Chapter Four -- Influence
"You look like you've slept well," Tyler's sarcastic voice crept up beside me as I was putting on my beat up black boots.
I finished tying my laces and stood up straight. "I had some pretty fucked up dreams last night," I muttered.
"Where are you headed so early on a Saturday?" He yawned with a sleepy posture drooping against the wall.
"Well I figure I should go see if Tony really is still alive or if that's just a rumor." I grinned.
"You're sick," Tyler grumbled under his breath. "Are you really sure it's a bright idea to work there again after all the shit it got you into?"
Of course it was a good idea. I had to get my fix of chaos from somewhere.
This was a new look for Tyler. His golden brown hair was mangled, sporting a nasty bed head. Perhaps he got laid this morning; He'd need it. He wasn't wearing his business attire. I missed the days where he would look like this more often than not. But Tyler was a business man now and image meant everything. Sad.
I had a look to me too, but it was anything but a suit and tie.
"It wasn't the shop, it was the people. I Just want to focus on work," I nodded to myself.
It was possible that what I was saying was bullshit. He knew as well as I did that I chased mayhem.
Just because I got released from the loonie bin didn't mean I'm some gospel spilling whack job that's found the light of purity. I was anything but and the thought of keeping a piece of my past was too tempting to pass up.
In the asylum, they attempted to contort me into a completely different person, and forget everything about myself. I'd play along with them to keep my sentencing lowered but they were fools to think that I was transformed. Therapy was a waste.
I was in a bad mood.
"Right. Well. I have something for you," Tyler walked up to me with his fist clenched.
I narrowed my eyes at his balled up hand.
I stood in a straightened posture, mentally preparing myself. I could be proud of my friend for finally showing me how angry he's been with me over the last year or two. It was a change of personality since the last time I've seen him. Although I deserved it, it'd hurt inside.
As he approached, he stopped right in front of me and lifted his clenched fist at chest level. "I think you're going to like it," The tired look fell off his face and he smiled bright. He blinked sleepy tears coated in his eyes.
"Oh yeah..?" I raised an eyebrow. Perhaps a new guitar pick - something small enough.
Tyler threw the small object up in the air, which I caught on instinct. I looked in the palm of my hand where a set of keys attached to a key ring rested.
"I thought you might want to have that back," He grinned, flashing his teeth.
I looked up at his proud face. "You're serious?" I asked in disbelief. I looked back down at the keys, excited for the first time in a long time. I was almost certain this thing would have been sold by now; I would have pawned it off the second I was alone with it if I were in his shoes.
"Yeah, buddy. It was yours for when you came back, and now that you're back," He glanced at me. "You might need it for work."
"Thank you," I said. I Maybe they were more forgiving than I anticipated.
He nodded. "No problem, buddy. Use it for good."
I nodded slowly with a squint to my eyes. I still needed to prove that trust.
Luckily, Tyler learned and came to terms with my inability to show emotions. My simple words had meaning but my poker face remained present at all times.
"Do you have plans tonight after you get your job back?" He asked me, lazy.
"If I get my job back," I corrected.
"When. Your boss loved you and you have this... Psychotic charm to you that makes people fall under your spell." He waved his arms in front of my body. I was unsettled by the perimeters of his fingers. "You'll do fine."
Tyler rolled his eyes at his own words.
I couldn't help but darkly chuckle. The way he described me reminded me of Ted Bundy and how he would "charm" his victims in believing he was innocent when he wasn't. I suppose it wasn't all too far off if you took out the brutal rapes and murders.
"Is that a good thing?," I asked, narrowing my eyes. "Why though, do you need me for something tonight?"
"No, no, I was just curious if you've thought about rekindling any former relations with people before you left." Tyler shrugged.
I made a face. "Do you have amnesia?"
"Well there's always Tony."
I laughed, "Hah! Do you not remember how we left things off? I'm pretty sure you'd like the opposite of that."
"Oh, I remember. I'm almost certain that's the main reason why you want your old job back in the first place." He narrowed his eyes.
"Maybe I'm going back there to apologize, you know... Take the "thirteen steps in recovery."" I used my hands for quotations.
"Considering there's only twelve steps in recovery, I'm going to call bullshit on that."
"Hm."
"Pah..." Tyler replied. "Well, either way, can you make yourself available for tomorrow?"
"What's tomorrow?"
"Lace has a friend coming over that she wants you to meet."
"Oh...?" I asked, bored. "Who?"
