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Trigger Warning ⚠️ :
*Mention of rape
*(Aj)
Cameron POV
I didn't call in sick at work today. I miss my students even though I have a bad headache. The bridge of my nose is aching, I feel like my eyeballs are going to pop out of their sockets any second now. But it would be so inconsiderate and unprofessional to call out whenever my head hurts or something.
I woke up with a terrible ache in my shoulders as well which leads me to believe that I was tense while I had been sleeping. I'm hoping that a hot shower will help ease the pain. But, I have to hurry up and get in right now if I want to attempt at self healing with the hot water because in about forty five minutes I need to wake Aj up so that he can get ready for school and so that I can get to work. I need to pick up Taleah's homework from their school as well.
I check my phone for notifications and there are five from Tyler and two from Zaniyah. There's also one from an unknown number, and then another from Giovanni. I open his first.
Giovanni: Hey. I'm checking in to make sure you're alright. We missed you yesterday. I hope everything is all good, and I hope to see you at work today.
Me: Thanks. And yes, I will be at work today.
Giovanni: That's great to hear. I'm praying for you because I want the best for you- regardless of our friendship status. If you need anyone to talk to I'm always available and willing to listen.😏
Giovanni: *😕 Sorry, I'm typing fast. My point still remains.
Me: Thank you.
Giovanni: Anytime, see you later.🙏🏼
Next, I open the message from the unknown number.
(347)(***)(****): this cameron
I delete the message and do not respond because there's no one that I recently gave my number to who I'd want to engage in conversation with. Plus, I have trust issues. That could be somebody plotting against me.
I open up Zaza's messages.
Zaza💑: cammy baby ☹️
Zaza💑: what did the doctor say?
Me: I don't think Leah would mind if I told you, you're her auntie. But I want it to come from her. I don't want to assume she's okay with anything and then do more damage. Why don't you come over later? I'm definite we can talk about everything then.
Zaza💑: of course honey. ur such a respectful parent, and i totally get where you're coming from. im praying for my family, you guys go through what you do not deserve. ill be over at like around 9:00pm.
Me: Okay. I love you so much.
Zaza💑: I love you so much more❤️❤️❤️
I finally open Tyler's messages.
Tyler❤️: yo
Tyler❤️: u okay?
Tyler❤️: what's up? haven't heard from u in a minute u not answering my text or nothing
Tyler❤️: pick up my calls it's been like three days since i heard from u im worried, leah answered y text she said u probably not good
Tyler❤️: did i do something wrong u could tell me if i did ill fix it come on call me please at least text me back jus so i kno u ok
Tyler❤️: goodmorning u still ignoring a nigga gaddamn :(
I pull down my notifications tab and Tyler in fact did call my phone multiple times for the last two or so days. I didn't notice because I was so occupied with other things. There were times I'd turn my phone off, while my kids were home and safe of course. He probably called me then.
Me: Good morning Ty, I would never ever ignore you on purpose. I haven't even checked for messages from you and I missed when you called. I'm sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. I miss you a lot.
He doesn't respond fast enough so I'm going to take that hot shower I was talking about and then wake Aj up for school.
In the bathroom, I set the shower water to steaming hot and then step in. I stand under the running water and if I had been hoping for instant relief, I would have been let down. But I know better, the hot water can't instantly cure my aching body. And whatever can, I don't have time for.
I close my eyes only for a second for a small moment of relaxation and then get to business. I scrub with body wash and then rinse my external body multiple times, and then I take care of my internal hygiene which became a necessity many many many years ago.
After I wash my body, I squeeze a substantial amount of two in one shampoo and conditioner in my hand and massage it through my scalp. I scratch at my head with the mixture for a little while and then tilt my head back under the water so that I can rinse it off.
As my hair is under the water, i finger comb it for a thorough rinse but I notice that something doesn't feel right. I bring my hands down from my head and look at them. Multiple loose stands of hair are entangled between my fingers.
"Oh my god," I gasp. For confirmation, to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me, I run my hands through my hair again and even more hair comes out. "oh my goodness." I rinse the rest of the shampoo and conditioner out then turn off the shower water. I step out, I pick the hair stands from my fingers and throw it in the trash. I comb my fingers through my hair once again and a few more strands come out. I know it's normal to shed hair. But I never shed this much hair.
