Damn this chapter is dramatic lmao
If you have any questions ask if you're the first but do check the comments for previous answers. I know it's been a long time since the events being mentioned in this chapter happened, so I won't blame you for forgetting.
Not proof read as I have to zoom out the door ahh
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The younger lot were at school today, so it was pretty quiet downstairs. I sighed before eating a small energy bar unenthusiastically for breakfast then heading back into my room.
I sat on my bed and worked on my laptop for a while. It was really hard to motivate myself, I must admit, but I forced myself to revise.
Ugh, sometimes I feel I wasn't meant for school.
I went down for coffee once, noticing the water had been boiled very recently.
Aaron...
I huffed in irritation before walking back up the stairs. These days I don't even know when he's home or not, same goes for Luca.
Those bitches... honestly if they continue to avoid me I'm going to give them what's what, that's for sure.
I seemed to have made the mistake of leaving my door open, as a while later someone plopped down on the sheets in front of me making me jump.
"Oh. What do you want?" I flattened my expression as Zac lounged obnoxiously over my bed.
He smirked. "Nothing, just bored. Watchya doing?"
"Revising." I stated, shifting uncomfortably. "Don't you have something you should be doing?"
He clicked his tongue. "Nope. It's the start of a long project, usually pretty lax." He looked at me upside down.
"Okay, but surely it would be better, if you started now, to get ahead." I raised my brows and he made a face.
"Nope." He stated simply, and I sighed at him before looking back at my screen when he didn't leave.
I looked up after a while to see him staring at me, and he smiled.
"What?" I grumbled.
"Why such the foul mood! Honestly, you could at least give me the time of day."
"I'm busy."
"You said you were revising."
"Yeah. I did."
"So it's not really busy, you can take a few minutes break, at least."
I sighed at him and shut the laptop. "What is it that you want from me?"
"There are a lot of things I want from you." He smiled, and I gave him a look.
"Why don't you go fuck yourself, literally?"
"My my, what's with the sudden salt?"
"You're invading my room, it makes me uncomfortable."
"Why? I'm definitely not the only one that ventures into your room."
"Are you forgetting what happened the last time you were in here?"
"What..." He narrowed his eyes, then arched a brow. "The sex?"
I scoffed and gave a sharp exhale, staring at the sheets.
'Sex'...
I didn't say anything and chewed on my lip.
"What, the fact we were arguing? It wasn't exactly one sided, I thought we got over this." He snorted. "I barely remember what it was about."
"That's not the point.-" I sighed again, unable to bring it up. "Whatever."
"Come on, you're barely ever here. You're always at that friend of your's house. What, does he fuck you better?"
"Get the fuck out of my room. Twat."
"Oops, did I hit a nerve?"
"You're disgusting."
"Ouch."
I glared at him sharply, tensing up when he leaned towards me.
"You're so serious." He smiled lazily as he leaned on his arms. "Everyone's so tense around here. It's suffocating."
"Then move out. You're old enough."
He scoffed, before smiling and moving towards me.
I tensed and tried to shuffle backwards but he put all of his weight on my shoulders and pinned me.
"You're almost hurting my feelings." He smiled as he looked down at me, and I swallowed hard as I tried to figure out if there was a hidden threat behind his words.
"Get off." I shot him a glare but couldn't keep eye contact.
"That's not very nice." He pouted, seeming to find this amusing, and I took in a nervous breath.
"Just because you're bigger than me doesn't mean you get to push me around, asshole." I spat and he blinked at me, before chuckling.
"What, so I just have to let you be mean to me instead? That doesn't sound very fair."
"...Get off of me." I tried again quietly and he frowned.
"You seem nervous. You don't actually have to be afraid of me you know." He tilted his head, and I glared at him.
Does he seriously not realise how passive aggressive and threating he's being right now?
"If you don't get off of me I'm going to hurt you." I warned and he smirked.
"You're so feisty. What, are you feeling a bit sensitive because of what happened in England? I could help, replacing those memories with good ones, if you want." He quirked a brow, and I grit my teeth when he lifted one arm and moved it to my crotch, freeing my shoulder.
"Ow!" He yelped when I punched him in the abdomen, his face contorting with shock and pain. I quickly shoved him off and then jabbed my elbow forcefully into the back of his neck.
