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chapter five.
what we lost in the fire.
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June was the first to protest when Abby wanted to make a run to Mount Weather. She didn't agree with the way her people took personal items from the bunker. Sure, they needed medical supplies, clothing, and other life necessities, but objects that belonged to people shouldn't have been moved. She had heard from Abby that Jasper, upon seeing so, had a meltdown and attacked an innocent boy playing the piano. June wouldn't have attended the trip if Bellamy hadn't, knowing it was something she couldn't handle alone. She didn't know if she could even with him when she hopped out of the rover, being hit with the fresh air and the sight of the bunker.
It was just like the last time June had seen it. She didn't know what she expected, really. She swallowed thickly, hearing Bellamy call her name from the back of the rover. "June? You okay?" He asks.
"Yeah," June mumbled, forcing herself to look away and join the rest. "Fine." Raven popped open the door, allowing the rest to start unloading supplies. June grabbed a duffel bag, swinging it over her shoulder.
"Hey, did I ever tell you how I saved Sinclair's ass on The Ark?" Raven spoke up, balancing herself by putting her weight on her good leg as she threw a bag's strap over her arm.
Octavia groaned. "Please don't."
"You mean the time you went rogue on a spacewalk?" Gina wondered teasingly.
"That depends on your definition of going rogue," Raven defended, a smile on her face. June hides her own faint smile by ducking her head, letting her blonde hair mostly cover her face at the sight of Raven happy. Her heart still swelled when Raven was grinning, even when it wasn't at her.
The walk inside of the mountain was worse than what June felt when leaving the rover. She felt a chill pass through her, feeling like hundreds of eyes were on her, like the ghost of every person killed was watching her. June's smile dropped as she walked down the hall, taking slow breaths, trying to refrain herself from thinking of anything but that day. June knows that Clarke is at Polis now, according to Abby, where a Summit was being held. She hoped it went better than the first few times they tried to make peace.
"I just hopped on a robotic arm and aimed it at the solar array," Raven continued with her story, her proud voice bouncing off the walls. "The whole time I was out there, the control room thought I was just fixing a loose wire."
Gina laughed. "That is, in fact, the definition of going rogue," she commented. "You dangled yourself within inches of an electrified array hat that could've killed you."
Tuning them out, June looked to Bellamy. His features were wiped clean of any emotion, but his broad shoulders were stiff. She brushed her hand over his upper arm, mustering up enough courage to try and give him a comforting smile that showed she understood. The smile is wiped off of June's face as soon as they enter the mess hall. She's filled with disgust at the sight before them.
People, June's people, are sitting at tables, eating and laughing with one another. They're completely oblivious that hundreds of people died in this very room, completely unbothered. June feels her airway close up when she blinks, and suddenly she sees the dining room full of people she had killed, falling to the ground, breaking out into blisters from the radiation. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, and she blinks once more, then everything is back to normal. But June isn't any less repulsed.
"Welcome!" A deep voice calls to them. June looks over to see Pike, rising from his seat at a table with a grin. "Come, join us."
"Someone's made themselves at home," Raven muttered in distaste.
"There must be thirty of them in here," Octavia added, green eyes flickering around in observation.
Overhearing as he approaches, Pike held up his hands. "Thirty-six," he corrected. "But the more, the merrier." He holds his hand out, and Bellamy shakes it in greeting.
"Thirty-six?" Octavia repeated sarcastically. "Wow. The grounders are gonna think we moved in."
"Well, there was no room at the inn," Pike responded calmly.
Shaking her head in disbelief, June stares at him coldly, her head tilted. "And this... This was your option? Staying where innocent people had - "
"June," Bellamy cuts her off in a scolding tone.
The way Bellamy says her name stings, hard. June can't believe he doesn't see anything wrong in this. Octavia scoffs from behind her. "I'm out of here," she says, turning around and storming away.
June agreed, following after her. She wasn't sure where she would go but was stopped by Jacapo Sinclair. "Thompson," he greeted. He frowned when seeing the distressed look on her face, and for a moment, June thought maybe he knew everything. Maybe Raven told him. "Why don't you go sit? You look pale," he suggested.