I look in the mirror and closely examine my head. There's some parts of my hair that is thinner than usual, and I know this could not have happened overnight. I clean the hair off my fingers once again and dry myself off with a towel as I suppress the emotion I'm feeling that is so close to being an outburst of tears. It's just hair. I need to keep reminding myself. It's just hair. It can grow back.
But, I don't know why my hair is falling out. I don't dye my hair much and the last time that I did was probably a year and some change ago. Ive never had any problems. I don't use any product except for the same shampoo and conditioner that I've been using for years. I'm going to dry it and hopefully there are no bald patches.
Back in my room after I moisturize my body and apply deodorant, I search for something casual to wear. I settle on stretchy black jeans and a burgundy turtleneck sweater. Since it's a little cold outside according to the weather app I also put on my black moccasins.
I touch my hair and it air dried a little bit but I'm going to use my hairdryer to dry it some more. I plug it in and put it on the medium heat setting and it takes me less than ten minutes to dry my whole head. Taking a closer look in the mirror now, I see that my hair is in fact thinner in some areas towards the middle and the sides.
"Ugh," I whine in annoyance. My hair is not shedding as much as it was when it was wet thankfully. I'm not going to touch it after I style it so that I can keep as much hair in my head as I can because who knows how long this is going to go on for.
When I say "style it" I really just mean fluff it out a little bit but especially more today because I don't want anyone to notice that my hair is thinning because I have no explanation for them if they ask why.
I take a step back in front of the mirror when I'm all done, study myself and I sigh. There's nothing more I can do so I'm going to accept my appearance for right now and move on with my morning. On my bedside table I pick up my ring and put it on my finger.
I check my phone and I see that Tyler has texted me back. I close my phone, I'll read it after I wake Aj up.
I slowly push open his door and he's fast asleep. I sigh. I really don't want to bother him at the moment because I don't know how he's going to react and I don't want him to ruin my decent mood despite me hair shedding. Being that he hates me, it's kind of hard to carry out being his parent now because I feel like everything I do or plan to do will be taken negatively from him.
I tap his shoulder, "Wake up." I wait and he doesn't budge one bit. I want so badly to just wake him up peacefully like I usually do, but I don't know how he will receive that. I shake him a bit and he finally opens his eyes. "Wake up and get ready," I say. When I'm sure that he's awake and alert I go to Taleahs room. I push open her door and her eyes are shut closed, sleeping away. A smile spreads across face as I watch her. My beautiful baby girl, she is so perfect.
Now standing next to her bedside, I rub her head and run my fingers across her face. Her eyes flutter open while I softly stroke her face and she smiles tiredly at me. I sit on the edge of her bed and she scoots up to lay her head in my lap. I kiss her forehead, temple and cheek and continue to caress her hair.
"You feel alright honey?" I ask her.
"Yeah," she grabs my hand and holds it tight.
"Are you gonna be okay at home by yourself? You can come to work with me," I tell her.
"No, I'm gonna walk around naked while you guys are gone."
"Okay," I laugh at her. "Do you need anything?"
"Food," she states.
On that note, I find my way to the kitchen to my refrigerator and pantry to pull out four eggs, waffle mix, two Italian turkey sausages, and four potatoes.
I crack all four eggs into a bowl and add salt and pepper. I use a fork to whisk them because for some reason I don't own a whisk even though I know I don't have one and could have purchased one. I cook that along with frying the sausages then making home fries in another pan. I cook very fast so this isn't an inconvenience to me. The eggs are done fast so I use the same pan to make two waffles in.
When I'm done cooking everything, there's still thirty minutes until I have to leave the house to get Aj to school and me to work on time. I evenly divide all the food I made onto two plates for Leah and Aj. I pour them both some orange juice and set their breakfast on the table.
Taleah is first to come from her room.
"Thank you," she gives me a quick little hug then takes a seat at the table without hesitating to start eating, "so fucking good," she mumbles around the food in her mouth.
"No cursing," I say even though I know that saying that really won't do anything. My orders will only be effective for maybe two minutes.
"Papa, can I get a tattoo?" Taleah asks me out of the blue. The question catches me off guard and I look up to think.
"A tattoo of what?" I finally ask.
"A sunflower. I love sunflowers and they make me happy and they remind me of you, my most favorite person on this planet." She says sincerely and I can't help but to smile.
