Jaebum's blood doesn't let him rest. It's been a day but he still wants to know how Jinyoung is doing in the hospital. Is he eating? Is he comfortable? How is he doing with the other patients around?
All of the anxiety is tamed once he meets Jackson but it couldn't be tamed for too long, he immediately started talking about Jinyoung.
"Calm down, calm down, he's under good eyes. Mark himself told me so. He says that with confidence." Jackson assures.
Jaebum feels like he shouldn't bother Jackson anymore, they head to the school that somehow irks them. What irked Jaebum more at that moment was Woon Jae calling his name.
Jaebum turns around to meet the notorious smirk of Woon Jae.
"What do we have here? Where'd your side chick go?" Woon questioned.
He was trying to provoke Jaebum.
Jaebum feels sorry for a guy who thinks everyone else is inferior to an entitled shit like him.
Woon takes intimidating steps, prowling slower to his prey.
Jaebum looks dead at him, having no emotion as a crowd begins to gather.
"I thought there must be some other reason why you wouldn't want to join the basketball team, apart from the fact that you don't know how to play it, but you denied wanting to smash hot chicks." Woon badgered, strolling closer to Jaebum's ear pierced lobe.
"But all you do is hang out with the fag."
Motherfucker.
"Aren't you the fag here?" Jaebum questions, slithering his hand onto Woon's neck, against the locker, making Woon's head smack against the locker the higher Jaebum places his hand.
Woon sniggers. "Someone likes being kinky."
Feeling Woon's big pile of shitty ego, common sense slaps Jaebum and tells him Woon's just a small exposed man behind all that façade. He attempts on hitting his soft spot.
"What if your sister gets bullied?" He strikes.
It's Woon's time to get enraged and turn the tables. He's the one that's grabbing Jaebum by both hands.
Jaebum feels a surge of success.
Woon's eyes are filled with passionate resentment. In some way, he's just like Jaebum. Only caring for his sister.
"I would fucking kill them if they touch a hair on my sister's head." Woon's being intimidating.
Jaebum's thoughts return back to Jinyoung and his face is tainted with a sad expression. He looks at Woon. And then he takes a look at the crowd holding their phones up like people who love inviting anxiety onto others.
"Why? Why would you kill them? Why not let them bully her? Just like how you bully Jinyoung, you jerk." Jaebum reasons.
"Because she's-"
"-Your fucking sister, you son of a bitch. Someone who means something and we both know you don't want her to get hurt because of some painful profanities. She'd probably even be depressed. You don't fucking want that you little cunt." Jaebum says.
"My sister wouldn't do that you little-"
"What guarantee do you have? She even bullies others, do you actually pay attention to her? Or are your parents just asses? Because if they are, you should be paying attention to her in case she gets lonely." Jaebum says, his voice accentuating all that's important.
Woon's looks like he doesn't know what and what not to believe, was this some kind of joke? A trick? His face isn't removed from the perplexity.
"Woon-fucking-Jae, she bullies others just so that she feels superior and other fear her and never leave her. Just like you. Treating people like pieces on a goddamn chessboard!" Jaebum goes on to clarify.
"Don't you dare-" Woon smacks harder against Jaebum's collars, making his back collide with the locker.
The crowd gets even more evoked.
"Don't you fucking think Jinyoung has people that care about him?! What if he kills himself one day? You'll be part of the cause, or even worse, the actual cause." Jaebum explains, looking at Woon's face, making out that he won't expect a sensible answer soon.
"Oh yeah? What guarantee so you have Jinyoung's gonna kill himself-"
"Because he already tried." Jaebum coldly stares into Woon's eyes, wanting with all his might, to break Woon's Jaw right then and there.
Woon's grip loosens. A look of complete horror paints his face in ghastly white.
"You hit him everyday didn't you? What sick happiness do you gain out of it? If you had used all that wasted time in looking after your sister, she would've had a bright smile on her face you pussy." Jaebum says, getting mad at Woon each second.
