Calvin
I stare at the man in the mirror. Why are you so nervous, I ask him. What's the big deal. He loves you!
It's so hard to understand why I'm afraid. I keep choking up. Weeks ago, I left work and went to the jeweler to put in my order. I bought Benjamin a ring. Not just any ring, no. I got him an engagement ring. I planned on proposing the night he was promoted to CFO. There was a party for it and everything, and it was so perfectly planned out. I even got the ring the day before, so it was like fate.
Then the doubt settled in. What if he's not ready? What if he isn't into me forever? I could just be his trial-run for the real thing. He's young, and marriage is a lot of pressure for him, I'm sure.
All bullshit. It's all my mind can come up with.
Then it was Christmas vacation. I was going to propose on the lake in our boat, if it weren't for Agatha watching us. I love her to death, but I'd like for it to be just the two of us. Then it was at the piano. After he played that song, I had my damn hand on the box in my pocket. I was cut off by the girls entering the room.
I thought about going for it while we danced alone, but instead, we ended up talking about a theoretical marriage, and it scared me right off the podium. It made me feel better, knowing he'd practically say yes to it, and he even wanted me to propose. But there was too much pressure at that point.
I brought him to the roof of the museum to do it there, but lots of factors ruined that. It was cold, loud and windy, and we were soon escorted off the premises for breaking the rules.
Finally, it was on the train. If I had been a few minutes quicker, I could've proposed to him before. I have Ben's hormones and horniness to blame for that, though I could never seriously blame his sex drive for anything.
That was the last straw. I want to marry this man. I want to propose to him and put that damn ring on his finger. So I'm going to. It isn't the ultimate romantic setting at all, but it's good enough. I know he'll be happy either way.
After I wash my face swiftly and dry it off, I open the door to the bedroom to see Ben passed out in the pillows, body sunken in and arms sticking up and out like he was falling. I smile, a bit downtrodden and a bit in adoration. I undress him and kiss his cheek, then lips. God, I'm so lucky to have you.
I toss my clothes off as well and use the remote to dim all the lights, pulling the sheets over us. I swim through pillows and find his body, hugging him from the side and caressing his soft, smooth chest.
"...Mmm. Love you, baby," he mutters in his sleep, a bit of Southern twang to it. The words warmed my heart, to be honest.
"I love you so much more."
• • •
Waking up in this house is always such a strange feeling. The room is so dark besides the aquarium glow, so it has a night club neon vibe to it, which is odd to see in the morning. Half of my chest is pressed to Ben's, our slight sweat gluing our skin together. I peel off of him gently and kiss his head.
After our heated evening together, I don't have a clue as to how I have raging morning wood right now. I disregard my primal urges to wake up my sleepyheaded man and force him to perform sexual favors on me, settling for heavy cuddling up against him. He's such a heavy sleeper, he would sleep through an earthquake. I've literally jerked off next to him once because he fell asleep before he returned the favor. Admittedly a low point, but not the lowest at least.
I snap out of my thoughts, remembering what woke me up in the first place. I grab my phone and notice Agatha had called me seven times. I pick up on the eighth as it rang in my palm.
"Hey, sorry. Just woke up," I say gruffly. "Good morning to you, too, I guess."
"I'm calling to let you know that I instated another few days of holiday break for everyone at the company. Since New Years is right around the corner quite literally, I decided to postpone work until the following week, since everyone will be way too wasted to be productive at all. We tried working last year, and it was a massive mistake, remember?"
I chuckle. "That's awesome! That means Ben and I can..." stay in Edinburgh for the next week all to ourselves.
"No, you can't. I still need my CFO and my little cousin home. You can stay until New Year's Eve, but I want you guys here for the festivities. I'll be needing Benjamin and Sarah this weekend, anyway. So you do have a few more days of freedom, but I expect you home for that."
"Ugh, okay," I groan. I look to Benjamin's gorgeous bare back and sigh. "Agatha, what am I going to do about him and me?"
"You still haven't put a ring on it?" she asks me angrily. "If you fuck this up, I swear–"
"I'm not going to! God, you're a python. Sometimes I think you're more interested in having Ben be your in-law than you are happy for me."
She goes silent for a moment. "I plead the fifth."
"Goodnight, Ag," I mutter. She giggles, hanging up the phone after swift 'I love you's are given. I really do love her, so much. She deserves someone to love, too. I can't imagine that busybody ever managing a love life though. She'd go insane, and nothing ever breaks her, but as taxing as it was for Benjamin and I in the beginning, I would feel for her.
"Calvin?" Ben grunts from below me. I smile brightly, lying down and rolling into his back. He rolls over to see me, leaning his forehead into my lips. "Good morning."
