I'm sure Calvin is waiting impatiently for me to exit the bathroom, but I can't just get it on without proper treatment. I mean I could, but that's not for me. This Lionheart doesn't do messy. I brush my teeth quickly to finish up.
Thankfully I grabbed the things I needed for the process from the store just yesterday. I had a feeling things would heat up eventually, but I didn't know if I'd ever need to use them.
"Ben, I cant wait any longer. I need you now." His muffled voice vibrates right against the door. He's been standing there for God knows how long waiting on me.
"Sorry. I'm almost done." I fasten my towel against my waist and exit the bathroom. Calvin is sitting down on the end of the bed with a glass of wine for each of us. He hands me one with a smile.
"I hope I didn't rush you," he offers. I shake my head.
"I'm fine. Anyway, I see you are excited?" I point out his full nudity with a chuckle.
"We were in the shower, so I assumed–"
"I'm joking," I insert. I lose my
towel and sit next to him on the bed, throwing back the small amount of wine in the glass. He pours more for me, and I sigh as I tap my fingers against the glass. I see his hand slowly creeping across the space between us in my peripheral view. I lean back slightly and allow my erection to breathe with a spread of my legs. Calvin's hand wraps around it and pulls slowly and tightly.
"You know, I like dick a lot more than I thought I would. Maybe it's just yours..." Every word he says, as dirty as they may be, comfort me. I like the dialogue. It's making me much less nervous. So is the alcohol.
"I know I definitely like yours," I snicker. I grip his the same way he has mine and stroke him. He closes his eyes in bliss. Calvin is seriously the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life. His jawline, the beard, his gorgeous eyes and lips. He's so damn perfect I could fight him.
I lose patience, set aside my wine glass, and climb into his lap. My heels hug this lower back and my ass rests against his stiff package. I lock lips with him and lose myself in his skin that feels like smooth, hot wax and smells of cheap hotel soap and him. I want to bottle his scent and wear it as cologne.
"Benjamin Lionheart, you are a delicacy." My everything jitters at the sound of those words in his thick voice.
"That was the sexiest thing you've ever said in that divine accent." I lose myself in his neck and open my mouth to his taste. He latches onto mine as well and returns the favor. I begin to rock back and forth against him. He stutters out some Gaelic vulgarity and returns some friction by pushing his abs against my crotch. I shove against him and crash against the bed. Lowering myself and aligning my cock with his, I push to generate heat between our sexes.
"Hold on," he practically wheezes as he reaches for a plastic bag on the floor. He pulls out a small bottle. I take it from him and apply a generous amount to our members. Things are definitely heating up now.
"Fu..." I groan quietly, continually gyrating against his skin. I have to use my thighs to pleasure him mostly, considering he's much more well endowed than I. I simply hump against his thighs as well, which forms a pit of pleasure in my abdomen. His cock is only getting harder. I've been making him wait in every way possible. He wants this; he wants me. That's how I want it to be. He wants me, not what I can offer.
I laugh with heavy lust evident in my throat. "You are so warm, Calvin." His fingers move up from my ass to my shoulders where he grips and rolls over on top of me. My heart stops at his sudden dominance, as he climbs down my body trailing kisses and hickeys all over me below the waist. Calvin's mouth finally latches onto my member like a leech to the skin, sudden and sharply. My moaning comes naturally, as I assumed most moans were fake in pornography and novels. This was real, explicit, and moan-inducing.
His mouth and hot tongue work my throbbing cock up and down slowly. He pushes me to the edge and pulls me back over and over. Soon, his tongue snakes down over my balls and down to my eager entrance. Easily pushing into me, Calvin's tongue panders to the needs of my hole. It causes something deep in my soul to amplify. The heels of my feet rub against his back restlessly.
"Mmm," he moans, the vibration sending me to ecstasy. "I've eaten a few. Yours is by far my favorite."
"It better–" I gasp, interrupted by the way his thrashing muscle massages me. "It better be, goddamnit." Calvin whets his appetite for me and stands up at the end of the bed. I sit up and look at him, full frontal nudity making everything honest and intense. I crawl to him on hands and knees and press my lips tightly against the tip of him.
"You don't have to," he whispers through a moan held back.
