I woke up, feeling less hung-over, the emotions and memories still plaguing my mind, I just want to forget them, move on, so I pushed them away.
I walked into the shower, I stood still, the feel of the water soothing and relaxing me, I close my eyes, enjoying this moment.
I felt arms wrap around me, I relaxed more leaning my head back onto his chest.
"I wouldn't have walked away, even if Marcus was telling the truth, I would not have walked away from you, I would have forgiven you. I know it is stupid, but life without you Alena, wouldn't be life, I would be hurt yes, but I would never walk away"
His grip tightened, his hands grasping mine, raising them.
"I don't expect you to talk to me about it, I just want you to talk, I can see your hiding everything Alena, and the last thing I want is you hurting"
He lips started kissing my neck, I feel like I was breaking, like the porcelain doll, I couldn't stop it, somehow, he had unlocked everything.
"I hide everything, it isn't about accepting it has happened, I don't want to feel the pain related to it, the pain of missing the twins learning to crawl and sit up, the pain of missing all that time I could have had with you"
"Then there is the fact I have to accept, I am damaged, more now than before, which then means I have to talk about the past, something I have never done. It also means I have to accept Jake isn't who I thought he was, he isn't the friend I fell in love with"
I am glad I am stood in the shower, facing away from him, the tears flowing.
Jackson's arms wrapped around me tighter, I heard his sigh and him exhale his head resting on my shoulder.
"I just don't want to lose you Alena, I don't want to lose what we have and if you keep hiding everything, one day you won't be stable anymore, we need you, let's not talk about it now, if less you want to"
I did want to, that is the thing now he has made me open up, I want to talk about it all but I can't.
"I can't, I couldn't stand to see the pain on your face while I talk about what happened to me. You already blame yourself, if I told you the details you would blame yourself more, and I can't stand that"
I don't want to see him in pain, he blames himself for so much, and everything with me, when he sees me in pain, he feels it.
"Let's get out, come on get dried and dressed"
His lips kissed my neck as he got out the shower, I glanced over at him, and watched as he got dried, climbing out myself and getting ready.
Walking into the other room, food was all set out, table set up beautifully with candles.
"We have a few hours then we can go home to the girls, my mum has taken them out for the day, no doubt been spoilt" He shook his head, and I laughed, his mum did spoil them a little too much.
Jackson pulled the chair out for me, I sat, and he pushed it in, walking around and sitting opposite me.
"Our first official date" He smiled at me, he was amazing, truly amazing. It felt nice, we sat eating, talking about everything, all those things you are supposed to talk about on dates.
"So, what is your plan? You know you will have passed the exam's so what are you doing now?" I knew this, I had been thinking about it for a while now.
"Well, I plan to keep working on the blog, I actually enjoy it quite a lot. As for business, well I want to stay part of Seductive Vibrations, but I do have an idea of another business" I looked up at him, his expression telling me to keep going, so I did.
"I want to open a business for women, those lacking self-esteem, been through similar to me, women who need a boost, it won't be like talking or anything, but classes. Pole dancing, belly dancing, things like that to help boost their confidence and learn to love themselves again, but while been around other women like them"
I couldn't read his face, I couldn't understand his thoughts at all, his expression stayed the same, I wondered if I should carry on, I hope he sees it as a good idea, I hope so, we are married so to have his agreement would be amazing.
"I think it is a great idea, I will set up a meeting tomorrow, we will talk numbers, ideas and find a time frame, we will get it all sorted and set up" I started shaking my head, stopping him from talking.
"No, I want to do this myself" I had to achieve this myself, in my name.
"Okay, but we will still have a meeting, I can make it, so the company is the investor, it won't be my business, it will be yours, a standalone business. But with financial help from Seductive Vibrations. You wouldn't have an issue finding an investor, but would rather it is me"
That didn't sound too bad, it would save a lot of time, and mean I could get started quicker. I nodded in agreement.
"So, we have about an hour left of our date, what would you like to do?" He looked at me, I got up and walked around the table, my body climbing on to his lap, my lips kissing his.
"I want you to fuck me"
I looked at him, biting my lip waiting for his response, waiting for rejections again. "One a first date? Really you would do that?" His head tilted to the side, his smile widening.
"Well, considering the first night I met you wasn't even a date and we nearly did, why not?"
If it had been our first date, the first time we met, I doubt things would be any different, I would have done it that night in my kitchen.
His hands wrapped around me, pulling me to him, his kiss consuming me, I moaned leaning into him, my hands exploring his body.
"What do you want?" His words vibrating off my lips.
"You, not holding back, like before all this mess" I heard his sigh, and his head shaking slightly, sadness growing inside of me at his rejection.
"Not here, not now, I would want more than an hour"
I felt my smile come back, the thought he was willing to make me happy again, too happy. I started kissing him, my fingers opening his shirt.
My hands ran up his torso, to his shoulders where I pushed his shirt down, my breathing hitched.
I moaned my sex pulsing more for him, unwilling to wait, I started taking my top off, unfastening my bra, and trying to unbutton his trousers, my mind trying to control the situation, yet I don't want to be the one in control.
"Really? Do I not get a chance to take any of our clothes off?" He laughed at me, his hands rubbing my back.
"No, not if less you hurry up and fuck me, I won't wait"
My hands moved quicker, having his button undone, and pulling his zip down. His hands lifted me off him,
"Move by the window" He pointed to it, I looked and started walking over, my body feeling the shivers of excitement running through it, my body begging for him.
"All your clothes off, hands on the window and don't look back"
He was driving me crazy, I couldn't think taking off the rest of my clothes, facing the window with my palms against it, my body screaming for him, I can't do it, I needed to go to him, I needed him now.
I started turning, he stopped me, turning me back to the window, I felt his hands grabbing mine, and watched as he tied the rope around them, before pushing them against the window. I moaned, pushing my body back towards him, needing him.
The sting for his hand hitting my ass made me scream, I can't stop myself, I tried to turn again, to pull him to me, he stopped me turning me back to the window.
"My dirty slut doesn't want me to hold back, well I am not, stay that way"
His hand hit my ass again, I moaned, my mind spinning, my heart pounding, I swear it was ready to fly away. I felt him move closer to me, his naked body behind mine, his hand wrapped around me, his fingers playing with my clit.
I moaned my body instantly pushing down on his fingers, wanting them inside me. I felt his cock, right on my sex pushing gently, teasing, I pushed back, trying to get more of him, my hands coming away from the window.
"Did I say you could move your hands?" I shook my head, loving his voice when he let go.
"No Sir" I smiled, but still struggled to fight the urge to pull him to me.