"Ow! Fuck, okay okay! I'm sorry, Jesus Christ." He grimaced as I stood up and circled around the bed. "I get it, you're not in the mood, damn." He chuckled while rubbing his neck. "Could'a told me, yikes."
"I did." I glowered at him.
He raised a brow. "What? Hardly."
I tssked and rolled my eyes.
Does this guy even know what consent is?
I gave him one final glare before leaving my own room.
"Hey!" He called but I ignored him and headed for the stairs.
Wrong pair of stairs...
I frowned when I realised I had been absentmindedly pacing at the bottom of Hunter and Aaron's staircase.
I sighed before stopping and staring back in the direction of my room.
Zac stood at the door, giving me a look.
He looked at something over my shoulder, before rolling his eyes and leaving. I followed his gaze, feeling a shock when I realised Aaron was at the top of the stairs, seeming to have paused in the middle of putting his coat over his shoulders.
He descended the stairs slowly, then looked at me, making me swallow.
"What's going on?" He wondered.
"Nothing."
"Then why was Zac in your room, and you hanging out at the bottom of my stairs?"
I was about to snap that they were also Hunter's stairs, but decided against that.
"I didn't do it on purpose." I excused, but his face morphed into concerned confusion.
"What happened?"
"None of your business asshole." I snapped heatedly, then blinked in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay...I know you didn't." He didn't maintain eye contact. "You're flustered. Has he been harassing you? I know he has issues with personal space."
I was still frowning over my little outburst, and bit my lip awkwardly.
"It's nothing. You look like you're busy anyway." I stated, and he sighed at me when I took a few steps away from him.
"Riley..."
"Just go, what is it this time, fields to muck out?" I said flatly.
Wow, I'm super salty about that.
It was very small, but I almost saw a little twitch of a grin. "I don't have to go." He suggested and I sighed.
"You probably should." I stared at the floor with my arms crossed uncomfortably.
Well that wasn't a very nice interruption to my day...
I sighed heavily as he silently carried on down the main stairs.
Great.
If Zac does something like that again honestly I'm going to leave a mark he won't be forgetting any time soon.
Of course that's easier said than done with someone of his build.
I suddenly realised I had managed to wonder all the way down the stairs. Well, I'm definitely not in the mood for revising any more...
I sighed at the sound of a car pulling out of the driveway, before pausing in front of one of the sitting rooms.
Luca was sat there with his head in his hands, with a pile of papers in front of him that looked like they'd been angrily scribbled on.
I rolled my eyes before walking in with determination.
"Hey." I snapped, making him look up in surprise. "We need to talk. And I'm not letting you run away." I stated, and a hint of fear flashed in his eyes.
"Um... okay." He sat up straight, looking very tense.
"I'm not going to lecture you or something, calm down." I smirked. Well, I might...
I shut the door and I could have sworn I saw him gulp.
"Are you afraid of me?" I questioned as I sat on the sofa opposite and he chuckled.
"What?"
"Why are you so desperate to avoid me, why is everyone trying to avoid me? Do I seem threatening??"
He frowned. "Everyone's been avoiding you?"
"Yeah, you're not the only one, you're not special." I glared and he grimaced.
"Uh, I didn't realize, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't make you feel bad."
"You hope?" I scoffed. "You're making me feel awful. How could it possibly not? Are you stupid?"
He blinked at me.
"You seem really irritable lately, are you having trouble sleep-"
"NOPE. You're not turning this into some kind of psychoanalysis! You need to tell me what's bothering you. Communication is a thing! Surely you know that!"
"I apologize Riley..."
"Stop!"
"Stop?"
"Stop acting like that."
"...that?" He frowned.
"You're acting all cold, and tense. Stop it. Stop trying to push me away. What are you afraid of?"
He stared at the floor. "...What do you think I'm afraid of?" He asked, but his tone made me narrow my eyes, as it was the same tone he used when he was analysing me.
"I don't know, that's why I asked!"
He scoffed and shook his head, seeming irritated.
"You're really bad at communication." I stated with a flat expression.
"You're really oblivious and self absorbed." He shot back and I blinked at him.
"Wow, okay then, honey, enlighten me, if I'm so oblivious." I crossed my arms and glared at him.
"I'm avoiding you because it's painful to be around you. I can see I stress you out with my behaviour. And no matter how hard I try I can't change it." He started, giving a sharp and heavy exhale.
"Luca..."
"I'm not done." He snapped and I bit my lip. Damn, okay, yikes.
