I go by my usual life.
"White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste"
Go to school. Chat and mess around friends. Do projects and homeworks. Eat and interact with the pack.
"Light's gone, day's end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men"
Be the 'perfect' future Mrs. Richardson.
I think my 'smile' will be permanently plastered on my face for the rest of my life. That's awesome, I guess. I could be an honorary Made-in-China effigy.
"And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream"
It has been two months and I'm getting pretty much used to it.
"Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting"
I have officially become the marionette of my meshuga fiance.
"Crumbling like pastries
And they scream
The worst things in life come free to us"
I should be given an Oscar's for my performance. No one has ever realized what was really happening.
Trey is very sweet and caring. Yes. I just have to be his perfect, sweet and lovely Belle and he treats me like a queen. Day by day, I feel myself drifting apart and really becoming that marionette he worships. Within a month, I have learned the do's and dont's in Trey's compendium. How to act, how to react, how to dress, how to speak, how to pleasure him – I have perfected it according to his preferences.
I bet I would sell for a billion if I were a mail-order jalapeno bitch.
"It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly"
He had tried to mark me again, but it only ended up sending me to hell again. So we just told people that we had decided to proceed with the mating process on our wedding night. And they were all like "aww how sweet and romantic. Everyone should really be like you guys." Romantic, my butt. If only they knew, they would never dream, or even think, to be in the relationship with Trey.
I concluded that Trey is a psycho. He's definitely bipolar and very much obsessed with me, no pun intended. I remember during the first week after the day of the great awakening of the devil in him, a tear escaped my eye in front of my family when they asked me how I was doing during a family dinner.
"Why are you crying, my baby?" My mother asked.
'Belle.' Trey warned. 'Try anything I won't like and this lovely family dinner will end up in a tragic massacre.'
"I'm just so overwhelmed." Game face on. "In a month's time, I'd be graduating from high school and then getting married to a wonderful man. Could a girl be any luckier?" I just hoped they wouldn't notice I was being sarcastic. I forced myself to chuckle 'sweetly'. And with the sigh of relief and contentment my family let out, I was positive they bought it.
Trey squeezed my hand which caused me to look at him. He smiled and looked at me with so much love and adoration – well, I didn't really know if I could call those that. "Don't worry, baby. I'm sure you would be the loveliest wife in the world's history."
If this was like last week, I would have melted in joy. But now, it only made me want to vomit. Had he even thought that I just said that because he threatened me?
"An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line"
Carter snaps his fingers in front of my face while he pulls my earphones off my ears with his other hand. "Are you okay? Earth to Belle. Hello?"
"Sorry... I was just thinking. And yes." I say. "But I was joking. I was joking I was joking. I was joking."
He raises his brow. I shrug and laugh.
'It's hard getting you alone without eyes and ears.' He suddenly turns serious.
'What are you saying?' I link back to him.
Carter starts scribbling something on a paper. 'Act like you're doing the project.'
We are doing a partner project in the library. I look at him, confused.
'Just do it.'
So I do.
'So?'
He pushes the paper to me and points at it with his pencil.
Trey won't hear our conversation through the link, right? Sorry I'm just paranoid.
I nod. Does he know something?
'Are you sure about marrying Trey?'
'Do you know something?'
How can I be sure that Trey's not just testing me?
Ha! I'm paranoid too.
'Remember the time when we fought?'
'Yes.'
I think he knows something. But can I trust him?
Shit. Trey has really fucked me up. Now I have trust issues even with my friends.
'Well, before I say anything, please remember that I love you as a friend that's why I'm doing this. Whatever you choose, whether to believe me or not, please just don't say anything about this conversation to Trey.'
'I promise.' I look him straight in the eyes. 'Now spill it Carter.'
'Are you sure he's your mate?'
'Why?'
I just can't trust him no matter how much I want to. Well, it's safer that way. I don't want to risk the wrath of that nutcrack.
'Well, remember the day we fought last year?' I nod. 'I slept with Ashley the day before that.'
'Why am I not surprised? Don't tell me that was the first time?' I scoff as I continue scribbling random notes on the paper.
'No, that's not the point.' I glance at him and see him roll his eyes. 'She kinda slipped and moaned Trey's name. That's when I realized that she had Trey's scent even though it was faint.'
What the actual fuck. Trey had been cheating on me? Not that I still love him. But come on, we were in a decent relationship then! I can't believe this. I'm so fucking stupid! I bury my face in my hands. I really want to kill him!
'You okay?' Carter asks, worried. Then he's wary again. 'Don't be too obvious... Sorry.'
'It's okay. So, what are you trying to say? That I shouldn't marry him because he was cheating on me?'
'Not just that, I asked Ashley about it. All she said was she can't tell me about it and then she pleaded me not to tell anyone about it. She had the saddest eyes I had ever seen. She sounded so broke and so scared. Then the day after we fought, Trey beat me up to a pulp. He was so furious that I questioned your relationship. I thought maybe you told him, but then, I guessed he had his moles at school.'
'That's why you were absent for two days?' He nods. 'So why are telling me these things now?'
'He threatened to kill me, Belle. He said he'd involve my family too! You know I have a younger brother and sisters.'
Why am I not surprised? I grunt.
I don't know if I should tell Carter the truth. While it is good to have a friend who will understand my situation, I don't want to bring him any further into the shithole. And you know they say, ignorance is a bliss.