"Her name is Aria. Her and Lacey have grown considerably close over the last year," Tyler mentioned, a casual tone to him.
"Ah, so in other words, she replaced me."
"Because you're replaceable," Tyler sarcastically said. "No, she's just been a really close friend to Lacey for quite sometime now. She usually comes over almost daily but she's been giving space for the last week or so, you know. Lacey invited her over tomorrow, and she hopes that you can make yourself available."
I made a face at him.
"Yes?" He asked.
No.
"Yeah, fine."
Space. They were still walking on eggshells around me with bare feet.
"Also, can you be on good behavior... You know, not scare her off or be a dick." He gave a scolding stare. "You don't have to like each other but if things could at least be... civil."
I narrowed my eyes, unsure how to respond. Brutal honesty, I enjoyed it. He wasn't wrong to be concerned over my actions, that was obvious.
"Is that such a chore?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Depends."
"On?"
"Her, I suppose." I pondered.
I exited out of the house and traveled my way into the garage, where my matte black Truck rested. I immediately felt relieved. I opened the door, coming to the realization that the only thing that changed was that was cleaner than when I left it. I fiddled around with the sun glass case at the roof and slumped back at the empty compartment. Nothing.
The sight was new.
I thought back to when I first bought it, about a year after living with Tyler and his lap dog girlfriend, Lacey. This was the only truck in the lot that had a matte black finish and it was my first major purchase that had responsibility behind it. I would've never expected to see this thing again after all the dumb shit I've pulled including driving under the influence of god knows what almost daily.
I peeled out of the parking garage, a sense of muscle memory automatically kicked in as I made my way down the fresh roads, slicked shiny with rain. I felt uneasy as I got closer to the shop I once worked at. It would go down one of two ways. Everyone would shame and disgrace me for coming back or welcome me back with open arms and miraculously forget all that I've done.
I only saw it going one way.
In the years I worked there, I only ever associated with my boss, Shawn, and Tony. The rest of the scum such as Sam, I only ever associated with when I needed connections to party. If I rhymed off a few words to anyone else, it was because I needed them to do something work related and I was the most knowledgeable employee in the building.
I couldn't help but take in the scenery of the town I lived in once again. Everywhere you looked, you were surrounded by green. Green grass and green forests - a perfect place for wildlife to roam freely in. Beaches with white sand that led you to crystal clear waters.
Paradise for a lowlife.
It was weird to look around the town and see it practically deserted. Tiny population - Considerably different than Florida.
Ah, I've missed this place. Even the mild weather where it was rainy a lot of the time; That's what was nice about it - it kept the nature looking fresh.
I needed a place with few faces.
"Fuck," I muttered, an unsettling feeling pooled my stomach.
When I first ran away to this place, I hated everything about it. I hated the fact that I had to come to a new place once again to start over again. I hated that it was so small here that everyone automatically knew your name. I hated that I had to leave my life behind me.
I didn't even mean to end up here. Somehow I did and when I did, I've grown rather accustomed to it's scenery. I actually liked wildlife. I ran into a big black bear my first week here. I was roaming a nearby forest and almost ran right into its back. When I stepped back, I watched the big momma bear guide her two cubs along the trail and disappear into the trees.
That's when I decided that this place would be my home.
They'd never find me here.
It was early June and the sun was actually shining today instead of the usual gloom this town seemed to never escape from. If you looked up, you could see nothing but a baby blue color with no markings or clouds to ruin the scene.
My nerves spiked up as I pulled into the sandy, rocky parking lot of the shop that was practically in the middle of nowhere. The only reason why this shop made such good business is because it was the only mechanic shop in the area.
It was a family business. Shawn's dad owned it before him, and his dad before him.
The shop had two sides to it, one side being strictly for road vehicles, the other side for boats. Considering we lived surrounded by beautiful water, we had a lot of business.
I learned how to fix cars up since I was quite young, becoming interested in it when I was around fifteen years old. Boats, on the other hand, I only learned about within the last four years by being an apprentice with the shop owner.
There they were, people I recognized from before, along with a few unfamiliar faces. I didn't even care for most of the people here, they were all pawns that I picked and chose to play with when I needed them.
There was going to be accusations today about my disappearance and I didn't even think up an excuse. Stupid.
Seeing the open grounds, I parked my truck on the side of the parking lot, prepared for an interview.