"Who said I had to?" I ask against that delectable skin between his abdomen and thigh. I open as wide as I can and take him all at once. It is easier considering it isn't my first rodeo taming this thing, but it's still going to gag me for now. I get past the reflex state and go hard on him. He shimmies fingers into my hair and begins fucking my skull. I think he's lost control because my hands futilely popping against his skin aren't slowing him. I pull off of him roughly to free myself for a breath of air, and as he let's go of me at the same time, I fly back against the bed, head landing in the pillows.
"Oh shit, are you okay babe? I went into a trance." I pant heavily and laugh uncontrollably, not helping the fact that I'm breathless. He slithers up my body like the Serpent of Eden he is, meeting my dumb, laughing lips with his. I continue to pant through our kiss with something akin to panic, but sexier?
"You scared me for sure, but I'm okay." I embrace him with arms around his chest. His whole muscular body lies against every inch of my pale, inadequate skin. I might be inadequate in comparison, but as long as I am what he desires, I'm fine with that. He hasn't calmed down yet. I can feel his pre-come leaking against my leg.
"I want to make you come so hard," I whimper through a kiss. He chuckles.
Then his hot words against my ear: "So do I." He grips my hand and we both sit up in the bed. The bottle of lube returns for more application. Calvin puts a few drops on his pecs, abs, and thighs. He begins to put some on me in the same places. His hands immediately go for my thighs to rub in the solution and cover the skin in the smooth and slippery substance. I will admit, it's nice to mindlessly rub his body parts with my hands. I slide my hands up and down his entire torso, drinking in the view of such a gorgeous body. How did I end up with this man again?
Calvin pushes me down against the bed again. Our skin mingles much better now, sort of like being in the shower again. Like being in the hot spring again, where I feel the both of us truly met sexually. I have a lot of discomfort from that day, but already, looking back on it, it was what awakened my inner sexual confidence. Maybe I'm not confident, but with Calvin, the confidence is all his job. I only have to desire him and him alone, and everything works out fine.
"I think I'm ready– Can't procrastinate any longer," I pant through kisses.
His lips return to my hard, then pop off of me roughly. Our foreheads rest against reach other's. "As much as I want to stick you, fuck you, come inside you, make you come everywhere, then cuddle with you until you fall asleep, I could suffice with hours of touching this body." I gulp a literal gulp and nod. Whatever he wants to do is what I want to do. That were his words earlier tonight, and it so perfectly read my feelings. Instead of finishing so early, Calvin and I simply drink in each other's bodies for as long as we can hold back our climax. I've been high before, and I have one thing to say: it's nothing as good as this high I have. It's never been as good as the high I get when Calvin and I get naked together. I don't want to leave Japan, and I don't want to leave the nakedness.
After we have come to a sort of standstill, just kissing one another slowly and fondling mindlessly, Calvin gets on his knees. I stay lying down and spread open my legs. Calvin climbs over into the open space between them, running hands gently over the hairs on my thighs. The grooves between his thumbs and index fingers hook the back of my knees as he lifts them back into the air. That sexual panic I felt has returned.
"This is okay?" he says more as a question.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I respond. He rests my legs on his shoulders and his tongue returns to my hole for the second time. I gasp at the sudden heat of his breath. I reach my fingers into his hair and pull him closer into me. My cock is leaking an immense amount of precome, thankfully lapped up by Calvin when he notices. He returns to my hole with more fierceness, biting at my asscheeks and kissing all around the mass of nerves. I search blindly above me for the lube that he rested on the headboard and drop it to him. He looks up at me over my crotch, his eyes smiling devilishly.
"You can't wait, can you?" he asks.
I scoff playfully, holding back a smile. "I've been waiting for hours."
"Okay, okay," he sighs happily. The cap pops open, and I just shut my eyes hard. I hear that delicious sound of his wet cock being stroked. His hands roam up my torso and back down to my cock, where he wipes off the excess lube. I suddenly feel the liquid drip and slide over my ass, then enter me gently with two of his large fingers. I moan as he touches my prostate like a trigger to a gun. He gets pretty rough with one finger for a while, and I can only squirm around on the bed like a trapped animal awaiting death or release.
Then I feel the tip. The bulbous head of his thick cock pushing against me. A foreign object entering the body, my mind says quietly. Quiet due to the volume of my sexual desire screaming inside my brain, conscience is out the window tonight.
"Oh shit. I didn't even think. Do you want me to use a condom?" Calvin realizes almost too late. I chuckle at his words.
"Hell no, but maybe we should. I hate to say yes, but I know we should."