"Good morning, gorgeous," I whisper back, almost so quietly it couldn't be heard. He heard it, though, and smiled big at that.
"I love it when you call me those feminine adjectives. Like I'm a pretty girl." He giggles.
"Because you are?" I say, sarcastically worried. "Wait, you- you aren't a woman? Who are you!?" We laugh, kissing lovingly and getting closer and more familiar despite our slightly stale breath and overly warm bodies.
Ben practically rips out of the kiss suddenly, a frantic look on his face. "I never even thought to ask you."
"W– Ask me what?" I choke.
He gets quiet and shy about it, clamming up a bit in the sheets. "Are you going... to want women someday? I-I-I'm only asking because it should totally be clear if I'm wrong and–"
"Benjamin, hush!" I bark, putting a finger to his lips, then draw my own mouth to his soon after. He kissed me gently in return, still a bit on edge. I release him and look into his eyes deeply, only inches apart. "I'm not polyamorous. I don't have a sex addiction, other than sex with you. I just swing both ways and happened to swing and fall off of said swing, right into your heart."
"That's corny," he chuckles.
"It made sense though, right? I'm all for you, baby. You let me know if you ever want to spice things up. I'm very open to many different sexual experiences. If someday you're comfortable, we can invite any girls or guys to join us. But I'm looking at you, and you alone." It's true that I could tolerate an orgy, at maximum a foursome, but I've always enjoyed one-on-one sex the most. I won't be at all upset if he wants to stick to just us.
"I don't know about all that," he sighs. "Unless it's something you want."
"Okay, no. It's what you want. Always. I love you, so don't take this offensively, but I don't have as much anxiety about it as you do. You tell me if you're uncomfortable. Besides, I prefer just the two of us, especially right now." I slide a hand up his thigh, licking my lips seductively. He giggles at my obvious and nerdy way of showing my desire.
He takes my hand in both of his and smiles at me. "As much as I want to go to pound town right now, I'm still exhausted from yesterday. How about we recharge until tonight. I'm starved." I smirk, kissing his thigh mindlessly.
"Okay. I'll make breakfast."
Ben nods. "I'll watch Edinburgh local television. I'm intrigued." I mirror his nod and stand from the bed. We both toss one of my t-shirts on, the one on Ben covering most of his middle down to the bottom hem of his briefs. I lift his shirt a little and put my hand to his abdomen. He giggles a, "What," at me.
I push into the firm muscle with my thumbs, garnering laughter from both of us. "Those ab workouts already helped. It's getting pretty tight."
Ben rolled his eyes, punching at my abs. "I'll never achieve that carton of golden eggs you have." I toss my head back in a laugh, following him downstairs. Speaking of eggs, I decide to whip up some omelets for the both of us, with a side of bacon. And, guiltily, some bacon sprinkled in the omelet mix. I like bacon. I hate that the kitchen isn't open-bar, so I'm alone in here. Just when I thought that, Ben creeps up behind me and wraps arms around my waist.
"Hello," he whispers.
"Howdy." He grunts at me, tossing his booty onto the counter perpendicular to the stove I'm working on and kicks his legs adorably. Fuck, he's adorable.
"What are we doing today?" he asks. I shrug, holding up my hands and panning to the house.
"I guess you see it. I've got a car here we can take into town, but I didn't really plan anything up to this point." He shrugs in return, glancing around at the house.
"You still have to give me that tour." Oh yeah. I nod, finishing up our breakfast and plating it. I pour us some orange juice and set the table. Ben hurries over and grabs his fork, ready to dig in.
"Ah, ah, ah," I scold, holding up a finger. "We say grace before we eat, child. For we are very religious."
"Yes, of course," he plays along, clasping his hands. "Dear Satan–"
He's cut off by both of our laughter. "Dumbass," I say, biting into my bacon.
—————
"That's pretty much the bedrooms and bathrooms. Other than the living room and kitchen, there is a laundry room, and a basement. We'll go there now. It's really cool." He nods rapidly, following me to the stairs down there. When we enter, the centerpiece of the room shines underneath it's hanging light.
"You have a pool table! Bet I'm gonna smoke you right now," Ben challenges.
I roll my nonexistent sleeves up to my elbows. "Yeah? I'd like to see you try."
Ben jogs toward the wall where the pool sticks are, only to stop and look at the table. On the edge of the table is something most disturbing and possibly panic inducing.
"Calvin, there's– there's a thong on the table!"
"I-I-I can explain that!"
"Seriously, the last time you were here, you hooked up with some chick!"
"N-no?" I try. He folds his arms, scrunching his brow.
"Oh, so this size extra small, leopard print thong— made for women— fits your ass?" He read the tag but refused to touch it. I run the back of my head.
