"Taylor.." he said
"Yes..."
"Taylor, look at me." He sternly said
I inhaled deeply then exhaled and looked at him.
I wanted to look him in the eyes but it was hard.
"Can you at least look at my face?" He asked
"It's..it's hard." I said
"Let's go talk in my car." He said and grabbed my hand and I followed behind him to his car.
"Stay there, Mia." I said to her before the door closed behind us.
He unlocked the car and we got in and at first we sat there. It was silence. Boy, is this awkward.
Awkward situations and an awkward person like me do not mix. I could just run.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked
"I just found out like a month ago and we weren't talking so..." I said
"Okay, hopefully you would've eventually came around had this not been your decision. Why didn't you tell me that this was your decision?"
I sighed and shrugged, "I don't know, Chris."
"You do know, stop acting scared to talk to me."
"This isn't an easy topic to be touching basis on, give me a second." I said
He sighed and sat back. I took a sigh myself, "I don't know. I mean, you can't even commit in a relationship so why on earth would I think you'd commit to a child?" I started
"Those are completely different situations." He said
"But why are you doing this?" He followed
"Do you not know who we are? Do you know who I am, who you are, how we conceived this child?" I asked
"Well you're Taylor and I'm Chris and we conceived this child from sex." He answered with a playful, yet serious smile
"I'm serious, this isn't a joking matter."
"I'm serious too, who we are and how we made the baby doesn't matter. What matters is why are you choosing to go this route? And mostly, why didn't you at least think to tell me that you were pregnant and that you were coming here?" He asked
"Firstly, who we are does matter. We're two people headstrong in our careers to where we won't have time for a baby. We conceived this baby forbiddingly because we weren't supposed to be having sex to begin with. I didn't tell you because the moment I found out I knew what I wanted to do, and it would've been pointless of letting you know if I was going to decide to do this anyway."
He nodded, but I could see he didn't like anything I said.
"Well let me fact check everything you just said. Just because we have careers doesn't mean we can't or won't be able to make time for our child, our income is very stable therefore if we need to take a pause— we can afford to. Secondly, we didn't conceive our baby forbiddingly because there's no rule written anywhere that says we can't enjoy pleasure— together or not. Thirdly, you wrong for not telling me at all, that you were pregnant or that you wanted an abortion. I had to find out when you were damn near already on the table." He explained
"You're being dramatic, they didn't even call my name yet. I don't know what you're doing all of this
complaining for anyway, I thought you'd be relieved that I was making this choice... you wouldn't want it interfering with the relationship you and your ex are working on."
"What the hell are you talkin' about?" He asked
"Let's not get amnesia all of a sudden, you have a girlfriend, Chris, or you're working out your relationship with her. That same night we conceived this child is the same night I caught you talking to whoever she was on the phone." I said
"And that same night I also told you that her and I weren't together. I told you that we met up a few times— no type of sex, and she felt some form of entitlement. We had a real tight relationship and I was single the last time she checked so she's doing what she wants with that information."
"So what were you calling her baby for? Why didn't you tell her what you really were doing if she's not your girl? You shouldn't have to lie."
"I call damn near everybody that, even though when I say it to you I'm trying to flirt, but it's a habit.. and why would I tell anyone that? 'Chris what you doin'?, nothing just got done fuckin' this girl..' " he said in a mocking manner then looked at me and rolled his eyes
"You just so happen to hear the end of the conversation but didn't catch the beginning when I told her ass she can't be callin' my phone like she my girl." He added
I didn't reply, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he doesn't really have a girlfriend.
It was silent for about 2 minutes.
Mia jogged to the car, "They're calling your name." She said
I looked to Chris and reached for the door handle but he put his hand over me, "Sit yo' dumb ass back, give us a second, Mia." He said
She said okay and went back in.
"So you don't want me to do this?" I asked
He clenched his jaws and sat back in frustration, "Taylor you've clearly never been the brightest, obviously I don't want you to. I wouldn't have drove all the way over here and missed my damn court case! I get we not on the best terms, I know, we not together, I know, and for the most part I know you probably scared as fuck right now but whether you want me around or not for our personal reasons— I'm here. You not thinkin' wit' a clear head. But I'mma think for you.. you don't need to do it." He said, now with a calmer tone.
I went silent.
"Okay."
He let out a deep sigh, "So just to clarify things, we not going back inside?" He asked
"No, we're not." I said
We both were now silent. It was as if both of our minds were roaming and we both were taking this in.
"I'm happy for us, baby." He smiled
I faintly smiled, "Yeah, I am too."
"Talk to me, what you thinkin' bout?" He asked and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him in the best way.
I shrugged, "I don't even know where to start to explain how I'm feeling, I don't know if I'm scared or if I'm filled with joy... it's a lot to process." I said
"Well don't be scared because though I'm an asshole I'll still be there for every step. But, be happy. This is a good thing... it means we're destined to be together, even if we don't end up together.." He said
I sighed, I guess.
