𝙂𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 & 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚
After cooling off for a bit, my mother has been nothing but supportive of Sofia's pregnancy and is now all grandmother-excited.
Sofia apologised to me later that day about what she said, explaining that it came across entirely different to what she meant to say and wasn't thinking about what she was saying due to being frustrated. I quickly forgave her.
She soon told everyone else about being pregnant. At first, my dad was pissed. Not at her, but at the guy who knocked her up. He was adamant on talking with him and had to grudgingly accept the fact that the father is still unknown and we may never discover who he is. Now all he cares about is Sofia's health and safety.
Eva is simply excited about being an aunt, and Luca doesn't give two flying shits, as expected. I'm happy as long as she's happy. It's looking up, I guess.
One thing I'm not happy about, though, is Cami's thoughts on it all. Not her reaction to Sofia's actual pregnancy as such, she's supportive, but to whom she's accusing of knocking my sister up. And it's weird, ever since I started dating him, all she's doing is talk shit. It's like she knows something.
"I bet it was Montgomery," She says, leaning over my kitchen counter. "The guy who knocked up your sister, I mean."
"He doesn't live near the park," I respond, mindful of the fact that my boyfriend could easily walk in on this conversation any second. I drain my coffee that I have clutched between my hands and place the mug in the dishwasher. I don't think the caffeine is going to have a great effect on this conversation.
Because Cami never wants to hang out at her house for some unknown reason, Alex is chilling in my room while she's over. For obvious reasons, she doesn't know he's sleeping in my room rather than the couch, so I'm trying to avoid her going up there.
"Maybe she can't quite remember where his house is and thinks it's near the park, but it's not," She says, hitching herself up, so that's she sat on the counter rather than leaning over it. "She was drunk, so her memory of it is more than likely a little bit hazy."
"What makes you so sure that Alex is the dad?" I reply.
Precisely this is why I don't want to tell her about Alex and me. She hates him with every fibre of her being, and I don't want to go through her clap back. I desperately want her to be happy for me, and that's seemingly going to be impossible. I don't have a clue how I'm going to get her to accept it. I care more about her being OK with my relationship than my sexuality.
She looks at me as though I asked her what two plus two was, "Matty, he's a man-whore. He's slept with basically every girl in this freaking state other than me. God knows how many guys, now that he's all out the closet."
I shrug, trying not to let my façade crack and my annoyance show through, "So? It's the same with a load of other guys. He's not the only one like that."
She raises her eyebrow, sceptically, "Why do you care so much that I think it's Alex?"
"Maybe because this is my sister's pregnancy we're talking about and we can't go about assuming who the father is when it's her baby, and we don't know who's it is? I think it's kind of disrespectful in a sense."
If I weren't dating Alex and we still hated each other, I would have most definitely agreed with Cami on this. Because I am dating him, I've learnt not to judge a book by its cover, as cliche as that is. I used to assume so many things about people based on the most straightforward facts I knew about them, and now I realise that that isn't right. I've gotten rid of my most toxic trait and have my boyfriend to thank for that.
Now I have to tackle the issue that I look more than suspicious sticking up for Alex like this, as though I know him. Of course, I do know him, but Cami doesn't know that. However, I'm not going to let my best friend sit here and accuse things about him when I'm aching to snap at her. I don't have the energy to side with her when I seriously do not agree with her. I also know that trying to brush past the subject wouldn't do anything. She's insistent.
At this moment, a topless Alex walks into the room, abs and all on display. He's sweaty, like he's just finished working out. I have to try my hardest not to start drooling at sight, and I fan myself with my hand when Cami turns away from me. Alex catches sight of this and smirks.
"Cami Gomez," He begins, "I did not knock up Matthew's sister. I don't think I've ever had a proper conversation with her. So, I would appreciate it if you didn't assume things like that."
Cami grimaces, "Yeah, I'm still not convinced."
"Look, I admit that I have slept around and I'm not proud of it. However, that is all in the past. I'm not sure if you've noticed or whatever, but I've changed. I've stopped not giving a fuck and started caring about the more important things," He says, eyes flickering over to me for a second before he reaches into my fridge and pulls out a coke can. "I've never liked you, and I'm not sure I ever will, but I think you need to grow up. Look at me, I finally have."
"You haven't stopped not giving a fuck judging by the fact that you walked in here without a shirt on and are currently taking stuff from someone else's fridge like you own it," Cami says, glaring at him.
I rub my forehead in irritation. Give it up Cami, he's my boyfriend and, this will come as a shock to you, my dick has been in his mouth before. Please, shut up I want to say, though I don't want to be slapped around the face while my nose is still healing from that punch.
