Never caught a feelin' this hard
Harder than the liquor I pour
Ooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Ooh, didn't know it before
— Post Malone, I Fall Apart
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P H R A S E R
TYLER
"So, where is she?" asked Faith as we walked in front of the Columbia Business School building. After I'd walked out of the apartment, I'd been wandering around, basically doing anything I could to harden my heart so I wouldn't turn around and tell Autumn everything.
As I stole a glance at Faith's cheery face, a niggling sense of guilt rose within me. I always pride myself as an honest guy, one who wouldn't be afraid of telling the truth even when it hurt, yet today I'd lied to two persons. One was Autumn and the other one was still walking beside me without knowing what would hit her.
"Faith." I caught her arm and stopped her from walking any further. Autumn's class was going to be over soon and if I wanted this to work (and it wouldn't work without Faith's help), I needed to tell her now.
When I'd called her this morning, I hadn't told her about my plan. All I'd said was that I wanted her to meet Autumn and explain that we were just friends. Since she knew about my earlier issue, that sounded like a legit request. If she'd known that I wasn't planning on saving the relationship but ending it instead, she wouldn't have come.
"I lied," I blatantly said. There was no softer way of saying it and I didn't see any point in sugarcoating the truth. Her face looked confused as she glanced at the building in front of us then turned her gaze back to my face. "I want you to do something for me."
Her eyes narrowed slightly and when she spoke, her voice was sharp. "Do what?"
"Act like we're in love. Put on a show so Autumn thinks that we're together."
She looked at me as if I just grew a horn in the middle of my forehead. "Are you insane?" The frown on her forehead deepened as she continued, "you told me earlier that you wanted to fix things and now you're saying you want me to help you what?! Act like we're in love?" Faith cocked her head to one side and lifted her brow. "Did you knock your head on your way?"
"I really need your help. Please." I nervously checked my watch, hoping she would get on board with the plan as soon as possible before Autumn finished her class.
Faith rolled her eyes. "I'm leaving." She started to walk away but I caught her arm again, this time I didn't let go. "Look," she started and gave my hand on her arm a murdering look. "I'm not really into drama, if you can't man up and tell her that you no longer love her, then you're not the Tyler I know."
This was the hardest part. "That's the thing, Faith. I love her." I dropped my hand and shoved into my pocket. "I love her so much that I'm willing to let her go."
"Ty, your sentence didn't make sense. If you love her, then why the fuck are you letting her go?!" She started to get impatient and I was running out of time. Should I tell her? Would that be wise?
No. I shouldn't. But I didn't know what else to tell her either. "I made a mistake in the past. One big mistake that I took out of desperation." I was tired of lying to the people I cared about yet at the same time, telling them the truth would only make their lives in danger. In the end, I settled with telling her half of the truth, sparing her the crucial part. "This mistake is now haunting me and Autumn's life will be in danger if she stays with me."
I let out a huge sigh as I started to feel the weight of my own mistake. If only I hadn't gone on the wrong path. If only I hadn't met Santiano. Yet again, I couldn't really regret it. Without that job, my mom would've worked harder to provide both of us and I wouldn't have met Lucas, my best friend. And if I hadn't met Lucas, I wouldn't have met Hunter, my other best friend who was currently studying Mandarin in Taiwan with his girlfriend, Mey.
As much as it pained me right now, I couldn't regret the decision I'd made in the past. Moreover, regret would only burden my heart. There was nothing I could do to change the past, it would be wise to simply focus on the present time.
"Ty!"
I blinked and realized that Faith had been trying to get my attention for a while but I'd been too engrossed with my own mind to notice. "You were saying?"
Faith pursed her lips in annoyance but when she took a deep breath and sighed, I knew she'd do it. "I'll help you," said Faith, confirming my early prediction. "I don't know what kind of mistake you did or why did you think she'd be in danger, but I'll help you."
I was glad she didn't ask any further. We've known each other for years, she trusted me as much as I trusted her. "Thanks."
She shook her head. "Consider us even. You rescued me from a dreadful encounter with my asshole ex-boyfriend yesterday."
For a moment, I had no idea what she'd said. With so much going on right now and Autumn's face filled with heartbreak on my mind, I couldn't think clearly.
"I'm talking about Mario," added Faith as if she knew my unspoken question. "What an asshole. I hope I'll never see him again, or else I'll have to move out of New York." Her lips turned into a grin yet there was sadness in her eyes. "Maybe I should pack my bags and go back to Canada."