'You can tell me anything, Belle. I'm already involved.'
'Well, to start, no. He's not my mate. In fact, I wish he'd just go to Ashley since she's clearly so obsessed with him.'
Then realization hits me.
Now I know why she thinks I'm the abomination to her life! They must be mates! How can he do that to his mate?!
'Gosh, I just realized they might be mates.'
'Wait, since when have you known you're not mates?' Carter asks, confused and curious.
'When I got my lyall back.'
He nods in understanding. 'But why have you pretended to be actually mates? You love him that much?'
'Fucking no!' I snarl in my head. 'Are you not listening? I already told you he can go with Ashley, to my delight. My love for that psychopath had long been gone. He threatened me with my family too.'
'Dea, he's so fucked up!' He sighs in disbelief.
'No shit, Sherlock. Tell me about it.' I sighed. 'Dea, I feel awful about Ashley. I can't even imagine how she must have felt all this time.'
'What's fucking wrong with Trey?! To think I had admired him. Well, before he almost killed me then threatened me. And he'd be Alpha and all.' Carter shakes his head while rubbing his temples.
'I have a theory, but it's only a theory.' I sigh.
'Care to share that theory that's only a theory?'
'Don't tell anyone.' I look at him and he nods his head. 'I'm a purus nigrum lupus.'
Carter's jaw literally drops. So, I give him time to recompose his self.
***
There are three basic divisions between lupis: the lupus, latrans, and lycaons.
The Lupus are the typical lupis – human beings who can transform into a big, beastly wolf-like creature.
The Latrans are the red lupis. Regardless of the parents, a lupi conceived during a blood moon comes out as a latran.
A blood moon appears during a total lunar eclipse, when the full moon appears coppery, or blood red.
In muto, latrans are smaller compared to the lupus, but they are sharper and faster. They don't feel the need to stay together with other lupis, unlike the lupus who normally stays with a pack. Or if they were born in a pack, they abandon their pack. Although lupis are easily affected by emotions, latrans have the shortest tempers and are easily overtaken by their lyall. They are sneaky – cowardly, but they have ferocious disposition.
That's why mates avoid having mating during lunar eclipses. But some just can't seem to keep their hands off each other. Or some just lack the proper education regarding our kind.
The Lycaons are the hybrids. When a latran and a lupus mates and produces a child, the child is a lycaon. They are slightly bigger than latrans, but not as large as lupus. They don't have problems with being in a pack, but they are less sociable.
Then there are the two special types of lupus: the pure white and pure black.
A pure white lupus, also known as purus alba lupus, is one who was conceived during a blue moon, which is also kind of rare. Regardless of the parents' kind, a lupi conceived during the blue moon comes out as a purus alba.
Hence, whenever there is a blue moon, couples really try to conceive a pup – primarily because pure whites have the gift of affinity.
Affinity is being able to draw energy from light or from nature, and channel it through the user's body, to heal others, or his or herself.
On the other hand, a pure black lupus, also known as purus nigrum lupus, is the rarest kind. A purus nigrum requires Alpha blood and at least one purus alba as the parent. In addition to that, a purus nigrum is a lupi conceived during the last blood moon in a lunar tetrad.
A lunar tetrad is four successive total lunar eclipses, with no partial lunar eclipses in between, each of which is separated from the other by six lunar months or six full moons. This happens rarely and sometimes, centuries pass before lunar tetrads occur again.
Pure blacks also have the gift of affinity. Although it is considered as a gift, it can be used either as a gift or a curse. That's why their affinity has been called the negative affinity.
Pure blacks can also heal. However, while affinity purifies, negative affinity is like corrective surgery. It takes away the negative energy and replaces it with the energy of the user. The user in turn, disperses the negative energy and draws in new energy to fill his or hers once again. The energy doesn't just pass the user like in normal affinity, whatever energy the user draws becomes part of the user's energy.
It is considered as a curse because pure black wolves can also use their negative affinity to drain out life from others.
***
When I sense that Carter has regained his composure, I continue.
'When I got my lyall back, whenever it would surface, instead of my irises just glowing gold, my sclera would also turn black. That's how we knew I'm a purus nigrum. At first, Trey didn't notice it. Maybe it was because when he first saw it, he was too clouded by anger. But when it happened again, he was the one who told me about it. Since then, he forbid me from allowing anyone else to know. Since, you know, purus albas and purus nigrums are mandated to report to the Monarchy and stuff.'
And, that will give me better chances in finding my mate. Of course, Trey didn't want that.
'So anyway, proceeding to my theory, I suppose you now know that I have negative affinity. But I can only use it after reaching the age of eighteen. My theory is, when I saw what happened to Trey, you know, back when he was retrieved from the rogues, I wanted to help him so much that even without me realizing it, I might had used negative affinity on him. But I for sure wasn't ready for that. So the darkness consumed me, making my lyall drift into a coma or something like that.'
Carter exhales loudly. "That's a lot to take in. Wow."
"Yeah, it's a tough project, no?"
Carter shakes his head. He almost forgot that we're supposed to have a covert mind conversation.
'I didn't even know.' I continue. 'So it was something like a kid playing doctor in the OR. The guy actually came out like Frankenstein who's obsessed with me.'
'So what are you planning to do?' He asks.
'What can I do? What do you think have I been doing? I'm playing the good kitty fucking cat. I just hope that someone would save me.' I sigh. 'But, oh well, that would just be like believing in unicorns.'