He watched me with a frown, carrying on when I stayed silent.
"Honestly I don't understand how you can't answer your questions yourself. Why would I want to be around you if it only causes frustration? Maybe I'm selfish, but it's both of us that suffer. Seeing as you're being so straight forward as to confront me about my problems, I'll confront you about yours." He said, standing up and I leaned back unsurely.
Umm....
Possible regret...
"Are you pretending not to know? Or do you truly not care about how I feel?" He leaned over me, placing his hands either side of my head, and I gulped. "Well?" He prompted when I stayed silent.
"Um, I'm not pretending anything...I don't think..." I said stiffly.
His green eyes narrowed as he leaned in close, piercing my soul.
"Really? Maybe you're not conscious of it, maybe it's a coping mechanism..." He looked me up and down, contemplating something. "Shall we recap?"
"Uh... maybe." I said unsurely, doubting whether that was a good idea judging by his irritated tone.
"I love you."
OH.
I stared at him, unblinking.
"And I slept with you, because I view it as something special. Clearly you don't." He exhaled. "And I feel awful, because you're underage, or at least you were."
Um...that was a day before my eighteenth, I think I'll let him off.
"And I betrayed you, and I feel like I took advantage of you." He closed his eyes tightly. "And now, you don't trust me, and I've made so many mistakes, fuck, I even hit you. I hurt you. And then I get so on edge and irrational around you. And you're right, it's wrong of me to be so controlling and involved with your life. But I want to so much. I want to be around you, and keep you safe, and touch you. But I'm losing you..." He suddenly collapsed onto his knees, resting his head against my abdomen with his hands gripping my waist. I was completely frozen.
"I'm losing you, and it hurts. I'm afraid of rejection. But the more I avoid you the more I seal my fate. But every interaction I have with you is negative. And there are others that you seem happier and more comfortable with. And that's my fault, because I pushed you away with my actions, and I hate myself." He ranted into my side without lifting his head.
I had no idea he was so emotional...
"Every time I think about this, every morning, I tell myself I'll be different that day. But I'm too pathetic, and I avoid you, and I get angry and frustrated with you. I can't handle this. I hate the way I'm so unstable, I feel like I'm losing it. And I even went to a psychologist about it." He scoffed sourly. "And she said it was just because I am in love with you. A stranger had to tell me I loved you, because I was too afraid to accept it myself." He seemed to be hyperventilating now...
"And now I feel awful about telling you, because you don't deserve that weight on your shoulders. It's not your fault, and you're going through enough as it is." He sighed sharply.
There was a moment of silence, and then he snickered. "So...That's why I'm avoiding you, you oblivious asshole." He still didn't lift his head, and I felt stinging from where I'd drawn blood from chewing my lip.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I sighed, before gently placing my hand through his hair and stroking with my thumb. He tilted his head slightly in response, then gripped my waist harder.
"I'm sorry... I guess I was pretending not to know.... It was selfish of me. But I didn't actively try and disregard your feelings." I eventually said, and he lifted his head.
I wasn't surprised that his eyes were red and glossy as he stared at me. He sighed and then rubbed them with his sleeve.
"I know it doesn't change anything, but I'm glad I got it out, I guess." He mumbled, still sitting on the floor and leaning into my lap. "I mean, that's literally what the psychologist said I should do..."
"I will try and be more sensitive in the future." I said, subconsciously running my hand through his hair. "And it's not like I didn't like you back, I did love you, too." I swallowed harshly, my cheeks going red.
"You're saying it in past tense for a reason..." He noted tensely.
"Can you love someone you don't trust? I don't know. But I can't consciously make myself trust you again, it doesn't work like that. And I respect you enough to tell you you're not the only one I feel this way towards. So I can't stop your pain, and I'm sorry. And so I won't stop you from avoiding me..." I sighed. "Because that would be selfish of me."
He tilted his head, leaning into my palm. "You're so beautiful..." He commented, and I blushed.
What does he mean by that...
He let out a deep breath, seeming relaxed, before taking my hand and kissing the back of it. I smiled at him as he rested his head in my lap with his eyes closed.
"I have a paper...due in tomorrow..." He sighed tiredly without opening his eyes.
"Uh, okay. Shouldn't you...go do that?"
"...yeah..."
He didn't move.
I let him stay there, sitting quietly for what felt like ages.
