Rehearsal dinner went smoothly.
Yue stood up from her chair and found DiDi immediately standing by her side, pulling the chair back and offering his arm to her.
The guy "truly" is a perfect gentleman.
And someone who has been making her heart race for almost the whole day already.
She tried to calm her heart down once again but being continually reminded of their conversation where she just agreed with him that this is all going too fast and they are both afraid of that, is not helping at all.
She knows how it is to fall in love with someone. She knows how it is to feel despair. BUT... this is the first time she is feeling that ALONG with someone else.
Yue has never been in that kind of position before and even though she'd written about it, she appreciates now how no words could ever immortalize through a pen the depth of happiness one feels in knowing that they are about to embark on a journey with someone who cares for them.
"I asked for all of your stuff to be moved to my suite", DiDi told her as they crossed the garden threshold.
"What?!?!"
He smirked. "Wouldn't it be weird for us to be staying in different rooms when everyone here knows that we're together?"
She balked a little.
She had not even thought about that.
"But –"
"It's a suite, Yue. There are two rooms. We don't need to share one", his smirk grew wicked, "Unless you want to, though."
She swatted his shoulder, blushing and raring to change the topic. "I had a perfectly good room. You didn't need to get a suite."
"I didn't know you'd be ok with us staying in one room with one bed", he answered casually and then headed for the desk, "I'll ask them if we can move back to your room."
Yue immediately run after him and grabbed his arm. "DIDI!!!!"
He looked at her in earnest. "Hmmmm?"
"What are you doing?!?"
"You offered your room."
She knows her blush is not going to go away anytime soon. "I wasn't thinking clearly", she admitted, "I just initially thought about how much you had to pay for the suite. But you seemed ok with it so, yes, let's go, two rooms it is!"
He barked in laughter and shook his head at her. "I promise to you that there is nothing that I will do to you... unless you want me to."
She is hardly a high-schooler and she is hardly inexperienced in flirting of this kind, but it is so easy for her to lose her footing and act like a sacrificial virgin whenever DiDi makes these kinds of jokes.
Unable to come up with anything as a response to that, she headed for the elevator. "So, what floor do we go to now?"
"I rented out the suite right next to Dong Xin's so you won't need to rush for the preparations tomorrow."
She let out a small sigh of relief upon realizing that DiDi seems to have dropped his teasing.
She knows how much she enjoys being with him and talking to him and having him close to her and just a while ago, she received the assurance she was looking for but her heart "still", at this very moment, continues to pound like two hundred horses decided to take residence inside her rib cage.
He didn't say he loves her.
It is decidedly too early for that really and if he said it, she knows that she wouldn't trust those words at all.
She isn't even at that level as well.
However, he had perfectly captured everything she was feeling when he said, "I'm not sure that what I will tell you now will re-assure you but the truth is I feel the same kind of fear sometimes too BUT I feel that fear along with excitement in being able to just see you, happiness in being able to talk to you, and longing in wanting to be as near to you as I possibly can. I feel all of it ALL AT ONCE. And I feel all of it every time now."
It IS overwhelming.
It is making her pulse race at the most inconvenient moments.
It is crazy.
Yet somehow...
It all makes sense.
She was not able to say it to DiDi but when he said that they have been waiting for each other for too long, she wanted to add that maybe they were meant to wait THAT long so they could better appreciate how coming home would feel like.
Because despite the whirlwind that took her here, she has to be honest with herself that being with him feels exactly like being home.
That is why she is so scared. Too fast. Too Strong. Too –
The elevator dinged to let them know they reached their floor and again, she felt her heart thunder when he brushed against her to lead the way.
DiDi did not seem to notice though.
It indeed is close to the one Dong Xin occupies and that made her smile. She recognized how thoughtful he was for having done this.
She has to give him credit for that.
"Thank you", she told him as they entered the suite.
"For what?", he asked.
"You already know what for."
He smiled back at her in understanding. "I don't think a mere thank you would suffice."
"Really? I'll just move in with Xin, then."
DiDi laughed. "You got your bearings back. I like it."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Which is my room?"
"The one on the left", he answered.
Yue made her way to walk towards it because she wants to TRULY get her bearings back. Her appearance may say otherwise but really... it would be great if she could calm her heart down a bit.
"Yue, wait!"
She turned back to him, surprised to find him looking quite uncertain. "Yes?" she asked curiously.
How did his expression change from one of smug teasing to one of hesitation in a few seconds?
Is there anything wrong?
DiDi pointed towards the sofas. "I want to talk to you about something before we call it a day. Can we talk over there?"
Strangely, her heart stopped beating like a drum and became as peaceful as a serene lake. Her concern for his sudden change in countenance made her want to be attuned to what he could be feeling and she can only achieve that with a calm and open heart. "Sure."
He waited for her to sit down before settling on his own position. She noted the amount of distance he put between them.
Since today started, they have not even had this much space from each other.