"In my defense, I haven't been here in, like, three years. Those were crazy days, okay?" He calms down a bit, walking toward the staircase.
"Okay, just– you get rid of it." Then he goes upstairs again. I sigh dejectedly, taking a pool stick from the wall and lift the old, possibly putrid thong from the table and toss it in the bin, scoffing.
Then I realized something.
. . .
I have this house cleaned once a month.
"Benjamin!!" I shout, rushing upstairs. When I find him in the living room, he's still scowling. "Ben, I have this house cleaned every month. That thong– it's recent."
"Oh... Agh, ew!!"
"I know!" I return, dialing the number for the agency I hired for cleaning. They finally pick up. "Hi, this is Calvin Reid. I'd like to personally let go of my housekeeper and let you know that she has left a piece of lingerie in my house, leading me to believe she has been using my home as a place for sex. My lawyer will be in contact. Goodbye."
Ben shudders. "Damn, that was crazy."
I sigh. "Seriously, people can be so disrespectful sometimes. I mean, what if I came into your home to clean and I left my underwear on your kitchen table?"
"I'd smell them like roses," he immediately responded. I blush, covering my face in my hands.
"Theoretically, Ben!"
"I'd have you arrested, yeah." I point at him to emphasize. "But don't let that bother you right now. Let's do something."
"Well I wanted to play billiards, but the table's been tainted!"
He chuckles out, "Taint."
"You are such an airhead today," I jab.
"If you don't come up with something for us to do, I might end up working," he says.
"That's the one thing you aren't allowed to do." I mock his crossed arms and pout.
"You're lucky I'm feeling lazy today." I sigh as he turns around to continue watching TV. I hop over the back of the couch and land next to him, casually sprawling out across the cushions. "Do you remember the first day I ever came to the house? Your house."
I grin just thinking about it. "How could I forget a long passionate day like that? You trying to recreate it?"
He laughs and thumps my nose as I had gotten in his face. "No, I just thought about it. No reason."
"Oh, come on!"
• • •
Downtown Edinburgh is beautiful, sure, but I've never seen someone more breath-taken than Benjamin. Everywhere we go, he says it's the most beautiful place we've been. I admire that about him. Hell, I admire everything about him. I can't get over how perfect he is.
"Calvin!" he shouts to me as I was spacing out looking down at the ground. I look up and see him dancing around the Christmas tree with many other people, a band playing folk music nearby. It's like a scene from a movie, where everyone in the town square is dancing in perfect formation, except they are dancing a bit haphazardly and everywhere. I giggle at him giddily strutting around with some stranger, and I decide to join.
I'm not a very big dancer besides ballroom, so trying to square dance or do any moves with pizazz are a bit lost on me. He guides me, however, by holding my hands and doing some fancy footwork. I copy his foot movements, to which Ben says, "That's really good, Calvin!"
"Really? I've never done this." He laughs, lifting my arm so that he can spin under me. I stop him at the apex of his twirl, one of his hands landing on my side, the other on my chest as the song halts triumphantly. Our breaths are a bit heavy as we stare into one another's eyes. People start laughing and cheering, then dispersing as the band packs up.
"You're gorgeous," he whispers, still holding onto me. I believe he's referencing me from yesterday. I can't believe our time here is already quickly going by.
I chuckle, "Not as gorgeous as you." He kisses me with hands clasped on the back of my neck, pulling me down to his level. He doesn't care if people watch. He doesn't care if people sneer. He loves me, and that's enough for him to not give a shit. That's the effect I wanted to always have on him because he makes me feel just the same.
It could be such a perfect proposal, right here in this crowd after a fun dance together. Something keeps me from doing it, though. I don't know what, but I can't bring myself to.
I take his hand firmly and make him walk over into a side alleyway with me, where less people are. I push him against the wall a bit roughly, breathing down his neck, arms pressed against the wall beside his head. I've got to remove the thought of proposal from my head. "You are deliciously tempting," I mutter.
"What? You wanna quickie in this alley? I didn't know you were an exhibitionist." I sputter a bit, and he just laughs. "I'm kidding."
I give him a nervous chuckle. "I just wanted to kiss you. I'm always dying to get you alone. I'm addicted, literally."
"That's a good thing. That way I know you need me."
"I do. I've always... needed you. Probably my whole life, I've been waiting for you. Of course, I didn't know that," I shrug. He puts fingers to my cheeks.
"Yeah, well I ogled you for an entire year before you slept with me and then came out to me that morning!"
"Don't say it like that!" I whine. "I only slept in the bed with you. That's all! You make it sound like I took advantage of you."
"How did I make it sound that way?" he scoffs.