"You should probably start seeing a psychologist too. Not the same one, she knows a little too much about the situation probably." He spoke up after a while.
"I don't want to..." I sighed, and he lifted his head.
"You need to heal, Riley."
"I'm healing on my own, I'm perfectly fine."
He frowned. "Okay...sure."
"Riley!" Chester's voice called from somewhere in the house and Luca's expression soured.
"What does he want." He muttered making me snort.
The door opened obnoxiously fast a second later, and Luca froze instead of standing up.
"Woah." Chester commented, and Luca finally stood. "Wait wait. Ah, damnit, too slow. Missed out on valuable blackmail opportunities." He tssked while getting his phone out, and Luca glared at him before walking out of the room.
I stood awkwardly, but Chester turned back to me with an unusual smile.
"Did he give you a dramatic apology or something?" He wondered, looking amused.
"Uh...I guess." I grit my teeth.
Did he? Don't think he apologised for avoiding me in particular. Just justified it.
"Well...I was going into town. Did you want to come?" He asked. "It's probably a bit boring here with everyone else at school..."
I smiled at him. "I would love to, but I need to finish at least a few more pages of revision. If I don't pass these tests coming up I'm in serious trouble." I sighed, thinking about how much I'd rather be in town.
"Damn. Okay. Well, have fun with that, see you later." He smiled politely before leaving.
He's always in a much better mood on his days off, surely a job that stresses you out that much isn't worth having...
If anyone else had walked in on that I can't imagine the chaos that would have ensued. But Chester seems accepting and open about the fact that, well, he's not the only one...
I sighed again before making my way back up the stairs. I made sure to shut my door this time, and sat back on the bed with my laptop.
-
Ugghhh.
I ran my hands dramatically down my face before groaning and leaning over my laptop.
I can't do this anymore. It's so fucking boring.
I sighed, tapping my fingers against my bed sheets, before stretching and standing up.
Maybe a little break would be okay.
I wonder if anyone is back yet.
Hmm, 3 o'clock. Not likely.
I think I'll go see Anatara.
I made my way down the stairs, looking out for any signs of activity, before heading outside.
It took a few minutes of whistling, but Ana eventually showed up, obediently perching on my arm.
Her talons weren't as painful as usual, they looked worn down almost, well used.
"Wondering further and further from home are we?" I commented with a smile, stroking her head with a finger.
"Well, you've got to fly the nest some time..." I sighed. She tilted her head before taking off again, gathering the fact I didn't bring any yummy food along.
Tsk, just like an actual child. Only wants things from me.
I watched her for a few minutes, taking in the fresh outside air.
Brr. I sighed before turning and heading back inside.
I circled the kitchen absentmindedly before pausing.
What am I doing.
Ah, procrastinating.
Do I want anything from here? Don't think so...
I decided to head straight beck upstairs without any more distractions, but there was an obstacle in the hallway.
"What are you doing now?" Zac wondered as he leaned against the living room doorway.
"None of your business."
"You look bored." He said, ignoring my hostility. "I'm also bored." He titled his head with a smile and I narrowed my eyes.
"Wow, great. Snap." I tried to edge past him.
"You don't have any ideas of how we could change that?"
"I'm not interested." I stated, hopefully bluntly enough and he rolled his eyes.
"You don't mean that really." He smirked and I glared at him.
"Why don't you head my earlier advice, and go fuck yourself?" I spat, before giving up on going past him and turning around.
I walked out the front door, annoyed to see him trailing casually behind me.
"Come on, literally no one is home, what are you afraid of?"
You, fuckface.
I sighed at him, eventually stopping and spinning round when I'd nearly circled the whole house.
"What are you doing? You're being a jerk just because no one's around to get you in trouble." I snapped.
"I wouldn't say jerk, exactly. You're just in a bad mood."
"You're putting me in a bad mood!"
"Yeah, I usually have that affect on grumpy people." He snickered.
"Why don't you go bother someone else, if you like annoying people so much?"
"Well I do usually, but only a select few people have fun enough reactions, like you for example."
I gave him a look. "You're seriously irritating."
"That's the point. Although I do have some extra things I want from you that could be a bonus, so I can't help but want to follow you around."
"And as I said, I'm not interested!"
"Ouch, why are you playing hard to get? It's not like we've never done anything before..."
"And you think that's a free ticket to do it any time you want? Well it's not!"