"In case sweet little Matthew hasn't been updating you on his life, I live here now," He replies, pointing at me before cracking open the coke can and drinking from it. I'm too busy gawking at his abs even to care that Cami can see how turned on I am by them through my facial expressions.
"Yes, temporarily. That doesn't give you the right to go about taking Matty's food and drink without asking," She continues to scowl at him like he's scum. Like my boyfriend is scum.
I don't notice my rise in anxiety until I feel the sting of my nails digging into my palm. Like every time my nerves become present when Alex around, he catches onto it straight away and gives me a look as if to say you're OK.
"I don't give a shit." He then throws his head back and laughs, responding sarcastically, "Oh wow, look at me, contradicting myself. I must be the father in that case."
Cami turns her attention away from Alex and onto me, "How can you live with him?"
Because Alex's my boyfriend and he makes me the happiest I've been in a while, and he makes me feel special, and I'm fucking turned on by him right now, and I want you to leave, please. Leeeeaaaaaveeeee.
How do I say that without her hating me and possibly horribly murdering me? My trust in Cami is deteriorating, and that's terrifying.
Instead of asking her to leave my house, I pull a bored expression, like this conversation means nothing to me. In reality, my hope for a supportive best friend is declining each word she says. The familiar lump in my throat appears, but I swallow and try to respond calmly, "Eh, we stay out of each other's way."
She leans closer to me, "Be careful, he might come onto you. 'Cause, he's, like, gay now." She whispers, and I nearly choke on air.
"He's bisexual," I correct her.
"Whatever. He likes dick, so there's a high chance that he's going to try to walk in on you naked or something. Be wary, 'cause like I said, he's a man-whore. He might want sex from you."
Wow. Wow. So this is what Cami thinks of my sexuality? We come onto every guy we come across. Standards are just a myth in her eyes, then. I see how it is.
I am trying my hardest to keep this all in and not lose Cami by exploding in a fit of emotion. She hasn't been the greatest best friend recently, especially surrounding Kenzie and Jake, but she's the most extended friendship I've ever had.
I need to keep reminding myself that I don't want to lose her; that's the only reason I'm not revealing everything as of yet. I'm not sure if I ever will find the courage, although I know I will have to someday. She's going to have to know.
I'm snapped out of my worries when Alex is suddenly inclining himself over the counter towards Cami. I almost whimper at the sight of his stretch out back muscles, "First of all, I'm bi, not gay. Secondly, as pretty as Matthew is, I'm not going to come onto him."
She pulls a face, "You think he's pretty?"
He glances at me with an amused smirk before turning back to her, "I do."
He then taps me on the cheek with his hand, so I give him a fake annoyed expression, crossing my arms over my chest for effect. I pray my acting skills are sufficient enough to convince her that we hate each other to our very cores.
"See, I told you he's going to try to hit on you. He literally just admitted that he's attracted to you," She whispers to me.
"He just said he wouldn't, though," I respond.
"You know he's only nice because he doesn't want to get kicked out of here as well. Once he's found a permanent place, he's going to be a dick to you again," She adds.
I want to laugh at how wrong she is. My family and I would never kick Alex out unless he did something very wrong. Even if we did break up, we're not cold enough to force him into the streets. We would allow him to stay until he'd be able to move out safely. He's literally a minor? And also, he may give me dick when he's found a new place though he isn't going to be one. I have no fear of that. This shit is tiring.
"Why don't you go and suck my balls. I heard it's enjoyable," Alex responds wittily.
I have to try and stifle a laugh through a cough. Cami looks at me with a disgusted expression and, without thinking, I pull a completely exaggerated shocked expression which leaves me wanted to stab myself in the eye with a fork. She gives me a weird look before turning away.
"Right, well, I'm leaving. I cannot stand to be in the same house as him. Text me later. We'll find somewhere else to hang out," She says, sliding off the counter. I suddenly want to call out with joy.
Nonetheless, I don't bother answering her due to my mental battle not to start ranting at her about my gayness, so instead, I nod. She gives me a quick smile then she's out of the room.
"Great acting," I say with a grin as soon as I hear the front door close and I know that she's gone.
"All those years in the B.P.A.C paid off," Alex laughs, then he's pulling me into a hug. I relax into his arms immediately, finding instant comfort from his warmth. He understands what I'm thinking without having to ask what's wrong and that's only after a month and a bit of dating.
If he can be like that so soon then, I don't care how quickly I'm going with this; he's the one. He's the person I have been looking for who knows how long. The perfect boy for me. Him.
Alexander Montgomery. I'm very almost in love.