"I don't know. You were drunk, I took you home and– and slept with you. Sounds bad."
"Yeah, I gotcha. Either way, it's so strange how we got together."
"Regrettable, even," I grumble, thinking about that bet with Ross. In retrospect though, I'm grateful for it; without it, I probably wouldn't have pursued Benjamin. Even though, in the back of my mind for months, I genuinely wanted to ask the cute fucker out.
I assumed he was taken, honestly. As cute, nerdy, and overall amazing he was, I regretted to even get close and ask him if he was single. It'd imply so much, and at the time, I was afraid to give it away. I remember when Ross told me he was gay, I just had to be the one to escort him home. Knowing he was gay, I knew I had to take my chance.
I took that bet and never looked back. Ross, however, did. He was consumed by it, and I had forgotten all about it for the most part. I was genuinely falling for Ben, so anything prior didn't concern me. Maybe I'm lucky that he wasn't ready to murder me and bury my body over it.
"What are you thinking about?" Ben asks me after I went silent for a bit. I shake my head.
"Nothing. Let's get something to eat." He nods, leading me by his hand through the alley to the street parallel to the one we came from. The sidewalks are full to the brim with vendors, stores, and restaurants. I follow him inside and we seat ourselves. I guess that's how this place works.
"I want to order chicken tenders, is that too childish?" he asks.
I laugh. "Yeah, but I don't blame you. Fried chicken slaps."
"Please just order," the waiter says, begging for us to make up our minds.
"You good man?" I ask him, actually concerned. He looks pained.
"My boss recognized you, sir, and she'll be furious if I don't help you in the quickest fashion."
"Please tell her to come speak to me," I ask. He nods, jotting our orders down quickly before bolting. Whoever they are, they must be a ruthless business owner.
"Calvin Reid!" a deep female voice booms. I look to the staff entrance and see a tall woman, nearing my height probably, waltzing over to the table. It takes me a moment, but I realize who it is.
"Angela?" I ask. She grins.
"It's me, cousin! It's been over a decade, but I remember that tall, brooding boy. How ya' been?" I chuckle as she lifts me from my seat and hugs me.
"Good– g-great. It's going great."
"You and your friend have to come on back to the private lounge. Let's go!" I nod, looking to Ben who is smiling at us. We follow Angela to the back, drawing much unwanted attention in the process.
"I can't fathom how we keep running into your old friends and family everywhere we go," Ben mutters jokingly.
"What can I say, I'm a worldly man." Ben and I sit at the large table with Angela and probably a manager or someone of the sort.
"So, what's he been up to all these years?" she asks, mainly to herself.
"I've been working with my cousins, Agatha and Sarah, in the U.S."
"Oh, so he's a statesman now? Explains this guys, I guess," she chuckles.
"Yes, Angela. This is Benjamin, m-my boyfriend."
"Oh. Ohhh. Calvin, you dog!"
"What?" Ben and I say in unison, causing laughter from her.
"You two are a fine-ass couple, just sayin'. Anyway, it's great to meet you Ben. And great to see you again, Calvin. You– you ever hear from Uncle?" she asks, and I freeze.
"Um, n-no. I haven't. Honestly, I think he just went off-grid and probably died. What else?"
"Wow, twenty plus years and he's still a ghost. Sorry to bring him up."
"No, no. It's completely fine. I don't think anyone has seen or heard from him since he ran out on me as a teen."
"I don't know if I ever got to apologize for that happening to you, babe," she consoles, hand to mine. I smile fondly at her motherly attitude. I do remember that about her.
"So how's the rest of our fucked up family?" I ask. We talk for a while on relatives I haven't seen for a long time, and she even tells me we should have a reunion of sorts. I ask her about her life and such.
"I found love fresh out of college, and we started this restaurant business. I run the business operations, and they are executive chef."
"Who are they?" I ask.
"Ro. My sweetheart. They do prefer gender neutral pronouns, and it was not a problem for me at all. I swear, I haven't gotten past our honeymoon phase, but they'd beg to differ." Ben laughs at that.
"Cal and I are sort of in that phase right now, I'd say. I'm worried it'll fade off and we'll become suddenly bitter with each other."
"Nonsense," Angela says. "When you've met the one, you can feel it in every sense of the body. It's like– like fireworks in your mind and heart." Fireworks...
"That's it!" I cheer, gaining confused looks. "Sorry, carry on." I contain my joy when I think of the perfect proposal plan for Benjamin. New Year's countdown. When we would usually kiss, I'll propose right before, so our kiss will be lit up by fireworks. I know it's corny, but if I execute it well, it'll be perfect. Either way, it has to work; what Angela said is a sign from God. Maybe she is God.
