♥♥
Carla has it in her to admire the physical beauty of Nahar, even now in the depth of her desolation.
In the midst of her hatred for his cousin and the plans to use him for unleashing revenge on Tanu, the smooth line of his sharp jaw still has the power to move her.
The deep and astonishingly black in his eyes still a mystery she wants to uncover.
His sharp eyebrows are a rich sweep of blackness, contrasting against the fairness his skin. Nahar's perfect smile still touches her heart and sets it afire, a blazing furnace that even her loathing can not quell it.
♥♥
Songs for the chapter
i. Mountains - Labrinth, Sia & Diplo
ii. Kiss Me More - Doja Cat ft SZA
♥♥
Nahar comes, at my bidding, to our home at noon the next day. I have chosen my time with care. Mother is still at work so Shawn, Rhoda and I have the house to ourselves.
He comes in, looks around and is surprised at the silence. I go up to him and take both his hands in mine. I think for a moment that he looks, not so much as courted as hunted.
"My love," I say, and at the sound of my voice the boy's face warms; his courage coming back to him.
"Carla," he says softly.
His hand fumbles in the pocket of his pants. He draws a ring from an inner pocket. I see the wink of a red ruby, the symbol of a virtuous woman.
"For you," he says softly.
I take his hand. "Do you want to plight our troth now, before witnesses?" I ask.
He gulps a little. "Yes, I do."
I glow at him. "Do it then."
He glances around at Shawn and Rhoda as if he thinks one of them might stop him. They smile encouragingly; a pair of pleasant snakes.
"I, Nahar, take thee, Carla, to be my only girlfriend, always care for you and hold you dearest," he says, taking me by hand.
"I, Carla, take thee, Nahar, to be my only boyfriend," I say, my voice steadier than his.
He finds the third finger of my left hand. "With this ring, I promise myself to you,"he says quietly and slips it on my finger. It is a perfect fit.
"With this ring, I take you," I reply.
He bends his head and kisses me. When I turn my face the witnesses, my eyes are hazy with desire.
Nahar smile as at me, his secret knowing smile. "May I have the pleasure of your company? Shall we walk a little?"
I step towards him, enjoying the sensation of his eyes on me. "Certainly."
He draws my hand into the crook of his arm and we walk out of the house down the road to the beach.
♥♥
He matches his pace to mine along the beach and leans towards me to whisper in my ear. "You are the most delicious thing, my girlfriend. Tell me we don't have to walk for too long."
I keep my face forward but I cannot help but giggle. "Anyone could see us."
"Oh but if you are obeying your boyfriend," he points out persuasively. "An admirable thing in a girlfriend."
"If you order me," I suggest.
"I do," he says firmly. "I absolutely command you."
I caress his side with the back of my hand. "Then what can I do but obey?"
"Excellent." He turns and guides us behind a sand dune. He spreads his jacket on the ground and the two of us lie together, arms around each other, kissing and whispering until I am near weeping with desire.
He touches me all over my body, without shame. His hands unlace my bra at the back so he can caress my naked breasts. He bends his brown curly head and suckles at me till I cry out with pleasure and think that I will rise up in more and more pleasure until I can hardly bear another moment of it. Then he plunges his head into my belly and bites me hard on the navel. I flinch with pain and pushing him away, I find that I am screaming and fighting him off instead of sighing.
He wraps me warmly and lies beside me unmoving for a long moment until my hunger for him subdues a little. Then he turns me over and lies his long lean body against my back and lifts a handful of my hair so that he can nibble at the nape of my neck.
He presses himself against me so that I feel his hardness even through my shorts and I know myself to be pressing back like a whore, as if to beg him to do the deed and do it without permission, for I cannot say "Yes." And God knows I cannot say "No" either.
He thrusts against me, pauses, and thrusts again. I press back, longing for what will happen next. He goes faster and I find myself rising towards pleasure getting to a point where I cannot stop and I know if he wants to take me here and now, I cannot decline.
Then before I reach my pleasure, before he has much as touched me skin to skin, he pauses and gives a little sigh and lies down beside me again. He gathers me to him, kissing my eyelids and holds me till I stop trembling with desire.
♥♥
It soon becomes a habit and every day while the wind blows onshore and keeps ships in the harbour, we walk and hide between sand dunes and make love, which is not really making love, but it is the most intimate of courtships.
Every day I hope, against myself, that today will be the day that I will whisper "Yes" or that he will force me to it. But every day he stops just a second, just a moment before my consent and holds me in his arms and soothes me as if I am racked with pain instead of desire. And there are many days when I cannot tell one from the other.
There are many times when I am tempted to unzip his pants, let him have me in the open like a village girl, under the seductive sun with only the cry of seagulls to distract us.
He would kiss me till my mouth is sore with kissing, my lips swollen and chapped and at night when I dine with my family, without him, I can still feel the bruises from his passionate biting when I put my lips to a cool glass to drink.
♥♥
We are back at the beach for the tenth day when Nahar suddenly turns and takes my hand. "We can't keep doing this."
"What?" I ask stupidly. I am still so dazed with pleasure I am hardly aware of the sand beneath my boot, the smashing sounds of the ocean waves against rocks, the warmth of the evening sun on my right cheek.
"Sneaking here is unsafe," he says.
I rest my arm on his chest. "What?" I repeat.
He turns, sees my dazed expression and laughs at me. "Oh sweetheart, you are far far away, aren't you? We can't keep coming here. Someone's bound to see us and it will ruin your reputation at school."
The words finally sink into my understanding. "So what do we do?"
He holds me with him and he rises up bringing me to sit beside him. I recognise the ache in my body as unfulfilled desire, more desire, another day of desire, the tenth day of unfulfilled desire.
