Calum's POV
"Cal, bro" I look away from the window and tilt my head up to face Ashton "Hello, Earth calling"
I watch my friend wave his hands in front of me like he's been trying to call my attention for a while now. I mumble a quiet "Sorry" and ask what he was talking about, when in reality I didn't even notice that he had arrived from the store. This morning, after I made him go back to my place, Ashton said something about going out with Luke and invited me to tag along. We both know he was only being a good friend, because Ash could see it in my face that I wasn't going anywhere. I don't want to see people or be seen, I don't want to pretend I'm fine or make small talk with strangers. Georgia is the only one I want to see and talk to, but at the same time, I want to punch the wall in front of me.
"Quit watching the grass grow, let's watch a movie or something" He suggests, nodding his head towards the TV room but I don't move from my spot by the window
"She hasn't come home yet" I tell him as an explanation to why I'm sitting here all day "She got off work five hours ago and she still hasn't come home"
"Have you tried her phone?" He asks, a slight frown forming on his forehead while Ash looks out the window as well
I spent the night here. A horrible, lonely and sleepless night, where only my body was in Ash's house because my mind was still back at mine, with Georgia. Never have I thought I would willingly spend the night away from her when all I could think about - while I was on tour - was having her in my arms until I fell asleep.
"No, hm, we are not-" I stop midsentence to correct myself "I'm not talking to her"
Gia is talking to me, or at least she's trying to. My phone was running out of battery and that's why I needed a charger - since Ash had forgotten his in the studio. Georgia sent me a couple of texts this morning after I didn't answer her calls, and even though I didn't plan to reply these texts, I still wanted - needed - to know what they said. This isn't a plan to punish her - believe me, it physically pains me to ignore her - but I'm still so fucking pissed that I'm afraid I'll say something I regret. Again.
"Then why should she come to your house if you're ignoring her?" Ashton asks like it's the most obvious thing in the world
"What do you mean why, Ash? Her things are at my place, I-... I- I'm fucking pissed but I need to know that she's okay, that she's safe"
I watch Ash raise his hands in the air as if saying "calm down" and only then, I realize I had raised voice. Sighing, I run my hands through my hair, feeling Ashton pat my back in support. I feel like a ticking bomb, ready to blow out at any moment now if I don't see Georgia walking inside my house in the next couple of minutes. It's 8p.m. now. From my spot by the window I watched the sun set, giving place for the chilly night air and still, no signs of Gia.
"Mate, if you were really worried about her, you would've swallowed your pride a long time ago and would've at least sent her a text. You're doing this because you want to control her and it's easier if you know she's inside your house" He accuses, using that authoritarian tone that reminds me of my father
"Oh no, Ashton, not you too" I groan out of frustration "I just want to take care of her, is that so wrong? For fucks sake, I told her 'Georgia take the car', so she doesn't have to catch the bus, but does she listen to me? No, of course she doesn't. Now, she's out there and I-"
"Calum, listen to yourself, bro" Ashton lets out a dry laugh "You say she's out there like it's a zombie apocalypse, but she's probably just at her apartment, which is where SHE calls it home. Georgia has her own place, she doesn't live here, this is your house and I doubt she's gonna come back here to wait until you decide to talk to her"
I hate Ashton sometimes. I hate that he has that older and wiser vibe when he speaks. I hate that he's probably right, which means that Georgia is not coming back today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime soon - she's not coming until we talk and solve things out. I hate that he saw her in nothing but a towel this morning and I hate it even more that it was my fault. This is a sight for my eyes, and my eyes only, and now Ashton has seen it as well. It only adds to my will to punch the wall.
"Call Jason, ask if Gia is with him" I'm practically begging but Ashton only rolls his eyes at me
"I'm not getting in the middle of this again, bro" He backs away, heading towards the kitchen "It's your shit, deal with it yourself"
This morning, Ashton came back from my place with an awful expression and shoved the charger in my chest, telling me how much of a pussy I am. I wouldn't have even cared if he had only called me a pussy, but Ash described the look of disappointment in Georgia's eyes when she ran down the stairs hoping to find me and faced him instead. It was like Gia was right in front of me, giving me those brokenhearted sad eyes. The image in my head was so real that I swear I could've touched her if I had just reached out for her. In fact, I can see it right now. The same eyes she gave me last night. Hopeless, sad and shallow.
I didn't think Georgia would be up that early in the morning so in my mind, Ash wouldn't run into her. But I guess she didn't get much sleep as well.