"Faith, Mario didn't-" I abruptly stopped as my eyes caught the sight of Autumn walking down the steps with a tall guy beside her. I was hoping they'd walk towards us yet they turned right once they hit the ground then sat on the wooden chairs. I watched Autumn taking books out of her bag while saying something that set the guy groaning.
"Is that her?" I heard Faith asking but I couldn't take my eyes off Autumn who was now laughing so I merely answered her with a nod. It only occurred to me now that I haven't seen her laughing so freely in a while and I missed the sound of her laughter. If only I could hear it from here. Again, I had no one else to blame but myself. I was the one who hurt her, I was the one who caused her pain, and the realization hit me hard.
"She's pretty."
"She's beautiful," I agreed.
"Is that her brother? The one you mentioned giving you a long man to man talk before you left D.C.?"
My gaze slid to the guy on her right. I had no idea who he was but I could take a guess. He must be Frazier. I balled my fists and kept my hands on the side of my body as I tried to control the anger mixed with jealousy building inside of me.
"That's not Steven," I answered through clenched jaws.
"Oh." Faith was wise enough not to say anything else because if she said something like 'I told you so' I would flip. "Ty, are you sure you want to go along with the plan?"
Was I sure? No. But did I have a choice? I let out a deep sigh, knowing what the answer to that question would be.
FRAZIER
Everyone has their own tolerance level, some have high while the others have low, or even zero levels of tolerance. I wasn't the type to have a high level of tolerance yet my tolerance level wasn't low either. Personally, I'd like to think that I was somewhere in the middle. Not too high yet not too low.
After I got over the horrible years of puberty, that horrifying period of time when my friend down there had his own mind and it rarely synchronized with my head, I came to realized that it was easier to handle each matter with care and tolerance, especially when it came to girls. I noticed that it wouldn't do me any good if I dashed out the room out of jealousy or grimly staring at the wall out of boredom for having to wait for them.
When I showed more tolerance, I didn't have to deal with the drama. Hence, life was easier.
Today, however, was a different story. As I listened to the redhead in blue T-shirt asking the same topic for the thirteenth time that afternoon, I was suddenly gripped by a fierce urge to throttle her on the spot. Sure, it'd get me in trouble considering we were in a public place and there were enough people who could be witnesses yet still, I was very tempted.
Believe me, it wasn't the lack of trying on my part, it was her lack of ability to understand. I wasn't being rude, I was being honest. The second time, I could understand. The fifth time, I still could understand although I started to feel ridiculous. The seventh time, I was annoyed but I would still keep my thoughts to myself. But thirteenth time?! She seriously needed help and not from me.
When the lecture from Hell had finally over and the group of girls had left, I let out a huge sigh of relief and told myself to hide the next time I saw any of them, especially the redhead girl.
"Well, that went well," commented Autumn. Was she serious? It was far from 'well' since I nearly lost my patience and committed a murder. "I'd say you're a pretty good teacher."
I looked over at her and raised a brow. "What I have to endure for you." It was supposed to be just her and me. One lecture and one student. Not a fucking study group with additional five students which one of them managed to make Buster, my pit bull dog, look smart.
A smile grew on her face and suddenly, it all was worth it. The mental and physical suffering of having to explain the same thing thirteen times, it was all worth it. "That's what friends for, right?" Her smile turned into a full grin as she smacked my back. Her hand stayed and a warm, fluttering tingling spread throughout my body. I could feel my skin tightened under her touch and I guessed she felt it too because she immediately dropped her hand as if she just touched the flame.
The last thing I wanted was to make things awkward, so I simply gave her a lopsided grin and rolled my eyes. "Yeah right."
She returned with a small smile and dropped her gaze as she focused on putting her books into her bag. I squinted my eyes and noticed that her bag had so many things inside. I peered inside and saw one file holder, a thick BMGC books, one stack of paper, a beige wallet, a black pencil case, and a laptop. I dove my hand inside, just before she zipped her bag, and pulled her laptop, the heaviest thing of all, out. "What are you doing?" screamed Autumn in protest. "I'm so hungry right now, we should get going and grab something to eat."
I knew she was hungry, I've been hearing her tummy growl quite a few times in the last fifteen minutes. I tried to suppress my smile by clearing my throat. "I'll carry this for you." I leaned forward and searched for something else I could carry. "Your bag looks heavy."