"Why do they remind you of me?" I ask out of curiosity. She swallows her food and then speaks, "Well just to put it into simpler words, you make me happy. You radiate a lot of warm, positive energy. Around you, it feels like you're always hugging me whether or not it's physical," she takes another bite out of her food, "it makes me sad to see a sunflower drooping under the pressure of the changing seasons or because they aren't taken care of properly." She finishes.
I don't know how to respond to her words, truthfully. So I get up from the chair and kiss her forehead.
"We'll talk about you and a tattoo some more. After Friday," I say in reference to her doctors appointment. "I'm a little skeptical."
"Aj has tattoos," she adds and I shake my head.
"The difference between you and your brother is that he snuck behind my back and did it. If he had asked me like you did, I would respond the same. Or maybe I would say heck no since he was only fourteen," I exhale deeply and sit back in my seat.
"True. What about this. Can you and I get one at the same time?"
I laugh a little, "I am not putting any ink on my skin. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not something I want."
"You should," she smiles.
"Uh-Uh. That's your daddy's thing. He had an obsession with tattoos. I think right now, he probably has well over sixty. I never knew how he could sit there through that pain all the time."
"Maybe that's why he got them," she states quietly. I process what she says and nod sadly. I never thought about it that way. And it's probably true.
"Think about it. You can get something meaningful."
Leah continues to eat her food and I remember to text Tyler back.
Tyler❤️: u had me worried u kno i miss u more but these months bout to be doubled make 2 into 4 and shit. a lot goin on but how is everything and everyone y'all good
Me: Um—
"Who are you texting?" Taleah cuts me off mid text.
"It's Uncle Tyler, why?" I ask her.
"Oh yeah that's what I meant to tell you. Please don't tell him what is happening. I don't want to stray him from focusing on his work especially since he's away right now."
"Alright honey."
Me: We're managing, overall I would like to say we're fine. First of all, where even are you and why four months? I'm sad now.
Tyler❤️: i told u im gon be alot of places this business shit takin longer than expected
Me: Why can't you visit?
Tyler❤️: lmao that mean losin all typa progress trust me if i coulda come see yall i woulda been did it
Me: I feel like you're being secretive Ty. I don't mind, but it's easier to be honest about wanting to keep whatever you're doing to yourself instead of pressuring yourself to sugarcoat things. Which reminds me, I'm not sure why I had to find out that you're in love with someone the same time millions of people did. :(
Tyler❤️: aw it ain't even like that i swear you kno i come to u first don't even do that
Me: But you didn't. :(
Tyler❤️: cus it ain't like its something good. i didn't wanna tell u cus ik that mean telling u who and i can't do that cus i ain't comfortable. i was put on the spot fr that's the only reason but it ain't nothing to worry about because its not a situation that i want to develop. this the real reason why u ain't been texting me back?
Me: Of course not. I only just remembered about this right now.
Tyler❤️: aight but wen i feel like i can say who out loud without being scared ill tell u maybe when my feelings change
Me: I feel like I already know who because I know the type of person you are.
Tyler❤️: what type of person am i
Me: You don't know how to stop loving. I've always seen it.
Tyler❤️: so tell me who it is then
Me: No. I won't because I don't want to put you in an awkward position. When you're ready to say it out loud, you can. And I know you are worried, but we all will still love you the same. This is your life to live, and you can't live it for anyone else.
Tyler❤️: yea but the only thing is i don't want to feel like this. like i dead don't it's not good for me for u for ant for za or the twins and y'all my whole life i swear i can't do that shit and i don't want to and it's hard it's hard for me to get over shit
Me: I understand Tyler. I do.
Tyler❤️: and my actions ain't making it no better i jus need to get my shit together fr because this shit is dead wrong and i feel disgusting like im betraying everyone i love by feelin this way i don't want nothing out of these feelings i swear i don't
Me: What actions? You haven't done anything. And stop it. Stop beating yourself up about it, it does nothing.
Tyler❤️: ill let u kno wen we speak i don't want to text it
Tyler❤️: lmfaoooooo what if we not even talkin bout the same person and we really cuttin tf up spillin emotion and shit
Me: I'm sure we are.
Tyler❤️: can we talk later i got more i wanna say to u. i really be forgetting how u be down for me no matter what sometimes i be scared to talk to u idk i think it's cus i don't want u to be feeling no type a way or feel bad u feel me but i really can tell u anything
Tyler❤️: u kno u could tell me anything to rite and that mean anything
Me: I know. Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything. No matter what you say or do I will love you the exact same.
