Ha ha, I am so funny.
I must have been a fucking idiot for thinking I could reveal my internet identity without somehow fucking myself over in the process! There was no way in hell it would go well.
So, yeah, okay, I chickened out, and Leslie and Tamara were quite frustrated with me. They kept asking me, "When are you gonna do it?" and I kept saying, "Soon," while all I kept thinking was never. I knew it was probably just the anxiety and paranoia talking, but I was honestly absolutely terrified of admitting to all of it. Of revealing that I'd been the one to badmouth Player Extraordinaire Davey, and Ass-kisser Brienne, and worst of all, Felicia. The Bitch. The moment this information got out, she'd destroy me. Sure, I could deal with it—nobody could beat me at my own game—but I'd just... rather not. That's all. I'd rather not.
"Eve."
I glanced at Tamara. "Soon."
They didn't even have to ask anymore.
They knew.
I wasn't one to admit that I was scared—I might have never even done it in my whole life, now that I think about it... I just wasn't scared and I had to keep up that image, you know?
No, not really. I liked living life as a big, depressing, cruel, but laughable joke, and they knew that. Hence the surprise when I actually got serious and showed emotions for once.
"Eve, please. Soon was twenty-two years ago."
I quickly threw a bone at them. "Did I tell you I'm going on another date with Gilbert yet?"
Leslie bit and squealed, while Tamara asked, "Why do you call him Gilbert anyway? Everybody calls him Gibbs."
"I call him Gilbert because everybody calls him Gibbs."
"Hipster."
"Is that... supposed to be an insult?"
"I don't know. You're the one with the quick wit. I stopped trying years ago. How's it going with Gibbs anyway? I saw you guys talking earlier."
I shrugged. "I guess it's going well."
There wasn't much to tell. After our date, we'd talked occasionally and cracked jokes with each other in class and all that, but we were still... I don't know. Could that question even be asked after such a short time?
"I'm happy for you!" Leslie said. "And you too, Tamara!" She elbowed her in the side. "Hooked up with Darren yet?"
Chill, girl... They went on one date. What's up with these two?
Tamara's face went beetroot red. "No! We barely even kissed!"
"Ooh, so you've kissed!"
"Do you and Gibbs kiss?"
"Maybe."
The answer came from behind me, and I immediately whirled around to glare at the boy who'd said it.
Gilbert.
Oh, we did not kiss! At least, not after that one time. Speaking of... I was surprised he hadn't brought it up yet.
Leslie let out another one of her squeals.
"You do?" Tamara said. "I thought you..."
"Gilbert, how about you shut your mouth?" I pressed my hand over his mouth, which made him frown, and I turned back to Tamara, who barely managed to keep in a snort.
"He didn't know," I added. "You know."
They nodded in understanding. They knew. They might not be able to relate to my sexual preference (or the lack thereof), but they understood what it meant and accepted it. I had some pretty great friends after all. And I wasn't being ironic for once.
Gilbert pushed my hand away and asked, "So do you wanna come over today?"
"Don't forget to use protection!" Leslie cried out.
Really?
I take back what I said about great friends.
She ran away just in time.
"Sure," I replied with a sigh as I watched Leslie hurrying down the hallway. "Let me just get my stuff from my locker. I'll be out in a few minutes. You're paying for my bus ticket by the way."
"I thought that was etiquette."
"You thought right. Join me, Tamara."
She looped her arm through mine—even though she knew I hated it—and waved at Gilbert. I wriggled out of her hold, and a few seconds later, when he was out of earshot, she asked, "Did he really kiss you?"
"Yes," I sighed.
"What did you... think of it?"
I shrugged. I still wasn't sure what I thought of it. I didn't hate it. Then again, I'd spent quite some time researching my own sexuality and I read that it was different for everyone. Some hated kissing. Some loved it. So maybe I belonged to the second category. Or somewhere in between. I wasn't sure.
I talked about it with Travis, but that was pretty fucking pointless. As much as he tried, he just couldn't understand why I wouldn't like it. He told me that he'd met a cute girl himself that he really wanted to ask out and that he couldn't possibly imagine not kissing her. He said it would kill him. Drama queen.
But would it kill Gilbert?
"What are you thinking?" Tamara asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Nothing."
"Come on. It won't hurt to talk about your feelings for once, Eve. I swear, you're like a dude sometimes. Be a girl and use me as your diary for once!"
I rolled my eyes. "We barely started dating, but— Well, I guess I like him or whatever, and I'm just wondering if... If we actually get together and stuff, will he get sick of it? You know, no physical contact. No sexual stuff. I honestly don't even know why he's bothering with me."
"You told him about it, right?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Then do you think he would be trying this hard if it mattered to him? He doesn't care. The boy is whipped."
"Please."
"Really. He looks at you like you're... the sun, or something."
"How poetic."
"I'm serious." Her eyes shifted to the side and she groaned dramatically. "God, what's she up to?"
"Eve."
I reluctantly moved my body to face the person who dared to utter my name, resisting the urge to gag.
"What is it, Felicia?" I sighed.
"You never date anyone."
Oh, my God, seriously? "And?"
"How did you get the new hot boy to date you?"
"Who said we're dating?"
"I'm not blind."
"Really? I thought you were. You can't even see that your clothes don't match. On Wednesdays we wear pink. It's Thursday."
Her face went red with anger and it was kind of a funny look, but at least it sort of matched her clothes now. "A stupid nerd spilled her drink on me and I had to change," she spat.
I shrugged.
"Stay away from him, Eve," she said through gritted teeth.
What the...
"I'd say jealousy doesn't suit you, Felicia, but green is a much better color than the sweater you're wearing. I don't really get where it's coming from, though. It's his choice. Why do you care? Go find someone else to bother. I'm not getting paid to be your babysitter."
She was seething, but she didn't have anything to fight me back with, so she stomped off. She might have something later, though. Especially if I decided to come out as DukeCockroach...
"She's so malicious!" Tamara whispered.
"Childish is what she is. Who the hell even still fights over the new boy in high school? Come on. I wanna get out of this hellhole."
I got my stuff out of my locker and walked to the exit of the school building with Tamara—her arm tightly holding onto mine. Again. When I complained about it, she assured me she needed to keep me safe from bitches like Felicia. As if I couldn't handle it.
Oh well.
"Thanks, Tam," I said with a laugh.