I opened my truck door and slammed it behind me, making it known that I was here. I watched closely with a fresh cigarette as a few men turned their hands around and immediately started whispering in confusion. When I saw him, I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows and smirk, impressed that his face healed up so well. Not bad.
Tony threw his tools on the ground and charged towards me, attempting to scare me with his body language. A few men started getting rowdy as he approached. I stood my guard and stared him down; A statue.
"You've got to be fucking with me!" Tony spat out. His nose healed crooked. Tony stopped in his tracks, not even a foot away from my stance, and stared up at me, seeing as his eye level reached about my chin. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Tony," I kept calm. "Your face healed nice," I said, cracking my cold facial expression into mocking laughter.
"You son of a-" He huffed out and raised his fist towards me.
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you really going to attempt to hit me?" I scratched the side of my face and cracked a smile which only made him more angry. "Alright."
I opened my arms in surrender and stepped closer to him.
Tony's fist started to clench harder, but then softened, and he slowly released his fist and puts his hand back to his side. A wise move on his part.
"You've got a lot of nerve Kingsley," He muttered, staring me down as if he wasn't afraid of me. Funny.
"Is that not what made us such a good team?"
Tony's eyes flickered and it was at that point where I knew I've got him. Tony cracked a smile to which I extended my hand out towards him for a truculence handshake. "You're a fucking psychopath. Where the hell have you been?"
I pulled him by his hand, into a one sided hug. I didn't want to fight; not on my first day back.
"I took an unexpected vacation down in Florida." I answered short while we walked towards the shop.
"That's quite a long vacation..." Tony wandered off.
"I heard you took a vacation too," I changed the subject.
"My vacation was me in a coma in the hospital for a week, I would hardly call that a vacation, you dick." Tony's upbeat behavior loosened up.
"Ah, well. You had time off work and still got paid for it so I think you'll survive." I've always had a fun time picking on Tony just to watch him get angry with me. He reminded me of the Tasmanian Devil because he was always full of energy and up for a fight. I think that's what grew my liking towards him.
He laughed at my comment, shaking his head.
Tony was Italian or Spanish - maybe both even. Either way, he was slightly shorter than the average adult man, and he was also thin because his habits kept him too busy.
Most people wouldn't bat an eye towards Tony, and it'd be extremely likable that he would be completely invisible if his personality wasn't so large.
"Where's Shawn?"
"Are you coming back?" Tony asked. He attempted to muffle the excitement in his voice.
"I plan to."
"He's in his office around back last I saw him. I think he was organizing a schedule for his next client, I don't know." He replied. "Fuck man, we never thought we'd see your face around here again." He stated more to himself.
"Me neither."
Tony and I's relationship had always been interesting - confusing to most people. We'd start by threatening each other at work, then do a bunch of blow together, get fucked up, fight, wake up and forget most of the night before, and continue our day like nothing happened.
It was a friendship that I hated to admit that I cherished. I needed to strengthen my fists somehow.
There would be days where he'd say something that'd set me off and we'd fight, then cool off our energy by partying. It could be as simple as I took my comment too far with him or he ended up fucking me over by taking my money for blow and using it for himself.
Sometimes I was just bored.
There had been many nights where I'd come home with a couple bruises and he'd hobble to work with a black eye from the shit we put each other through. The main thing that kept Tony and I civil was the fact that we had common interests which were continuously getting fucked up and letting our last two brain cells work out the conflicts for us.
I walked into the shop which had all of it garage doors wide open, exposing the inside and I felt a strong sense of familiarity. I made my way swiftly into the back room of the shop where Shawn's office was and just stood in the door frame, waiting for him to notice me.
"Kingsley?" Shawn looks up at me from his chair with confusion written all over his face. "I'll have to call you back," Shawn said on the phone before hanging up. "We've got quite a lot to talk about." He frowned, suspicious.
I stayed leaning against the wall, my foot crossed over the other and looked down at him. "How have you been?"
"Oh, Fuck off, Eli." Shawn waved his hand in dismissal which made me smirk. Shawn and I have always been good with each other. "Sit." He motioned towards the chair in front of him. "Fuckin' disappeared for a while huh, kid?" He asked, rasp from smoking for over thirty years caught up in his throat.
I shrugged. "Took some mental health time off," I said with as much casualty as I could as I plopped into my seat on the other side of his desk. "Keeping business afloat while I've been gone?"
"I had my money on jail. You look to be doing better," He wasn't amused. "So what are you doing here?"