"J-Jinyoung what?" He murmured with shivering lips while Jaebum dusts himself, Woon's grip completely removed.
Jaebum's heart is heavy as if a big weight is placed on it, forcing the arteries to exert more blood, making his breath shallow and eyes watery just thinking about Jinyoung. He bit his lip to stop the tears and looks at the mindless crowd that find the same sick happiness like Woon.
"And you little fuckers, have nothing else to do? You should just slap yourselves to reality if you feel being gay is such a heinous crime!" Jaebum screams, wanting his voice to reach all the goddamn audio and video recorders.
"You all steal, cheat, lie, betray and yet, a rule that prohibits being gay is so easily taken into consideration? You all should be rewarded- with your own shit that you apply all over yourselves." Jaebum's eyes carry high abhorrence.
"When you earn good friends, they won't live in fear of you. They'll live with you. Neither will they stab your back. When they do live in fear, they'll do the same. Have some courage to accept the negatives in life asshole." Jaebum turned back to Woon.
"If you hit Jinyoung one more time, I won't hesitate to shorten your life." He says and angrily storms off.
.
Jinyoung's feeling a storm of crazy adverse emotions as he sat down the seat opposite to the therapist. The therapist had crazily tamed punk hair, his mature face contrasted with his cute smile and dimples, making him look youthfully full grown.
"I'm Ok Taecyeon" He smiled.
"Jinyoung" Jinyoung replies.
"So, I'll be your therapist and... I don't know whether I will actually be able to help you.... But everything is always worth a shot." He said, smiling dolefully.
"You can always choose to attend some other therapist if you feel I'm not the right one okay? Just ring the bell." Taecyeon adds in.
He leafed through some papers on a clipboard, preferably Jinyoung's hospital history and began questioning.
"So since this is your first day, there are some random questions I've wanted to ask other people as well and want to ask you. Could you answer these for me? They're kinda rapid fire questions. It's just an option though. We could just do the basics." He politely requested.
"What... Are the questions?" Jinyoung's curiosity arose.
"Random things. Can I ask one?" Taecyeon questioned.
"Okay..."
"What is something you feel nervous about right now?"
"That I Won't be able to recover" came the answer immediately.
Taecyeon doesn't disrupt the flow.
"And why is that?"
"Because I don't want to stay here."
"Who do you want to be with?"
"My.." Jinyoung stopped mid-sentence.
"Go on... It's okay."
"My mom... And.. and dad." Jinyoung said in a whisper.
"What about the people that would miss you if you were to be with your mom and dad right now?"
Jinyoung gulps. He hadn't thought of the consequences of what would happen if he ever were to be gone. But he had seen the consequences. It killed him more than any other pill, hurt him more than any other cut.
But then why was he so willing to die? So willing to go to parents that would never accept him?
He just wants to apologize.
But for what? For being gay? Wouldn't that be an insult to every other homosexual person in this world?
Love isn't wrong. They all say that. It's in the gene. At least it should be partially the gene's fault Jinyoung's gay. It's not his choice he was gay was it? It's not some 6 year old phase either.
"Because.... I don't want to be gay... My parents didn't forgive me for being gay." Jinyoung gripped his hair in between his lean fingers, facing down, his back bulged outward against the chair.
Taecyeon slowly comprehended what the boy said, and from his posture, it looked like it was eating Jinyoung alive.
"It's not your fault." Taecyeon simplified.
Jinyoung looks up to the therapist, taking deep breaths steadying himself.
"It's not your fault you're gay, it's not your fault you're you. We all get dealt cards by life. We never chose this horrible, difficult life or those horrible choice of cards." He continued.
"But it's always up to us how we choose to live with it. It's completely up to us how we choose to play our cards. It lies in our palms."
"So Jinyoung, you have to choose. It's completely your choice whether to accept with the fact that you're gay, or live in horror of the fact that your parents didn't allow you to be gay, so you'll complete their so called 'one last wish' and not be gay. Which will lead you to ruins. So why achieve something that will lead you to ruins?" Taecyeon considers.