"What now?" I persist. "We can't meet like this at your home either."
"No," he agrees pleasantly.
"So how shall we meet?"
"You can find me music room or I can find you in the garden." He is steady, not trembling like me.
I cannot find the words. "I do not want to see you like that."
Nahar adjusts his sitting position, frowning slightly, then straightens up and gives me a polite, rather distant smile.
"I could bring you home when Uncle's family flies back to India for duwali," he offers.
"That's seven months away!" I exclaim!
"Yes."
I stare blankly at him. I cannot believe he is indifferent.
"Don't you want me every evening like this?" I ask, my voice breaking a little.
"You know I do."
"Then how is it to be done?"
He gives me a little half-teasing smile. "I don't think it can be done," he says gently. They're too many spies from school who will be quick to report you for light behavior. And at your house, I cannot slip there every evening and go undetected for long. We have been lucky, we have had our ten days and they've been sweet. But I don't think we can have them anymore."
"Oh," is all I say.
"I shan't stay at my Uncle's when they go back home," he says thoughtfully, his voice very distant.
"What?"
"Perhaps I can go back to India with them."
At that I stand and straighten up. My pride helps. I put back my shoulders and lift my chin. "As you wish," I say, as cold as he.
He nods, getting up and dusting his pants. We walk back towards the walls of my home with him behind me at a safe distance, like a lady and her escort. The entranced lovers of the sand dune are far behind us.
The little gate to our home is still open. It is not yet dusk. The maid is outside watering our flower garden and inside I hear the sounds of Mother and Rhoda laughing. There is no chance at all for a private conversation.
Nahar helps up the stairs and at the touch of his hands on my waist, his body against mine, I am filled with a sudden fierce yearning for him, so acute that I give a little cry of pain.
"Are you all right?" He asks, looking down to inspect my feet.
"No!" I say fiercely. "I am not all right. You know that I am not!"
For a moment he too is shaken out of calmness. He holds my hand and roughly pulls me back to him.
"How you are feeling now is how I have been feeling for months," he swears in a passionate undertone. "How you are feeling now is how I have been feeling night and day ever since I first saw you and I expect to go on feeling like this for the rest of my life. Think about it, Carla. Send for me. Send for me when you know you want to keep the promise we made."
I twist my hand out of his grip and pull myself away. I half expect him to come after me but he does not. I walk so slowly that if he as much as whispers my name I will hear him and turn. I walk away from him though my feet drag at every step. I go past the flower garden to the front door though every inch of my body is crying out to stay with him.
I want to go straight to my room but as I go through the living room Rhoda rises up out of a chair and says: "I've been waiting for you, where have you been?"
"Walking." I say shortly, hurrying past her to avoid Mother.
"With Nahar," she accuses me.
I let her see my red eyes and the quiver of my mouth. "Yes. So?"
"Oh God," Rhoda says, sister-like. "Dear God no, you silly whore. Go on and wash. And get that look off your face, anyone can guess what you've been doing."
"I've done nothing!" I exclaim in sudden passion. "Nothing! And much good it has done me!"
She hesitates. "Just as well. I will distract your Mother. You get presentable. Oh, and your dad is home so hurry up."
I go to my room and splash water on my eyes in my bathroom. I rub my eyes with a face towel and comb my hair. When I walk in to the living room I find Shawn waiting, very sombre, in the window seat.
He gives a cautious look around the room then tucks my hand under his arm and leads me away to the furthest corner of the living room.
"You've been seen," he says. "You can't have thought you'd get away with it."
"With what?"
He stops short and looks at me with a seriousness I have never seen before. "Don't be pert," he urges me. "You were seen coming out of the sand dunes with your head on his shoulder and his arm around your waist and your hair blowing loose in the wind. Don't you know that the school has spies everywhere? Didn't you think that you would be bound to be caught?"
"What's going to happen?" I ask fearfully.
"Nothing, if it stops here. That's why it's me telling you, and not Sister Sonia or The Principal. They have not been informed because it is one of my friends who saw you. As far as you're concerned, they don't know. It's just between you and I and it needs to go no further."
"I love him, Shawn." I say very quietly. "My plan for revenge against Tanu doesn't even matter anymore." I add quickly.
He puts his head down and ploughs on about the corner, dragging me with him by my hand in his arm. "Love or no love, it doesn't make any difference to us. You know that."
"I can't eat, I can't study, I can't do anything but think about him. At night I dream of him. All day I wait to see him and when I do see him my heart turns over and I think I will faint with desire."
"And he?" Shawn asks, drawn into this despite himself.
I turn my head away so he cannot see the sudden pain in my face. "I thought he felt the same. But today he said we will not be able to see each other like we have been."
"Well, he's right," Shawn says brutally. "And if you don't stop this you jeopardise your education. You will be expelled from the best school in the country."
"But I love him," I flare up.
"Well we don't always get what we want, do we?" He questions grimly and looks over to the kitchen where Rhoda is leaning over Mother's shoulder, closely following her cooking. Rhoda feels our gaze on her and looks up. For once she forgets to smile at Shawn. She looks past him at me and there is a deep intimacy in the gaze.
"She never follows her desire, never consults it," Shawn says grimly. "She has to stay friends with you. She also puts her education first and it costs her a heartbeat, every day of her life."
Rhoda gives a distant little smile when I acknowledge her, and turns her attention back to cooking.
Shawn pinches my cold fingers as they rest on his arm. "You have to stop seeing him," he says. "You have to promise on your honour."
"I promise on my honour." I say bleakly.
"Bravo," Shawn says. He takes me in his arms and kisses me on the forehead. "And heartbreak becomes you. You look delicious."
A/N:
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