Tyler❤️: and same goes for u what u doin rn
Me: I'm waiting for Aj to finish getting ready then come eat his breakfast. I'm sitting with Leah.
Tyler❤️: how she doing
Me: She's okay, she's smiling. Telling me about wanting to get a tattoo.
Tyler❤️: aw hell nah they grow up so fast what happen to my little niece who couldn't even ask for nothin to begin wit 😞
Me: 😂😂😂 I know, I told her that I'll think about it. Maybe for her sixteenth birthday. She wants a sunflower.
Tyler❤️: that sound reasonable enough
Tyler❤️: imma speak to u later tho if i ain't busy or caught up in somethin i love u and the twins
Me: We love you more.
Tyler: lmfaooooooooo nice joke
I react with a heart to Tyler's message then close my phone. Although he's being secretive about a lot at the moment, I don't mind it I'm just concerned. All I care about is his safety and well being. And even though he hasn't told me directly who he is trying to stop himself from falling in love with, I know exactly who it is. When the thought first popped into my head, I was scared and kind of put off. But then again I realized I can not blame him and he can not control his feelings. I know the type of person he is and he never means any harm. Which is why I know it's hard for him to accept the fact that he is still in love with Pheonix.
Like I said, Tyler has not been in a relationship since her. He hasn't even tried. He doesn't date other people, he's never even considered it as far as I know. And I know it also has to do with the fact that their personalities were mostly compatible, but it put Tyler in an awkward position when she started to act up. I won't say difficult position because I think it's pretty evident that Tyler will always side with his family. But awkward nonetheless since he really did- or does rather- have a lot of feelings for her. I'm not mad at him, nor am I disappointed. Because I understand him. I'm not happy about it and I'm not sad about it. I just want him to do what's right for him.
It's seems like he doesn't want these feelings for her and that he doesn't want to be with her. I don't know whether I should help him to try and get rid of these feelings or leave it up to him. Tyler is a natural lover and I don't want to play a part in forcing him out of his character. It all depends on what he wants.
I look up from my black phone screen and Aj is now in the dining area. I check my phone and there is now fifteen minutes until we need to leave to make it on time.
"I made you some breakfast," I tell him who walked past the dining area and onto the couch. He sits slouched and lazily scrolls on his phone and very predictably does not answer me. I take the route of convincing myself that he didn't hear me.
"Aj, I made you breakfast," I repeat while looking at him. "Hurry up so that you'll have time to eat."
He shakes his head.
"What?" I question. I pick the plate up and bring it to him. I take my kids and breakfast very seriously.
I hold it out to him.
"Ion want it," Aj mumbles.
"Are you hungry?" I ask him and he shrugs.
"So eat," I try to get him to grab the plate but he shakes his head.
"I said I don't want it."
"Are you sure—"
"I don't want it," he cuts me off without taking his eyes from his phone screen once again. I sigh and take the plate back to the table.
"You want it Leah?" I ask her quietly, hoping that she'll say yes. My feelings are hurt for obvious reasons, but I'm not shocked.
"Yes, thank you, I'll eat it for lunch. This was sooooooo good papa, thank you for making me such a delicious breakfast. I'll see you later," she kisses me and then continues to walk.
"Ungrateful," she says as she walks past Aj.
I rip off a piece of aluminum foil and wrap the plate up for Taleah and put it in the fridge. While in there, I take out breakfast for myself which consists of a tangerine and a bottle of water. I peel it and eat some of the tangerine but I don't want it anymore when I reach the halfway mark. I don't really feel like eating at the moment. I save the other half in a zip lock bag for tomorrow morning and then I drink through one fourth of my reusable water bottle.
Without giving Aj a heads up, I leave the apartment and he catches the hint to follow me. We take the elevator down to my car and I starts to warm it up when I get inside. Aj sits in the backseat and somehow he still managed to not look up from his phone once.
I'm glad we left a little bit earlier because the traffic out here is ridiculous since everyone is trying to make it on time to work or school. After what should have been a fifteen minute minute drive, I park in front of the twins school. I have twenty five minutes to get to work but first I need to pick Taleah's homework up.
Aj is already way ahead of me before I can get out the car. He leaves his headphones in the backseat so I grab them for him in case I see him inside.
