Christmas came around all too quickly. I've tried my hardest to become a better person, but my hate for that Pathetic Potter only got stronger. My anger towards anyone who even remotely helped Potter, aware of it or not, was released onto them. I dispised the Weasel boy. I loathed the filthy mudblood girl. I never had a liking for anyone that wasn't a Slytherin.
I woke up in the bedroom in my father's office. I walked over to my light switch and turned on the lights. I wasn't blinded by the light, but my eyes did hurt a little after the lights lit up the room. I walked over to the side table with the picture. I opened the drawer and took the picture out. I smiled when I saw the picture again.
"Good morning, Mum. Good morning, Auntie Trix." I whispered so my father wouldnt hear.
I put the picture back and I went over to the vanity. I looked at my messy hair in the mirror. My brown eyes looked black. Like, my pupils were so over dialated that I couldn't see my irises, but my irises were just so dark that they looked black. I pulled my messy hair into a ponytail at the back of my head. I put my bracelet on and adjusted my necklace. I walked over to my wardrobe and opened it. I had recently been staying with my father, so I had more outfits in the closet than the beginning of the year. I took out my jeans and forest green long-sleeve shirt. I matched them with my black flats and the cloak that matched my father's. I walked out of my room and walked into main part of my father's office.
"Good morning, father." I said to him, sitting in the chair across from him.
"Good morning, Lily." He said to me, not looking up from the many papers in front of him.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"Grading essays from my second years. I'm increadibly dissapointed in them. I think you could write a better assignment on wolfsbane versus monkshood." He told me.
"Of course. They're the same plant that also goes by the name of Aconite. It is toxic and it poisons werewolves and is mainly used to repel them. It is suggested not to be touched or ingested by people and should be handled with the protection of gloves." I said to him.
"I'm glade someone listens to my lessons." He said.
I nodded, looking around at the many potion bottles, text books and other school related things. Remembering my mother, I held the ravenclaw charm on my necklace. I remembered the matching bracelet in the side table that I promised myself I wouldn't touch. I remembered my mother's smile in the picture. I remembered how much I looked like her.
"What are you thinking about?" My father asked, looking up from his students' assignments.
I looked up at him, not letting go of the necklace.
"Just about how grateful I am for friends like Daco, Goyle and Crabbe. They've been through almost everything that happened this year with me. All the times I've acted like a child. And yet they still stayed with me. Not many people do that." I said to him.
He glared at me, staying silent for a minute.
"You're lying to me. Try again." He said to me.
I stayed quiet. I didn't look at him.
"Do you understand that I can look into your mind at any time and see any memories you have?" He asked me.
I looked at him, "But you don't, right?" I asked him, worried.
I didn't want him to know that I knew what my mother looked like.
"I do. And I know you're trying to keep things that you dont want me to see. I knew I should have removed that picture from the side table." He said to me.
"Please don't. That's my mum. Do you know how much that picture means to me? It's all I have of her." I almost begged him.
"You have her necklace. I think that should be enough." He said.
I shook my head. It wasn't enough. It was hardly anything.
"I want to know everything about her, but I know better than to ask. I don't even know her name, but I don't ask because I know it will upset you if I do! Why can't I know? I think I have a right to know who my mother is. It's a child's right. Pretty Petty Potter gets to know who his pathetic parents are, and I not even get to know who my mother is?" I asked him, quickly getting upset.
"Do not use that tone when talking about them." He warned me.
"You're defending them? You're defending Potter? Who are you?" I yelled at him.
"I am not defending him or his father, but his mother was dear to me." My father said.
"Why? I don't understand what the difference is!" I continued yelling.
"You do not need to know anything about my childhood." He said.
I stood up, throwing my chair behind me.
"Then who do I look up to? Who's childhood do I want mine to be like because it certainly isn't yours!" I yelled, slamming my hands onto his desk.
"You create your own childhood! You don't need to be like anyone else! You live your own life!" He yelled back at me.
I glared at him, furious, but fighting off tears.
"Then you must have had a messed up childhood, because I was hoping to turn out like you. Looks like I'm doing it correctly then." I said quietly and turned to walk out of the room.
I pulled open the door.
"Raven." I heard my father's voice.
I turned back to face him. He was standing from his desk, looking sadly at me.
"I want your childhood to be much different than mine. I wouldn't be able to handle you suffering a childhood like mine." He said calmly.