I observed him momentarily. He was practically bald, the only exception being tiny white hairs that stuck up from the base of his head. He looked pretty much the same - bald, dirty, slightly overweight.
"I think we both know that James told you exactly where I was." I said. There was no point beating around the bush. James wouldn't risk my career, business was his main concern - even over his children.
He gave me a blank look.
"Shawn, I could get into all the details of why I left, and what I've done and been through in the last year, and how sorry I am even though we both know I'm not... Or we can skip that entirely and you can cave like I know you're going to and let me start working on Monday." Although I sounded confident, I wasn't. I was sorry, and I was embarrassed to be asking for my job back.
"What makes you think that I can trust you again?" He asked, dead.
"I'm the best worker you've got." I replied but he remained silent. "Listen. I know very well that I let you down. But if I wasn't serious about wanting to be back here, I wouldn't have showed up in front of everyone and beg for my job back." I stated, pathetically.
"How long have you been clean for?"
"Almost six months."
Shawn smiled, showing his stained teeth. "Almost six months." He echoed. "I never thought I'd see the day where you'd make it more than three days, kid." Shawn smiled momentarily then patted his bald head. "You were getting pretty out of control towards the end there, huh? I'll admit I was concerned."
"So I've been told."
"I'm glad you got the help you needed, Eli... I'm just unsure why you'd want to come back so bad. I'm not sure being here would be wise..." He hesitated.
"Why?" I asked, cracking a charming smile.
Shawn looked up at me then back down to the various items on his desk and began fiddling around with them.
"Tony and those guys? Yeah, sure. I'll be good, I'm only here to work." I convinced. I needed this.
"Eli -"
"I'm not taking no for an answer." I leaned back in my seat and put my feet on the corner of his desk.
He looked at me with what he thought was an unreadable expression. "I know." He shook his head and opened the drawer beside him, pulling out a pile of papers. "I still have you on my pay file. But if anything has changed over the time you've been away, fill it out and get it back to me on Monday."
"Thanks, Shawn." I breathed out relief and shook his hand before taking the paperwork.
"And, Eli?" He said before I walked out. "Keep your shit together. Don't make me regret this outrageous decision." He looked me dead in the eyes for a moment before laughing and turning back towards his phone to start dialing.
I walked out of the office to find Tony sitting on the picnic table outside, casually drinking his energy drink. Waiting for me.
"So I've been thinking," He started when I got in hearing range of him. He was smiling like a child with a lollipop.
"Unheard of," I muttered.
"We're going out tonight, to, to... Celebrate your return home. Yes. It's gonna be fun!" He grinned, showing off his off teeth. There was a gap in the back where a molar should have been.
"No."
Tony stared at me. "What?"
"No," I said again. Stopping in my tracks, I looked at him momentarily then began walking back to my truck. "To be quite honest, Tony, I don't get up to that shit anymore." I said, flat.
Tony's shocked face annoyed me. I shouldn't be defensive when he didn't believe me. "But you could still go out with an old friend, right?" He insisted.
"I mean, yeah. I could," I glanced towards some of the guys as I walked out of the shop building. They all gave each other confused looks before turning back to their tasks. "For the most part I like to keep to myself nowadays."
"That sounds pitiful." He said.
I leaned against the closed drivers side door, Tony following close behind.
"Eli, I'm off at four today." He suddenly announced.
"Hm."
"When I'm done, you're coming out with me tonight and we're going to catch up." He stated, happy and cheery.
"Ton-"
"I think you at least owe me that, considering what you did to me." Threatening tone.
I narrowed my eyes.
I set my paperwork down in the front seat of my car and turned on some music, trying to pass by the time. I pulled out of the parking lot of the shop and decided to drive through the town, casually observing the scenery and random spouts of people. I rolled down my window and lit up my fourth smoke of the day, feeling accomplished and fresh.
It was weird to look at the world sober and with a clean slate
As I waited around for the inevitable, I couldn't help but think about James and the shitty pep talk her threw at me yesterday about focusing on myself and staying away from triggers. I was going against everything I went away for just by simply stepping foot on the ground of my workplace.
Focus on myself.
Was I supposed to turn a blind eye towards Tyler who was obviously exhausted from work and his new responsibilities to please his father? Or the fact that he was running himself into the ground at an early age because he wants to provide for his girlfriend and chooses to do so by treating her like an absolute Queen? It's not hard to tell just from the one night I've been back.
My train of thought vanished by Tony knocking on my slightly rolled down window. It felt as if he came out of nowhere. "You ready to go?" He asked.