Yue raised a brow at that observation and watched as a play of emotions passed by his eyes and wondered again what could be bothering him. It's weird because he seems to have been communing with something outside their window.
The aura surrounding him really has become different and after a few seconds, she saw his face harden. He seems to have just made up his mind about whatever it is he wants to talk about, and then looked at her head-on.
"I am just going to say it", DiDi declared, "I want to talk to you about your books."
THAT is not AT ALL what she was expecting. "My books?!?"
He nodded. "The first book you wrote and the one you are writing now."
DiDi sounded resolute and she knows that this must be something he has been thinking about for a time now.
It is something that has crossed her mind as well since she wanted to talk to him about it even before they left for the wedding.
Afterall, while it is what brought them together, it is also what caused the whole hateful ordeal they have had to go through in the beginning.
If they really are to move on, they could only achieve that by talking about what had caused them both pain.
"I..." she began and then choked up.
All of a sudden, it dawned on her how difficult it is to say what she wants to say yet she knows that she has to say it.
DiDi looked like he was holding his breath in the same way that she was and again, her heart started to pump faster.
This could very well break them both.
She is scared that despite the strides that they have taken in becoming more understanding of each other, her books are the one thing that could tear them apart.
"Yue –"
She held a hand up to stop him from saying anything.
She has to say what she needs to say since they began this day with being as honest as they possibly can with each other.
There are things that two people who care for one another need to say no matter how hurtful they wind up becoming. Trust IS founded on pain and how two people help each other get through THAT pain. If something like this is never discussed, they will never learn to trust each other.
"I cannot apologize to you for what I have written and what I will be writing, DiDi", she finally said, a stabbing pain beginning to build on her chest, "Regardless of what is happening between us."
She wanted to lower her eyes or just look away from him while she said those words because the fear of seeing his reaction almost consumed her but miraculously, she held on to his gaze.
And instead of seeing pain or anger in there... she saw understanding.
This surprised her yet again. And then she felt something in her that told her that she shouldn't have been surprised at all.
The Wang He Di in front of her now is different from the Wang He Di she knew a month ago.
"I am not asking for an apology, Yue", he told her, "I would never ask for an apology."
In an instant, he had come closer to her.
"You won't ask for an apology?"
He shook his head. "You wrote the truth. It might not be a beautiful portrait of who I am but everything you wrote about me was and is true."
She didn't know what to say to him.
"I cannot continue making excuses for my behavior nor can I continue hating you just because you saw through me", he kissed her hand, "I just want you to know that I won't do anything to stop you from publishing Zi Wei's story. I believe in it and I believe in you when you say that you want to give your readers hope. My sister has one hell of a beautiful story and regardless of who her brother is, it is a story that deserves to be shared."
"You are serious?!?!"
He smiled. "I am. Don't I look serious about what I said?"
"How about your privacy?"
"That was just an excuse, Yue. I was grasping with straws just to make you feel guilty and besides... you are already at the end of your second book, right?"
Zi Wei must have had him read it.
"Yes."
"I don't really care anymore what people think of me", he declared, "I've long thrown away any damn I gave when it came to other people because that isn't how I want to live."
"What changed your mind?"
He looked at her as though she had grown another head. "You, obviously. What any other reason can there be?"
"Ahhhh.... Uhmmmm.... Is it what I wrote on the second book?"
She had written him in a more positive light there. Did it finally get through to him that she is not out to destroy his reputation but to just write stories as they are?
It couldn't be just because of her per se.
"Shen Yue... it's scary but YOU know me better than anyone I have in my life. Everything that you wrote in your first book and everything you are writing now about me... they are all true. And it is you, knowing who I am but still accepting me, and being here with me now that has changed everything for me. I mean, even now I still cannot believe it but, having you here and being able to hold you, I know it isn't a dream. You're here. Inspite of who I am."
So it is INDEED her. That is... that is unbelievable.
Electricity coursed through her veins. Every word he said seeped through her skin.
And looking at his eyes now gave her a peek at the seven-year-old him she never got to meet – the one who still believed in Santa Claus and wishes on falling stars.
And that seven-year-old is asking to hold her hand.
What else is there for her to say?
"Wang He Di, it is EXACLY because of who you are that's why I am here", she told him and made sure he could see back into her soul, "Not inspite of who you are but BECAUSE of who you are. You have to remember that."
His lips broke into a smile and the seven-year-old inside him disappeared and was replaced by the man he is now.
"Thank you, Yue", he whispered, "Thank you."
He is such a beautiful man.
"It feels like we talked about so much today, don't you think?"
"I've had a few days to think about things and since we are starting over, we have to have a clean slate", he explained, "I would rather spend my time with you erasing the pain away and showing you that giving me a chance is the best decision you have ever made. I don't want you to have any doubts about how we move forward."
She reached for his hand... across the space between them and squeezed it as hard as she could, her heart about to overflow.
Finally.
It is time to truly begin.