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Chapter 108_
I stand idly by the sleek exterior of the car, waiting for Zayn and he is across the parking lot having a word with both Harry and Niall.
Anxiety poisons my mind as it thinks of all the loose ends that are very possible to be found.
Like Louis’ car.
My knees buckle and I hold onto the top of the vehicle to keep myself up.
Oh my God, I think to myself, the car.
Niall drove me back to Zayn’s house in it, but when they left they took Harry’s which was parked just outside the garage. The five of us met beforehand at the mansion before Louis drove us back to Bolton where a car was waiting for Harry and I.
Zayn proceeded to drive to the country home while Louis took Niall. Our driver arrived at the estate shortly after the others did.
“Zayn,” I cry out as he approaches, “The car… The car is still at your place.”
“I’m working it, Mia,” he growls angrily, unlocking the car.
I hesitate to get in but I know me not doing so would only make him more upset.
Zayn pushes the speed limit enough to make me more nervous, and since we are in the city, we have to stop every other minute which makes him slam on the brakes. For some reason I am the only one who lurches forward painfully. I guess after a while you get used to your own driving.
We make a turn and as I glance in my rearview mirror, I notice Harry’s car still trailing behind us.
I decide against asking Zayn about it and end up waiting it out.
Sure enough, Harry turns in behind us as we reach the great big gates that lead to Zayn’s home.
From the look of the estate I know that it must have been groomed recently.
Upon seeing a figure huddled behind the bushes, I sit up straighter in my seat to see if I can catch a glance. I lower myself once I see that it’s Charles just watering some plants.
Zayn pulls into the parking garage while Harry leaves his car in the same place as he did last night.
I wince upon seeing Louis’ familiar Mini Cooper parked on the opposite side.
The three men push past me and are pounding up the stairs into the doorway which leads to the living room.
I am the last to arrive.
“First off, we need to do something about that car,” Harry says as I walk in.
Niall has taken a spot on the piano bench while Harry occupies the plush couch. Zayn continues to stand.
“Unless someone comes up and says they saw Louis drive to the party, we can probably get away with saying that he dropped the car off here, like you did with yours,” Niall suggests and Zayn crosses his arms, soaking up every word anyone throws out.
“They are going to look at the security cameras—“
“It was dark, though—“
“Not the ones in the parking garage. They are going to see all of us going in.”
I feel lightheaded and I decide to head into the kitchen. To my dismay, I can still hear them loud and clear in here.
“Mrs. Tomlinson basically appointed Liam to the case so his chief is most likely going to let him handle it… I’ll speak with him… He won’t let that tape get out… Not before consulting us,” Zayn speaks.
“What happened to not letting Payne do our dirty work anymore?” It is Harry who says this.
“WE DON’T HAVE A CHOICE!”
Zayn’s reply is harsh and sounds like he is beyond angry. I don’t know how anyone could be in front of Zayn and hear him yell without crying.
I clutch the edge of the kitchen sink as another wave of nausea passes over me.
“What do we say to Officer Payne, then?” Niall inquires, followed by the few idle taps of the piano keys.
He stops after three notes.
“You don’t have to worry about it… I’ll take care it.” Zayn seemed to have regained his previous posture and his tone was level again, despite him sounding just a bit strained. “I’ll wait until he comes up to my office, though…We shouldn’t have to worry about it just yet.”
“What makes you think Officer Payne is going to help us?”
Harry chuckles, “Malik practically put him through school with the money his dad gave him on the weekends…. He practically owns him…. And all that trouble with the gambling problem Zayn and I used to have? Do you remember me telling you about that? Well, when Liam became an officer he helped us get out of those court dates. Liam’s a good man.”
“Not because he broke the law by helping us but because he’s loyal,” Zayn pipes in.
Right, I said to myself, loyal only because he feels like he owes you.