"Uh, yeah." I whispered.
"Leave your truck here, we'll take mine." He demanded and walked in front of me, already on his way to his. I didn't even care to argue with him because it felt like talking to a wall half the time.
I followed him to his beat up Chevy truck and hopped in the passenger seat. "Where are we headed?"
Tony grinned. "Peaches and Cream." A strip club practically down the road from here with high end strippers and pricey private shows. I should've known.
"You still go there?" I asked almost impressed. He usually didn't go without me because I would help him score with any woman he wanted to.
"Yeah but it has been rough. Sam isn't much help in being a wingman - Usually I strike out," He laughed. "You'll help me get back in the game though, ay buddy?" He grinned. "I think it's a good place to go to celebrate your return - our usual spot."
I couldn't help but crack a smile because as much as I didn't want to admit it, the place brought back a lot of memories, both good and bad.
Peaches and Cream wasn't a place with only male customers. There were two sides of the club. The front was a tasteful bar with overly expensive drinks where as the back was where the strippers resided. I didn't know that women liked to watch other women dance until I started coming here. It was an easy starter conversation.
Throughout the car ride, instead of attempting conversation, I let Tony practically talk to himself while I remained alone with my thoughts. I was pretty sure that the last time I was at this place was the same night I almost attacked Lacey but I couldn't be certain of it.
When we arrived to the club, Tony eagerly exited his car and grinned at me while he waited for me to follow suit. "Are you ready?"
I didn't say anything, but I hopped out of the truck and walked towards the building that looked run down until you actually walked inside. As Tony and I entered the club, I immediately got a rush of old memories of the two of us closing the place down, hitting up random woman, doing a lot of drugs, and drinking too much alcohol.
I wasn't this person anymore. I looked at the peach colored walls that were plastered in neon signs and framed photos of old school dancers. I felt out of place now.
I should not be here, but it was too tempting to stay and hang around Tony.
"Old booth?" Tony asked, pointing to our usual, discrete spot.
Glancing a little ways down the bar, I nodded in return, unsure how I felt about this situation.
Tony and I walked over to the black booth with little diamonds in each indent of the cushioned seats. We took a seat, sitting across from each other like we always did and I just looked at him with a cautious feeling.
"So," Tony said as he looked away from me and waved over the waitress to our table. "You disappear for practically a year - I'll take two beers, whatever you have on draft is fine." He interrupted himself to talk to the waitress.
The girl was wearing a short white dress that was evidently see through. Underneath, she was dressed in a red lacey thong with a matching bra. She stared at me for a moment, the desperation of getting a good tip shined through her smile.
I glanced toward her eyes, thinking she was about to speak to me but when she said nothing, I turned my attention back towards Tony who couldn't stop drooling.
"Tony, she's talking to you," I muttered when he didn't respond to her asking which size of drinks he wanted. I lowered my eyelids. "Fuck - Are you going to answer or just stare at her tits all night?" I hollered. "The big one is fine," I motioned towards the girl.
Tony looked from the girl to me. "Right, shit, sorry," He rambled then offered her a wink. As the girl walked away, he breathed out. "She's fucking hot man, I've never seen her before."
I raised an eyebrow. "You're going to miss your opportunity."
"We'll see," He smiled. "So you disappear for practically a year, no one has a single idea where you go - just fell off of the face of the earth. And you just woke up one day and decided that you want to come back? Just like that?"
"Just like that." I repeated, dryly.
"Well obviously there's a reason you left." He asked, nodding at the waitress who came back with our drinks, all of a sudden no longer interested in her.
"Thank you." I told her, polite, to which she smiled and tip toed away. "I'm not really sure what you're looking for, Tony." I hesitated.
"Well man, you left on fucked terms I'll tell you that." He accused.
"Honestly, Tony, I know what you're hinting at. But I don't remember ninety percent of what happened that night." I played with the frosted glass in front of me, making little squiggles on the side.
Maybe that's why I wanted to see him so badly - to make amends with my past errors. That was a step in recovery, wasn't it?
I eyed the glass. I shouldn't drink this.
"You went fucking psychotic is what happened. I don't know what the hell kind of shit you were on, but you thought everyone around you was out to get you." he hissed at me.
I leaned closer to him, threatening. "And according to you, we were on the same shit."