He rolled his eyes, like he wasn't taking me seriously.
"Why do you always need to act so fiery? You were doing that last time too..."
"That's because we were fighting! You do realise I didn't give you consent last time either, right??"
"Hey, that's unfair. You ended up liking it, don't be misleading."
I swallowed hard. I didn't know what to say to that, because I did, I played along, and acted friendly afterwards. But I still feel like that interaction was uncalled for.
For someone as self absorbed and unobservant as him, he probably took that as consent and interest.
But this time I'm being very clear about it, so it's not okay. It wasn't okay the first time either! But I don't know what to say to get that across.
I know it's wrong, but my brain is telling me I don't have the right to complain. And it's so frustrating.
Heck, I even thought it was okay myself for a long time afterwards. Only recently have I started realising how toxic that behaviour is.
So can I really hate him for something I didn't even tell him was wrong? I don't know! And it's making me so angry.
I stepped back when he moved in my way, his smile had faded slightly, and he almost seemed serious.
"Okay, I'm getting the vibe that you're unhappy. Does what happened in England really affect you that much?" He asked, and I growled in frustration.
"Are you kidding me!!" I snapped, and he blinked in confusion.
I tried to shove past him, but of course it had no affect. He grabbed my arm lightly as I moved around him.
"Leave me alone! Can't you see I don't want your attention!"
"Ouch, don't be an asshole."
I was shaking, and I didn't know if it was due to fear or frustration.
"Let go!" I yelled and leaned back aggressively, scattering gravel everywhere.
He stared down at me with a flat expression, his grip tightening.
"You're freaking out..." He muttered, but the tension on my arm suddenly released a second later when someone aggressively yanked him away.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing!!?" I barely recognised Aaron as he growled furiously. His hair was tied up messily, and was wet from working in the rain.
Where did he come from? He must have just got back...
I gulped nervously as I looked at them. Zac's eyes were wide with surprise as Aaron stared him down almost viciously.
He was completely enraged, and it made me wonder whether he simply saw Zac grabbing my arm, or actually heard our conversation.
...Oh no.
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT HIM LIKE THAT! After what you know he has been through! What did you do to him?? What were you talking about? Tell me!"
Zac seemed genuinely intimidated by him, and I stepped back unsurely.
"It wasn't anything..." He said, obviously still confused and not understanding what he did wrong.
I looked at the floor when Aaron glanced at me for answers.
"Riley, tell me what happened." He ordered firmly.
Oh shit, shit. Fuck.
"Riley."
"It was a long time ago now..." I mumbled, glancing upwards for a second, but not being able to keep eye contact.
"What. I'm having some pretty intense assumptions here." He seemed deathly calm.
"It wasn't like that, don't be dramatic." Zac defended.
Aaron looked at me for confirmation, but I hesitated. I couldn't say that....not to him.
"Riley..." Zac seemed genuinely disturbed, with an uncommon frown crossing his features.
Aaron looked at him, his brows twitched slightly, but no other movement.
It made me shiver, I had no idea what he was going to do.
He seemed to relax for a second, but then he snapped. There was a heavy whacking sound as he punched Zac right in the jaw, making him physically recoil and fall backwards.
...what the fuck!
I tensed up completely, my eyes wide. Did that just happen?? Did Aaron just hit someone?!!
Zac was frozen, holding his jaw with his hand. He looked at Aaron with a calm glare. "Don't do that again." He said, obviously completely confident he was strong enough to get him to stop.
He was indeed taller than Aaron, but I'm unsure who'd win in terms of strength.
Aaron snickered sourly, with an expression on his face I hadn't seen before. Aggression? Disbelief? At himself or Zac? I don't know.
"Aaron..." I eventually spoke, but there wasn't much power to it. I was completely shocked, I had never expected him to do something like that.
There was a moment of frozen tension, like Aaron was waiting for him to make a move, or a mistake.
"Ouch." He commented while rubbing his jaw, and that seemed to be it.
Aaron launched towards him and my jaw dropped as he forcefully tackled him to the floor.
What the actual fuck!!!!
Oh my god!!!!!
"Aaron!" I snapped, stepping forwards, but hesitating.
Zac took a few of the blows to his face almost patiently, but he soon lost his nerve and shoved Aaron off.
A flash of anger travelled through me when Zac struck him back, powerfully. He blocked and grabbed Aaron's fist and then did it again, and again.