"Where are you, G? Please come home" I mumble to myself, staring hopelessly at my phone
I should just call her. I should call her, ask her to come home so we can talk. That would be the ideal mature thing to do but I don't even know if I'll be able to talk to her right now. I can't fucking believe she went out with Ryan behind my back. We talked basically everyday while I was away and that's not something you let it slip by, it's not a trivial thing you forget to mention. I want to believe it when she says nothing happened, that they only went out to talk, but the mere thought of Georgia and that guy sitting at the same table, like they are on a date, makes me want to rip my hair out.
"I said some pretty fucked up shit" I admit, following Ashton to the kitchen
"I can only imagine" He scoffs, handing me a bottle of beer "Stop beating yourself down and just talk to her"
I hop on his marble counter and take a sip of my beer deep in thought. God, I wish it was that simple.
"I'll probably say even more fucked up shit to her right now" I say with a shrug "I'm still pretty pissed. I can't believe she went out to talk to that asshole, the g-"
"Get over it, mate. You've done way worse"
"I don't need this shit right now, Ash" I snap at him
I roll my eyes trying not to throw the bottle of beer across the room because it absolutely isn't the time for Ashton to bring this shit up, and he knows it.
"What I'm saying is, Georgia only went out to talk to the guy" Ash restates "Just give it another day to cool things down and call her"
Ashton exits the room, leaving me lost in my own thoughts. I don't expect him to understand what even I can't fully comprehend. I survived 3 months away from Georgia but right now, another day without her seems like an eternity. It's simply too long. I don't think I'll be able to cope with another hour of sitting here waiting for her to come home - regardless of Ashton says, I'll call my place her home. She was the one to turn it into one, anyways - before her, it was just a house.
"Alright" Ash reenters the kitchen "Whatever it is that the two of you have, I don't get it"
I look at him with a raised brow, silently wondering what the hell is he talking about.
"She's here, bro. I mean, there" His confusion confuses me even more "Georgia is in your house, or she's home, as you like to say it"
"What?" I jump off the counter and rush to my previous spot by the window
Looking out through the glass, I see an unfamiliar car parked in front of my house, that now has the front porch's lights on. An indescribable wave of relief takes over me simply by knowing she's close. She's here, she came back - despite of everything Ashton said. He was wrong, Georgia is here.
"Whose car is this?" I hear Ashton ask behind me and I laugh, thinking that we look like two old ladies sitting by the window and taking care of our neighbours' lives
"I don't know" I say with a shrug, not putting much thought into it "I don't even care. It brought her back home, that's all that matters"
She's here. She came back home. Georgia came back to me, even after all the hideous I said to her. She loves me and now that she's here we'll be able to work things out. Thank God, thank you.
"Right" He lets out a dry laugh "I hope it's Ryan's car then"
"Fuck you, man" I turn around just enough to punch his shoulder while my friend laughs loudly
But then, there I am, looking out the window, stretching my neck trying to see who is sitting behind the wheel. Ashton is having a blast making fun of me but I couldn't care less. There isn't much I can see from where I am, pathetically hidden behind the curtains, but I can perfectly see it when the driver's door opens and a guy steps out of the car.
"What the fuc-..." I blurt out before storming off Ashton's house and basically running across the street
It all happens very fast but at the same time it feels like we're all moving in slow motion. I'm yelling in the middle of the street, calling the guy's attention and feeling my blood boil as he turns around to look at me. I don't know who he is and it takes me a moment to realize he's only the Uber driver, but when I do realize it, I'm a second away from punching him in the face. I hear my name being called, followed by rushed footsteps, before I see Georgia's panicked face coming my way. I immediately let go of the guy, knowing how much of an asshole I must look like right now and take a step back, showing that I don't plan to assault him - again. Ashton is also here, pulling me by the shoulders and saying things I can't comprehend because I'm not paying attention to him. Georgia is touching the guy, the Uber driver, she's making sure he's okay while profusely apologising, but her hand is on his arm.
"I'm so sorry, man" I keep babbling again and again
Ashton stands between us, trying to appease things but mostly making sure the guy is not gonna try to attack me. I'm running my hands through my hair, about to lose my mind, thinking how I almost beat the shit out of this guy for no reason. Georgia is scared, I can see the panic in her eyes and I hate myself for being the cause of it. She's not looking at me while I stand there, completely lost, aching for her attention. She's ignoring me, it seems, and it hurts more than I can bear.
"Gia" I call out her name and she flinches, but still doesn't look at me "Georgia"
I try again, and again, but Georgia is determinedly walking back inside my house like I'm not even there. I apologise to the driver for what feels like the thousandth time before following her trail like a lost puppy. Packed bags laid by the bottom of the stairs make my heart throb against my chest and without thinking, I run to grab them before she can.
"What are you doing?" She asks, brows furrowed and voice cold as the night
"I can ask you the same thing" I fire back "What are you doing?"
