I want to tell him he's crazy.
I want to tell him it's the most impulsive and stupid thing he's ever said.
I want to tell him that he needs to calm down and reevaluate.
But I don't, because I've thought the same thing way too many times. I just never thought he would actually offer it to me.
I swallow and choke on my words about ten times before he chuckles and places a hand over my mouth.
"You wouldn't have to pay for room and board, you could use any car whenever you needed to, we're only about ten minutes from campus, and I would finally be able to sleep well every night."
He sleeps better with me? I'm about to ask the question out loud when something else comes out of my mouth.
"Ethan..." I'm not sure what I was planning to say about him, but nothing positive. How could I possibly live under the same roof as that man?
"I'll talk to him. If he ever comes to this side of the house again, or approaches you, I'll have doors with locks put in anywhere he'd be able to get to you. You'll never have to see him. It'll be like he doesn't exist."
"I'll never see Kira and Avery."
I can't believe I'm legitimately considering this.
"You won't see them as often, but you can still get together with them. You'll still be going to the same college."
That's true. They always seem to be out and about, but they're only a phone call away. If I need them, I know they'll listen to me.
"And what if you-" I stop myself mid-sentence when I see the look in Will's eyes. He honestly doesn't think he'll stop liking me. It's really flattering, but is it true? I'll never know.
"But you understand why I'm hesitating, right?" I say and he tears his eyes from mine.
"I know you don't trust me anymore after what happened, and I know you barely trusted me before, but I'm going to do everything I can to get you to put faith in me. This could be the first step."
"That's a pretty big first step, Will."
"Yeah," he says rubbing his face as he starts to walk back and forth.
"Don't stress over it. I just need some time to process everything."
"I'm not stressed."
"You pace when you're stressed," I state.
"No, I don't," he says still pacing.
"Will," I say with a little laugh. I stand up to stop his unconscious movements and reel in his self-confidence. "Just give me some time to think. Then we can talk about it again."
"It was dumb for me to bring it up."
Is it my imagination, or did his cheeks just start turning pink?
"It's not dumb. I was just surprised."
"It was rushed, I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pressuring you into things."
His embarrassed little boy expression has got my heart beating all over the place. On one hand, it's absolutely adorable how much he cares. But on the other, I don't want him to feel ashamed for expressing what he wanted, and what he's thinking.
"Look at me," I say in a gentle voice but sternly enough so he'll listen. "I want to, really. I'm already half moved in with the amount of time I stay here, but there's a lot more to discuss. It's not as simple as words make it seem. And right now, you need to get to your meeting and I need to get to class."
His face significantly lightens.
"So rain check on this topic?" he asks with a hopeful smile.
"Yes."
He gives me a lingering kiss on the lips before heading into the bathroom without another word about the move. It's not like I have to live somewhere else. I really like my roommates and I'm in walking distance to everything on campus. I just enjoy being around Will more than anything. The pros out weigh the cons at least ten to one, but that one won't seem to leave me alone. It would be such a process to move everything back into the dorms and it'd be very embarrassing to come crawling back to Kira and Avery. I don't what to think that it would ever happen, but Will is too unpredictable for me to foresee where we will be in a year or two. I never thought he would keep such a secret from me, and he did. I think he's learned and would never do something like that again, but at this point, I'm not certain.
It's an issue that doesn't have to be an issue. I'm making unnecessary headaches out of situations that shouldn't even be problems. I need to step back and think about what's really best for my relationship with Will before I rush into all of this.
The ending of my train of thought is signaled by the ringing coming from my phone on Will's nightstand.
Travis.
I don't know why I look around to see if Will is in the room before answering. It's not like I'm keeping Travis a secret. There's nothing wrong with our casual friendship, but I have a feeling telling Will about it now would just make him mad. I'm going to push off making Will mad for a little while, as long as it doesn't result in me lying.
"Hey, Travis," I answer cheerfully.
"Jessi! Hey, what are you doing today?"
