled with himself.
"Screw it." He picked up the phone and scrolled through his contacts, his fingers trembling as he searched for Kelis' name.
His heart pounded in his chest as he hesitated for a moment before tapping on Kelis' contact.
"You don't know why she did it, and you may never know unless you talk to her." Layla's voice rang through his head, her advice echoing like a haunting melody.
Nathan pressed the call button before he could talk himself out of it, but the moment the phone started to ring, he released one long exhale, almost as if he had been holding his breath for ages.
The phone on the desk rang, breaking the silence in the dimly lit room. The seconds stretched on, each ring amplifying his anxiety, and his throat felt tight as he swallowed the lump that had formed in it.
"It's an unknown caller. Maybe it's Moses' new phone number or something," Kelis said on the other end. "Hello?"
"Hi, Kelis," he managed to say, trying to steady his trembling voice. "It's Nathan."
The line fell silent for a moment, leaving Nathan on edge. The line fell silent, and he could almost feel Kelis' surprise on the other end of the call. He could imagine her questioning why he was calling after so much time had passed.
His heart felt like it might leap out of his chest as he anxiously anticipated her response. The stillness felt like an eternity as he held his breath.
Finally, she replied, "Hi, Nathan. We have a lot to talk about."