"I... Can't sit in there..." June breathed out slowly, her heart beating fast, feeling like a rock in her chest. She had a positive hunch he really did understand when he nodded. "I just need a second." Before Sinclair can say anything, she's gone, leaving the ghosts behind her.
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The moment of peace doesn't even last an hour. An alarm had been blaring, loud, and she hurried back to the mess hall, confused. Her head was more cleared this time, so when she arrived, she wasn't as upset. She was too concerned when she saw Pike and Bellamy standing in front of someone at a table, their head down. June nudged her way through the people still sitting, and chatting with one another, until she came to Bellamy's side and her eyes widened.
At first, June doesn't recognize her. Her dirty blonde hair is matted messily, skin pale, with spots of dry blood. It takes a minute to click before June whispers. "Echo?" She hadn't seen her since they were in the cages in Mount Weather, where Echo saved her and Bellamy's life. The sound of her name makes her head lift. Echo gives a curt nod in June's direction.
"Alright," Pike interrupted. "Keep talking, Echo," he says, disgust in his tone.
"I was with the queen's army, heading towards Polis," Echo began. "The war chief talks too loud."
"You're one of them," Pike argued. "So why are you telling us this?"
"Telling us what?" June interrupted, still lost.
"The Summit, with your people, is a trap," Echo told her. June feels her stomach churn, shocked. Who would do something like that to stop peace? "We abandoned Skaikru in the battle for the Mountain." Echo's voice dropped to a whisper as she looked from Bellamy to June. "It was wrong." The admission wasn't an apology, but June assumed it was the best she would get. She nodded back to show she understood despite her mind whirring.
"And won't they miss you?" Pike questioned.
Echo nodded. "Maybe. That's why we need to hurry," she urged.
"Pike, she saved mine and June's life. We can trust her," Bellamy informed the older one. When he sees Raven, Sinclair, and Gina joining them with confused expressions, he resumes his leadership position. "Listen up! If we want to get to Polis before the attack, we have to move."
Coming to a stop, Sinclair's brows furrowed. "Attack?" He repeated. "Do we have confirmation of that?"
"We radioed, but no answer," Bellamy replied.
"They may already be dead for all we know, and if they are, we need to be ready to respond," Pike declared.
Lost, June glanced towards him. "Respond? What does that mean?"
Sinclair shakes his head in disappointment. "Don't make this about the missiles," he mumbled to Pike.
"This is about survival," Pike shot back. "We don't have the numbers, but the missiles in this mountain even the playing field. And you know I'm right."
"Are you out of your mind?" June snapped, tired of him. "We're not shooting down Polis because you think there's an attack. We have other options!"
Holding up a hand that stops June, Sinclair attempts to make peace. "Even if I did agree, we still don't have the launch codes," he pointed out.
"No," Raven suddenly piped in confidently. "But we have me."
That seemed enough to convince Pike. He heaved Echo roughly by her arm, yanking her up. "Let's go."
June waits until he leaves with the grounder, glaring at the back of his head. "Are you going with him?" She asks Bellamy, breaking the dark gaze and sobering.
"Yeah," Bellamy answered with a sigh. "You should hold down the fort here, give Sinclair a hand." June nods, giving him one last faint smile before leaving to give him privacy as he says a quick goodbye to Gina.
When June caught up to Raven and Sinclair, they were entering the control room. She came to a fast halt at the frame of the door. Her hands started trembling when she remembered the last time she was here, not even hesitating to hack into Mount Weather's system and bring in the outside air to wipe out an entire civilization. June looks to the computer she knew it had happened on, her vision becoming blurry when her eyes fill with tears.
A hand gently pressing against June's back snaps her back to her terrible reality. She looks over her shoulder to see Gina, staring at her in concern. "June?" She says. "You don't have to help us. You can go to the mess hall, or find a bed, get some rest."
"No," June responded, her voice cracking in the single word. "I'm fine. I'll help."
Within hours of June's help, none of the four had gotten anywhere. She had sat at a computer, typing until her fingers hurt, unable to find anything that was a hint to the code. Her eyes stung from the brightness of the screen, and she was growing irritated quickly, as was Raven, who threw down a folder angrily. "Damn it," she cursed in a hiss.
"What happened to that Raven Reyes confidence?" Sinclair questioned.