"I want you guys to meet Ro before you leave," Angela says. As if on cue, who we assume to be Ro enters the room with a tray of food for all of us.
"Hi, everyone. I'm Ro, Angela's spouse."
"Hey, nice to meet you," I say, shaking their hand. "She just told us all about you. I'm Calvin, her long-lost-cousin, and this is Benjamin, my boyfriend."
"A pleasure," Ben says. Ro hugs us both as a group, to which we chuckle nervously. I guess Ro's a hugger.
"I love meeting new friends. Friends of Angel's are friends of mine."
"Calvin was telling me all about their little vacation to Edinburgh for the holidays. Isn't that romantic?" Angela asks, and Ro nods.
"We try to vacation, but it isn't often. But we're okay with surrounding ourselves with work. Drowning in it, honestly." We laugh, seriously relating to that too hard.
"Calvin and I haven't been dating for a very long time, so I'd say for a new couple, we're traveling a lot more than most."
"I think that's perfect," Angela says fondly. "Experiencing new places and things, immersing yourselves in other cultures, it's marvelous. And to do it with the one you love, well, it's a recipe for a lasting love if you ask me"
"But you don't think once we've settled down and stopped going a mile a minute that the mundane will become our undoing?" I ask.
Ro looks me dead in the eyes and says with a determined grin, "You have to look at everyday as another journey with your significant other. Then it'll never get boring. Sustain the adventure and the fire with never die."
I look at Ben who has been leaning his head against my shoulder for a while. "Will you be my co-pilot on our journey, forever?" I whisper as Angela and Ro talk amongst themselves.
"Ha, you wish you could pilot this jet," he comes back. "I'm full throttle, baby."
"Says the boy who can hardly get through a pull door thinking it's a push." He scoffs, repeatedly jabbing my side with his fingers.
The four of us talk and drink for a few hours, Ro and Angela hopping in and out periodically, but one of them was with Ben and me at all times to grill about our relationship and such. Ro even told us about how they are biologically female and was very open about their gender identity. I swear, ever since I decided to embrace this side of myself, I learn more and more about people and the community I'm a part of. I want to meet more and more interesting people and hear their stories.
Maybe I could do that.
"Calvin, I'm getting tired, babe," Ben whispers to me. It's an hour after closing, Angela smoking a cigarette to calm her nerves after a hectic workday. I'm sure meeting me today was a wrench in her agenda, but it was amazing to see her again nonetheless.
"Yeah, I know. Me, too." I pat his knee and turn to Angela. She puts a hand up, gratefully.
"You guys have to get home, so get it. Listen, Calvin, it was everything I needed today to meet you and Ben. Please, for Christ-sake come home more often. I miss you, and so does the rest of your family. We're here for you. And Ben, the cutie." I hold back the few brimming tears I could've let flow and stand to embrace her.
"Thank you so much. It's everything I needed, too. I'll definitely be coming back, soon."
"You won't be coming without me, or you'll be sorry," Ben threatens. I just laugh, knowing there's no way I'd leave him behind considering how much people love him at first sight. That's my problem, I think. I love this man too much.
"Have a safe trip home, boys," Ro says. I hug her as well, Ben creeping in for one as well. We say goodbye and return to the car a few blocks down the street. Walking through the town at night is so nice, despite the freezing cold. We've been lucky enough to have no snow, but it's always a possibility. The streets are still lined with Christmas lights, wrapped around signs and tossed over buildings. It's such a romantic setting.
"Calvin, can I ask you something?" Ben peeps. I shrug. "What do you want to do? I think you've had enough time to decide that. Maybe not set anything in stone, but you have to know what you'd enjoy doing."
I sigh, letting go of his hand and pondering it. I honestly haven't thought of anything other than being with him and making him happy. I only want us to grow. Then I remember what I thought about earlier.
"I think I want to get involved in LGBTQ activism." When I look back to Ben, his jaw is dropped. "W-what?"
"Calvin, that's wonderful!" he cheers, making me grin so hard. He embraces me and kisses my lips quickly before returning to himself to speak. "I personally think you have so much to say for the community. And you have the means to help the LGBT youth and homeless. I want to help, too!"
"Of course, babe," I chuckle at his excitement. "I seriously want to do more for my community. I want to help spread positivity. I want to meet people, hear and retell their stories. It's something so intriguing and personal. I want to do this, for once. This new year is my year to do what I want to do. I've got you, already. So I need to keep doing what I want. Let's do more good for the world."
"Hell yeah," Ben agrees triumphantly. "You have no idea how much it fills my heart to hear you talk passionately about something again."