Don't just stand there, do something!
I tried to make myself move, but I felt weightless, like I was watching a movie rather than involved in the scene real time.
Aaron kicked him in the stomach to get away, but then didn't retreat, punching him again in the neck.
Ouch!!
"Luca!!!" I eventually called, but I had no idea if he could hear me from his room.
Aaron seemed to have made a mistake, as Zac had managed to get on top of him, grabbing him by the neck and then striking his face.
"Stop!" I yelled anxiously. Aaron had managed to stop zac's fist from impacting again with both of his arms, but he simply released the hand holding his neck and drew it back for another hit.
I lunged forward and used all of my pent up anger to kick him aggressively in the head. A feeling of guilt and fear travelled through me when he collapsed sideways.
Oh my god, why did I do that! I could have seriously hurt him.
He lay motionless for a few horrific moments, but then furrowed his brows and groaned lightly.
"Fuck..."
"Oh my god,-" I was about to apologise, but my guilt died down when I looked at Aaron. He was covered in blood, but seemed perfectly conscious as he stared at Zac with wide eyes.
"Shit." I kneeled down next to them, breathing almost as hard as they were.
"What the hell just happened?" Luca was stood at the doorway, more confused than angry.
I tensed when Zac moved, but he just crawled slightly away, blood dripping from his face onto the gravel.
....holy fuck!
I felt almost light headed from the shock. This just happened. That just happened!
Luca seemed frozen too, like he was unable to process what he saw.
Aaron seemed to flinch in pain as he sat up, grimacing.
If there were more people at home I'm sure it wouldn't have gone this far...
"Do I need to call an ambulance?" Luca asked after what felt like hours of tense silence.
I really hope not. Damnit, if I had just said nothing had happened then this wouldn't have happened...
...Aaron actually attacked him over it...I didn't realise he felt so strongly about it.
I can't believe after seeing Aaron so guilty over pushing Luca, that he'd do something as aggressive as this.
"I'm fine!" Zac snapped at Luca when he knelt down to check on him, but then immediately collapsed as he tried to get up.
Shit...I feel so bad.
Aaron just glared at him, and I gulped.
"Let's get you inside...can you stand?" I asked as I stood up, and he glanced up at me.
"You don't have to help me Riley, I know I scared you." He sighed, seeming defeated.
"You really didn't, now get up." I insisted, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.
I pulled him by the arm inside, leaving Luca and Zac behind.
"Sit." I instructed pointing to the kitchen counter, he did what he was told, seeming hazy.
He stayed silent as I ran a cloth under the tap, and I became worried.
"Hey, are you okay? Do you have concussion?" I questioned, turning his head to look at me. You could tell a black eye was forming, and blood was dripping in to his eye.
I frowned as I tried to wipe it away, making him hiss.
"Sorry."
He wouldn't look at me.
"Answer me, twat." I snapped after a few moments of silence.
"What? I think I'm okay..."
He was acting like Luca was earlier, cold and distant.
"Why were you listening to our conversation?" I questioned, glaring at his cheek as I wiped it.
"I saw the tension between you two this morning, so when I heard your voices together I knew something was up."
"...How much did you hear?" I sighed.
"Everything after you telling him to go bother someone else." He answered.
Shit, he heard everything. I felt my face go red from embarrassment, or shame, I couldn't tell which.
"I'm sorry Riley, I had no idea he'd do something like that."
"It's a complicated situation, not black and white..." I bit my lip, feeling guilty.
"Did you give him clear consent?" He asked bluntly.
Yikes, I really don't want to talk about this with him.
"Not really..."
"Then it's not okay. Period. Do you understand??"
"Uh, okay." I swallowed awkwardly.
"Tell me you understand? If you don't give him direct permission it's not okay, it doesn't need to be black and white."
"Okay okay, damn." I felt extremely awkward, and he sighed. "I understand." I clarified when he continued to stare.
He looked down at the floor, seeming depressed.
"I thought you were a pacifist?" I broke the silence after a while.
"Not when it comes to that."
"Comes to what? You freaked out with guilt when you hit Luca the other day, and that was when he hit you first."
"That was about my personal problems with him. This was about you."
I felt my cheeks go red, and cleared my throat.
"I didn't think you cared about anything to do with me." I muttered sourly.
He raised a brow, with a small smirk. Then frowned. "You're serious."