"It's a twelve-digit code. There are a trillion combinations. It's gonna take me a minute!" Raven defended herself sharply. She looked over to the other two. "Gina, what do you got?"
Sat on a desk, Gina held her hands up. "Don't look at me. I'm just a grunt." She nodded to June. "What about you?"
"Nothing," June muttered with a sigh. "There's no chance any intelligent president would put a code to missiles in a file."
Sighing, Sinclair stood. "Come on, guys. It's gonna be dark soon. We're working analog. We're working digital. What are we missing?"
"Want to bet he wrote it down somewhere?" Gina suggested hopefully.
"Oh, come on," Raven groaned in annoyance. "That's like setting the launch codes all zeros."
"And, yet, it's better than anything we've come up with," Sinclair pointed out. "Gina, check the files in the president's office. June, check his computer," he instructed, picking up a radio and tossing it to Gina who caught it easily. "We'll keep working the tech angle. Hopefully, one of us'll get lucky."
Rolling her eyes, Raven spoke under her breath. "Like that's ever happened."
Raven was more than right as time ticked by for June and Gina. June was getting more frustrated, tired of looking at a screen, struggling in her suffering for so long that it only made her want to return to Arkadia. "If we don't get anywhere in the next five minutes..." June began. "I'm going to bang my head on this desk until I pass out."
The office was a cluttered mess. Gina still laughed as she dug through a cabinet, pulling out different papers. "Why don't you take a break, go join Raven and Sinclair and clear your head?" She suggested. June nodded, happily shutting the laptop she had been focused on that belonged to either President Dante or President Cage. She tucked it safely under her arm, leaving with one last grateful glance sent Gina's way.
Walking through Mount Weather's halls with someone or a group was different. When June had done so by herself, she felt panic rising. This mountain held ghosts in it, the souls of every life she took when she hacked into their system to bring in outside air and when Bellamy and Clarke pulled the lever. June had picked her pace up into a run, her blonde hair flying behind her, feeling like every life she took was chasing after her. Raven and Sinclair are in the control room, she told herself. They're two people who know how bad this is. They're there.
When June does stop at the control room, she sees the way Raven and Sinclair look at her like she had sprouted another head from the way she was panting. But her emotions stilled when she saw them, being comforted by the sight of other people, ones she cared for. Tears are pooled in Raven's eyes that she quickly brushes away, pretending they weren't there. June opened her mouth, prepared to ask, but before she can, Raven's radio goes off.
"Gina to Raven, come in."
Sighing, Raven picked up her radio and spoke. "Go for Raven."
"Is June there yet?"
Raven's eyes flickered up to June's face. June could only guess she saw the freaked-out expression on her face but brushed it off, sitting in one of the spinning chairs. "Yeah," she answered hesitantly.
"Alright, I got nothing. No launch codes and she didn't find much on the president's laptop. I guess our luck is still holding."
"Okay," Raven responded. "Keep looking, we'll do the same."
An irritated noise came from June as she hung her head in her hands. She was so tired of staring at a computer screen, knowing it wasn't working, that nothing would be in the files. Why were they working so much to find the launch codes anyways? If their people were under attack, how would bombing Polis help any? June was in disbelief that they listened to Pike, and his plan to attack grounders that may or may not ruin the Summit.
A hand rested on June's back, causing her to look up. Sinclair was staring down at her, having stood from where he leaned over to comfort Raven before her. "June? You okay?"
"Tired," June mumbled. She was tired of being asked the same question almost every day. How many times has she been asked so today alone?
The eyes on June turn away when a sudden choking sound fills Raven's radio. Knowing she and Gina were on the same station, she shot out of her seat, more awake as Raven called into the speaker. "Gina? Gina? Gina, are you there?" She urgently demanded. More gasps of pain answered her. "Gina? Gina, do you copy?" June's head spins, prepared to run out the door and to Gina, so stunned she isn't sure how to react. "Gina, what's going on?!" Raven continued in a shout. "Gina, are you okay?! Gina!"
"Raven," Gina finally gasped into the radio. June had a permanent image in her head of her dying, clutching the radio, but her next words stop her. "A grounder set off a self-destruct sequence. He has the codes on his arm. You have to get them."