"I'll leave it to you, baby," he says. I think it over, but I know in the end, we're better off safe than sorry. Maybe someday we'll say 'fuck it' but not today.
"Put one on." He nods, leaning over the bed and pulling one out of his bad. I give him a face of shock when I see the box of ribbed condoms. "Why didn't you tell me they were ribbed?"
He laughs. "Honestly, I forgot." I sit up and take the small packet from him.He wipes the lube from his cock and throws the tissue in my face.
"Yum," I say monotonously. Opening the condom and rolling it onto his thick, throbbing member was way sexier than expected. I lie down again impatiently and groan. "Fuck me already."
"Okay," he says through a laugh.
I feel that swollen head probe my entrance again. I swallow hard and pick up my legs as he falls against me, keeping the tip lined up at my hole. He smiles at me, then kisses my lips as the inches slowly enter me. I does't hurt excruciatingly at all. It's more of a 'this shouldn't be stretching this much' feeling, but maybe that's due to how tired and pumped up on adrenaline I am. Then, it begins to hurt. I feel the tip suddenly stop at the threshold of how deep he can go without opening me up more.
"You hangin' in there, babe?" he asks. I nod slowly.
"Pull out," I whisper. His eyes fill with panic. He slowly pulls out, careful not to pull my literal muscles in my ass. Once he leaves me, I feel so empty I almost beg him to reenter as quickly as he exited.
"A-are you alright?" he asks me with genuine concern.
"Yeah, it's just... that's the first time I've had a giant cock, or any cock, inside me."
"So you aren't hurt?" he asks. I laugh, and so does he, but barely.
"The only thing hurting me is how empty I feel now. Go crazy, babe. I'm not gonna ask you to stop this time. Just go until you can't go anymore." He squints and slowly exhales a breath he was holding.
"That is the hottest thing you've ever said to me," he moans with a slow nod.
He picks up my legs again, throws them around his back, and leans down to kiss me while simultaneously entering me with no caution. His mouth swallows my cry of pain and pleasure. That threshold mentioned a few paragraphs back, yeah, it's open now. The rhythmic rocking back and forth, two thrusts in and out every second, send me to Heaven on Earth. I haven't went soft yet, so my cock is flailing against his hard abs, sticking to different parts of skin with all the semen flowing out from edging. His thrust count rises to three per second, absolutely murdering my insides. My prostate has lost all feeling at this point. I've lost so much come, I think when I do climax, it'll be dry. The texture of the condom is long forgotten, and the sheer force and speed of his thick cock deliver all of the pleasure.
"I'm so close," he moans into my mouth. I take his face in my hands and kiss him deeply as we often have since the dawn of out intimacy. Tongue against tongue, our kiss seals the deal. I can feel his orgasmic moan reverberate against my throat, and his muscles relax against my body. He slows down to a stop, and slips out of me. His weight against my body is comforting. It's insane to realize all at once that I just made my boss come as hard as he may have ever came in his life.
"Did you finish?" he asks me seconds after his climax. "I can't tell with the amount of cum all over our stomachs."
"Fuck me harder," I whine. He snickers at my profanity and nods and 'as you wish' kind of nod. His speed becomes unreal, turning my entire body into mince meat. I lose all control of the vessel that is Benjamin Lionheart. Every second, the feeling gets better and better. Calvin's fingers glide across the skin of my leg until he finds my cock, tired and restless, and squeezes hard. I gasp, pulling him down on top of me again to kiss me one last time before I finish in his hand. "Slow, slow, slow," I whimper, and he slows down the pounding inside me to a halt. My mind swims about the room; Calvin's glistening with sweat, covered in come, licking the semen off his hand and wearing the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. The smile reminds me of the first time we met. Maybe this is another first meeting, and that smile only comes when he meets a new version of me.
I guess non-virgin me is my favorite version of me.
"You did amazing," I say to him as he lies next to me now.
"You think you have to tell me that?" he asks. I chuckle.
"I guess not. I just wanted you to know. I'm glad my boss took my virginity. It validates that entire porn genre for me."
"Our next time is going to be in the supply room, so prepare you ass for that."
"I hate you," I say with an eye-roll.
"Yeah, okay."
"I can't sleep. You fucked the sleepiness right out of me."
"Yeah, well you fucked the sleepiness and two loads out of me!" He says as he pulls the condom off with a 'snap.' I shake my head at him.