"Why did you come downstairs when I told you not to because Cami's here?" I ask. I'm not annoyed, I'm actually grateful because he got her to leave. I just want to know.
"Because."
"Because what?"
"Because I was bored and wanted to see Cami's reaction to me being here."
I sigh, but then grin, "Silly boy."
He shifts a bit, his abs rubbing against my stomach and hot breath fanning against my neck and instantaneously, I've switched from an irritated, tired mess to a flustered, horny mess; the conversation with Cami forgotten.
"Come with me," I say as I step back out of his arms and begin to tug him to the stairs by the hand. He laughs about how quickly my demeanour has changed but lets me pull him along anyway.
I know he's expecting a make-out session, but I want more than that. Not full sex yet but more than just kissing. We've done more than kiss before, and now I want to give back.
I think the conversation we had with Cami makes me feel like I need to prove something. Whether that's me being gay, or how comfortable I am in my relationship, I don't know. I just want Alex, you know? So that's why my feelings in this moment switched up completely. Now she's out the house, I can release the tension: both the tension from being annoyed, and plain sexual tension.
When we're in my attic room, I lock the door behind me. Then I turn around, take Alex's face in my hands and plant my lips on his. It doesn't even take a second before we're making out.
It feels great knowing I can do this with him whenever I want. It feels great having a boyfriend. I can finally experience all these new things with someone, my someone, and that's exhilarating. Thus, this is why I'm about to do what I'm about to do. Nothing and no one is holding me back.
* SC start *
As my hands run down his chest, getting a feel of his muscles, I can feel his hands slide down my back, stopping just above my butt. I know what he's thinking, and I can sense his hesitation. It makes me chuckle a bit as not too long ago, he was eager to give me a blowjob. Now he's hesitant to touch my butt?
I know he's only hesitant because he doesn't want to take things too quickly when I'm not ready for it, though I still find it funny. Right now, I very much want him to touch my butt.
I reach behind me and grab his hand, making it slide down, so it's resting on my butt. Once he knows it's safe, he squeezes. His other hand grabs at the other. I let out a small involuntary sound of affirmation, and he squeezes harder, pushing me closer to him, evidently not as shy as he was ten seconds ago.
As we continue to kiss, his hand continuing to feel me up, I get a feel of every inch of his chest and abs, which I don't think I'll ever get tired of touching. My hand then goes lower and lower until it's rested on his crotch.
I look up at him. My nerves mingle with my anticipation, overtaking me, "Is this OK?"
He runs his fingers through my hair as he nods, "Do what you want, baby."
So I begin to palm him, all the while kissing him. As he lets out a small groan into this kiss, I can feel him get harder, so I remove my hand from him and start kissing his neck. And chest. And I go lower and lower until I'm on my knees. He looks down at me in surprise.
"Are you gonna—? Oh shit, you're gonna—"
I nod and suck in a deep breath.
I know I'm going to be terrible. Of course, I am, I have no experience at all. All I know is that this is something I've wanted to do for years. Suck dick.
It sounds weird but what can you expect from a guy experimenting with his sexuality? Now I finally get to do something I have been waiting to do, and I admit that I'm nervous.
I know it's only sucking dick, but I have never done it before, and I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. It's something that I'm going to have to wing. I can't fully remember what Alex did to me, and I'm sure I'd remember some bits wrong anyway. I could make a utter fool of myself. What if my gag reflex totally fails on me and I throw up? I've heard that it can happen, and it sounds mortifying.
Regardless of that, I'm excited. It's another step in my sexuality journey, another step in my relationship. Another step in life. I'm very sure that I'm ready.
I unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans slowly, my anxiety making the sound of his button popping open louder than it should be, and I mentally prepare myself for what I'm about to do. I think back to when Alex did this to me, trying to remember absolutely anything that he did so that I can base it off of that.
I also wonder what he was thinking at that moment. Alex most certainly wasn't utterly anxious like I am right now. He probably breezes through all this sexual stuff, not giving it a second thought. Not that it should make him nervous, but I hope it's more than a sexual act with me. It's more than that for me.
I hook my fingers through his jeans and underwear, pulling them down. I gulp a little when I finally see his, you know—that.
I don't want to sound risqué but fucking hell, he is big. Like way big. It's not really unexpected in the slightest, but still shocking now I'm seeing it right in front of me. How is that going to fit inside me when it's time for that to happen?
I don't realise I'm staring at him until I hear Alex say, "You OK, baby?"
"Yeah," I let out a nervous laugh, already feeling embarrassed about what I'm doing, "You're just really big." And then I want to punch myself for saying that because that is an incredibly awkward thing to say, and I don't think before I speak sometimes. "Please tell me if I do anything wrong or it's not good. I don't know what I'm doing."
