"I loved you"
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Y/N stares at the mason jar in front of her, eyes devoid of emotion. It's placed on her bedroom desk, the same bedroom desk that she's slouching at. Her head rests on her notebook, full of biology revision notes. Her hand loosely grips her pen, which slips from her fingers after some time and rolls away.
She is still fixated on the jar, full with tiny notes. From whom, you ask? Her boyfriend. I mean— her ex-boyfriend.
He gave it to her, saying, "read this if I ever break up with you." She only laughed back then. Y/N was a fool. How could she not see the blatant foreshadowing?
Ever since he dumped her, she refuses to open it. 'It's probably everything that went wrong with our relationship, everything that's wrong with me.'
After countless crying sessions, slumber nights with her best friends, and some much needed alone time, Y/N feels a little better. She's not fully recovered from the heartache - she thinks she could never be - but she's not so distraught anymore.
That's why, after becoming fed up of biology, her eyes are on the mason jar. She doesn't feel anything. 'Am I finally numb?' Slowly, she brings her head up and sighs. She gets the jar and twists the lid open.
She moves her notebook aside and turns the jar upside down. The neatly folded notes fall out and scatter upon her desk. Colours of varying pastels and Y/N doesn't know where to start until she realises that they have numbers on the back. "Thanks, Jimin... I guess," she mumbles under her breath as she picks up number one.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to hate me.
Cry your feelings out and hate me all
you want before you open the next ♡
She feels this sudden pain in her chest. Tears prick at her eyes, causing her to rub them. Then, she reads the note again, smiling sadly to herself. How can he be so kind still?
Since she's been crying for the past few weeks, she thinks she can read further. She picks up the next one, steeling herself by taking a deep breath before unfurling the folds.
I should've said sorry in the first one but I hope you don't mind me saying it now. I'm sorry for breaking up with you. Please know that it wasn't entirely your fault. I mean that ♡
Y/N feels heavy reading it, but she also doesn't know how else to feel past that weight. Sad? Angry? Annoyed? Indifferent? Nevertheless, she goes to open the third one.
I'm scared that you've been isolating yourself. I hope you're not. You have amazing friends, truly. I'll miss them once I'm gone, but I'll miss you more ♡
Thoughts race through Y/N's head. Did Jimin really not want to be with her anymore? By these messages, it seems as though he cares tremendously. Maybe that's him being the sweetheart he's always has been. Maybe he doesn't hate her like she thinks he does.
A few notes later, notes of more encouragement and geniality, she comes to the penultimate one which seems bigger than the others. By this point, she's allowed some hot tears to fall down her cold cheeks. Her chest aches, longing to see Jimin again.
She hasn't gotten over him and these weren't helping with that, yet they were helping in another way. They lifted each other up and for Jimin to continue through these notes fills Y/N with a bittersweet feeling. She can't explain it.
I should really get around to telling you why I broke up with you. I remember thinking about how I was going to marry you and everything. That's a complete 180, huh? One day I just stopped thinking about that. We both had less time with each other but we actually worked hard to stay together. I became used to bad expectations. Then, my love gradually went away. I can't stay with you when my feelings are untrue. That would hurt us even more. So, even if I'm going to regret this, I'll leave you. I don't know when but if I've given you the jar and you're reading this now, then I must've done it.
Y/N has to read this one over and over again and even then she can't stop reading. This was the knowledge she needed and yet it pained her more. It's so vague, but she feels as though she understands what he means.
Eventually, she sets the note down and gets tissues to wipe her face. Tears have damped the notes piled on the desk and she curses mentally at herself without any mirth.
She looks at the last one left, hesitating. She feels so many things at once and it's starting to break her again. Her fingers shake a little as she reaches for it, so she pulls her hand back. Trying to compose herself, she thinks of the happy times.
Of whimsical days out and trips to the beach. Of dainty restaurants and rustic libraries. Of bustling funfairs and morning sleep-ins. All spent with Jimin.
She grabs the note, opening it before she puts everything away and represses it. 'Almost done. I'm almost there.'
I think this is the last one, so I'll end with an I loved you. You're probably going to scoff at it, but I truly did. I promise. I promise that the time we spent together was not pointless. It meant everything to me. I am so grateful for you. I'm sorry that I can't carry this on but you understand, right? I know you will. You always helped me, encouraged me and made me proud of myself. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for opening up to me and for making me open up to you. Thank you for opening the mason jar and reading these. Thank you for loving me even when I didn't. I loved you Y/N. One day, you're going to say that back to me, and I'll smile. I loved you ♡
Y/N places the note down with quivering lips before slouching back on her chair and focussing her sparkly eyes up at the ceiling. Some part of her is hurt for loving someone who stopped loving her. Then, she realises the pain he must have felt and might be feeling now. She can't hold hatred for him.
She gets her phone, unblocking Jimin from her contacts list for a minute. Mentally, she knows her friends would be in disbelief at what she's about to do. She sends Jimin a text, hoping that it'll deliver.
Just read the notes you wrote to me.
Thank you for loving me once, take care.
She wonders whether that message is okay. She doesn't want to get emotional or sound strange. She wanted to be calm about the situation. Although it's been weeks, she hopes that it'll suffice. It looks as though Jimin hasn't blocked her, as he replies back shortly after.
Thank you for loving me.
Take care ♡
Y/N sends back a heart before blocking him once again. She takes a deep breath, wondering why and how she did that. It was impulsive, yet she felt mature.
Her eyes rake in the scene in front of her. Notes with teardrops on them and an empty mason jar. 'Those stains will disappear with time,' she thinks as she puts them back in the jar.
'And this heartbreak will fade away soon, one day.'
The End ♥️