"God damn!" a man standing against a wall calls out at me as I walk towards the building. I see him from the corner of my eye standing with two other men but I don't look and keep walking. He whistles and is now walking beside me.
"How you doin? What's your name, I'm Kenny," he holds his hand out extended in front of me while I'm walking but I still don't even peep a word or a glance.
"So you just not gon not say anything? You look too good to not be smiling this early in the morning."
"Ayo, stop walking. Let me talk to you for a minute," he stops in front of me to hinder my walking. I try to dodge him and walk the other way.
"You got a boyfriend? Is that what it is?" The man asks.
"Yes, I do," I mumble even though I have a husband but I don't need to explain that. It's just an attempt for this guy to leave me alone.
"So you can't have friends?"
I don't answer him and he follows me all the way up until I reach the school doors. He opens it for me and usually I would say thank you to anyone else but I don't want to speak to this man. I even go as far as to opening a different door for myself. I've learned that no matter what not to speak to the men that approach me so demandingly and aggressively in the street. I deal with this way too much and it's annoying.
"I'll treat that right," he calls from behind me and when the doors finally close, I'm relieved. My heart felt like it was going to com out of my throat and now it's beating extremely fast.
I take a deep breath and gulp hard to calm myself down or at least look like I'm calm. My hands are shaking ridiculously. I retrieve a pass from the front desk to the guidance counselors office. While walking there, I see Aj standing outside of a classroom with who I'm guessing are his friends. The same ones from the day when one of them rapped for Tyler.
His friends look at me as I'm walking towards them and taps Aj. They point at me and I see them mouth "ain't that your gay dad or something." I don't make eye contact but I can see everything from the side of my eyes and Aj looks up and looks back down at his phone and shifts on his feet. I want to give him his headphones, but I think that's a bad idea. He has nothing to worry about, I won't acknowledge him for the sake of not making him embarrassed. I can only imagine how embarrassing it is for him to have me of all people as a parent. So I walk right past them.
In the guidance counselors office it doesn't take me long to pick her homework up. I'm out of the office within three minutes and on my way back to my car again. I have to go back the same way I got here, so that means walking right past my son again. I'm walking back and again, he doesn't notice me first but his friends do.
One of them waves at me. "Hi."
I smile politely and wave back. Aj side eyes him, but the kid keeps talking.
"Ain't this your son?" He asks pointing at Aj even though I know he knows good and well that he is in fact my son. I nod at the kid. I figure this is a good time to give Aj his headphones because I already know he's probably upset at the moment.
I walk up closer to them and pull Aj's headphones out of my pocket. I don't say anything, all I do is hold my hand out that has the earbuds in them in front of him. He stares at my hand then takes his headphones.
I begin to walk away.
"Yo, how tall are you?" One of his friends ask me and I stop to answer him but Aj stops that.
"Stop talking to him," he mumbles.
"Huh?"
Aj kisses his teeth and sighs, "You heard me. Quit that shit. Let him leave."
"Nigga, make me. You always thinkin' you could tell me what to do," his friend snaps in aggravation and annoyance.
"Make you," Aj looks up from his phone and stares at his friend "because you know I will."
"Whatever bro," I turn around and leave after staying there for a minute to make sure Aj doesn't get into any trouble. The man outside harassed me again all the way to my car and I leave for work, unharmed thankfully.
AJ POV
These niggas really asking for it. Clearly y'all fucking see I ain't tryna talk to the man and y'all gon engage in fucking conversation?
"This nigga mad as shit," dude gon say, "everybody already knows you got a gay dad so relax. I don't know why you tryna pretend like you don't know him."
"Can you shut the fuck up."
"Alright bro, it's whatever. But you need to relax."
The bell rings and first period is starting. I already woke up mad and now everyone is testing my patience from home and now here. And this man gonna come in here and draw attention to himself. I guess he got what he was looking for. The shit is embarrassing bro and I swear I'm not gonna hear the end of it from nobody. I wasn't looking at him, but I peeped how everyone else was staring at him. He knows people stare but he continues to do the same shit each and every time. He can do a lot different that he knows won't bring attention to himself, but like I said, he's getting what he's looking for. It's like he strives to embarrass me. It's shit like this that I see that everyone else doesn't and it's annoying.
Annoyed, I sit all the way in the back like I normally do and take out a notebook. It's not like I'm gonna use it, but it's whatever. I unlock my phone and open iMessage to reply to a message from someone.