I think he replies with something about me not having to do this if I wasn't ready for it, or if I don't want to do it, I don't know, but I'm not listening. I want to do this. God knows how badly I want to do this. So, using my hands to help me, knowing that I would not be able to do this anywhere near to satisfactory without their help, I try to mirror what he did to me.
To cut to the chase, I begin. I try to copy what he did to me, and I can hear the noises coming from him, so I'm guessing I'm not too bad. He could just be faking. I don't know, I overthink.
I start with the tip to 'tease' him, using my tongue everywhere where he did so on me, and I guess it works because he pushes my head forward a little to encourage me, careful not to be too rough, my name and a "please" leaving his mouth. How polite.
Then I move forward on my own, his hand still in my hair, taking him inch by inch, my head moving up and down as I do so. He doesn't seem to mind that I'm taking my time. I gag a few times when he gets far enough down for that to happen, but I eventually relax and take him as far down as I can, and begin to move faster and suck harder. I try to remember to breathe out of my nose.
I use my tongue as much as I can because that's what you're supposed to do, right? As he's quite big, I use my hands to stimulate the rest. Hallelujah for hands.
"Yeah, like that," Alex breathes out. OK, so I'm doing something right.
What I'm doing feels good. The feeling of Alex in my mouth is so much better than I thought it would be. I never even knew you could get pleasure from giving head. It's not the same kind, obviously, but it's still a sort of satisfaction. There's so much I'm learning, and it's making me excited for everything. Alex, sex, life. Absolutely everything.
I know my movement are a little sloppy and uncoordinated. I remind myself to give me a break. Again, I say to myself, I've never done this before. But it's happening. Holy fuck, this is happening right now.
His fingers tease at my hair, gripping it tighter now and then. He then takes me by surprise and pushes my head, shoving himself deeper down my throat. I gag hard and pull away from him. As he apologises profusely, I laugh. After taking a moment to regain myself, I continue.
I had tears in my eyes from the feeling at the start, but the shock and gagging has make them build up, and I'm scared it makes me look as though I'm crying. Because I'm not. I feel the complete opposite of distress right now.
He eventually comes, and even the taste of it is better than I thought it would be. Of course, it doesn't taste like strawberries, but it's not disgusting like some people say it is. I wasn't even sure I was even going to let him do it in my mouth. I wasn't warned so had no time to think. The unexpectedness of it is another thing he excessively apologises for.
Feeling somewhat bold for what I am, I swallow. Some of the liquid drips down my chin, so I use the back of my hand to wipe it off then I lick it, holding eye contact with Alex because I know how sexual that is and Alex is insanely sexual. If I was to be with him for as long as I will be, what the hell, I'll be sexual as well. I lick my bottom lip too.
His eyes hold utter lust. Paired with my heavy breathing, I have quickly come to be obsessed with the kind of sexual atmosphere surrounding us. It's enticing and tempting, making my whole body shudder with the full excitement that existed in me. I want to feel it over and over again.
Everything that I'm thinking and feeling is all what Alex is doing to me. I feel much older than I was before I started. Like this is a step towards growing up and maturing.
"Are you sure you've never done that before?" Alex jokes as I zip his jeans back up for him.
"I just copied what you did," I reply, standing up. I place a chaste kiss to his lips, not caring that I probably taste like him. I mean, I guess that's a little dirty to do.
"You were great, baby," He assures me, and I know he does this because he can sense my nervousness. He always can.
Assurance is one of the only ways that makes me feel better. Telling me that I'm safe, or that someone is there, or that I was good at a sexual act that I had never done before now during any anxious moment is what calms me. I need someone to say it to me because I lack the ability to reassure myself adequately.
"Are you not only saying that so you don't make me feel insecure?" I tease, knowing that I can't have been that great my first time. I based all of it on the memory of Alex doing it to me and zero skills.
"No, of course not. I don't lie to you," He replies, giving me a cheeky grin. I chuckle at that, snaking my arms around his neck and burrowing my face into the crook of his neck to hide my growing blush.
I inwardly squeal at the fact that I've finally experienced giving a blowjob but try and keep a calm outward appearance, so Alex doesn't think I'm weird. But still, what the fuck, that was an incredible experience.
I sure as hell would do it again.
Suddenly, Alex is pushing me back towards my bed, smirking. "My turn."
If you're gonna read gay smut, make sure you don't comment borderline homophobic stuff, thanks.
Also idc if you find parts of this book 'cringe', not just this chapter. If you have something negative to say about this book, no one is telling you to comment it. Just move on. If you find it that cringe then stop reading. Damn.