I took a deep breath before stepping back into the room, closing the door.
"Then tell me about your childhood so I know what not to do." I said to him.
My father sat back down at his desk. I walked over and set the fallen chair upright. I sat down on it and looked at my father.
"Your middle names were after two very important people in my life. Lily, who taught me the importance of friendship and love, and Celestia, who taught me what true love was. I met Lily when we were nine. I lived quite close to Lily and her family. She was kind to her sister, who wasn't like her. Lily was a muggle-born. Her sister didn't have any magic. Her sister called her a freak. Petunia called her terrible names for being a witch. I was there, sitting in the only place I knew would be peaceful, until I saw Lily, walking away from her sister. When I made my way out of the hollow tree, and Petunia ran away after seeing me, I landed my eyes on the kindest person I ever met. I sent a leaf to her, that flew over and landed in her hand. Then she knew I was like her. I told her that her sister was jealous, because Petunia was ordinary and she was special. She said that it was mean of me to say something like that, but she couldn't deny that it was true. Later, when we were getting sorted into our houses, she was placed in Gryffindor with James Potter, while I was sorted into Slytherin. Him and his pathetic friends would run in the halls, pushing through Lily and me, making us drop all of our books. Lily was my only friend. She was there for every time James Potter would pick on me. He was the definition of a Gryffindor put in the wrong house. The more Potter tormented me, the more closed off I would become from Lily, because she started to talk to Potter more. One day, in our fifth year, Potter and his pathetic friends approached me. They suspended me in the air, tormenting me. Lily tried to stop them. I was appalled to hear that James wanted to cut a deal with Lily. If she dated him, he would never hurt me again. She declined his offer. Humiliated, I told Lily to leave. I told her I didn't need any help from a mudblood. She stopped talking to me. I became involved with the people in the Slytherin house. When the two became Head Boy and Head Girl, Lily fell in love with Potter. The two got married and Harry Potter was born." My father explained.
He didn't look at me. I feared to say anything, but he only told me about one person in his childhood.
"What about Celestia?" I asked him.
He sighed before telling that story.
"Celestia Nexxremys. I properly met her in my seventh year, only a few weeks after Lily started to refuse to talk to me. I was in the library, where Lily and I used to study together. She walked up to me, telling me that she noticed Lily was never there anymore. She introduced herself, but I already knew who she was with the few classes I had with her. She was the smartest student in all of Hogwarts. After I met her, in the library, that was where we would meet in the future. We would study together almost everyday. We became friends, close friends, best friends. When I asked her to be my girlfriend, I didn't expect her to say yes. But on that warm day in May, she became my girlfriend and we were inseparable. When we graduated, we promised to owl every free moment we had. We would take turns apparating to meet each other. I would take her out on dates. When I was twenty-eight, the Dark Lord returned. I told Celestia to hide anywhere where the Dark Lord wouldn't find her, knowing he would kill her. When the wizarding war was over, Lily and James were dead, Celestia was unharmed and I was broken. Despite how broken I was over Lily's death, I had to take care of the girl I loved."
I couldn't get over how I didn't know this much about my father. How much these two girls impacted his life. I could tell how much he wanted to talk about Lily from mentioning her in Celestia's story.
"Celestia is my mother, isn't she father? The girl in the picture with Aunt Bellatrix? That was my mother?" I asked him.
"I wasn't going to tell you until I knew you were ready." He said to me.
I sighed. I couldn't get mad at him. Especially after he told me what I asked for.
"You loved Lily. Didn't you? You loved Harry Potter's mother?" I asked him.
He didn't look at me.
"I know you did. It's alright. I just want to know everything." I said to him, calmly.
He looked me, I knew he was wondering how I could be so calm while asking that question. And to be honest, I didn't even know.
"I don't want you to think that I loved your mother any less. I loved Celestia. I loved her with everything that I was. But I was in love with Lily too. She was kind and beautiful, everything Potter didn't deserve. And to know that her son didn't inherit any of her personality makes me believe that all of that pure heart was for nothing. She couldn't teach her son how to be kind. She couldn't teach her son anything that was natural for her. There is so much of his father in him. But you? There is so much of your mother. You're true to yourself. You are incredibly intelligent. You don't let other people tell you what to do. You have a temper like me. You enjoy dark arts and potions like I do. You're a perfect mix of your mother and me. You are perfect." He said to me.