(718) xxx xxxx : nigga hello
Me: yea
(718) xxx xxxx: so you comin to see me later or what
Me: depends
(718) xxx xxxx: its a yes or no question
Me: idk ig
(718) xxx xxxx: if u guess just forget about it honestly i really don't care
Me: u dtm fr
(718) xxx xxxx: so u coming or what so i can move accordingly
Me: u went to school today
(718) xxx xxxx: nah, dealing with some shit rn. im home. that's besides the point. you coming or nah?
Me: yea
(718) xxx xxxx: cool u bringing blunt or what
(718) xxx xxxx: *a blunt
Me: don't got none on me
(718) xxx xxxx: aight we don't gotta smoke tbh imma leave u alone tho it seems like u dnt wanna talk to me rn
Me: stop u gettin me tight u not the only one goin thru shit we deal wit it different
(718) xxx xxxx: u only dealin wit shit cause you wanna deal wit shit trust me i know. forever blowing everything out of proportion
Me: u want me to come later or not because im bout to change my mind.
(718) xxx xxxx: idc aj do what u want
"Jackson, if you're gonna be on your phone you need to get out of my class," the teacher says while I'm in the middle of texting. I put my notebook in my bag, stand up, and leave the class.
I was texting someone I been talking to for a minute now. We met a couple months ago. I'm not one for relationships but one thing led to another, but it's not even official like that I wouldn't say we even in a relationship. And I tell them that all that time and not to get it twisted or they feelings hurt if I act like I'm not with nobody. But they feel the exact same way too, so it's easier. I haven't said anything or told nobody because it's not none of nobody's business. And I got no one to tell. Not Taleah because she gonna make a big deal. Not auntie because she ask too many questions. Not uncle Tyler because he ask too many questions too. And I can't tell daddy because he in prison. And I rather keep it to myself anyways.
I pull out my phone to text back.
Me: you know i always will don't get shit twisted
(718) xxx xxxx: clearly that's why i said it
Me: don't get smart you know i don't like that
(718) xxx xxxx: ik just tryna get u mad u sexy when u mad lmfaooooooooo
Me: irritating
(718) xxx xxxx: u want my irritating ass 😘
Me: damn right i do
(718) xxx xxxx: now you really gotta come see me 👀
Me: i will
I close my phone and now imma just stroll in the hallway until the period ends. While I'm strolling I feel my stomach rumbling. I need to fucking eat but I don't and never will mess with schoolie. Taleah does though, she always says "no free meal gone to waste". That's her, but I can't do it. I rather starve than eat that shit or anything else I don't want.
By the end of the day, I get into a fight with some nigga who started throwing the word faggot around at me because of papa coming in here and I left his ass eyes swollen and lips busted and I don't give a fuck. I already knew this shit was gonna happen today. Every time he comes here it's the same shit. Because it was the end of the day, we fought off school grounds because I don't feel like having no staff dragging the situation. I don't know why niggas keep trying me if they know the outcome. I ain't never lose one fight. Stop fucking with me.
I do end up going and seeing my piece at they house and we chill and do some things before they parents can get home.
Taleah POV
Papa comes in with mad bags around his arm. I was wondering what was taking him so long, he usually is home around five or something but it's like seven right now.
"You need some help?" I stand up from the couch and he shakes his head.
"No baby, I'm okay," he drops everything onto the floor and breathes heavily then places his hands on his hips. After he catches his breath he holds his arms open for a hug and I wrap my arms around him.
He rubs my head, "How are you feeling?"
I sigh. I threw up earlier and my stomach is cramping. I want to fucking stab myself in the torso and I feel disgusting. I've been crying for nearly an hour straight at a time and sleeping.
"I'm good," I smile at him. He's dealing with too much already, and I refuse to tell him that this baby being inside of me is taking a toll on me. I want him to be as stress free as possible.
"Are you sure? You can talk to me sweetheart."
"I'm sure papa. I promise."
He eyes me suspiciously but let's me rock.
"I bought you some things from target," he says. "Look through the bags. There's hair stuff, ear phones, chargers, and that eyeliner you like and pajamas and slippers. It's a lot of stuff. One of them is for your brother so just set that aside."
I glare, "Why you getting him shit? He don't deserve it."
"I can't get you things and not get him anything," he shakes his head.
"You sure can, he's not gonna appreciate it. Anyways, thank you so much."