"There's no way I made you come twice."
"Look at this and tell me this is one load!" He shows me the condom full of his seed, and I push away his hand.
"Alright, I believe you, nasty!" We both laugh that tired, happy laugh. Calvin hops up from the bed and brings us both two nice towels, steamed to perfection. Once we are clean of our mess, we lie back down together and hold each other as close as we've ever been.
"I feel so empty right now," I whisper against his lips. Our kiss stays simple and low key. Thankfully so. I am so exhausted from being as horny as I was for the past two and a half hours. I feel like I could go even longer, but I'm happier just lying here with him.
"Ben, I noticed something the day at the hot springs. I've not been able to ignore it. You don't have to talk about it, but... what's all the scars on your body from?" Those words take all the breath from my lungs and my brain begins to scramble for a defense.
"I– uh, I don't..." Rambling. It's all I can manage until he pulls my face into his neck.
"Forget it." I feel tears brimming at my eyes, so I let them soak against Calvin's skin. I hate to get upset over a darker part of my past because of Calvin mentioning it. It isn't his fault; I should've known he would notice someday. And maybe I'll tell him someday. That day is not today.
"Are you asleep?" I mutter against him.
"No," he says, voice scratchy. It's cute.
"Let's stay up so we can sleep on the plane. I hate to sleep while I'm in Japan when I can do that in the air."
Calvin nods. "So what do you suggest?"
"I don't know. I guess we can just watch TV. I haven't even really done that the entire time we've been here. But I want to watch a Tokyo sunrise, so I'll keep an eye on the clock." After a few hours of watching late night Japanese channels, with English subtitles of course, the time flies by quickly to the dawn. I open up our balcony window and step out onto the cold concrete. Calvin walks up behind me with a robe he tosses over my shoulders. I thank him and slip into it. We sit on the one tiny bench out here, with me in Calvin's lap.
"It really is beautiful," I say. "It reminds me of home, which somehow makes this feel like home, too."
Calvin hums an agreement. "It sort of reminds me of Scotland. The morning harvests decades ago. Yes, I grew up as a Scottish farm boy. It gave me a sense of direction for the rest of my life. Hard work pays off, it really does."
"I learned hard work pays off, but not from farming. Somehow surviving adolescence and intense homophobia teaches you a lot of things."
"I'm sorry you went through such a thing. What was it, the nineties?"
"Yeah. Sort of a weird time, honestly. There's so much I wish I could tell my younger self now." I look up to his face and see that content smile he gets when I talk about myself. "What about you? Would you go back if you could?"
"I don't think so. I like the way things turned out, and I wouldn't want to give my younger self advice. He might change it."
"Fair enough. I guess I wouldn't either then. Everything leading up to sitting here with you, under the sunrise of Japan, was worth it one-hundred percent. Everything."
"Even times I was an arse?"
"Especially then." He kisses my cheek. We suddenly hear a knock at the door of our room. I stand up and answer it.
"Hey," Timothy says. He sees my bare chest though the opening of the robe and returns his eyes frantically to mine. "Thirty minutes to pack, then we have to catch our flight."
"Good morning to you, too, Tim," Calvin says, surfacing behind me. I close my eyes in cringe.
"Sleep well last night, you two?"
"Not at all, actually," Calvin says with a fake yawn. "We were up all night long. Couldn't get a wink of sleep." Calvin rubs my shoulders.
"Sorry to hear that. Gotta pack. Bye, Ben."
"Bye to you, too, Timothy!" Calvin yells as he walks away.
"Calvin! Why did you antagonize him? What was the purpose of that?" I scold.
"I... fuck, Ben, I don't know. Now I feel like an asshole."
"Mmhmm, good. You fucking should. That was mean."
"Man, it's like this. Us rich men, we have to compete on multiple levels. And when we have something the other can't simply buy, we flaunt it. I guess it's hard wired into my brain to be boastful that I got you and he didn't."
"Ah, so I'm a possession now." Calvin panics and scrambles for a response. I sigh, "I was kidding. But seriously, don't flaunt me like I'm a new Rolex, please."
"Y-yes, sir." I shake my head at him, holding back a laugh. I shove him on the bed and begin tossing my clothes from the dresser into my suitcase.
• • •
I awaken minutes before our final descent of our overall travel home. New York, I missed you not one bit. Calvin has my hand in his tightly, staring out the window into the gray of the big apple.