"What do you mean? I talk
passionately about that ass all the time." Ben smacks me, jogging to the car. I slap his ass in return and try catching up to his now-full sprint. I pin him against the door he so desperately tried to open, though it was obviously locked. I grind my hips on his plump ass as I groan low in his ear.
"Get in the car so we can go home and do something about this," he says, cupping my cock. I nod, kissing his neck hard before moving off him. I unlock the car casually as I walk around the front. The car ride is gruelingly long when we're both raging horny homos. Finally pulling up at the house was so rewarding. Ben stares at me like I'm neon green.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"Nothing, just really ready to undress you," he says all in one swift breath before bolting from the car and inside. I hadn't realized he left, he was so fast. I get out of the car to follow him inside.
At the top of the stairs, his trail of clothes begins. His shoes are on the top step, his socks not far behind. His shirt is in the doorway and his pants are somehow clinging to the dormant ceiling fan. I walk in the room and see my beauty of a man on his knees and elbows, his ass presented to me. He is still wearing his briefs, but I can see his everything outlined through them.
"Hey, stranger," I speak. His knees bounce down and back up, moving his ass toward me in the process. It draws me in like a wormhole in space. His booty is extraterrestrial, I'll give him that. I stick my hands to both cheeks and squeeze roughly. I could devour this thing for hours on end.
"Take these off of me, please," he whines. I chuckle, wrapping my arms around his waist. I flip him around so that he's lying on his back. He looks at me with such an innocent visage that makes me harden beyond what I knew I could. I lie against his body and kiss him hard.
"I'm so excited for our life journey," I whisper.
He smiles back. "You should be; it's me we're talking about." I slip my fingers into the waistband of his briefs, and all I can think about is how much more delicious fucking him would be if I was able to call him my husband.
• • •
New York City. I'm just about tired of this concrete-jungle-wet-dream-tomato or whatever Alicia Keys called it. It's so cold all the time, and everyone is so on edge concerning crime and homelessness. Maybe this is where dreams are made, but it's also where dreams come to die.
I enter the office of one of the biggest LGBTQ centers in New York and wait at the desk. Eventually, a man exits the staff door and stands at the desk, looking me in the eyes. "Hello. Do you have an appointment?"
"I-I do. With Ms. Dahlia." He nods, checking the computer and asking for my ID to verify. Once he checks me out, I'm allowed into the hold. I find her office and enter after knocking.
She smiles. "Calvin Reid. Former CFO of ConnorsTech. Thirty-four years young. What are you doing in here?"
"As I said on the phone. I'd like to become involved in the foundation."
"A pity. We would've loved support while you were making God knows how much money per week. Although, you are a businessman. I know you wouldn't come in with an unloaded gun. What can you offer us?"
"You're very straightforward."
She laughs hard, loosening up a bit. "There's nothing straight about me, Calvin."
I laugh in return, then compose myself. "I want to transform LGBTQ activism in New York and the U.S. I've discovered the best way to do that is to dig deep into our most rich resource: stories."
"You're saying we interview people, get their say-so, and spread that story?"
"Even better. I want to make a magazine, digital of course, since no one really reads physical magazines nowadays. I know you have your online articles already, but I'd like to expand upon it and begin posting people's stories of hardship, coming out, and surviving. I think it can inspire our youth and change the minds of our elders."
"I'm all for humanizing the community, but where is the money going to come from. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving where this is going, but we are a non-profit and we always need more money."
"I know you do journalism, but 90% of allocated donations go back into helping the homeless LGBT youth. I want to be a part of all of it. My boyfriend, Benjamin, is the new CFO of ConnorsTech, and I have plenty of means necessary to give a hefty donation today. All I want is to help the community I so needlessly ignored my entire adult life. Let me do this, voluntarily. I don't need money."
"Okay, well we aren't going to let you do so much for us and not make you an official employee." I shake my head.
"I'm stable. There are people who aren't. I only want to help create change for those people."
Ms. Dahlia folds her arms. Her eyes close in thought. "Alright. You've brought a very convincing argument to the table. Welcome to Proud2Be!" I thank her, shaking her hand with a huge smile. "Let's start talking about how we're going to structure these interviews."
• • •
I hear the muffled music playing on the terrace outside as I sip on champagne inside. New Year's Eve parties are always too much. Thankfully, Timothy and Ross come up to me as I'm sitting alone. I nod to Tim, who smirks and tips up his glass. Ross stands uncomfortably with a glass of water.
"Hey, guys. Having a good time?"
"Yes."
"No."
The two of them seem to be on two different wavelengths tonight.
"Ross, I thought you were enjoying the party?" Timothy asks.
Ross grumbles. "I am afraid to get too drunk, so I am surrounded by fun drunk people and I can't live."
"Please, just let loose for everyone's sake, especially yours," Timothy advises.