I smiled. I knew that this was my father's best way of showing me how much he loved me. He trusted me, a ten year old, to hear about this.
"I promise I won't tell anyone about this. I know you don't want me to, so I won't." I said to him.
"Thank you, Lily." He said to me, a smile wanting to form.
He suppressed the smile. I got up and walked to the door. I went to go find Draco. He was about to leave and I had to say goodbye to him. My father never went home for Christmas. He gave me the choice to go with Draco, but I didn't want my father to be alone. I ran to the carriages, just catching the last one. I sat with a bunch of fifth years, who talked amongst each other. When we got to the train I walked though the crowds of students to find Draco. I just had to find blond hair. A tall first year with blond hair.
"Looking for someone?" I heard the boy's voice ask behind me.
I turned to face him and immediately threw my arms around him.
"What's up with you?" He asked me.
"My father told me about my mother." I said to him.
He let go of me and looked down, surprised.
"He told you about her? When? Why? What happened?" He asked.
"This morning we got into a big argument. I was about to storm out when he gave in and told me everything. Almost everything. I still have a couple questions, but I'm going to give him some space before I ask him." I explained quickly.
The train was about to leave.
"Where's Goyle?" I asked Draco.
"He just stepped onto the train. Why?" He asked back.
"I don't need to answer to you, now go get him and bring him out here." I ordered.
"Yes, ma'am." He joked and walked toward the train.
I waited a few minutes before I saw Goyle step out. I walked though the crowd, making my way toward him. When he saw me, he smiled and walked toward me.
"What's wrong? Did I forget something?" He asked me.
I laughed and shook my head.
"No, I just wanted to say goodbye to my friend." I said to him.
He looked around, into the crowed of students. I laughed and playfully punched his arm.
"Ouch! What was that for? I was trying to be nice and help you look for your friend!" He exclaimed, clutching his arm.
"Oh shut it, you twit! You're the friend!" I laughed.
He laughed with me, letting go of his arm. When we both stopped laughing, I was just left with a smirking boy looking down at me.
"I might actually miss you." I said to him.
He sighed and pulled me into a hug. Him. Gregory Goyle was hugging me. I didn't hesitate to hug him back. When the train let out it's final warning, we separated and Goyle began to walk toward the train.
"I'll owl you!" He called to me.
"You better, you saphead!" I called back to him.
"Don't call me a saphead, you kook!" He yelled, jokingly.
"Lunkhead!" I laughed.
"Blockhead!"
"Lummox!"
"Bozo!"
The train lurched into motion. Goyle stayed at the door, closing it and leaning out the window.
"I'll write you as soon as I get home!" He called to me.
"I'll be waiting. Tell Daco to write me too!" I called to him.
He gave me a thumbs up as he disappeared into the train. I stayed there until the train was no longer in sight.
"Boyfriend?" I heard someone ask behind me.
I turned to see Hagrid. I laughed at his assumption of Goyle.
"No, no! I'm too young for a boyfriend. He and I have gotten very close in just this term. Though he and I will never be as close as Draco and me. No one can compete with that level of friendship. We've been best friends since I was a baby. Partners in crime, some say." I explained to him.
"Ah. Yer Professor Snape's kid, aren't yeh?" Hagrid asked me.
"That's me. Raven Snape." I smiled up at him.
"Well, it's nice to meet yeh." He said.
"You as well." I nodded.
"I should get yeh back to the castle. Yer father must me waiting for yeh." Hagrid said.
I nodded. It began to snow again, leaving my feet more cold in my flats. I wrapped my cloak, tight around myself. We got to the carriages. Hagrid helped me into one and walked beside me as the carriage pulled itself back toward the school.
"How old are yeh, Robin?" Hagrid asked.
"It's Raven. And I'm ten." I corrected him.
"Ah, forgive me. And how did yeh get into Hogwarts at such a young age?"
"I'm only one year younger!" I exclaimed to him.
"How did yeh come early? Forgive me." He asked.
I sighed, "With my father being an only parent, and Draco not being home with me at the Malfoys like he used to be, the only logical thing to do was have me attend early. Of course it's no problem because I'm very smart for my age. I'm smarter than many students here to, be completely honest." I told him.
"I see. Do yeh ever feel like yeh should be as good as yer father?" He asked me.
I scoffed, "As good, and better." I said, matter-of-factly.
