TWENTY-SIX - Guilt – Nowhere to hide
Maryanne couldn’t believe it when she heard about what had happened to Michelle. She had found out by their friend Linda on facebook of all places and at first she had dismissed it as ideal gossip but it didn’t take her long to confirm it as facts. She had wanted to rush to Michelle’s side straight away but Andy had advised her against it saying that Michelle was bad news. So for a little while she had done what Andy had requested and stayed away from Michelle but then guilt got the better of her and she couldn’t help from picking up her blackberry and taking the easy option she decided to send her an instant message instead of actually calling her to speak to her. So she asked “Hey babes, please forgive me...I just heard (she lied) whats happened...I feel so sick, can I come round to c you today please?” She then sent the message before she changed her mind and then straight away she received a message back from Michelle saying “Hi MaryA...good 2 hear from u...r u ok? Need to talk 2 u asap...but I am not at my flat...I am staying out the ends...can I call you quickly now? Can you talk discretely?” Now she was worried because she could tell by Michelle message that she was being cagey about something and she also didn’t reveal where she was staying. So she sent her a message back telling her that it was fine for her to give her a call now. So she held her blackberry in her hand as she waited for Michelle to ring her phone and after a few minutes it started ringing and she was relieved to see that it was Michelle’s name that appeared as the caller on the phones screen.
“Hey Hun...I don’t know what to say...I am so, so, so sorry babes!”Maryanne blurted down the line.
“Hi MaryA...shit happens init...I’m just lucky to be alive...but listen I can’t stay on the phone long...but what happened to me was a result of what we did to Dennis!”Michelle said in a whisper but loud enough for Maryanne to hear her words very clearly.
“What do you mean Michelle? What are you talking about...do you mean that he attacked you!” Maryanne said in shock as she waited in anticipation for Michelle to carry on talking.
“No he didn’t do it to me personally but I was wet in my face because of my part init...I was getting threatening calls first, I was warned that I was going to pay for my deeds and I tried to get in contact with you but you blanked all my calls MaryA...why did you diss me?”Michelle asked softly as she revealed her hurt by Maryanne’s disloyalty as it showed through in her voice, a voice that wasn’t recognisable to Maryanne’s as belonging to Michelle even though it obviously did.
“I’m sorry Michelle...I haven’t got anything in my defence to say to you...I was being selfish as I didn’t want to be involved in the drama anymore and I just didn’t have the heart to tell you the truth. Things are going so well for me and I just didn’t want you to mess anything up but I wasn’t being a real friend and I am deeply sorry. When you needed me I wasn’t there for you, you were there for me when my parents were killed...ooh babes...what did he do to you?”
“It don’t matter Maryanne...what is done is done but as for my face...well I don’t think that any man will be chirping me any time soon. He fucked up my face good and proper and that’s that!”
“I am so sorry Mich...Oh my god...I wanna kill him, have you told the police yet who it is?”Maryanne asked as she secretly cried and was able not to sob out but was unable to prevent the tears from falling.
“No don’t be crazy Michelle...I am alive, too many people have been killed, hurt and for what? I aint getting the Five O involved in nothing. They already visited me at the hospital because the fucking nurses called them when they saw I had been knifed in the face. But I lied and said I was attacked by a complete stranger, they don’t fucking believe me but who cares...they don’t fucking care bout us out here so fuck them. It’s not just only my life that’s at stake here Mich...think about it, if he found me so fucking easily and wiped out Marcus and Tony and is still walking the streets...If I go to the Five O then he will come after me, you and Tyrese...no way...no fucking way!” Michelle said very quickly as she raised her voice slightly towards the end.
“He, they whoever, can’t get away with this, yes we were wrong to have done what we did and yes them man deh did get out of hand and took things too far but they didn’t deserve to die and you definitely didn’t deserve to be knifed for fucks sakes...” Maryanne screamed down the phone getting very angry.
“Please calm down Mich...I aint gonna be living in the ends anymore...it’s time for a change...my life wasn’t going anywhere and maybe this was a lesson...they say that after plastic surgery things won’t be so bad, so there is hope at the end of the tunnel...but there was only one thing that was bothering me and that was your safety...I am so fucking pleased that he didn’t find out your details...I suppose Tony or Marcus gave it up but I don’t hate them...how can I? Anyway Maryanne...you take care of yourself and continue doing what you’re doing, I am proud of you...my phones gonna be off for a while and I may even change my number but I will make sure that you get my new one if I do!”
“Ooh Mich...Don’t worry about me, but please don’t forget me. I know I was a crap mate back then but forgive me please!”
“There’s nothing to forgive as I understand where you are coming from...anyway be happy baby girl!”