“We’re most likely going to get questioned from the police… Anyone at that party should be able to say they saw all of us together… What are we going to do for an alibi? We’re going to have to lie.”
“Easy. He said he was leaving and took off. Mia and I went home and so did you and Niall.”
“Do you actually think they’ll bring her into this?”
“If someone recognizes her, then yes… But I doubt it since I wasn’t on the guest list.”
“Which brings me to my second question, Zayn; how are we going to explain why you were there? Like you said, you weren’t on the guest list.”
There is silence and I know that everyone is thinking of yet another lie to cover up the horrible things that happened last night.
“We’re looking into buying a share of the bank or investing in it some since it seems to be doing well.”
“They are going to ask you how you got in or found out about it—“
“Easy, I heard that there was going to be a party for everyone involved so I went over and tried to go see if I could get in. I talked to enough people and asked enough questions about their choice to invest in the company… They’ll probably believe me when I say I was just getting opinions and weighing my options. New companies are tricky to invest in mainly because they are either majorly successful or fail horribly.”
“Should we wait for them to track the car or should we call someone about it?”
More silence.
“Let’s call them,” I hear Niall say, “That way they don’t ask us why we didn’t call it in once they found the lads’ body. We can get the police questioning over with, and if all goes right, they shouldn’t suspect we have anything to do with it because if we did, we would try to be getting rid of evidence, aka the car.”
“I’ll call Mrs. Tomlinson later today,” Zayn agrees.
“Is everything okay, Miss Soderstrom?” Charles’ gentle voice behind me asks.
I didn’t even notice he had walked in he’s always so quiet.
“Everything is fine,” I manage to stutter but I doubt I’ve convinced him.
“It’s strange seeing the three of them together,” he says thoughtfully.
“You mean Zayn and Harry? I think they’re on better terms now.”
“No… the remainder. The blonde one.”
“Oh… Why is that weird?”
“He isn’t from the same social ranking.”
This confuses me… Mainly because I would think Charles knew that Niall was only a helper-turned-friend… Of course they weren’t going to be from the social ranking. Even I knew that…. Niall actually struggled to make ends meet… he wasn’t stock loaded with cash like the rest of the corporate buddies.
“Where is Mr. Tomlinson?”
This question startles me and I find myself staring widely at him, my mind in a jumble of words and I can’t seem to make a fluid sentence.
What do I say?
“Erm… Actually, Charles,” I feel the tears prick my eyes painfully again, “We… We have just received some news this afternoon and… Louis… Louis was found dead this morning.”
Charles takes a step back, his eyes growing cold and blank.
“How? Does anyone know what happened? Was it narcotics?”
“No one knows,” I lied. “The police are investigating.”
“Lord bless his soul,” Charles whispers under his breath.
“I know,” I say, wiping away the tears before they spill from my eyes.
“Such a bright boy…. He deserved everything good in this world.”
My lip quivers and I put my hand in front of it. At first I can’t speak as my eyes cloud up again so I nod my head instead. Finally, I find my voice, “Yes… He really did.”
“I’m sorry Miss… I think I am going to go for a drive… Please… Make sure Zayn is okay.”
“I will.”
I watch Charles turn around and head out the door.
I turn on the faucet and crank it all the way up so the sound of rushing water drowns out the sound of my sobs that I try very hard to contain.
I finally get a grip and turn off the water.
I am so emotionally drained that I just lean myself against the counter edge and take a few deep breaths.
I don’t know how long I am staring off into nothingness, before I hear someone repeat my name multiple times because I didn’t seem to hear the first time.
Harry is in here, looking so desperately concerned. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head, screaming internally at myself so I wouldn’t start crying again. I don’t think I had any more tears to spare before I shriveled up from dehydration.
“I’m sorry… That was the fucking dumbest thing I have ever asked in my entire life,” he apologizes immediately, feeling remorseful.
I close my eyes and shut them tight, and once I feel like it’s safe to open them again, I exhale. I was going to be okay… Or at least… I wasn’t going to cry again.