"Yes...?"
"I do care about you, sometimes too much." He admitted, and I grit my teeth.
De ja vu.
"So you're ignoring me because it hurts to be around me?" I said as I got an ice pack out of the freezer.
He frowned. I pressed the pack aggressively to his head and he hissed in pain.
"Oh, I'm sorry? Does it hurt?" I pressed harder as he leaned his head back. "Why don't you just avoid it then?" I said through gritted teeth.
He suddenly chuckled. "I'm sorry Riley, I didn't realize it was making you angry."
"Are you kidding me??" My anger suddenly died down, and I sighed. "It hurts..."
I looked at him as he watched me.
All this time I was wondering if he was avoiding me because he thought I was annoying, or he was fed up of looking after me.
But I look into his eyes and I don't see any ill will, in fact he looks to be content just staring at me.
"Why were you ignoring me? Do I really annoy you that much?" I asked bluntly. I was confused, because unlike the situation with Luca, I wasn't giving Aaron any signs of rejection or anger. So why would he decide that it was safer to push me away?
It was embarrassing to be so open, but I needed to take the risk, just in case this was a misunderstanding.
"Of course you don't. I want to be around you. But if I kept on doting on you I feared our relationship would develop into something I couldn't stand. I didn't want you to feel like you were relying on me...I wanted to prove that you would be fine without me..."
I blinked at him. "You think I'd start thinking of you like a mother?" I snickered, and he made a face.
"Well, I wouldn't put it like that."
"I don't." I stated bluntly.
I didn't want to delve too much into that subject. Otherwise we'd start talking about what we want the definition of our relationship to be. And I'd have to start thinking about how I really feel about him... And I couldn't continue being around him without feeling guilty.
I wasn't ready for him to say he wasn't satisfied with our undefined relationship anymore. But if he brought it up himself I wouldn't stop him...
Eventually I'm going to need to have that conversation with others too, and it scares me.
"You're going to have to wash the blood out of your hair." I noted as I undid the hair tie. "Do you want some painkillers?"
"I don't use painkillers." He said, and I frowned.
"Okay... suffer then."
He smiled at me, and I raised a brow.
"Are you going to stop avoiding me?" I asked, and he blinked. "Please. Stop it. I won't let you." I stated and he chuckled awkwardly.
"If I knew you didn't like it, I would have stopped."
"Are you serious? Is that why you seemed amused when I was angry at you this morning? You're fucked up."
"I'm sorry..."
"And you're the one preaching about being open and honest in life. Communication could have solved this issue before it started, idiot."
"You're right..."
"And then you go viciously attacking someone? You're off the rails. I swear."
"I'd do it again." He stated seriously. "And I will, if I see him near you."
"Aaron..." I sighed, then gave him a small smile. I gently kissed his cheek, careful to avoid any bruising.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, startling me a bit, then sighed heavily into my neck.
Despite all the blood and sweat, I could still smell his familiar scent of cinnamon and pine. I closed my eyes and leaned into him.
I missed you.
He moved his head and kissed my cheek, and I blushed bashfully when he did it twice more, trailing up to my ear.
"That tickles." I complained moving my head away. He gave a deep, amused chuckle as I rested my forehead against his, seeming rather happy considering the circumstances.
I looked into his brown eyes, and a warm smile sneaked it's way onto my face.
"I should probably go shower...I stink." He commented.
"You don't really, but you are pretty bloody..."
"I definitely stink of blood and sweat."
"I don't mind it."
"You're fucked up." He smirked.
"It's hot." I teased, then paused, wondering if those kind of comments would make someone like him uncomfortable.
He seemed amused though, if just a little awkward, so I relaxed.
I found myself subconsciously leaning in a little and stood back with a start. I blushed, hoping he didn't catch that, but he gave a little crooked smile and brow raise.
Oh my god, he totally noticed.
"Um, I need to go... somewhere." I coughed and he watched me circle the counter.
"Sure..." He seemed a little confused, but his expression definitely held amusement.
I didn't waste any time in escaping though, and paced a little at the bottom of the stairs before going up.
It'd be inappropriate to go see how Zac was doing, but I do hope he was okay. I feel really bad, especially about that last kick to the head.
He was definitely going to punch him again, I had to do something.
Damn... every interaction I have with the brothers at this point is so dramatic.
Maybe the boiling point of all the tension is closer than I thought.