"Hey," I croak. He turns to me slowly, hand squeezing gently at mine.
"Good morning," he smiles.
"We're back, I guess." He nods, lips pouting. I kiss the pouty lips and hug him.
"I'm gonna miss you next to me tonight," I sigh.
He laughs, "That's the first thing that comes to mind when coming back home?"
"That, and I'll finally be able to get Starbucks again."
"You are a basic white bitch," Ross says behind me. I flip my phone screen just right so the sun blinds him from across the aisle. "Agh, fuck you!"
"Watch your profanity, Mr. Westwick," Agatha scolds.
"Yes, mother," he groans. I shake my head at him. Soon, we are departing the flight and waiting for our luggage to arrive on the belt. Everyone gets their things and heads out the doors. We load up in our respective Ubers that Agatha covered for us and head home. It's the end of the trip, and I shed a few nostalgic tears on the ride home. I walk up to my apartment, unlock the door, and enter the sad, empty condo. I land on my messy bed, left that way specifically so I could land in it when I got home, and curled up in the sheets.
Suddenly, a chime comes from my phone. It's Ross. Can I come over? We need to talk.
Yeah sure. When?
Sent.
Then my door opens. Ross heads into my apartment and takes a reluctant seat across the room from me. He does not really want to be here, but I'm guessing whatever he has been bothered by the entire time we were in Japan is coming to surface now.
"Hey, you alright?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "You're going to hate me."
"Wh–why? Why would I ever hate you?"
"Do you remember the night you met Timothy at the bar? The night you passed out and Calvin took you home? The night I asked you to come with us?" He's rambling.
"Yeah, I remember. Ross, slow down."
"I was really drunk. I was laughing at you for passing out from getting so buzzed so fast. But it isn't that. I told Calvin you were gay, and that he could totally have his way with you if he took you home. He slapped me across the face for saying that. And I deserved it. I was joking, of course, but it was a sick joke none the less."
"You're pissing me off, Ross. What's the point?"
"It's what I said to him after that. He was waiting for a car to come for the two of you. I bet he couldn't get in your pants before the end of the year. That you wouldn't put out for him. I did that to you, my best friend. The one guy that has never truly done me any wrong. It's why I hooked you up on that dating app, hoping it would keep you away from Calvin. This whole time you've been really falling for him, he was just using you for a bet I made."
"Ross, that's– that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why are you coming up with this crazy shit now?"
He shakes his head sullenly. "I couldn't keep it from you anymore, after you told me you were in love with him. I just couldn't. I had to tell you, before you went too far and got yourself hurt. He doesn't really like you, Ben. He used you for my stupid sex bet. But it's okay, right? Just break up with him."
"Has he said anything to you about the bet?"
"Not since before Japan. He said he was going to seal the deal by the last night. Don't tell me you actually..." I avert my gaze from his. "I'm sorry."
Tears cloud my vision as everything adds up all at once. The way he withheld his feelings from me, the way he always saw me as an object instead of an actual romantic partner. He really has been using me for sex this entire time. It's nearly impossible to tell if he genuinely grew feelings for me or if it was all a façade. "Goddamnit..."
A knock at my door, then the click of the doorknob. Then, around the corner, comes Calvin with a backpack, wearing the clothes I picked out for him in Japan. Too much. It's too much.
"Hey, babe. I thought I'd come spend the night. I brought video games, too. Is Ross hanging here, too?" I look up at him, and his face immediately changes from cheery to 'oh fuck.'
"Ross, get out." Ross gives me the look of a pained animal, and I only scowl back. He stands and leaves my apartment with haste.
"What did he tell you?" was Calvin's choice of words.
"What didn't he tell me is a better question." Calvin looks sick to his stomach, and he should. I feel it. "I cant believe I actually fell for your lies. You said I was handsome. You said I was genuine. You told me you were falling in love with me. Was any of that actual truth, or was it all an elaborate, ballsy attempt to fuck me and dump me?"
"Babe, I just brought two days worth of clothes, condoms, and video games to stay with you. To stay with my boyfriend. I didn't do this to fuck you. Initially, I was interested in you for the sex, yes. But you can't tell me that wasn't your initial desire of me." He has somewhat of a point. I obviously thought of him as a sexual God amongst men, but other than that, I fell for his dominant and outstanding personality. He didn't even get to know me until he found out I was gay.