“Okay Michelle, I love you!” Maryanne said as she couldn’t control herself any longer when she started crying loud enough for Michelle to hear.
“Oh don’t start all that MaryA...your gonna have me off in a minute and crying aint good for my stitches...he ha he!” she laughed
“Oh trust you to crack a joke, you take care of yourself and don’t you dare forget me Michelle!”
“I promise I won’t forget you, you’re the sister I never had! Anyway MaryA I love you too, bye!”
Maryanne sat there for ages in the same spot going over and over the conversation she had just had and she was consumed with absolute guilt. She felt she had betrayed Michelle but at the same time she couldn’t help but fell a little relieved that she had got out when she did. She didn’t know how she would have coped in that same situation and she knew that if she had distance herself when she did then she would have probably been with Michelle when the attacked happened and if it was true about it being a revenge act, then she would have been knifed too as she was just as much responsible for that day as Michelle was. She had decided to keep this bit of information to herself as she was defiantly not going to tell Andy, she could just hear her now and it wasn’t something she wanted Andy to have over her when Michelle was ready to link up again. But this whole thing was deeply bothering her and the only person she wanted to speak to after that call was to speak with Ash. Even though it had been much longer than she would have liked since she had first laid eyes on him, they had spoken numerous times daily and he had already claimed her as his. The only thing was he was staying in Birmingham at his father’s house because his father was out of the Country and he was house sitting for him, so all they had were their telephone conversations. They had become very deep and intimate and she felt that he knew her very well. So without a second thought she dialled his number and waited patiently for him to pick up. After a lot of rings she nearly gave up thinking that he wouldn’t answer when finally he said “Hey sweet heart how you doing?”
“Hi babes...I’m okay...”She lied in a broken voice as she was unable to shield her true emotions.
“What’s up...I can hear your upset baby, tell me what’s wrong!” he pressed firmly in his sexy voice.
“I shouldn’t really be talking about it Ash...but I am so shaken up by what’s happened it’s sickening really...I wish I could see you right now Ash..I really do!” she cried softly as she spoke to him.
“Tell me babes...you know you can tell me anything...I wish I was there too for you but I will drive down if you need me baby and leave my dad’s house unattended, just for you!” he said as he hoped she wouldn’t take him up on his offer.
“No Ash...I can’t ask you to do that...Look its nothing too serious I think anyway...I am hoping that it’s all over now anyway!”
“What’s all over Maryanne?” he pressed not letting up as he fished for information from her.
“It was my friend, she was attacked the other day very badly...and now she has moved away, even I don’t know where she has gone too! But I feel bad because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most, I feel really badly about it. My heart is aching, I just hope that everything works out for her where’s she is now!”
“I am sorry to hear that Maryanne...but you can’t blame yourself, you weren’t to know this would happen to her! But can I ask you a question love?” he said softly and she said “Yes go on anything!”
“Did your friend deserve it...or was it a random attack?”
“No she didn’t deserve what that monster did to her and I know she aint told me the whole story, yes maybe she did do something she shouldn’t have done but no way did she deserve being knifed in her face. In her fucking face, being scared for life...hell no...” she screamed without even realising it.
“Okay I am sorry babes, I wasn’t trying to upset you...please!” he said calming as she listened to his voice she said apologetically “No I am sorry for shouting Ash, I’m just a bit wounded up that’s all, I’m gonna go and have a rest, hopefully I will feel better.”
“Yeah maybe you should get some rest but don’t you have college today babes?” he asked pretending to care.
“No not today but unfortunately I do early tomorrow and I’ve got work too in the evening.”
“What time do you finish work tomorrow?”
“Nine o’clock unfortunately...bloody long but it needs to be done!” she sighed with thoughts of her day ahead tomorrow.
“Well make sure that you get some rest tonight baby...I cant wait to get back to London and see you in the flesh, I’m gonna take real good care of you, remember I tell you that okay!”
“Oh baby I love you...and I won’t forget...I could do with someone looking after me...it’s been a while!”
“Well I am here to do just that, I promise I won’t disappoint you! Anyway I’m gonna let you go and get some rest okay and I will call you tomorrow.”
“Okay Ash, I’ll speak with you tomorrow...you have a good night!”
“Yeah goodnight Sweetheart...bye!”
“Goodbye!” She said and listened as he ended the call before putting her blackberry back down. She felt so much better now after speaking with “Ash” just as she thought she would. She was glad that Michelle had moved out of the ends even though it meant that she wouldn’t be around anymore but after what she had been through and where her lifestyle was taking her, it was the best result all round. She now hoped that Michelle would be just as happy as she was one day soon and she only prayed that her recovery wasn’t a long painful one.