"Can you go tell Mia she can leave? I don't wanna step foot back in there." I asked
"Got you." He said and got out
I'm so relieved. I am.
Chris came back out with Mia following behind him. She had a wide smile on her face as she walked to the passengers side.
"Come on, bring it in." She said and opened the door
I rolled my eyes and stepped out, she pulled me in for a hug and we swayed side to side.
"I'm happy you made the right decision. I knew all along not knowing if you'd have his support behind this was your reason for coming here, but I'm glad he changed your mind." She said as she pulled away
"I know, and I hate to say it but thank you." I said
"You don't have to thank me, that's what real friends are for."
"But, I'm going to head home, I'll be available if you need me. Drive safe, yall continue to work this out." She said and patted my shoulder before walking off.
Chris was still sitting in the car.
I got inside and put my seatbelt on.
"Are you hungry?" He asked, starting up the car.
"Yeah, I am." I sighed
"Have I ever cooked for you?"
"No, you haven't."
"Well I'm about to whip up some shit today." He said and chuckled as he pulled off
"I'm lookin' forward to that then." I said
The radio was turned on low. The rest of the ride was silent, allowing us time to think to ourselves.
When we got to his place I followed behind him inside. He had papers everywhere, his pants to his suit were sitting on the couch along with the blazer.
"You see I was really in the middle of heading to a damn court case, I had to change out of my damn suit and everything." He said
I slightly smiled, "Sorry."
"It's all good, I doubt we was gonna win anyway."
"What? I thought you were the best lawyer and you never lose." I said, shocked
"Man, that nigga got caught with the murder weapon, damn DNA was on the weapon, and there's witnesses that seen his ass at the crime scene, that nigga going to prison." He said and burst out laughing
I couldn't help but mildly laugh along.
"Talk to me." He said, watching how in thought I was
"I was so sure you didn't want this. I-I swear while I was awaiting these two months I was telling myself that this was the best thing to do because you didn't want this to happen as much as I didn't."
"Why did you think that? Sit at this island and talk to me." He said as we walked into his kitchen. It was huge.
"Because... like I said earlier, you can't commit to a relationship so I just knew you couldn't commit to a child. And you also seem so stuck on yourself I was under the impression that you wouldn't dare wanna share your time with another human being— unless it's benefiting you."
"First of all, your perception on me is outrageous. I'm nowhere near stuck on myself, I'm very sure of myself, yes, but stuck on myself and only care about me— no." He said
"And once again, those were two different things. I just feel like it'll be hard to balance a relationship with the hectic work life I have, and I'll end up breaking someone's heart or vice verse. With a child, I will pause all of that— work, relationships, anything, just to be there for my child..." he paused
"Yeah, I can pause work but who wants to miss out on money for a relationship? I typically tried to even be accommodating and compensating, but it wasn't good enough so to make it easier, why not obsolete the entire thing." I said
I listened to everything he said intently, "I don't want to sound thirsty or .. redundant.. but I'm curious, will us never be a thing?" I asked
He frowned, "Noo, no, no, I'm not saying that. I feel like we can possibly work towards that." He said
I nodded but another question popped up.
"Do you think I'll even be a good parent? You know, I always feared that, even as a teen." I said as he grabbed the pots and pans and things he'd need.
"What do you mean?" He asked
"Because I don't know how to do anything really. I can probably cook or clean and run a business, but I'm not smart when it comes to stuff like this. I've never babysat, I don't have younger siblings...I don't even have a mom to call when I'm confused or a sister to call that has been through this before. Besides Mia, I'm by myself." I shrugged
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I tried so hard to conceal them and continue to talk so he wouldn't notice the silence and turn around, but I couldn't hold my tears and he turned around anyway.
"Aw, babe..." he said and came to me
He opened his arms and motioned for me to come to him, I walked to his arms and rested my head on his shoulder and silently cried my eyes out for a good 2 minutes. Safe to say I've been holding so much in for a while.
He rubbed my back, "You got me, you always do." He said and kissed my forehead
"Sorry about your shirt." I slightly smiled
"Yeah, you done got a damn booger over here, snot over there— nah I'm just playing, you good." He chuckled
I went into the bathroom and cleared my face off
I hate being like this. I'm always so well put together and strong.
When I came out he was just throwing some food into the skillet.
"I'm a chef, little does anyone know." He said as he continued placing chopped up vegetables into the skillet.
"Oh, hush. You wish."
"No, seriously. I took a culinary class after I moved out of my grandma place cause I needed to cook for myself." He said
"And that's makes you a chef?"
"Hell yeah!" He said
I chuckled, "Okay, I'll be waiting to see this magnificent chef meal." I said
I sat and waited for him to finish preparing whatever he was making us.
I eventually calmed down inside and relaxed. I wanted to still be mad at him but I don't even know why I want to be mad. He's confessed everything to me, and I'm assuming, told me the truth about anything I asked about.
I'm more at ease with my decision now that I've had his help and know that he won't be unhappy about it. Maybe today did go alright.
Chill out, Taylor, chill.
Ria ✍🏽