I get myself together and go into the kitchen for a glass of water. Joe walks in, and I don't look at him. I take another sip and set my glass now.
"Trinity I'm sorry. The pain meds are screwing with my head and are making me loopy." He says, leaning against the table.
"It's fine Joe, we really don't ever have to talk about it."
"I think we do..."
"I get it Joe. Nothing in this world would make you get intimate with me besides pain medicine. I know you aren't interested. Trust me."
He's surprised by my hostility but I can't help it. Everything should be out in the open now. If he doesn't know by now that I like him then he's just plain stupid.
"That's not what I meant." He says, wiping sweat off of his forehead.
"I'm a mistake, I get it." I say, shifting from one foot to the other.
"What I meant was a mistake is how carried away we got because I'm with Jenny. You know I'm not the type to cheat Trin."
He's right. He's never been that type of guy before.
"You aren't a mistake." He says lowly, "I've never crossed that line with you before because I don't want to ruin our friendship." Great, the friendship speech. Like I haven't heard this before.
Nick walks in then and I'm thankful. I do not want to talk about this anymore. If I could just erase this day from my memory completely I would.
"Everything okay?" Nick asks, the tension between Joe and I visible.
"I was just leaving." I say.
"Trinity." Joe says, staring me down from across the room.
"See you guys later." I say, backing out of the room.
"We will talk about this." Joe calls after me as I leave the apartment, running over to my car.
I sit down and grab on to the steering wheel, gripping it as hard as I can. I scream out in anger, hoping no one heard me.
—
The next day I arrive at my parents house. I'm wearing a yellow sundress and my hair is straightened, making it look even longer. I don't usually put that much effort into my appearance but I was feel adventurous this morning.
I walk into the house and head for the kitchen. My eyes widen at the sight of Nick seated at the bar with my mom.
"Hey there." Nick says, looking me up and down, making it obvious that he's checking me out.
"Didn't expect you to be here." I mumble, grabbing a grape from the fruit bowl on the island and eating it.
"Nick was next door and I invited him over for some pie." My mom says with a wide smile.
I smile back, "of course you did."
"I'm going out back to the garden." She says, getting out of her seat and patting Nick on the shoulder before leaving the room.
I grab another grape nonchalantly and then look at Nick who's just staring at me with a snarky expression.
"So are you gonna tell me what happened with Joe last night?"
I shrug, "nothing happened."
"Right well that's a lie. But if you two want to play that game, fine."
"Shouldn't you be babysitting him or something?" I ask.
"Jenny's back so that's her job."
"Oh." I say. Just hearing her voice makes me feel nauseated.
He raises an eyebrow, "Trin..."
"I'm done with the whole Joe thing okay? Never gonna happen, never was going to happen. Time for me to move on."
"You've said that before." Nick says.
"I mean it this time." I say.
"I hope so. You can do better."
I laugh, "that's not very nice to say about your brother."
"You know what I mean." He says and smiles.
My mom comes back in and we help her prepare supper. My dad joins us and the four of us have dinner together. My parents adore Nick, but they also adore Joe and Kevin. But there's something about Nick that catches my mothers eye. She wouldn't admit it but he's her favorite which I think is why she wants us to be together.
By the time I finish up the dishes, it's dark out expect for the light from the tiki torches outside. I look out the window and Nick and my dad are seated on the patio furniture talking.
I grab a few beers and head out to join them, taking a seat next to Nick on the couch.
I hand my dad a beer but he shakes his head, "I think I'm gonna head inside."
He stands up and smiles at Nick, "always nice seeing you Nicholas."
"Likewise." Nick says with a smile.
"Night dad." I say as he leans down and kisses me on the cheek before heading inside.
Nick picks up the beer intended for my dad and hands it to me, "I guess it's yours now."
I grab it and he hits his against mine before taking a sip. I take a long sip, swallowing hard. I hate the taste of beer but I'm not going to waste it.
"My dad really likes you." I tell him, taking another sip before setting the bottle on the table.
"He's a good guy."
"Yeah, he is."
I lean back, staring up at the dark sky. There's so many stars out tonight, not a cloud in sight. I close my eyes and let out a long breath.
"You are beautiful." I hear Nick say. I open my eyes and lift my head up, turning to him. He's staring at me, but it's hard to tell his expression in this dim light.
I shake my head, "no I'm not."
"You don't know how to take a compliment do you?" He says with a laugh.
I look down at my hands on my lap, "I'm not used to that sort of stuff."
"What do you mean?" He asks, adjusting so his upper body is facing me.
"I don't get compliments. I don't know what's it's like to feel... wanted." I admit, too embarrassed to look at him.
"That can't be true." He says.
I shrug, "it is. I never even dated in high school, you know that."
"What about Jimmy Haroldson?" He says with a smirk.
"8th grade boyfriends don't count."
"He was your first kiss wasn't he?"
I laugh, "it was just a peck. And then I hadn't kiss anyone until..." I start but stop.
"Until me?" He asks and I nod.
"Pathetic, I know."
"I hate when you insult yourself like that. It's not pathetic."
He stands up and sticks his hand out, asking for mine. I place it in his and he helps me up, but he doesn't let go.
"You deserve to feel wanted. You deserve someone's full attention." He says, his voice soft. He pulls me towards the middle of the yard, the sounds of crickets and frogs flowing through the air.
He grabs my waist with his other hand, and now we are positioned as if we were going to slow dance together, though we aren't moving and there's no music playing.
He brings his other hand to my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck. "You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for." He says, brushing his nose against my cheek.
I can't say I feel nothing at his touch, it's just not like how I feel with Joe, and I hate myself for always comparing them.
"I'm a mess Nick, you don't want to get involved, trust me." I say, looking away from him.
He grabs my chin gently, forcing me to look at him. "I'm already involved Trinity."
We keep our eyes locked on each other for a long moment before he lets go of my face and I back away from him, loosing all contact with him.
I turn around and face the yard, taking a deep breath. I feel him get closer, his body pressed against my back. He grabs one side of my hair, moving it away from my face and behind my ear. He wraps his hand around my waist again and lean against him.
"Let me show you what it's like to be wanted." He whispers in my ear.
My breathing is uneven and I grab onto his arm that's wrapped around me. I close my eyes, the warm breeze wrapping itself around me.
"That's umm," I say, trying to find my words, "not a good idea."
He turns me around to face him in one swift move and I gasp before he puts his lips to mine, kissing me slowly and gently before deepening the kiss. I should stop him; I don't want to hurt him, or lead him on. But it just feels so good, like an escape from reality.
We both pull away, gasping for air has our noses touch. We look into each other's eye without saying a word. I can't help but wonder what happens from here.