And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
~ Goo Goo Dolls, Name
I sit on the bench, digging my fingernails into my skin, grasping for my sanity.
"Are you okay?" I look up to see a woman who can't be much older than me with a cup in one hand and a leash in the other that leads down to a brown pug sniffing my leg.
I stare at her face, bare of any makeup, and her hair in a messy bun with red strands blowing in the slight breeze.
"No," I answer her truthfully as I wipe my mascara from under my eyes.
Why did I ever think this was a good idea?
My life seems to be one bad mistake after another.
The woman takes a seat beside me and picks up the sweet looking pug, "I'm Isla and this is Simon."
"Avril." I smile at her. Does this normally happen in LA? Random nice girls walk up to you when the stress of your life becomes overbearing and start talking to you?
This kinda thing only happens in the bathroom of a bar when I'm drunk and usually, I'm the one going up to the drunk girls.
"Not to sound straightforward or anything, but why are you crying?" Isla scratches the top of Simon's head as she gazes at me with a slight head tilt.
"I recently just left my boyfriend of ten years and took on a new job that causes me to move around a lot, I guess I'm just feeling lost." I shrug my shoulders, trying to brush off my earlier breakdown.
"Maybe you need something constant in your life, I know when I left home I was homesick and kept thinking I had made a huge mistake, but one day I was roaming the streets lost in thought when I stumbled upon this rescue site and found Simon. The rest is history." Simon gives Isla a sloppy kiss, "whit's fur ye'll no go past ye."
I raise an eyebrow at the Scottish woman sitting beside me, causing her to laugh, "it means whatever is meant to happen to you, will happen to you. I know from personal experience that dropping everything to look for the adventure you crave can be scary, but it will be worth it."
"How did you know I was looking for adventure?"
"No one leaves their boyfriend of ten years and takes a job travelling if they aren't craving adventure. Please tell me I'm wrong."
Isla reminds me a lot of my grandmother, who would never sugarcoat anything and always believed that whatever happened, happened for a reason.
"No, you're right, I just feel like maybe my mother was right about the life I had before. God, I couldn't even run a mile today." I throw my head into my hands in embarrassment and frustration.
"Are you happy now?" I think about all the times I laughed and smiled in the months since I left Boston, none of those times did I doubt myself. I only doubted myself and my decision when I was looking in the mirror, comparing myself.
I may be free of my mother, but the scars she left on me are still very much there, all the times she called me out for wearing something or how I looked when she used to tell me that I couldn't eat certain foods.
"I thought I was, but I can't seem to shake someone from my past."
"Well fuck them, you seem great Avril and you deserve to be happy. Well, I better get going, I have to get ready for work."
"If you don't mind me sounding straightforward, could I get your phone number? I don't have a lot of real friends and I don't know, I just feel like you would be a good friend to have." I try to stop myself from rambling, but I'm nervous. Isla just seems to have this personality that draws you in.
"I would like that, it's been lonely here these past few months." We exchange numbers and at the last second Isla pulls me into a hug.
"Thank you," I whisper into her ear as I rest my chin on her shoulder.
"No thank you, you've saved me," Isla whispers back to me.
We let go and part ways, heading in opposite directions, but I can't contain my excitement at the thought of having made a new friend, a friend that actually seems like a real person and not some barbie.
Be ready for tonight!!!
I look at my phone to see a text from Scar. She really wants to get back at Kyle.
I have a sinking feeling that this going to be a disaster.
I have a feeling Scar is hoping this will make Kyle jealous in some weird way, but I don't think it's going to work the way she is hoping.
Erik is going to be pissed if this starts a fight within the band.
I enter the house to find it's completely empty.
No messages from Erik on how long they are going to be gone today.
I decide to take a shower and make a game plan once I've scrubbed today's tears and sweat away.
Once the water has hit my body my muscles seem to relax.
I always enjoyed the feeling of my body being in the water and sometimes I think that is the only way I'm related to my family.
I remember being young and all our family gatherings consisted of renting a beach out or going to a resort in the Caribbean. One year we rented a yacht for a week-long trip with my aunts and uncles along with my grandparents.
My only cousin and I share a deep love for water. We used to spend so many summers in Santa Cruz with her uncle learning to surf and enjoying the sun kissing our skin with the moon lighting the beach for our campfires.
I sigh, knowing what I need today while I had the time.
I get out of the shower and get in some comfy clothes before opening my laptop up. I scan the screen until I see my cousin's contact and click on it.
Her face pops instantly. The same ocean blue eyes and sandy blonde hair and dark skin thanks to her Hawaiian heritage.
"Hello!" Her face has matured since the last time I saw her, which was just over a year ago. Her cheeks have lost the excess baby fat she seemed to have carried forever, revealing high cheekbones that complimented her perfect pout and almond eyes.
"Wow, you've grown up." I stare at my baby cousin, well not so baby cousin.
"Av, I've barely grown up." Kai rolls her eyes at me as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "so what's with the random video call?
"I haven't talked to you in forever and wanted to see what was going on in your life, how's school?"
"I have a year left of high school, do you think you could convince my dad to let me go live with uncle Keanu?" Kai's uncle moved to Hawaii five years ago and ever since then she's wanted to move there to work with her uncle. If it was up to Kai, she wouldn't be applying to colleges right now.
Her dream isn't to work in some office job, she's already told me what she would be doing if she got the chance to move to Hawaii; working at her uncle's surf shop.
"I'm not the one that should be talking about letting you run off to chase some dreams." I sigh as I rub my temples.
Kai raises one of her eyebrows at me, "yeah I've heard about your little stunt, according to most of the family they've been told to disown you like they did to Marcus who by the way has been hooking up with the cutest boy."
"Wait, what happened to Sarah?"
"Saura? You mean the really pretty girl who was from India? Yeah, that was over like two months ago, Marcus is talking to this guy from Germany now. See what happens when you leave the family? You meet exotic lovers from different countries." I can see the far off look in my cousin's eyes.
"Kai are you still not with that boy Mason?" I remember her inviting him to everything, not to mention how she always claimed that they were just friends even after I would catch them making out.
"We have been low key dating for the last year and I don't know, sponsors are looking at him, we are doomed like Romeo and Juliet."
I shake my head at my cousin, knowing very well she hasn't read the book and has only seen the snippets of Leo from the movie on Tumblr.
How I wish I could be eighteen again.
"Would you be down to go to Ireland to visit Marcus for the holidays if I was able to convince your mom?" I twirl a loose strand of hair around my finger, waiting for her response.
"Fuck yes! Please do, I don't think I can do another family Christmas especially if you and Marcus won't be there. Could you imagine if I had to hang out with Molly the whole time? I think I would actually die." Molly is our second cousin who also happens to be fourteen and tries to be a beauty blogger like James Charles. The kid shows up to family events acting like she's Paris Hilton.
"I'll see what I can do." I smile at my cousin as we continue to talk about everything in our lives and I tell her everything that's happened since I left Boston.
"Erik Hawthrone? The Erik, the founder of Fallen Angels, is dating you? Please don't ever ruin this for me."
I'm about to reply to her when there is a knock on the door on her side, Kai's mom comes into view looking like the Hawaiian goddess that she is meant to be with her long black hair and dark skin that shows no flaws.
Ever since that Moana movie came out all I see is my aunt whenever I watch it.
"Avril, Ku'uipo, you look well. Kai it's time for bed, you have swim practice tomorrow morning." I smile at my aunt and her use of her native tongue, I loved listening to her talk about growing up in Hawaii and the stories her grandparents used to tell her.
"Bye Av, talk to you soon."
Edited by GirlReader133