"Taking my things back to my apartment, as it seems" Georgia crosses her arms over her chest making her appealing boobs stand out
Another thing standing out is her sarcastic tone, the same one I learned to love some time ago when she used it to mock me or get that sassy attitude that made me fall for her. Right now, I absolutely hate it.
"No, you're not leaving before we have a decent conversation" I state, trying to show more confidence than I actually feel
"Oh, so now you want to talk, Calum?" She scoffs, trying to reach for her bags, but I don't let her "Cause you seemed pretty sure about ignoring me throughout the entire day when I tried to contact you"
"I was pissed, Georgia" I tell her, my voice shifting "I didn't wanna talk cause it would only make things worse"
"Funny of you to say I am the one who doesn't know how to talk things out, that I'm the one to always runs away" She accuses, pointing a finger to my face
"I was only trying to avoid ev-"
"Me! You are avoiding me!" She raises her voice "You even sent poor Ashton here to grab the stuff you needed so you didn't have to look at my face. How do you expect us to solve anything if you aren't talking to me or responding to my texts?" Before I can even try to reason with her, Georgia continues "You don't, Calum! You don't expect us to solve anything. And you know what? Fine! Whatever! I don't care!"
"Whatever? You were the one to drag us into this mess and now it's whatever?" I ask her, but Georgia only rolls her eyes at me
"What mess, Calum?" She throws her hands in the air like she's done with all of this - done with me "Yes, I fucked up and I should've told you before but I already apologised! What more do you want, Cal? I'll unfollow him on Instagram and I'll never talk to him again, is that it?"
Now, she's pushing it.
"No, Georgia, is whatever! You do whatever you want to, go out with your freaking boyfriend and don't tell me about it. Whatever!"
"He is my ex, Calum. MY EX!" Gia snaps at me "I know that, he knows that and it's about time you do too, for fuck's sake"
Gia starts walking away and before I can ask her if she's leaving without her stuff, she turns around and comes straight at me. She's furious and I'm not much different. There's no way we're going to be able to solve things like this.
"The problem is that you don't trust me! You don't, even thought I've never given you a reason not to. You were about to punch that guy because of what, Calum? You thought I was bringing another guy into your house? Just like you think I kissed Ryan and whatnot?"
The guilt is eating me alive. She's right and I know she is but there's so much I can't bring myself to say, so much I can't say. Images of earlier today flash in my mind, Ashton's voice telling me how I should get over it cause I've done much worse. I should just get over it - and get this over with - before Georgia changes her mind and decides not only to leave my house, but also my life. How did things get this bad?
"How can you say you love me when you think I'd be able to do all those things to you? How can you love someone you think so little of?" Her voice shows how hurt she is
It kills me to hear the hurt in her voice and even worse, to know I am the one causing it. How can she question my love for her? Can't she fucking see how she has me wrapped around her finger?
"I'm sorry, G. I didn't mean to say any of this, I just... I-" I don't even know what to say to her "Let's just talk. Stay here, we'll calm down and we can work this out. You'll see, we a-"
I'm so desperate to keep her here that Ashton's words almost make sense. It's like I'll lose it if she walks away. I'd grab her by the wrist, I'd lock all the doors to make her stay - cause that's how much I need her here - but I guess I've scared her enough by almost knocking her driver out.
"I've been trying to talk to you the entire day, Calum, and y-... You... I don't think it's a good idea" Her voice very colected now
Gia flashes me a weak smile that doesn't reach her beautiful eyes.
"I'm going home... We can talk some other time"
I can't say anything after this. I can barely breathe, let alone move. If feels like someone has punched me in the stomach and all air has left my lungs as I watch her leave. With a curt nod, Gia grabs her bags off my hands and I do nothing to stop her from taking all her belongings out of my house. The Uber driver offers to help Gia with the bags and I feel like killing someone.
"I'm going home" she said. She said home and she didn't mean my house. She meant her apartment.
One day until my fucking birthday. Yay me. I'm turning 21 tomorrow and I couldn't care less. Nothing is really going to change. I'm already allowed in clubs, I drink alcohol - in fact, I'm having a beer at this very moment - and I could've been sent to jail if I had assaulted that guy. Nothing really changes tomorrow. I'll be 21 and Georgia will still be mad at me.
"Should I call her?" I ask Duke as he watches me wander around this empty house with his little judgemental puppy eyes "Should I go there? She gets off work at 4p.m., she must be home by now. Maybe send her flowers..."
I may be losing my mind but I swear I saw my dog roll his eyes at me.
"I don't know what to do" I reason with him "And you're not much help either!"
I hear the front door open and don't even bother looking to see who's walking inside. I know Georgia enough to know she's not coming back here anytime soon. I haven't even heard from her since yesterday, after she took off with all her stuff, and it's driving me fucking insane.