"Yer only a child! Ye have much to learn. How can yeh put so much pressure on yerself now?" He asked me.
I rolled my eyes.
"I am my father's daughter. Therefore, I must know everything there needs to be known. This isn't just me wanting to learn, and feel the need to. But it's what my father expects of me and I cannot let him down. He knows what I am capable of. I mustn't disappoint him." I explained to him.
He nodded. We soon made it back to the school and I was welcomed again by the warmth inside. I made my way to my father's office. I knocked and waited for my father to let me in. After a minute or two, I knocked again.
"Father? Can I come in?" I called.
Not getting a reply, I opened the door to the office.
"Father?" I called again.
He was no longer in the office. I walked out of the office and up to the great hall. I turned into the Great Hall. It was quiet empty. It was strange seeing the hall this empty. As I scanned the Hall, my eyes landed on two boys near the end, playing chess. Before I could think about what I was doing, I found myself walking up to them. Soon, I was standing at the end of the Gryffindor table, just looking at them. They looked up at me, waiting for me to say something. I had to think of something. Quick.
"Uh, have you two seen my father?" I asked them.
"Snape? I don't think I have. If we do we'll tell him you were looking for him, though." The Weasel said to me.
"Hold on," Potter said, looking curiously at me, "Why are you not going home for Christmas?"
I glared at him, "It's none of your business, now is it, Potter?" I snapped at him.
With that I turned on my heel and walked out of the Great Hall, letting my cloak flow behind me. I walked toward like the Defence Against the Darks Arts class room, knowing that was the class my father wanted.
"There you are." I heard a slow voice say.
I turned around, seeing my father standing behind me.
"I was looking for you!" I sighed to him.
"I was looking for you." He said to me.
"I was saying goodbye to Daco and Goyle. When I got back to your office, you weren't there." I said to him.
"I know. You're not going to lie to me about what happened while you were there, are you Raven?" He asked coldly.
I was confused by this point.
"Father, I don't know what you're talking about." I said to him.
"Don't lie to me, I said." He snapped at me.
"Can we talk about this in the office?" I asked him.
He huffed and grabbed my arm, pulling me along until we got to his office. He almost threw me into the room and slammed the door behind him.
"Now, can you please tell me what you're talking about?" I asked him.
"Does 'I might miss you' ring a bell?" He asked me.
My jaw dropped. I glared at him, wondering how in the world he knew about that. He wasn't even there!
"Yeah, I said that to Goyle, but I don't understand what's so wrong about it." I said to him.
"You have known him for three months! You can't miss him already." He snapped at me.
"As a matter of fact, father, he and I have quite a strong bond! I don't know why this is a big deal! We're friends!" I exclaimed to him.
"You trust too quickly." He growled.
"At least it isn't a Gryffindor!" I pointed out.
He kept his yap shut, glaring down at me.
"Why are you so upset about this? The Dark Lord would be happy that I am keeping my relations within pure blood families who are supporters of the Dark Lord! And don't you tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about because Goyle has told me that his father was a death eater, not being placed in Azkaban because he told the ministry that he was controlled by the imperious curse, placed by the Dark Lord." I explained to him.
I walked out of the room to give my father some space. Of course, it hurt me that all we did was fight when we talked, but that was our way of understanding each other. It was a sad way, but it was the only way. I made my way towards the rotating stairs. I climbed all the way to the seventh floor, trying to find Professor Flitwick. I came across a door that I knew didn't lead to a classroom. I softly knocked on the door.
"Come in!" I head a voice call.
I opened the door and poked my head in.
"Ah, Miss Snape! What might you be doing here?" The professor, around my height, asked.
"I truly apologize Professor, but I have run into quite a dilemma." I said to him.
"Shouldn't you talk to your father about it? He is your head of house. And might I add that he is also your father?" He asked me.
"I was afraid you were going to say that. You see, all my father and I do is yell at each other and we've both been having difficult times because I have been curious about who my mother was and him having the pressure of telling me. And seeing as it's about charms, and you are the professor, I saw it right to come see you." I explained to him.
"Alright, come take a seat and I will help you all I can." He said to me.
I nodded and stepped in, closing the door behind me. I walked over to a chair and sat down. I was amazed by how many books there were in this room. I thought my father had a lot of books, then I saw Flitwick's room and I was in awe.
"What were you wanting to ask me?" Flitwick asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I looked over at him and took a deep breath.