“Who do you think did it?”
I don’t know what took me so long to ask this question basically because it’s been living and feeding off my brain since the incident. Maybe it was because I’ve subconsciously been avoiding dealing with Louis’ actual way of passing or maybe it’s because I’m scared to find out the answer.
“I… I don’t know. I didn’t think there was anyone else up there but us,” Harry answers.
I study him.
His sincere green eyes and the odd comfort which seems to radiate from him. I see his furrowed brows and his tense hands and I have absolutely no way to convince myself that I didn’t completely believe him… Because I did. I really did.
“I know,” I respond, “I didn’t think there was anyone else up there either…. Where did you go, by the way? Louis came and said for us not to wait up for him… You were gone when we turned around and Zayn went after you…”
“I went to the staircase,” Harry replies and I can tell that he knows that I’m questioning him. His eyes narrow slightly and I feel the room get just a bit chillier. “You don’t actually think I would hurt him?”
“No!” I exclaim, “Of course… I just… I’m just saying… I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Mia… Please know that I would never hurt Louis… I’ve known him for nearly as long as Zayn has… In fact, Zayn and I were friends first and then Louis Tomlinson came around and soon it wasn’t just the two of us. Obviously Zayn and I were closer but once… We had our falling out… Louis kind of swooped in to hold Zayn together and honestly… I think he did a better job than I ever could.”
My eyes close again as I focus on his words and the sound of his deep voice. He is telling the truth. I know it. I don’t know why I would ever question anything Harry said. He was a lot of things… But I don’t think he was a liar. Nor capable of murder.
“Why did you go to the staircase?” I find myself asking.
He doesn’t seem offended by my interrogation, “I went to go find Niall to see if he could see or hear anyone else coming up the stairs.”
“And was there?”
“No… Niall wasn’t there either. He must have moved by the time I got there.”
Something about that doesn’t sit quite right with me and I can’t put my finger on why.
“Yea… He came running up and… Zayn had him drive me home,” I say bitterly, remembering Niall’s desperate attempts to get me to cooperate and my rage towards Zayn for actually making me leave Louis’ side.
My eyes flicker back down to my hand and yet again I find myself retracing the weird item Louis placed there.
I tried to envision it, a beam of light going over the areas he touched, trying to see if there was some sort of picture that looked somewhat familiar to me or would mean something… But there wasn’t.
“Harry, mate, we’re leaving,” Niall says, popping his head through the kitchen door.
“Okay… Coming,” he answers.
Niall nods but I see him glancing around the kitchen, probably wishing he had x-ray vision to see through the cupboards and fridge to see what goodies were in here to eat.
I rolled my eyes.
He finally left and I heard Harry sigh loudly before rubbing my shoulder. “We’ll get through this, alright? And… Keep an eye on Zayn. He’s the type of person not to show grief. When he found out his mum died… He didn’t cry. But later I heard him in the bathroom bawling his eyes out… I don’t think I’ve actually seen him cry since. His father brought him up to think that tears are for women. If you cry then your weak because you actually allowed someone to hurt you…. By crying your giving them the satisfaction. I beg to differ… In a world like the one we live in… Crying… Reminds us that we’re still human… That there is still some humanity in us… It’s easy to lose it considering the families we come from and the aspirations we have and the success stories but I don’t actually think being human is all that bad. I mean… We’ve survived throughout the dawn of time… Learned to make clothes and cook food, and hunt… That’s got to count for something, right?”
He pauses.
“Zayn’s actually quite a sensitive person, Mia… Despite his dark exterior. Some people think it’s because he’s mean and he’s ‘just like his dad’. The truth? They just haven’t seen the light in a while… That’s bound to make anyone dark.”
A yell from Niall diverts Harry’s from me back to the door.
He gives me one last weak smile and walks out, following after the sound of Niall’s verbal calls.