"I wanted sex. Eventually. I never wanted you purely because you could fulfill me sexual needs. I've always wanted you, Calvin. Ever since I met you, I've wanted you."
"I didn't even know you were gay!" he shouts, then immediately backs up. "Sorry, I'm not going to yell at you. I didn't know, okay. You maybe had spoken to me ten times in an entire year or more before I ever knew you were gay. I would never have interest in someone that was off limits."
"So you're saying my crush on you for that entire year was unwarranted?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"I never said that. I didn't say that."
"No matter what you mean, there's still the matter of this bet!"
"Ross made a stupid bet when he was drunk. When he told me you were gay, I wasn't all that interested, considering I still hardly knew you outside of work. But when we woke up that morning, the bet in mind, I realized how magnificent you were. It's in the way you looked at me. I couldn't pay someone to actually see me the way you do. You're the only person that's ever truly cared about me. I was desperate for that. So, my immaturity got the best of me, and I saw no reason to call off the bet. I allowed my cockiness to get in the way of a real budding romance, and I'm so sorry for that."
"I need to process all of this. It's too much to take in all at once."
"Take your time. Ask me anything?"
"I guess I only have one question: was it ever about the bet, or did you really like me enough to want to be intimate for the sake of us?"
"Of course it was for us!"
"Don't!" I yell. "Don't fucking lie to me. Was it about us, or was it about you?"
His face of utter shame gives me my answer. "It was about me. It's always been about me. Somewhere along the way, Ben, it became about you. You, you, you. For me, every moment of the last few weeks have been about you. And I loved the way I felt not caring about myself more than I cared about someone else."
The ringing sound of silence grows between us, until finally I say something. "I just need time. Okay? Give me time to process it."
"Baby, I–"
"Stop, just– stop!" Calvin's lip quivers, and for the first time, I see his eyes glaze with tears. "You know how being objectified makes me feel. And you basically found the ultimate way to objectify me. Congratulations. Now get out. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."
"I..." he trails. It isn't for about a minute that he finally gets up from his seat. "I'll see you soon, then. Take care. I'm one call away." Then he left. And I could finally open the flood gates.
For the next few hours, I cry, listen to sad music, and contemplate if life is even worth it anymore. Calvin cares about me. I know he does. But I know that it's for the better if I make him learn the hard way what he did was wrong. He should have told me about that stupid bet and called it off with Ross, but he didn't. He kept stringing it along so he could get what he wanted out of me. I know he cares, but he has a sick idea of compassion. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't agree to a stupid bet like that.
My phone rings, but do I dare even read the screen? I open my eyes and see Timothy's name.
Answer.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Ben. I was just wondering what you were up to. Didn't actually expect you to answer, honestly."
"What do you want, Tim?"
"Oh. Um, I was just gonna invite you over to swim. If you wanted to."
"Call me an Uber, and I'll be there." I hang up on him and slip down to the floor. Once I'm naked, I pull on a pair of swim shorts and throw on a clean t-shirt. I receive a text from Timothy eventually, so I head out.
• • •
"Hey," he says as I enter the door. "Already dressed for the occasion, I see."
"Yeah, that's okay?"
"Totally. Uh, you're okay, right? Your eyes are–"
"Can we just get in the water, Timothy?" I ask and grip his wrist with my hand. He nods without questioning anything. We walk to his balcony and exit through the crystal glass door. I sit on the edge of the pool and rest my feet inside the water, already warmed up. I glance over at Timothy, who is in the process of losing his clothes down to a speedo. He always looked so hot in that blue banana hammock, but never mined that. I'm far from interested in any man right now. I need a friend. I pull my shirt over my head and toss it aside, falling into the water. I open my eyes underwater and see Tim dive by, and swim up to me.
We surface simultaneously, which was awkward since we held a stare for five seconds without a word.
"I'm sure you never needed a bet to know you were attracted to me."
He sighs, "Ross told you."
I scoff, "Apparently I'm the only one he didn't tell."
"He told me yesterday when we went out before you and Calvin, to go drinking. He said he felt bad about making the bet. Said it went against everything his friendship with you meant." I nod slowly and calm down before blowing up on Tim. For a second, I thought he knew the whole time. I don't see why he'd lie to me now, so I believe him. "What're you gonna do?"
"I don't know. Should I dump Ross and Calvin from being my friend and boyfriend?"