"Is there a spell that lets a wizard look into the mind of another person?" I asked him.
He looked taken aback for a second.
"Now why would you be wondering such thing?" He asked me.
I didn't hesitate to answer, "I fear my father has been doing such things and I feel like I no longer am alone in my thoughts. Your mind is supposed to be a place of peace. A place where you can be alone, but I fear that my father isn't letting me have that last bit of peace that I have." I explained to him.
Flitwick sighed and nodded. He stood up and made his way over to the shelves of books. He stepped onto a ladder and pulled out a rather large book. He flipped though the pages, quickly finding the page he was looking for.
"The Legilimency Spell, allows the caster to perform; in other words, to delve into the mind of the victim, permitting the caster to see memories, emotions and thoughts. Skilled Legilimens are able to perform Legilimency without using the incantation or a wand. Highly skilled Legilimens are able to control their victims and create realistic visions." Flitwick read to me.
"Do you think that is what my father is using to get into my head?" I asked him.
"I can never be too positive without him saying it himself that he is using that spell, but it is very possible." The professor said to me.
"Is there anything to stop him from doing so?" I asked him.
"Occlumency is very difficult, especially for someone your age." He said to me.
"My age shouldn't matter! I have a right to have my thoughts to myself!" I exclaimed.
"I can not teach you, as I have not perfected it myself. But maybe I can get Dumbledore to teach you. I think you have to explain some things to him as well. May I assign you some homework?" He asked.
I nodded as he stood up and put the book away. He walked over to his desk and sat down.
"I want you to write a letter to anyone in particular. A loved one, a close friend, a bunch of people, it does not matter. I want you to write it as if you are, lets say, fifteen-sixteen years old. I want you to write what you think you'll be going through at that age. When you have complete it, I want you to bring it to Dumbledore for you to read whenever you have a spare moment. I'm sure he will get you the help you need," Flitwick explained to me, "After that, I want you to practice clearing your mind. Your goal is to have absolutely nothing in your mind." He said to me.
"What does the letter thing have to do with my father looking into my mind? I don't need help other than that." I asked him.
"You need more help than you think you do. Only you can see how you expect your future to look like. That is influenced by how you are feeling now. I only use this on my older students, but you do not have the mind of a ten your old child." Flitwick explained.
I nodded and stood up.
"I appreciate your help Professor. I will get right onto that letter." I told him.
"It was a pleasure to help a bright mind like yours." He nodded.
I walked out of his office and made my way to the Slytherin common room, and I had to do so without running into my father. I successfully made it to the empty common room. I walked over to one of the study tables. It had a stack of parchment on it and a quill and ink. I took a paper as I sat down. Dipping the quill into the ink and bringing it to the parchment and I began writing to Draco and Goyle.
Goyle and Malfoy, my best and only friends.
I just wanted you to know that I'm okay. I'm okay and I just needed some time off. I'm taking time off to breathe. To gain some composure. It doesn't matter whatever happens, I'm always going to be okay. For the most part, at least. If anyone asks what is going on- There's pretty much nothing that is going on. My brain is just going on and I can't turn it off like I did with my emotions. It's driving me insane. I'm like Trix. I'm going insane. All I want to do is be alone, in the quiet corners of my home, because that is the only place where I don't go insane. I'm so sick. I am so incredibly sick and there's no cure for crazy. People aren't mean to me and they aren't mean to other people, but I'm mean to them. It sucks when you want to change who you are, but you can't because that would be attempting to change who you were meant to be and you want to stay true to who you are meant to be, but it means you have to hurt people while doing so. I want to save everyone, but I do the opposite and sometimes the whole universe is sending all these people to help me, but I keep throwing them away and telling them I don't need help when I know, deep down, I do need help. The voice in my head is screaming at them to come back, to help me, but my voice yells at them to go away. If I could save other people, I would save them in a heartbeat, but how can I do that when all my body craves to do is hurt them? I just wish I could turn this craving off, this insanity off. I wish I could make it stop wanting to hurt and kill. I wish that I could find a way to cure myself, and I'm trying, I'm trying so incredibly hard and it sucks because I'm trying to be a good person, but I'm killing people with what I want to be kindness, but it isn't; its daggers and wands and spells and curses, and I just want it to stop, I want the best for everyone, I want everyone to be happy, but you don't know what it's like to have a brain that feels like it doesn't have control over the body. Sometimes I have people put in front of me, I place these people in front of me and I want to set them free, but my hands want it differently. My hands want them dead. I appreciate every bit of help people want to give me, but I can't control what I say or how I react. When I was younger I was a fiery girl, who controlled what she screamed and how she hurt people, and now I don't have that control. I just yell and scream and hurt people. And it's sick to say that I'm amused by it. I know it's appalling, but I find pleasure in hurting other people. It keeps me calm, it makes me laugh. I don't want to laugh, I want to do what I can to heal them and make them better, but I can't. I like to think that it would be better if I wasn't here. I enjoy living, but I want to live where I can't hurt anyone, I want to be in Azkaban where I can't hurt anyone. There, the sun will continue to shine, the grass will continue to grow, birds will sing, trees will grow, people will live and they won't have to live in fear anymore. The world will continue to spin without me hurting the people living on it.