He leaned back into his seat. "W-Well all I know is that you thought I stole your coke and came after me in the parking lot. There was no telling you otherwise. You were convinced that I was all part of a plan of this guy that you used to know to come after you and shit." Tony said, frustrated. "Next thing I know, I'm on the ground, choking on my own blood with people surrounding me. I blacked out after that and I woke up in the hospital room a week later and you were nowhere to be found."
I frowned at the words that were coming out of Tony's mouth because it made perfect sense. "I must've gotten laced shit," Was the only thing I could think of. I'd like to think that it wasn't me that night, but it was, and I couldn't put it past me that I could be so dangerous when provoked.
It wouldn't be the first time that I put something in my body, not fully knowing exactly what it was. I've been given laced things before and I've overdosed before, but each time, I never turned into a vicious animal, rather I'd just start seizing on the floor of some crackheads kitchen.
"Where'd you go after that night?" He asked.
"I don't owe you an explanation," I asserted.
"I just think," He gulped of his beer, almost downing it in one shot. "That throughout the few years we'd known each other, you'd at least tell me the truth." He whined.
All I could think about was the fact that Tony was not someone who would understand why I actually left town. He was all about fun and games and would probably never get out of his partying phase.
"Are you going to drink that?" He speculated.
I looked down at my untouched beer.
Hesitating, I took a big sip, instantly liking the taste on my lips. I chugged the rest down to get it out of the way and pushed the glass towards the edge of the table. I looked around my surroundings and observed the various strippers making their way around the building to talk to various people. I didn't really recognize any of them.
Tony and I continued to make conversation, mainly me trying to coax him any other conversation that didn't have anything to do with my personal life. The main topic of interest was our past memories and all of the shit we've gotten ourselves into including getting kicked out of this bar a few times after picking fights with the bouncers and various customers.
He actually met a girl at the hospital who he fell for quite hard. It was weird to know that Tony actually dated someone for over four months before she ultimately ended things with him, leaving him with a broken heart. Since then, he decided to sleep around left and right, reverting back into his old ways.
"Is that all you've been doing while I've been MIA?" I asked.
"I've been getting side money, you know." Tony revealed. "I've been working alongside with Sam from work. Remember him?" Completely changing tune, bouncing back to his regular self.
"Yeah, I noticed him today."
"Anyways," He continued. "I've been selling." He pulled out a tiny see through baggie containing white powder inside.
I instantly stiffened up, unable to take my eyes off of it.
"Are you working with Billy?" I asked, with a tightened throat.
"Yeah, Sam and I have been in contact with him." Tony smiled, as if he was proud. "I'll obviously give you discounts though. And the first one's on me since after all, this is a celebration of your return." He grinned and handed me the bag. "Anything for my best friend."
I stared at it for a moment and lifted up my hand to take the bag off of him but stopped and looked at him. "I'm actually good." I cleared my throat and swallowed hard.
"Pardon?" He asked, shocked.
"I told you that I'm not into that shit nowadays." I observed his face. He had a dark purple discoloration under his eyes and looked overall burnt out.
I locked my jaw.
"Yeah I heard you, I just didn't think you were being serious. I never thought I'd hear that come out of your mouth." He shook his head. "You're the one notorious for having shit on you at all times, for any occasion."
I stared at his hands. "I know. Let's just say I've taken a small break. I don't want to... Give in, just yet."
Tony dumped the white content on the table and I could already feel my body start to sweat. I didn't realize how much this shit still had power over me and it was pitiful. Fuck.
"Suit yourself." He said. I watched as he chopped the powder into lines with his credit card. Watching him made my throat burn and it me pissed off that I wanted it so badly.
"You should be careful," I mumbled, eying the prize. "With Billy. He likes to set people up for failure so he can hook you into whatever shit he's got going on," I warned.
"I'm not worried," Tony revealed and rolled up his money. "We're buddies, I'm just his salesman. Billys good." He lined the straw with the powder.
I looked away and stared at the dancing girls, swinging their bodies on their poles in a graceful yet sexy way. I didn't want to watch him snort anything because if I did, my nose would be right down there with him.
Suddenly, the conversation Shawn and I had today at the shop hit me. He warned me about being around Tony. I said that I could control myself but who was I kidding? Here I was, on day two, ready to break all the hard work I've done over the last year.
I breathed in a shaky breath and closed my eyes, pretending that I was somewhere else. I could hear Tony rambling on about something, instantly in a hyped up mood and when I turned my attention back to him, his jaw started to lock and rock side to side.
