Oma's stomach was flat enough to go unnoticed. Deep down, she feared the truth had escaped somehow. Everyone suddenly cared, trying to know everything about her and her hospital story.
As the lesson wore on before her, Oma paid no attention. Her mind wandered, thoughts of how to approach Dan in her mind. They still weren't on talking terms. She wondered how he would react to the news. Would he soften ? Would he call her a liar and deny it ? She was scared to meet him. If only the pregnancy could just disappear. She had tried starving herself, limiting her diet to pepper and other things the internet had told her would kill the baby.
She was done stalling, she had to tell him that day. She knew where he always studied alone. A place so hidden, she never knew about it till she met him.
She was moving. Her whole mind screamed to stop, but she couldn't. She didn't make herself pregnant.
She saw him, the outline of his head. Her legs buckled, threatening to Give out under her. She took a deep breath, trying to summon courage to see his face, but the fear of what would happen after made her choke audibly.
He spun around to see who had invaded his privacy and his eyes narrowed when he saw her. For more than three days, she'd gone through everything she would say, but when she saw him again, so hostile and rogue, the words strayed far from her mouth.
They stayed mute for three seconds. She looked silly, crouching with one hand on her throat, another on her knee and her mouth slightly open. He watched, clearly annoyed and impatient as if wondering how long she would embarrass herself while wasting his time.
" What do you want ? " He asked suddenly. There was no softness to his voice. Her fears increased. He was going to deny it. He was already tired of her. This wasn't how she'd planned it out to be.
But how could he be so apathetic. She'd been in the hospital for almost two weeks and he hadn't come to see her or speak to her. And now he was asking what she wanted. She knew he got cold before and during exams but not this cold.
Unless... He'd heard.
She could have said anything. A "we need to talk " just like she'd practiced countless times.
" I'm pregnant " She said it so calmly, like a whisper, it was almost like she said her name. His expression changed from impatience to shock. He moved his hand slowly without breaking eye contact, from the locust chopped chair he was sitting on to his face, as if he wasn't sure what to do with it.
" You. . . You just want to talk to me, don't you ? It's not possible. We used. . . You used..." He started, uncertain, as if he only sort to assure himself.
His discomfort gave her courage. She entered the tight store room completely and sat on a pile of dust covered books and used clothes, unconsciously exaggerating her movements to look more like a pregnant womans'.
" I'm pregnant, and you're responsible. " She looked him in the eye without fear this time. Daring him to deny it. Daring him to breathe.
His hands vibrated, the way they did when he got angry. He looked everywhere but at her, surely wondering how he got himself into this mess. His eyes were glazed, but he still managed to keep his cool.
" What are you going to do about it ? " He said seriously, finally turning to look at her. It was a look of sly disgust. The kind you'd give to dirty child.
Her courage thinned down to nothingness. This was his way of removing himself from it. She would carry the baby alone, under the scrutiny of everyone. She would be that girl that had a bastard child and had to quit school to raise it. She would never finish but have to raise the child on her own. She knew Nia would send her away when the pregnancy would become conspicuous and she would end up being the woman she'd once mocked. He'd finish school and get married to some ambitious virgin girl while she'd be left to hustle in the wild with his bastard child. If only women didn't have to carry their pregnancy alone.
She didn't know she was crying until she felt the tears on her body. She stood up to leave since she could get nothing from him. Her fears had been confirmed. She would suffer it all alone.
He suddenly dragged and sat her on his laps and stroked her hair like he always did. She cried like a baby on his shoulder. She sat still, the tears pouring freely, wishing things would be normal again.
" Ssssshh. Don't cry. I'm here for you. What did you think was going to happen ? That I'd deny it ? "
She didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. Her weeping became a low hiccup after some time. She held him tight and let herself believe everything he'd said to comfort her. It wouldn't make the baby disappear, but knowing he was there was enough. When she got her voice, she could only mutter a small but heartfelt " I love you " .
* * *
When Oma got up that morning, she had a bad feeling about the day. Maybe it was just a pregnancy symptom but it was so strong it was scary. She slowly got up to brush her teeth and cringed when she saw the size of her stomach. It still wasn't obvious but she didn't want it to grow at all. The baby was growing so well despite her diet change.
She was now four months pregnant and four times more irritated. She ran a bath to give herself some relaxation. As she lay in the bubbly water, she wondered what the next five months would be like. Nia would hopefully stop starving her, knowing it was already too late for the baby to be aborted. It was her own poor plan to make the baby go away since the two abortion procedures and the myriad of pills she'd given her hadn't worked. She couldn't wait to finally eat real food.
She dried her body and danced as she put on some clothes, before going through her morning routine of calling Dan. Even when everything was looking grey for her she still felt contented as she knew her boyfriend would always be there for her.
They spoke everyday and she told him everything. He'd been disappointed when the procedures didn't work but now he was even more excited than anyone for the birth of their baby.
The phone rang three times without an answer. She dropped it in anger. Everything annoyed her these days.
She brought down her clothes with a waist trainer. It was the day for their result collection. Hopefully, no one would notice her tummy since she had something to hold her slightly bigger stomach.
She stealthily moved down the stairs, watching to catch sight of Nia. They still hadn't talked about what would happen when her pregnancy showed. She feared Nia these days. Feared her silence. It was unnatural. She preferred the beginning when she'd tortured her in everyway, but now she acted like she wasn't there.
She got to school in an Uber. Her body stiffened when anyones eyes went to her stomach. It was no telling they could see it.