Papa shrugs and sighs "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah a little."
"I'll cook. I don't know if Aj wants any. Is he home?"
"Nah he's not," I say. He was supposed to be home a couple of hours ago but who knows what this nigga is doing.
"Did he call you?"
"Nope. I'll text him."
I send Aj a text asking where he's at and he sends back that he's on his way.
"He's on his way now."
"Okay, I'll cook for you guys," papa disappears into the kitchen and I look through the bags and he got me a lot of things I really needed. I love him so much, I'm such a lucky child when it comes to who my parents are. Well, should I say parent since daddy is in prison. But I'm lucky to have him too.
Papa finishes cooking quickly and brings me a plate of food. He sits down next to me and turns on the Tv.
"You're not gonna eat?" I ask him. He looks at me and shakes his head.
"I'm not hungry."
"What did you eat today?"
He narrows his eyes to think, "um, I ate some of a tangerine this morning."
"What else?"
"Um, I forgot," he says. Now it's my turn to narrow my eyes.
"And you're not hungry?"
"Nope, not even a little bit. Now eat your food and stop worrying about me."
I don't believe him. But just like he let me rock, I'll let him rock for now. Before I eat, I reach my hand out to him and pick off a couple strands of hair from his sweater. It's the same color as his hair, he must have been brushing it with the sweater on.
Aj shows up soon after I eat and then not too long after, Auntie Za gets here. Before she got here, papa asked me if I feel comfortable telling her about what happened. I agreed to tell her because I really don't want to keep anything from her. Nor from uncle Tyler, but I didn't want to distract him.
Papa, Auntie Zaza and I all sit in the living room together. I take a deep breath and before I can speak, I start crying. And through my tears, I tell her what happened. How I am pregnant with my rapist child. How the doctor was trying to tell me not to get an abortion, and how I'm supposed to get an abortion on Friday. She cried. Papa cried. I cried. Our family always has a reason to cry. She gets mad and starts swearing and threatening my rapist who she or anyone has no clue who it is. That does nothing. We all get ourselves mad for nothing. Because it just makes us more upset when we realize there's nothing we can do.
"Babygirl, it's gonna be okay." She hugs me. And I let her hug me. I always need a hug. Papa hugs me as well and I'm sandwiched in between them and it makes me cry some more silent tears. I cry but I don't tell them how I truly feel. As cracked as they are, I don't want them to be completely broken. I wouldn't do that to them, especially to my papa.
We fall asleep on the couch together, holding one another tight.
Camerons Dream POV
11 years ago
"Aj, be careful," I told my four year old son who was playing in the snow outside of our apartment building.
"Okay papa. Look, I made a snowball!"
Aj held up the lump of snow in his hands and threw it at me. I gasped dramatically.
"No you didn't," I snarled playfully at my son who giggled in joy. "I'm gonna get you."
I felt little arms around his leg and it was my daughter, Leah. She pulled down on my leg and looked up at me with a big smile, "and what are you doing missy?" I laughed happily. Taleah let go of my leg and ran next to her brother. They both whispered to each other, conspiring a little plan that I knew about since my age and experience outsmarted them.
They bent down, scooped up piles of snow in their arms and ran to me at the high speed energy that so many kids have. They threw the snow at me and I protested animatedly.
"Nooooo." They both tackled me to the ground and just to make their little hearts happy, I pretended as if their strength knocked me down and I laid down in the snow as they sat on top of me. They began to bury me in the snow. Because my back started to get cold I rose up and they screamed and before they could run away I held them tightly to my chest.
"You guys were trying to bury me under snow? Huh?" I tickled their tummies and they made a sound that would make any bodies day.
I stared at them with love and adoration, how did I ever get so lucky to create these two angels? I've never been so in love before. I must have done something immaculate in my past life.
"Papa, why are you crying?" Aj asked me and used his little hand to wipe my tear that was creeping out of my eyes away. "Don't cry." He pouted and continued to wipe at my eyes.
"It's okay papa," Taleah added and helped to wipe my tears away.
"It's okay babies. I'm crying because I'm happy," I sniffled with a smile and I just knew at that moment my whole face was red.
"I love you guys with all my heart. I love you so so much, more than anyone in this world." I said to them. Aj used his little hands, grabbed my cheeks and gave me the biggest kiss, "I love you too papa," he said after.