"I don't know either. That's up to you, man. I would personally be hurt, too. It depends on how much of the relationship was real or fake."
"What do you think?" I ask him. "Did Calvin really like me, or was he just pandering to get me to put out?"
Timothy's face twists in anger. "If he did, I'll kill him. No one treats innocent guys like you like that."
"Please don't get involved, Tim. I know you care for me, but please. I just want your opinion."
He rubs his temples roughly, then puts a hand around my waist. "I think he really, really loves you. I've seen the way he looks at you, clings to you, and failed at hiding the relationship. I've known since you were trying to hide it from me weeks ago. He is in love with you."
Tears drip into the pool from my eyes. "I said so many horrible things to him. About that bet."
"And he deserves it. He fucked up. But that doesn't mean he doesn't really care. Let him make it up to you."
"Why are you being so nice? As much as Calvin has tormented you and. dangled our relationship in front of you so many times. Why would you defend him? Why would you lose your chance to take me from him?"
"You're speaking nonsense. Let's get out, okay?" His hand leaves my waist, leaving the skin cold. I watch him walk out of the water and onto the ground. I follow him to the towels and dry off. "Your shirt fell in the water."
"Damnit," I groan and shut my eyes.
"Did you bring extra clothes?" he asks. I shake my head. "Go hop in the shower and I'll bring you something to wear." I walk inside and find the bathroom I remembered from last time. I start the water and undress. I stare at my emotionless face as long as the mirror isn't fogged over, and then it does. While I stared, all I could do was invalidate my attractiveness. There was nothing there. I'm just plain.
Tim knocks, and I say nothing. He walks and grunts. "I-I brought you clothes and a fresh t-towel." I turn and look at him, fully nude and uncovered.
"What's special about me?" I ask. His eyes go slowly from a tight shut to a squint. Then to a fully open-eyed observation.
"I think you're gorgeous," he compliments. I blush.
"Sorry for being weird," I whisper and step into the shower. Behind the curtain, he sighs.
"That's another thing that makes you special. You're you. Everything you do isn't weird; it's unpredictable and unique. It's what I fell for, honestly."
"Thanks, Tim." I hear him hum in content as the door opens and closes. I smell the body wash in the shower, and it does honestly smell like Tim. This isn't even his bathroom, but there's his body wash in here. He's a weird one, too.
Once I'm finished with my shower, I toss the big shirt on my body. It doesn't engulf me like Calvin's, but it's still bigger than my size by quite a bit. I slip on the briefs and try on the joggers, only to find them falling down off of me. "Too big. Or I'm too small." It's definitely me that's too small. Inadequate, as always.
I step out into the hallway and see a light coming from a room at the end on the right. As I enter, I find Timothy lying in his bed reading.
"Hey. The pants are too big."
He chuckles. "You look fine without them." I blush. "You can stay in a guest room tonight if you don't want to go home. I don't mind at all." I nod, exiting his room and entering the room across the hall from his. The bed is nicely made, and it smells fresh in the room. I lie awake in this bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling and checking my phone every few minutes for nothing.
"Fuck it," I sigh and throw legs over the side of the bed. I stomp to the door and open it, and am met with Timothy standing in his door as well. I chuckle after a moment of silence. "This is ironic."
"Come to bed?" he asks. I don't even answer as I enter his bedroom. I walk around his large bed and crawl into the other side. Timothy's hands touch my chest gently. My breathing picks up slightly. "I couldn't sleep knowing you are next door."
"I can't sleep, period."
"I feel gross ever since we left Japan. The moment we got on the plane, I felt awful. But I always feel awful. Life is becoming monotonous."
"Find someone."
"I did, and you know how that went."
"Sorry. Fuck someone then."
"Who, you?"
"Who's saying that?"
"Your body heat and heavy breathing is saying that."
I scoff, rolling over to block him out. "I haven't broken up with him, you know? I'm only taking time to see if I still want to be with him."
"I know, Ben. I'll quit being pushy. I never meant to make you uncomfortable." He rolls over as well and gets quiet.
I whisper, "Hold me."
"What?"
"Hold me, please."
Timothy slips his arms around me and presses his warm body against mine. His fingers slip under the hem of the t-shirt I borrowed, and I let him pull it off of me. Our skin mingles in a lovely way that renders me comatose.
. . .
Why can't I just be happy like other people?