"Oh, it feels heavy too." She zipped her bag and slung it over one shoulder. "Thanks."
I was never one to accept a 'thank you' for doing what I considered as 'the right thing to do'. I was clearly stronger and bigger than her, she shouldn't be carrying heavy things in the first place. She looked at me as if she was expecting an answer so I simply gave her a curt nod.
As we walked across the lawn to get to the parking lot, my mind kept taking me back to what I'd seen this morning. Autumn hadn't told me anything but I knew she'd cried. I could tell by the tear-stained on her cheeks and the ghosty look on her face. And when she finally let me into her apartment for the first time, I was dying to see the face of the guy she loved.
Not because I was curious and wanted to see my competition. Please, I didn't need to see his face to know that I was probably better than him. I wanted to see his face so the next time I saw him, I could hit him on the head and tell him to wake the fuck up.
He had the best girl, one that actually loved him so much, yet he kept acting like a dick to her. I've seen Autumn walking around at night twice and she'd always had that sad look on her face, no doubt because of him. When I'd seen her tear stained face this morning, I knew he was to blame. I didn't need to ask her, hell, I didn't even need forensics to know that just like before, he'd hurt her.
I wanted Autumn and although I wasn't sure if this was love or merely a fling, I really wanted her to be happy. She'd told me that she loved her boyfriend, that he'd made her happy. At first, I had to admit that my ego was hurt. For the first time, I got rejected and not by just anyone, but by the girl which I used to have a crush on a few years ago. Of course, she didn't remember, when I first saw her at the party, I hadn't been sure either if that was truly her. Yet again, who on earth could forget a name like 'Autumn Summers'? Her name sounded like one of those paradise destinations. One name that I wouldn't forget.
I heard another growl and cast a glance at her. She obviously didn't realize I was looking because there was no way she would look down at her stomach and whisper, "Ssh, shut it, you're embarrassing me", had she knew I was looking. I found myself smiling like an idiot and had to force my head to look ahead before I was completely smitten by her.
Fate has a weird way of giving chances. A few hours ago, I'd been looking at the photo of her boyfriend, trying so hard to memorize it in my head and now, a few feet away from where I was standing, the same guy had wrapped his arms around a blonde girl. I abruptly stopped as I squinted my eyes under the sun, trying to make sure that it was truly him before I decided to do anything. After all, it would be troublesome to hit the wrong guy so it was wiser to be careful than sorry.
I could hear Autumn say something but my mind was focused on the dark-haired guy who didn't seem to mind getting caught in the act of infidelity. I didn't care if they had a huge fight last night or had broken up, it didn't give him the right to flaunt his new girlfriend in front of his ex and I would give him a black eye so he would be reminded of that for at least the next two weeks.
"Tyler." I heard Autumn mentioned his name, her voice came out strained and choked.
I quickly moved beside her and put one hand on her shoulder, hoping that it would be enough to assure her that I was here and I'd do anything, including beating that guy into a pulp if she wanted me to. "Are you okay?" When she didn't reply, I added, "do you want me to beat him? I have no problem doing that."
Autumn put one hand on my arm as I began to move towards the ignorant couple. I looked at her hand then let my gaze slid up her arm and back to her hazel eyes. Her eyes were still focused on the couple, her lips parted slightly as if she was trying to say her unspoken words. In the end, she dropped her gaze to the ground and I could see a single tear dropped from her eye.
My jaw clenched as I curled my fists. Just like any other males, I felt uncomfortable around crying females but when I saw Autumn cried, I could feel something boiled inside my body. It took me a second to realize that it was anger. I turned to the couple who was still laughing with their hands on each others' shoulders.
Fuck it. I didn't care if the campus security would have to haul me away, I would definitely land a sucker punch on his face. I took one step and her grip on my arm tightened. Confusedly, I looked over my shoulder.
It took everything in me not to run and tackle her boyfriend, but as Autumn looked up and said, "Let's go home", all my anger seemed to disperse into thin air.
I took her hand from my arm using my free hand and gave it a little squeeze. "Okay."
She let me lead her to the opposite direction of where the couple was. It wasn't just to save her from having to face them, it was to save him from getting a free facelift from my fist.
© All Rights Reserved 2018 AgathaRoza
a/n: tap the Star button if you enjoy the story and leave your mark in the comment section to make my day! What do you think, my angels? What will happen next, what will Tyler do? Let me know your thoughts in comments! Teaser will be published in a bit (;