I sigh. "Seriously, Ross. You look like one rubber band holding two train cars together. Drink to your hearts content."
"Okay. I'll just get messy drunk, then start crying about some stupid shit. I'm gonna find Ben." He darts, leaving me alone with someone I was enemies with a few weeks ago. Our faces have pretty much healed since, but it's still visibly apparent we got punched.
"How's the job hunt?" Tim asks me.
"I've got things in the works. I haven't even told Ben yet, though. I was saving the surprise for tonight."
"Are you and Benjamin doing well?" he asks me. I look down at the floor and smile.
"Yeah... Yeah, we're doing fantastic. H-how about you, a-and Ross. How are things?"
"Still a challenge. Everyday it gets better, but Ross has a lot of demons. And a lot of personal growth to do. On the bright side, I told him I was moving to a real house soon, and he said yes when I asked him to move in with me there."
"That's so great, man. I'm glad you guys worked out. I honestly had no idea for the longest, but it seems so genuine."
"Why couldn't we get along like this before we had eyes for the same man?"
"I don't know, Green. Something about you before just didn't sit well with me. To be honest, your willingness to man up about Ben and smack me, regardless of your right to or not to do so, is what made me respect you." He smiles at that.
"Me, too. I think there was something cathartic about getting into that scuffle." He offers a fist, and I bump it as official truce. There's sincerely no point we can't get along from now on.
Soon after we say goodbye, Sarah, Shelly, and Agatha walk up to me.
"Where is Benjamin?" Agatha asks accusingly.
"He's not attached to my hip, cousin," I grunt.
"I bet you wish he was," Sarah says drunkenly. I chuckle at her. It's good to see her letting loose, in her natural state for once. She's always so grumpy, so tonight of all nights is her chance to be completely gone without judgment.
"Are you enjoying the party?" Shelly asks me. I shake my head, though I'm smiling. "Awe, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay. I'm just too old I think."
"And we're not?" Agatha says with a laugh. "I'm starting this year off right; drunk, and surrounded by men that aren't grilling me about profits, but are quiet and shirtless."
"Amen to that," I say, hitting her glass with mine.
"Well, I guess we'll let you sit here and let you be annoyed. Bye, Cal." Sarah ruffles my hair and walks away with Shelly. I smile, though my frown doesn't allow it to show much.
Agatha stands there still, arms crossed. "Do something about that ring tonight. You can't hold onto it forever."
"I'll get buried with this ring if I so please," I gripe. She just shrugs.
"I want you two to be happy. Just figure it out, okay?"
I sigh, removing all trace of grumpiness and smile at her. I stand and hug her tightly. "Thank you. I will."
—————
"Ten minutes until midnight! Make your way to the terrace to enjoy the fireworks show!" the DJ announces from outside. I didn't expect this party to be much of a corporate mixer, but Ben is taking that route tonight. It's fair, but I wanted to spend tonight together, slightly hammered and building up to my proposal. I don't even think I should do it anymore. It'll be so out of the blue.
Fuck that, I'm doing it. I stand and exit onto the terrace, where most of the party is at. I luckily spot Benjamin talking to a bunch of loser executives I know and other people I don't know. I linger behind someone in his direct vision and wait for him to wrap up whatever he was talking about. After five or so minutes, the conversation topic changes, and he slips away gracefully.
"Sorry, babe. I figured I'd get a head start on this whole connection building thing. So many important people are here tonight." That makes me laugh. "What?"
"They think the same thing about you. Remember that. Use that." He nods hesitantly. It's like he can't comprehend being an important person to other high profile men and women.
"So... we have about four minutes until the ball drops. I've never seen it before, but I've wanted to for a long time. It's kind of exciting." Shit. If I propose to him, he won't see it happen because he'll be too distracted by me.
"I'm excited for you! Lets get a good spot near the balcony edge." He nods and takes my hand to lead me somewhere. I snatch two glasses and a bottle of champagne as we pass a table covered in refreshments.
When we stop at the railing, Ben turns around to see me holding alcohol. That brightened his mood. I pour them full and hand him a glass, and he clinks it to mine, downing it.
"God, tonight has been stressing me out. Tiptoeing around so much shit in conversation is hard. Do you know how many heinous looks I got when they found out I was dating you? It's like they all think I did it to steal your job."
I chuckle. "I'll tell Agatha. If anyone can straighten them out, it's her." We both laugh at the thought of Ag whipping grown men into shape.
"Calvin, it's time!" Ben lights up, bouncing on his heels at the sight of the giant ball in Times Square move down.
"FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!"