Once I hear the low rumble of their car slowly fade off into the distance, I step outside into the living room where Zayn is staring into the unlit fire pit.
“Can you tell Charles to hand me the little black book… I don’t know Lou’s mums’ number off the top of my head,” he says without looking up.
“Charles’ isn’t here.”
“Where did he go?”
“I don’t know.”
He scoffs.
“Do you want me to go and fetch the book?” I ask, surprised by how irritated I sound.
“That would be nice.”
I shake my head in disbelief. I actually know where this little black book thing is because I’ve seen Zayn use it sometimes but I don’t go and get it.
“Are we ever going to talk about this?”
“Talk about what?” he responded.
“About… This. Louis. What happened.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but while you’ve been off in the kitchen eating or whatever, we’ve been discussing Louis this entire time.”
“I wasn’t eating!”
I don’t know why I’m so hurt by his words but it’s making me upset.
“Why do you have to be such a jerk, Zayn…. Are you even upset over this? Do you even feel anything at all?”
I thought that maybe Harry was right and Zayn just hides his feelings but sometimes I’m not too sure if he even has any.
“Of course I feel. I’ve burned myself once or twice.”
“I mean emotionally you dip-shit!”
My cursing seemed to move him enough to actually turn and look at me while I’m talking to him.
“I can’t seem to stop crying over someone I knew for less than a year, and here you are, your like some… Robot or something… You don’t even seem phased that Louis dead! HE’S DEAD, ZAYN! HE’S DEAD! HE’S NEVER COMING BACK! HE’S NEVER GOING TO MESS WITH YOUR COMPUTER AGAIN OR IRRITATE YOU, WE’RE NEVER GOING TO HEAR HIM LAUGH AGAIN, AND HE’S NEVER GOING TO LIVE OUT HIS AMAZING DESTINY LIFE HAD FOR HIM! DOES THAT NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!?—“
“OF COURSE IT DOES!”
His voice is so loud it actually hurt.
“YOU ARE NOT ONE TO TALK ABOUT LOUIS WITH ME! I KNEW HIM FOR MORE THAN HALF MY FUCKING LIFE, MIA! SO DON’T YOU DARE DISCUSS HIM WITH ME! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?! YES, I FEEL THINGS. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL? ANGER! I’M MAD AT HIM! I’M SO… FUCKING MAD AT HIM! HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO MEET ME AT HOME… HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET ME HERE! HE PROMISED HE WOULD! HE PROMISED!”
The rage in his eyes fluff out and turn blank with hurt.
“He promised me he would meet me back here… He broke that promise,” he repeats.
He looks around like he is realizing where he is for the first time.
His eyes seem to shine brighter and catch the light every once in a while and I realize that he’s actually beginning to have tears.
“I thought if I shut the pain out this would be easier to bare but… It makes it harder because he doesn’t deserve this… Louis deserved to be remembered. Not to be forcefully forgotten. But… I can’t…”
He takes a staggered step towards me like he suddenly needs me but hesitates and stays back.
Every inch of me fights against the urge to run to him and hold him. I don’t know what is keeping me back.
His forehead is creased and he winces painfully, grasping at his hair like somehow the pulling will release whatever he is feeling inside.
He lets out a loud yell that echoes down all of the open hallways.
“It makes me so mad that he died… He died for nothing. What did we find up there? Absolutely nothing.”
I ball up my hand into a fist.
Not nothing. I don’t know what… But it isn’t nothing.
He looks at me with pleading eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he breaths sharply.
He looks scared. Like a deer caught in the headlights of a bus.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeats.
He comes towards me and his hands cup both sides of my face.
He leans down and for a minute I feel like he is about to kiss me but instead rests his forehead against mine.
His mannerisms seemed almost pained and my breath hitches in my throat as I feel his eyelashes brush against my skin.
“Please forgive me… I didn’t mean what I said…Please… Please forgive me.”
“Always.”