She needed to find Dan. She missed him so much. She needed to know if he'd finally told his parents about her. She would get to meet them finally, though she wished they could have met her as the perfect girlfriend for their son, instead of the clingy slut that got pregnant to trap him.
It was noon and Dan still hadn't come to school that day. She became more scared when he didn't pick her calls. What could have happened to him. She didn't know his house or his family so she began to imagine he'd gotten into an accident and there was no way of knowing.
She held her result and scanned through it. Alone. It should have been both of them. She'd passed chemistry for the first time ever. She would have kissed him for that. She'd only failed one subject, Igbo. It wouldn't keep her from graduating anyway.
She decided to call his friends. At least Dave. She just needed to find Dan. She made her way through the thick maze of students, some with parents yelling, some without. She was lucky Nia wasn't there to ask her how she could fail her own mothertongue, something she never bothered to teach her.
On the almost empty hallway, she spotted Abigail. She had a feeling she knew about her pregnancy. She seemed to know everything.
She ran into the nearest bathroom stall. She didn't need a confrontation.
The smell that engulfed her told her she was in the wrong bathroom. It was always this dirty. Nothing and no one could change it. She opened her eyes and had to fight the urge to run out immediately. The girls' restroom could never be like this.
She stood still and held her breath. Anything was worth suffering than meeting the devil outside. She shut her eyes and waited. It seemed like hours. She was Finally ready to burst out when Something caught her eye.
It was a writing on the wall. So Many writings on the wall. Her curiosity exceeded her urge to leave and she moved quietly to it. She stopped when she saw the first.
Dave.
Amara - everybody
Miriam
Dumebi. Smell
Khadidat
There were so many more names underneath them. They were scribbled with a sharp object, most likely a compass. They were scattered and almost illegible. They shrank as she read lower. There was only one Dave in ss2. The one she was looking for.
She looked around. There were so many lists, some long some shorter, but Dave's list was the longest. Some names had writeups beside them. Some read ; good girl, screamer, never again. She wondered if they were crush lists. If they were, Amara was certainly the most crushed on. She even had everybody beside her name on Dave's list. So they really liked the quiet ones. If they did, her name should have been on every list as well. Something wasn't right.
She continued reading. The lists were getting interesting. They contained most of the A-1, and Amara seemed to be on every single list. Some only had her name. How could so many people crush on a girl who didn't know anything about friendship. It was a bit creepy. She didn't understand why people liked her that much.
She searched frantically for Dan's list. He must have written something about her. It felt desperate, but it would be nice to just see her name.
As she read on, she began to feel like it wasn't a crush list. She couldn't think of what else it could be. She looked at the next list.
Aguiyi.
Angel. Smell.
Amara. Free for all
Abigail. Breast is heaven.
Mimi. Screamer!!
They weren't crush lists at all. Her hand flew to her mouth as she understood what they were. So boy's really did this? They scribbled the names of people they'd slept with with a compass that could never be erased. She felt disgusted.
Could her name be there?
She frantically searched for Dan's. Her heart pounded in her chest.
Dan the man:
Abigail. Again & again
Amara. Old story
Linda. Snake
Toby. ;)
His list looked neater and more legible than the others. There were so many names, but not as much as Dave's. She skipped to her name. Sure enough, There was a writeup beside it. It looked clean. Like it had been written recently.
Her name wasn't the last...
Oma. Not worth the money!
Her heart went to her throat. She rechecked it. It said the same thing. "Not worth the money!" She slowly backed away, as if the words could come alive. She felt weak on her knees. Just then the door flew open.
Her fear of being caught in the boys' restroom didn't surpass her disappointment at Dans description of her.
She remembered Aguiyi telling her at least he didn't fuck girls for money and she understood.
She knew exactly what the lists were. They were body counts. And only hers had ended in pregnancy.
She didn't get it. He'd been so supportive all this time.
" What are you doing here. There are some things you're not supposed to see. " It was Dave. His voice sounded calm. Too calm and insincere.
She looked up at him. She had the strong desire to smash his head against the wall.
She had been used. She was just a "bet" they all knew about. Anyone who used this bathroom would know about it.
Her eyes welled up tears.
" Where is Dan ? Just tell me the truth ! " She screamed, unbothered by the fact she could get in trouble. Nothing was worse than knowing everything would have been normal if not for the stupid bet.
His normally concerned face wasn't there. His face was expressionless and cold. He didn't look so handsome anymore. He looked like the devil, with a sly smile plastered on his face. He knew all too well. He kept his voice curt when he replied her.
" You didn't hear ? He's changed school. He's now in the north." .
* *
She was still crying when she got home. She collapsed on the floor. Nia was still. She wasn't doing anything. Her body stiffened when she saw her daughters tear stricken face. Instinct brought her to her side. She had never seen her cry that hard. Her face looked horrible. There was drool everywhere and her veins shot out through her head.
Nia stood in front of her with her hands on her hips. It was very difficult coping with her.
" What is wrong ? " She asked too quietly for her own liking.
Between tears, Oma hiccupped as she talked.
" M. . Mu. . mum I'm s. . . s. . . sorry. You were r. . . . right. He changed school. . . . I . . . "
Oma expected Nia to leave and not speak to her again. Nia imagined Oma crying and tying a rope to her neck. Her wall broke down and she saw the helpless girl that lay beneath her. The only family she had.
Oma held her breath in fear and surprise as her mother crouched down and gathered her in her arms.
" It's all my fault. But I'm here for you" She heard Nia say, and she let herself believe that sentence again.
* *