"Happy New Year," I say nonchalantly among all the people screaming it. Ben grabs my waist and pulls me in for the infamous New Year's kiss. It's nice to have someone to do it with. I kiss him back hard. Everyone is practically hammered and making out at this point, so I'll take advantage of that and kiss my boyfriend as the fireworks explode in the sky. I let go of his lips and see how his glistening skin changes colors in the flashes of fireworks, and all of my emotions come gushing to the forefront of my mind.
"Benjamin, I want to ask you something," I say. I put my hand inside my coat pocket, fingers resting on the box. He looks at me expectantly. This is so much pressure. "These last few months have been the best of my life. I really cherish every moment with you."
"Stop it," he giggles with a bright blush on his face, accentuated by a red flash of light in the sky.
"Benjamin Lionheart, will you—"
"Well if it isn't Calvin Reid and his little boyfriend," I hear a menacing voice say. I turn, a panic in my chest as I see the CFO of a partner company walk up to us. He's drunk, of course, hardly standing up. "This is what you let steal your job? You know he's only with you long enough to secure it, then he'll be rid of you."
"Shut your goddamn mouth, Mike," I spit with all the hatred in the world. It's not like he'll remember my words.
"Calvin, let's go," Benjamin says. I look over at him, hardly hearing him say what he said as he's looking down at the floor defeatedly. I take his hand gently and walk past Michael, shoving him hard enough to make him land on his ass. We enter the venue building and stop when we find somewhere to sit for a moment.
"Ben, I'm so fucking sorry," I choke. "You don't deserve that kind of treatment. It's my fault."
"I should have refused your offer. I should have said no, let you keep your job, and maybe this could all be avoided."
"Baby, no! Guys like him are just envious of you and your quick rise to the top. I swear, that's all it is. He would never say that to you sober, he's a coward." I rub his leg to calm him down. That's when he breaks down crying in my chest.
"I can't handle it," he whimpers. "It's too much. All at once." I let his hand roam my chest mindlessly, whatever I can do to help him calm down.
After a minute, I whisper, "Let's get you out of here." I hate when he talks like that, like he's not worthy. "You want to stay somewhere or do we need to go home?"
"Home, please." I nod, taking his hand and leading him out of the building.
—————
By the time we reached home, we had both sobered up. I knew we'd be drinking, so we didn't drive there ourselves. Ben pushes ahead of me inside, leaving me outside alone. Why tonight of all nights did everything have to go to shit? Just once, I wish things would go as planned. No surprises.
I enter the house and see the kitchen light on far in the house. I make my way there and find Ben drinking again. "Babe..."
"Here's to the New Year," he says, a raised glass in hand. I take the stupid cup before he can pour it in his mouth and toss it in the sink. "What?" he feigns ignorance.
"Come on. We're going to bed. It's two in the morning." He nods sluggishly and gestures to be picked up, like a baby. I shake my head, turning around and leaning down for him to hop on my back. I carry him upstairs and let him drop onto our bed.
"H-hey, Calvin?" he whimpers as I take off my shirt.
"What, babe?" I respond.
"Can you finish what you were saying to me at the party? Please." I gulp. Should I just get it over with? He's really fragile tonight, and I don't want him having another anxiety attack. He's been getting them more often because of the new job position, and anything might set him off.
"Sure, I'll finish. I was saying how much of a fantastic boyfriend you are, and I'm so excited to spend the New Year with you." I lie down next to him and let him kiss me.
"That doesn't explain this," he says, handing me the ring box. I cough, panicking and standing from the bed after snatching it from him.
"When did you take this? D-did you look inside?" I ask.
"No, I didn't look. And I felt it at the party, so I reached in and grabbed it. I was drunk, okay? Don't blame me, blame that version of me."
"I'm sorry. I'll just put it away and pretend it never happened. It didn't. Ugh, fuck," I mutter, hands on the dresser. I stand there in complete embarrassment. He practically told me no in my own house, and now I'm holding back some stupid tears. Suddenly, I feel a set of hands slip around my waist slowly. Ben hugs me from behind and kisses my back softly.
"Look at me," he demands. I turn around, him never letting go of me, and sigh. "Now, finish what you started. Please."
I take the box from behind me, stand up straight, and laugh as I realize the only clothing I have on is pants. "I didn't envision doing this half-naked."
Ben grabs my tie and puts it on me swiftly. "There. Now it's fancy."
I take a deep breath, do the infamous kneel, and let out the nervous air. "Benjamin Lionheart, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. My life has changed drastically in the wake of meeting you and finally going out on that limb and expressing my feelings in only the worst ways possible." We both break and laugh at that. "It would mean more than the world to me if you would take my hand, and I take yours, in marriage."
Ben wipes the tears from his eyes and strains through a choked, emotional voice:
. . .
"A million times, yes."