"It's not your fault they had got into the accident Jinyoung. All parents want their kids to live a happy life, to stand on their feet. You should do that too, Jinyoung. For the sake of people who are alive and important right now, and most importantly, for yourself. Because your parents are gonna watch you from up there, they're safe and they probably do know better. So worry about those who matter. Those who also have struggles of their own, but still are with you." Taecyeon softly accentuated all the words.
It took several seconds of silence to absorb the information. Why did it feel so relieving? All the tied knots just slowly untangled them together, string by string. He didn't even put effort, the tears flowed to his eyes, making way to his cold cheeks, warming them.
"You've done well today, Jinyoung. I'm happy for you. We'll continue our session tomorrow. Please take into account what
I've said." Taecyeon slowly got up and Jinyoung copied.
.
"How's the therapy so far...?" Yugyeom timidly asks.
"It's... Fine. I still h-have to take my medi.... Medication." Jinyoung said, looking at the boy's anorexic hands that held the thick blue book.
"How's the book so far..?" He questions back.
Yugyeom blushes and it's evident on his ghostlike cheeks, as his heart raced thinking of what he had read in the book. He had imagined a small little fantasy of his own inspired by it.
"I-I like it... A lot. Thank you for the book." He softly replied.
"Ah... No problem.." Jinyoung temporized, but Yugyeom asked him a question, wanting to get to know his first roommate a tad bit.
"Why did you decide to commit suicide?" He asks. "I'm sorry if you don't want to answer-"
"Because I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to live. I just wanted to go away from everything." Jinyoung said, as if in a trance where he was talking to Jaebum.
He blinks back to reality and evaluated Yugyeom's situation. He looked like he had given up taking care of his body. Not wanting to eat, not wanting to change clothes.
Did something happen that made him not want to do so? Anorexics would've maybe cared to look prettier by wearing nice clothes. But it's not up to Jinyoung to diagnose Yugyeom. So he asks.
"Why do you not take care of yourself? Who chose.... Who chose not to believe you?" Jinyoung wondered loudly, sitting in the bed and interlocking his fingers, afraid it's gonna be a very delicate question.
Yugyeom looks with a broken realisation as the feelings of disgust crawl up to him, so he grasps his shirt even harder, wanting to smell the comfortable scent but to no avail.
Jinyoung regrets asking the question as he sat on the bed Yugyeom was, asking whether he was fine.
Yugyeom doesn't answer to Jinyoung's worry.
"My.... My body's dirty. My family thinks I'm an attention seeking liar, because they trust someone else even more than they trust me.... They feel that it's just a phase." Yugyeom's chest felt like it was sliced open, the heart being taken out of it. He cries in pain.
"H-How is violating s-someone a-a phase?" He clamps his mouth, as his body breaks down in several cold sweats. His body involuntarily moves back against the board as if desperately escaping someone.
He harshly throws his hands away from his mouth in a way that made him think someone prevented him from screaming his throat out.
More tears speed in through his beautiful brown irises, as he rapidly blinks in an attempt to remove them.
Jinyoung rummages through Yugyeom's contents to find the black sweater, and when he does, he envelopes the crying boy in it.
Yugyeom's breathing rate slowly but steadily decreased and he went back to the quiet kid.
"T-Thank you..." Yugyeom manages to speak.
"It's fine.... Please don't force yourself to speak.." Jinyoung, who was equally fear struck by the event advised.
Yugyeom for the first time let out a tiny tear of warm relief, like his heart was pounding again in his chest perfectly.
"I-I'm ready to s-say it if someone w-wants to listen." He said, a wonderful smile gracing his flushed face.
"I'm happy you listened." Yugyeom breathed out.
Jinyoung let out an unnoticed glad smile.
"Let's sleep."
To beautifulskyis02 Thank you for giving me the push to write again. May you achieve everything your heart desires.