"Classes, and then, umm," I have no idea when Will's meetings will be over. "Not too much after that I don't think. I might have plans later tonight, but I'm not sure yet." That's the most accurate answer I can think of on the spot.
"Do you have a free hour after your classes are over?" The hope in his voice is obvious.
"Yeah, I think so." My classes end at two today. I'm sure it'll be after three before Will is free.
"Do you also happen to know of any quality coffee shops around campus? The two places I've been to tasted like bathwater."
I chuckle because I've heard that stated more than one time by various people. The college clearly doesn't care about its quality of coffee.
"There's a place about three minutes away that I heard was really good. I don't really drink coffee, but they have excellent tea."
"Perfect," I can almost see him smile. "When should I pick you up?"
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My coffee/tea with Travis went a lot better than I anticipated. I was quite nervous waiting outside in the warmish cool air for him to pick me up, but the second I saw his always-smiling face, I felt comfortable. It's like he's a little piece of home that actually changed for the better. The only other thing that has positively changed is Madison's condition. Pretty much everything else has gone to shit. It was great to be able to talk to Travis and reminisce high school days. He shared his thoughts and options that the old shy Travis never would have shared and he had stories to last a lifetime. We ended up sitting in one of the tables near the back of the cafe and staying there for two and a half hours. The only thing that broke our flow of conversation was the vibration of my phone.
From: Avery To: Jessi
I'M GOING TO FAIL PHYSICS. PLEASE HELP ME BEST FRIEND. ASAP. I LUV U.
I get a similar text almost every time Avery has an exam that is not related to cosmetics or beauty. I really don't expect anything less from her.
We said a friendly goodbye when he dropped me back off at the dorms. I expertly avoided a hug, which I don't think came across too awkward. I don't think he thought anything of a hug, but it's a little bit too personal for me.
Avery and I have been working on physics and then algebra for hours.
"Okay, okay," she says concentrating extremely hard on a tenth grade math problem. "This will be the last one because it's getting late, and I'm tired."
She starts to explain each step to the problem as she accomplishes it, but my mind wonders off. It's been a whole day, and Will hasn't contacted me once. He mentioned that we might be able to hang out after his meetings, but he hasn't even sent a text to say he'd be busy the rest of the night. It's just not like him.
"47," Avery says proudly. I glance down at the paper and do the question quickly in my head.
"Yeah. You'll do great tomorrow, Avery. I'm going to step outside to call Will for a minute. I'll be right back."
I don't give her much time to respond as I get up from our spot on the ground and make my way outside so I'm not disturbed by Avery's provocative comments every time I'm on the phone with Will.
I click the first, and only, contact under my favorites and place the phone against my ear as it rings, and rings, and rings.
Voicemail.
I hang up and try again.
Voicemail.
He's always by his phone. I search through my contacts to find Leah and she picks up on the first ring.
"Hi, Jessi," she says in her normal calm and relaxed voice.
"Hey, Leah. Sorry to bother you so late. Are you home right now?"
"Yeah," she replies a little quizzically.
"Do you know if Will's there too?" I say hopefully. What if he got into a car accident? What if the building he works in was burned down? What if he got attacked on-
"He's here," she says bringing my imagination to a halt. "I see his car in the driveway. I'd go check on him if I didn't think he'd blow up on me for going on his side again. He's become very territorial lately."
"Oh, okay. His phone must be dead. Thank you, Leah," I say with less enthusiasm than I intended.
"Anytime, Darling. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I'm relieved, but also still a bit confused. If he wasn't going to contact me all day, he would at least send a text saying that he'd be busy. I don't mind if he's working or has homework or really anything for that matter, but I like when he lets me know.
I think about going to his house to see what's up, but that might be crossing into crazy girlfriend territory. Maybe he lost his phone, or just got distract with his work and hasn't thought to text me back or call. I'll give him another day before I start to worry.
I climb into bed as soon as I get back into the room and will myself not to think about him. I succeed eventually, but not before saying a silent prayer that he's okay.
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Why did the bird go to the hospital?
Because he needed a tweetment.
Badum Taaaaa.
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