They don't hesitate. Sinclair is the first to bolt out the door, Raven struggling to stand alone. June's legs pump as she follows, seeing a blur someone had flown out of Gina's room and was running toward the exit. The words repeated in her mind until it ached. A grounder set off a self-destruct sequence. The bunker was going to blow any second and kill everyone inside if they don't get the code. June only stops when she hears a noise of pain behind her, her boots sliding against the wooden floor, head whipping behind her to see Raven limping heavily.
"Go!" Raven shouted. "Go!"
Forget that. If anything - anything - happened to Raven, June could never live with herself. She's not leaving her behind, no matter what happened between them. Killing hundreds of innocent people was enough for her to survive with. She grabbed Raven's arm, slinging it over her shoulder and forcing Raven to lean her balance against her as she runs. The mechanic is a weight that June has a hard time holding as she takes off, slightly slower while holding Raven on her side.
The entrance door is already open when June and Raven arrive. Sinclair is pinned to the ground by a muscular, dark figure with the glimmer of a knife pointed to his throat. Raven slings her arm off of June's shoulders, ripping a handgun out of her holster and shooting. The bullet hits the attacker in the back, and he becomes still, falling to his side. "Get the numbers on his arm!" She cries out.
June runs through the grass, dropping to her knees beside Sinclair and helping him flip the dead man over. Sinclair tugs his sleeve up, exposing a handwritten line of numbers on his arm, drawn into the pale skin. "Gina, Gina, we got the code!" Raven shouts into the radio, standing behind them. "Gina, do you copy?"
"No..." June whispered when Gina doesn't answer. Sweet, innocent Gina who wouldn't have hurt anyone, was gone. She couldn't put in the code, and they were too far away to make it back in time. She shoots back up, about to run back into Mount Weather, stopped by Raven seizing her arms and holding them back. "No!" June screeched, trying to free herself.
"No, June, no!" Sinclair protested, scrambling to stand and aid Raven.
"I can't let anyone die in that mountain again!" June screams back, finally managing in yanking her arms out of Raven's grip and sprinting forward.
I can't, June screamed in her head. I can't. I can't. I can't.
But June barely makes it two steps before she hears a rumble inside the bunker first. Then the end happens all at once. Fire exploded out of the bunker, and the hot pressure sends the three of them flying back. June's skin is burning, her ears are ringing as her back hits the ground, hard. Agony licks up her legs and stops at her neck, she's positive she can feel her skin sizzling, burning her nerves in a way that causes her vision to black until she feels nothing.
When June feels herself waking up, the first thing she hears is Raven shouting her name. She's leaning over her, warm hands gently shaking her chest. A loud gasp of pain falls from her lips, air that tastes like soot filling her lungs. Her skin burns in a way like never before, and she thinks for a moment she's still on fire. June swallows the lump in her throat, opening her eyes to see Raven's face close to hers. She knows what happened. She knows.
Every man, woman, and child from Farm Station that was inside Mount Weather was dead. They would have been too if they were there.
June feels a sob erupt from her throat, whether it was from emotional or physical pain, she didn't know. With Raven's help, she lifts herself into a standing position, able to gaze at the ruined bunker. It's crumbling, flickers of fire flying around the smoke arising. Her nose burns as tears fill her eyes before sliding down her cheeks, leaving tracks in the soot stained on her skin. June wants to throw her fists on the ground and scream in sorrow, but her throat feels too dry, and she's in so much pain she can't move again.
"Bellamy," June hears Raven's broken voice speaks into the radio. "Bellamy, come in. Grounders attacked Mount Weather."
"What are you talking about?" Bellamy whispers back.
"It's gone," Raven cries. "It's gone. They're all gone. Sinclair, June, and I are the only ones left. I'm so sorry." She stops to cry, head falling forward. "I'm so sorry..." Raven lowers the radio, breaking down into sobs.
June cries too. She still feels her skin burning hot, knowing she has to go to medical, but her body becomes numb. All she can feel is a deep anguish that swallows her whole, refusing to give her any peace. June loathes this cruel world that enjoys watching her suffer, but she knows it's useless, too full of pain to hate anymore.
The weight of the world was on June's shoulders, and she's submerged under the waves, choking on water and unable to breathe. And, for a moment, she wishes it would stop. All of it.