I motioned the waitress back over to our table and order another round of drinks, but this time I requested liquor to really get me going. I figured substituting coke with alcohol was good enough.
"So did you start taking steroids or what?" Tony's buggy eyes looked up from the table and stared into me. It was creeping me out.
"What?" I asked.
"You know, steroids. Last I saw ya, you were toned, sure - but thin and boney... But not boney, I don't know. You looked like you skipped meals but you still had muscles to, to, to fight or at least do a push up or something. But now, you're like all muscles and bigger and quite frankly even scarier than before because now you can really do some damage." He paused. "Not that you couldn't before, I mean... Look what you did to me, but you get what I mean. Do you buy that stuff now? Have connects or anything in town?" He laughed and looked around the room, his attention span taking off in a million different directions.
"Do you want any?" I asked, playing along.
"I heard that it makes your dick tiny," He made a sour face and shook his head. I watched his movements as he took a sip of his new drink. "Have you noticed any changes?"
"I don't take steroids." I muttered flat and drank one of my shots of whiskey. As his facial expression changed, I couldn't help but laugh. I was uncomfortable being here, but I needed to prove to myself that I can face a challenge and not run away every time I saw a trigger. What good would that do?
"Are you sure you don't want any?" Tony asked while pushing the content towards me with his credit card.
However, I still contemplated calling Tyler.
I toyed with the idea for a moment. One wouldn't do harm, and it was clear that it's not tainted considering Tony was acting completely fine. One wouldn't hurt me. One wouldn't spiral me back to doing it everyday like I used to.
I touched it with my index finger and turned my finger around to examine the residue on my skin. It was so tempting. When I glanced up at Tony, he had a happy grin on his face because he knew that once I did this, the party was really about to start.
It was right in front of me, screaming at me to have some.
It was a bad idea.
Snapped out of my daze, the alcohol in my stomach was starting to rise to my throat in a panic. I wiped my finger on my jeans and stood up abruptly.
"I have to go," I announced and started marching out of the bar.
Outside, my shaking hands attempted to light my cigarette as my lungs attempted to catch my breath.
"Woah, woah," Tony followed me outside in a hurry.
He pulled his own lighter out and lit my stick for me when my lighter died. I breathed in heavenly smoke.
"We just got here, Eli, you can't leave," Tony frowned.
I eyed him. "Toss me your phone, mines dead," I muttered. I needed a cab.
Tony smiled. "No," He childishly replied. When I glared at him, he stepped back. "Eli, just have a few more drinks with me and I'll give you my phone, okay?" He reasoned. "Geez man, don't ruin the night. Just stick around for a bit, it'll turn around, I'm telling ya'."
Inside, Tony ordered more shots and I was too weak to deny the opportunity. I requested the blonde waitress to leave the bottle of whiskey at my table and paid extra in tips just to feel some form of security. I didn't feel like I even drank that much, but considering I hadn't drank in a year, it was all catching up a little too quickly.
Feeling confident, Tony made his way to the stage of the dancers and threw low amounts of money at them as if he were doing them a favour. I watched Tony make a fool out of himself by saying degrading things at the women but they didn't seem to mind. As long as he kept giving them money.
I sipped out of my whiskey bottle.
"Buddy," He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "I've really missed you, you know? No one's as fun to be around as you were." He admitted.
"Your face makes you look tougher now." I referred to the scar on his eyelid and the crooked nose.
Looking at a face like that, was nothing that bothered me anymore. I was used to seeing another person with scars and rough looks because it was normal where I came from.
Everyone beating on everyone for no god damned reason. But for them, it was mainly gangs or mischief. It's possible I wasn't the only one who had a bad home life too, but no one ever spoke of it.
Still though, I was guilty for doing that to him. It felt wrong because I couldn't remember the real circumstances of why, therefore there was no definitive reasoning.
Tony finished his thoughts and waited for me to answer even though I wasn't listening and too distracted on trying to control myself. Something about friendship... Maybe girls? Hm...
Luckily, I was saved by a set of fake nails tapping me on the shoulder.
She had a tanned complexion and bleached blonde curly hair. My inebriated, droopy eyes traveled to her enlarged boobs which were completely exposed except for two black, pasted tassels just over her nipples. Fake. I never liked fake.
She smiled and called me something that I couldn't hear. I swiveled my chair around and leaned back into it, watching as she climbed onto my lap and started grinding herself onto me. I could barely recognize what was happening so I let whenever she wanted to do to me unfold, enjoying the process.