Taleah pushed him out of the way and kissed me as well, " I love you more than Aj loves you," she said and hugged my neck.
"No! I love you more than Leah loves you!" He frowned and hugged my neck, pushing Leah out of the way.
"You guys love me both the same, how about that?" I smiled at them and they settled for that answer. "Give papa a big hug then go and play."
My twins hug me and don't hesitate to run off and play in the snow with the other children who were out.
I stare ahead, watching my kids play to make sure they don't get hurt. But my view was blocked by someone walking past. When they move out of the way, someone who was not standing there before is standing there now. My everything, my lover, my heartbeat, my husband. He stood at a distance, wearing a heavy coat with no hat, dark jeans and snow boots letting the snow fall over his beautiful braided hair.
This is not how I remember this moment happening.
I stood up in shock and slowly approached him. He looked at me in the eyes, no smile, no excitement, just anticipation. Of course tears were clogging my vision. How did eighty nine years turn into four?
"Come here, baby." I could hear his voice like a deep, sultry mumble in my ear despite him still being far away. I picked up my speed. It felt like I was walking for ages before I could reach him. I was walking longer than I should have been walking. And each step became heavier and heavier and heavier.
"Anthony, I can't walk anymore!" I cried out in panic as I tried to lift my foot from the snow and managed to move it only a centimeter. It was painful to move any further. I didn't even notice that everyone around us was gone including my kids, the other parents, and the other children.
"The babies, Anthony," I cry out and look around frantically, "where's our babies?!"
"Look at me," he called and I could not give him my attention.
"Don't make me repeat myself," he mumbled and I found the energy to look into his deep eyes that happened to be right in front of my face despite me not moving another inch.
"A-Ant." I breath out shakily and my eyes scanned his face, "What are you doing here?" I cry.
"What wasn't I doing here?" He asked in response.
I sniffle and I feel my nose getting colder and colder. "Where's our babies?" I ask him and he smiles for the first time since I saw him.
"They're alright. They're playing. They'll be back in a minute," he says. I nod reluctantly, forcing myself to trust him.
I look up at him and smile, "I missed you."
"I can't live without you," he says, "I love you."
A tear falls and I smile, "I love you, Anthony. I love you so much."
We stare into each other's eyes and I try to lift my hand up to touch his face, but my hands are even heavier than my feet. I whimper and silently try to lift them up again. I cry out in pain once it's up a quarter of the way. I strain my arm and lift it up even higher and I yelp. One more inch, and then I can touch him.
It takes me twelve attempts to move my hand. When I am finally able to move it, I try to place my hand on his cheek but I can not because as soon as I do, my hand goes right through him and I can only see my hand through his skin, "No. No. Anthony, what's going on?" I ask him.
"It's too late," he says disappointedly.
"W-What do you mean? Kiss me please," I start to cry harder.
He tries to grab my face and kiss my lips, but the same thing happens again. He goes right through me. He tried again and again and again and it doesn't work.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers to me. I let out a painful sob that came from the pit of my stomach. "I'm so sorry babyboy, I love you," is the last thing he says before molecule by molecule, he vanished away right underneath my finger tips.
"No!" I sob "No, come back please." I call out. But, it is too late. As soon as he disappeared everything that was there before is restored. The buildings, the trees, the people, and more importantly my kids. I look around and I am still sitting on the bench like I had been before. I touch my face and I am not crying like I was before. I move my arms and my legs and they feel lighter again. He was never here. It was simply a figment of my imagination. He's still in prison, heartbreakingly. I take a deep breath, recuperate myself, and continue to watch my children.
I stared at them at that moment thinking, I may be in a situation where my husband can't get out of prison, but at least I have my daughter and my son. I know this will be a hard thing we call life, but with them around it will only be a slightly hectic walk in the park. They will bring me undeniable happiness for the rest of my life. They are my miracle babies and the unbreakable ties I have to my husband. If no one else has my back, I knew that they will. No matter what. So I have nothing to worry about.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~
Forgive me for grammar mistakes.
Im all of three things. Sad, confused, and upset. 🤔
Thoughts on...
Cameron?
Aj?
Leah?
Tyler?
Zaza?
Is Tyler is in love with Pheonix, or are they talking about two different people like Tyler suggested?
Who do you think Aj speaking to? In ALL aspects 👀
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter you need to fasten your seatbelts, just a heads up. 🤯
See you later, I love you💖