"Were you talking to the dog?" Ashton inquires and I simply huff before throwing myself on the couch "Good to see ya too, mate. Cheers"
It's not like I don't want him here, I just don't want anyone right now. Ashton is the best of friends, the type to never leave your side when you're are at your lowest, and I honestly wouldn't expect anything different from him. Living right next to me, he must feel somehow responsible for me and for making sure I'm not gonna do anything even more stupid.
"Just got off the phone with Luke. How do you feel about going out tonight?" He tries to cheer me up using an overly optimistic tone
"Not in the mood" I mumble, scrolling through my phone to see no new messages from Gia
"You're not spending your birthday mourning at home, Cal. This is sad, depressing even" Ashton tells me while walking to the kitchen and getting himself a beer "No one died, mate. Cheer up, let's go out. Georgia will see pics of you in some club with some random girls and she will be back before you know it"
I would laugh in Ashton's face if I felt like laughing at all. He doesn't know Gia. She's not like that, in fact, she couldn't be more different than this type Ash just described. Gia would never look at me in the face again if I did that. She wouldn't bother to show up at my house to yell at my face, she wouldn't make a scene, nor send an enraged text message. She'd simply walk out of my life and never look back.
"You don't know her, bro" It's all I say "I'm not in the mood to go out tonight, maybe tomorrow"
Eventually, I manage to convince Ashton that I'm not going anywhere and after he's convinced me to shower and look at least decent, he calls our closest friends over. It's not ideal, since I'd much rather have a quiet night in, alone in my house, but knowing that Ashton won't leave me be, it's not bad either. I go upstairs to take a shower and get ready while Ash takes care of everything else. Not everyone was able to come - like Mike and Roy -, since it was kind of last minute, but still a lot of people showed up - more than I would've wanted.
"Ten minutes to midnight" Nia nudges my side with an excited grin
"It's not the New Years" I tell her, taking a long drag of my cigarette
It's a cold night and everyone else is inside the house. Drinking, chatting and laughing.
"How you feeling, birthday boy?" She insists
Empty. Empty like my bed felt last night. Like the entire house seemed without Gia's lighthearted laughter. It's a fucking nightmare to be stuck in my own house, missing her presence no matter where I look. I can only imagine how fucking awful it must've been to Georgia, to stay here alone for three entire months.
"The same" I shrug my shoulders avoiding her eyes "It's whatever"
Georgia would hate to see me sitting outside, alone with Nia. If she was here, I mean. I know it's not going to happen, but I keep glancing towards the front door, hoping that she is the next person to walk inside my house. For the last twelve times, I had my hopes crushed, but every time that door opens, I look up praying to see her beautiful face. A guy can dream, right?
"You don't look too good, Cal" Nia comments "You can talk to me, you know?"
I don't feel too good. I have all my closest friends gathered at my place to celebrate my birthday. They took charge of bringing the booze and ordering food, I didn't even have to worry about a thing. "Just have a good time, bro" is what Luke told me, earlier tonight. I have one job, to have a good time, and I can't even do that because Gia is not here.
"Thanks, Nia" I try to smile at her, but it feels weird to do it, wrong even
Would Georgia believe me if I said we were only talking? If I said nothing happened between Nia and I tonight. Would she believe me? Or would she blow up in my face and leave, like I did?
"HEY, CAL ,C'MON IN!" Luke calls me inside, bringing me back to reality
I finish my cigarette before walking inside.
"We're taking shots at midnight" Sierra informs, oferring me a tequila shot
I accept it and immediately down the shot in one big gulp, earning an alarmed look from her. She pours me another while I feel the liquid burn my throat. We gather around the living room, waiting for the clock to hit midnight and I take a look at all the friendly faces that took their time to celebrate with me. I glance at every single one of them, trying to find Georgia amongst the small crowd.
"Midnight!" Sierra exclaims, waving her phone in the air
Everyone starts cheering and raising their glasses to salute me. Luke pulls me in for a hug while Ash makes a weird dance and Sierra and Ally jump around us. A lot of people hug me and some more congratulate me but... Is it bad to say that I'd trade half of these people for just one person's presence? She should be here. She had to be here, celebrating with me. Gia was more excited for my birthday to come than I was, that's why it feels so wrong to be partying without her.
"I hope 21 year old Calum is less of a pussy than the 20 year old was" Ash says, playfully shoving my shoulder "Love you, bro"
I pull him for a hug, laughing at his awkwardness.
"Thanks, man. For everything"
Not being a big fan of hugs, Ashton is more than quick to pull out, saying something to change the subject. My phone starts buzzing in my front pocket and I pray that it is Georgia. I haven't heard from her since she stormed out of here last night - after we only made things worse - and I miss hearing the sound of her voice. I sigh, running a hand through my hair after looking at the notification on my phone.
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