My drunk self let out a quiet "Mm," feeling turned on. It had been a long time. She, who heard me, turned around so her back was facing me, and continued to dance on top of me. I couldn't care less for this girl, sad to say.
I leaned in close to her which made her tilt her head back a bit, giving me full advantage to blow cool air down her neck. She, who was enjoying herself more than I was, pushing her body into me even closer and started to run her hands through my hair.
Just as I was getting rather into the attention, I peaked over at Tony to see him wiping his nose nonchalantly. He gave a dancer who was looking quite rough - the same bill he previously rolled up at our booth and whispered something in her ear. The scene was familiar and I already knew that they were exchanging something between each other. They weren't even attempting to be discreet about it.
I pushed the girl off of me in a graceful manner.
"I ordered us Tequila!" Tony cheered as I walked up. When he handed me our double shot, I was already on the verge of going down a darker path than where I was.
I dumped the drink on the floor when he wasn't looking.
I glanced at Tony's phone clutched in his hand and saw it was only eleven thirty at night.
"I have to go," I called to Tony and reached for his phone.
He moved his hand away and ignored my protests. He was impossible to talk to sober, but even worse when he was intoxicated.
I considered my options. Would one line really hurt? If it was only one...
"Fuck, boy!" He cheered and grabbed two more from the waitress who was standing near by, catering to him almost.
A man pushed Tony aside to walk through and spilled his drink, which if people knew Tony, they'd know that he was a bit of a hot head when it came to people picking on him. Perhaps it was because it happened often and he was self conscious over his height.
"What the fuck, man?" Tony grabbed the man by the shoulder and turned him around. The man was almost the same size as I was, which was twice as big as Tony.
"What?" The man smugly smiled at him, as if to call Tony a joke or something.
Tony raised his eyebrows in anger and knocked the other guys drink out of his hand, which smashed on the ground and spilled all over a lady's open toed shoes.
I glanced at the lady for a moment, who was now upset and ever so slightly bleeding. I bent down and picked up some of the glass away from her feet and apologized briefly.
But my attention was taken away when I saw the man coming a little too close to my friend, in a very threatening way.
Of course, Tony didn't back down, and only tried to get into the mans face further. Tony hit him, in which the man barely moved, and shoved Tony to the ground.
I stepped in an instant, feeling angry because Tony was a dumb ass for picking fights he couldn't win, and this man was a complete loser for fighting someone who was an easy target.
This situation oddly reminded me of when I was in high school and had to constantly stand up for my only friend who was too weak and fragile to do anything about anything.
Was Tony a replacement to Twiggy? Maybe that's why I was being protective over him.
I walked up to the man and touched him on the shoulder, initially prepared to just apologize to him and explain that Tony has had too much to drink. That reaction completely went away when the man shoved me, spewing words of nonsense.
I punched the man square in the jaw harder than I intended, and watched as he stumbled backwards and into his friend who was also just watching as an innocent bystander. The friend contemplated coming in the middle of it, but by the force of my hit, he decided otherwise.
I picked Tony up and took him outside with me quickly, before the bouncers attempted to kick us out for starting fights, just like how we used to.
"You're a fucking idiot." I told him while taking out a smoke and lighting it up.
"Fuck that guy." He said. "Thanks for having my back, bro," Tony took out a stick and lit one himself.
"Yeah," I laughed. "You thought you could take him?" I joked.
Tony burst into laughter. "Not even in the slightest but that's not gonna' stop me!" He grinned, his cigarette sticking out of his lips.
I rolled my eyes. "You could've had your face look even more fucked up than it is."
Tony shook his head and leaned against the brick wall of the building with me, popping a leg up and resting the bottom of his foot on the wall. "Nah, I knew you wouldn't let that happen."
He took out his baggie and snorted more of the contents.
I sighed and stiffened, hauling at my cigarette.
"One more round and we'll get out of here," Tony threw his smoke to the ground.
The night continued on and I tried my best to block out my biggest temptations. Tony disappeared for about thirty minutes to a VIP section of the building and I took the opportunity to take my bottle of whiskey and exit the building. I wandered out of the parking lot, taking small sips of booze to keep my energy up and to take away from the feeling of turning around and doing a couple lines.
My body felt numb and I couldn't focus on the dark sight ahead of me. Everything was a blur. The more I breathed in fresh air, the more my head vibrated.
I've felt this feeling many times before. It was familiar. I was hitting the peak of a blackout.