Wang He Di knew it was a dream – a nightmare, actually – when he found himself in an unfamiliar room, trying to take in a breath and steadying himself.
It took him a full minute to remember that he is in a hotel in Shenzhen for Dong Xin and Gao Zhi Ting's wedding in a few hours. He stood up from the bed, headed for the en suite bath room, and washed his face with water.
"I will crush you", his voice echoed inside his head and the subject of his nightmare came back to him.
THAT was a statement he had said a few years back to Enzo.
A week after his engagement fell off, his search for the man who was the culprit for his life falling apart, culminated in a fist fight and a promise to make sure the other man could never rise from dirt. DiDi had said those very words with as much venom as he could inject in them.
Sweat formed at his forehead just remembering that day.
Because you see, unlike other people whose nightmares are filled with monsters they do not know, DiDi's worst dream always consisted of HIM being the monster.
To have become cold, calculating, and unfeeling.
To have used women and discarded them like mere objects.
To have done everything in his power to make another person suffer and to relish in their suffering.
To have become everything he promised he wouldn't be when he was younger.
A monster.
And admittedly, ever since Shen Yue entered his life, he had more and more instances of experiencing this "particular" nightmare.
They disappeared when things started to clear up between him and the writer and they embarked on this journey of forgiveness together but he wonders right now why it has returned – and on this night even.
Could it be connected to what they talked about just a few hours ago?
He bared his soul to her and she assured him that she is ready to accept who he was, who he is, and who he could become in the future – a future that would have been bleary for him, if somehow, Yue ended up not being in it.
The intensity of what he feels for Yue is different from what he felt for Zuer.
It is amazing his heart could take it.
And he doesn't mean to but he really cannot help comparing the two women he has felt so strongly for to each other.
And every time he would, he would picture Zuer as a comet. She becomes the brightest object in the sky whenever she arrives, and he falls in love with her every time he catches her.
But Yue, on the other hand... she is the moon. She has been there this whole time, knowing his heart and seeing his soul, but he had not immediately seen it.
And now that he does... he cannot look away for she would always take his breath away in all of her phases.
She makes him feel like after looking at her, he could never look at anything else.
Not even the sun, not the north star, not even comets or meteors.
He had SEEN her and if he needed to wait an eternity or more to see her once again, he would. Because no one else could compare.
Luckily the moon never disappears for too long but still... he knows he cannot possibly be the only one who would appreciate the moon and its beauty.
There will be others – other more worthy.
And THAT is probably what scares him.
He had felt this kind of fear before when he was losing Song Zuer and he thought back then that he won't ever feel it again, but it seems he is wrong.
Not only is he feeling that fear now (at a time when he practically shouldn't because nothing technically has even started yet), but he is feeling it in staggering degrees.
He shook his head.
A monster looking up at the moon.
He is NOT worthy of her at all.
"I will crush you."
There it was again.
He closed his eyes and he could see his hand bloodied as Chen Feiyu crouched on the floor, holding on to his broken nose.
And then an image of waking up inside a hospital room, with Zi Wei and his Mom crying as his Dad and all his friends looked on in relief because he had almost died from alcohol poisoning, came up to him.
His body and mentality was as battered and as broken as Feiyu's face when he punched him and he remembered thanking the heavens he had woken up because he was going to break more bones on Feiyu's face, if possible.
Everyone was relieved he was alive. They were happy.
He was furious.
He was raging.
Something inside him had been unleashed and it was only when Zuer pleaded with him to stop did he recognize what he had turned into and who he had become.
He put a lid on that creature until the time Shen Yue came and he unleased all his anger on her.
However, he had been able to put a lid on that creature again but dreaming about that monster now... does it mean he is raring to go out? Or does it mean that he wants Yue to "truly" acknowledge him?
He scratched at his face, wide awake and most probably won't be able to sleep anytime soon, and decided to go out of the room to grab a drink.
He caught sight of Yue's room and without thinking about it too much, he quietly checked on her door handle, eventually being surprised to find it unlocked.
He turned the door knob carefully and found her sleeping soundly, her face slightly buried into her pillow, her hair splayed all over, and her breathing quite even.
She looks so peaceful and to have kept her door unlocked, DiDi realized that she meant everything she told him.
"Wang He Di, it is EXACLY because of who you are that's why I am here..."
He stepped closer to her bed, sat down the floor, and felt himself begin to calm down just by looking at her.
He stopped himself from reaching out to touch her face or brush her hair away so she doesn't wake up, find him in her room, and then worry why he is up at this hour.
"How can you trust me?", he whispered to her despite the fact that he knows he won't hear her answer.
Although, as soon as he let those words out... he somehow understood why he dreamt of the monster once again.
Words are just words, no matter how sincerely spoken.
Deep inside him, he holds on to the fear that no matter what Yue said, she still does not fully accept and trust him.
But that unlocked door is enough proof.
She isn't afraid of him and she truthfully trusts him.
"You are making me fall so hard for you, Ms. Shen", he whispered now, "It's not fair."
He stayed at least a few more minutes with her after that declaration, fascinated by how she slept, before picking himself up from the floor, and going back to his room.
He forgot all about the glass of water he wanted to drink because it seems that the only thing he needed was to see Shen Yue.
He crashed back into bed, feeling the weariness from what he had done today smash into him, and drifted back to sleep.
This time, no bloodied hands, no hospital rooms, or monsters he recognized in the mirror came to intrude on his head.
He slept peacefully, smiling at the thought that Yue's door is and will always be open for him.
***
Author's Note:
Doing my best to keep my promise.
I hope you all enjoy this.
*huuuuuggggggggg*
- Mai