And I will just be another insane person in Azkaban, living my life's sentence. Soon, no one will remember me and they will live in peace. My dear friends, I can't sleep properly, because who can sleep with the eyes of all the people you killed staring at you in your dreams? My brain is constantly ticking, making me go insane. I hope everyone is having a really good day. I hope it's much better than mine. Either way, I'm going to be okay. We are all fighters. You both are too. Please try to not ever feel the way I do. Please don't ever beat yourself up for who you are because you are great people, while I am a good person living within a murderer's body, without being able to control it. Keep yourself sane. Keep yourself alive. Do whatever you can. Do whatever you can to stay alive and in control.
I signed my name at the bottom and let the ink dry before I folded the paper. I stood up and walked up to the girl's dormitories. Alone in my room, without Pansy to room with, I had all the privacy I wanted. I walked over to my bedside table. I placed the letter down.
"I want to be like you, but I want to be a sane killer. Not one without control of what she's doing." I said to the picture of my aunt.
I wanted her to say something back to me. Anything. But all I had was a picture of her. Not even a picture of her moving. Not laughing. Just a nice picture of her on my father's couch when she was over at our house for a visit. I looked over at the other pictures.
"You and I are going to have lots of fun when you get out of Azkaban, aren't we?" I asked the picture of Dolohov.
I moved onto Rookwood.
"We have a lot to talk about when you get out of Azkaban. I used to love all of your stories before you were imprisoned." I said to the yelling man.
I looked over at the picture of my father.
"Now, you. You need to give me some space. Leave me be in my thoughts! My mind should be a place of privacy and you are intruding. I feel like you don't trust me. I wish you could trust me and I wish that I didn't have to learn Occlumency. As much as I fear that you don't trust me, I'm just as upset to think that I can't trust you." I said to the picture of the professor.
Then I looked over to the last picture on the table. I smiled when I saw Draco and his parents.
"You've always treated me like I was family and I really appreciate it. Cissy, I really miss you're offering of cookies, even when you know I can't eat them. Lucius, I really miss you're glaring at me. Funny to say, but I miss it a lot. I will continue to make you proud. And Daco, I miss our rants about all the other pathetic students. I miss our taunting's at other students, especially Petty Potter. Now I'm alone at Hogwarts with my father, Potter and the Weasel, without anyone to deal with all of it with me. I feel so alone without you and Goyle here." I said, quietly to the picture.
I got changed into my black nightgown. As I got into bed, I heard a knock at the window, which was just above water level. I walked over and saw Murdock, Goyle's owl, sitting on the ledge with a letter in his beak. I quickly let the owl inside.
"Can I have that?" I asked the bird.
I took the letter from him and looked at the writing on the envelope.
Raven Snape
From Goyle
I quickly tore the envelope open and unfolded the paper inside.
Hey Rave,
I just got home and did exactly what I promised you I would do. Miss me yet? I didn't think I could, but I miss your temper already. I miss your messy curls. I miss your rare smile. I miss a lot. Don't worry, I told Malfoy to owl you when he got home, but I fear you might have to be the one to owl first. He seems like that kind of guy, don't you think? Anyway, when you get this, I hope you owl me back. I do need my owl for sending letters to Crabbe and Malfoy too, so be quick with Murdock. Missing you. I mean, I'm missing being around you.
Owl me,
Goyle
I placed the letter in my side table.
"Join me while I write Goyle back?" I asked the owl.
I took a shirt from the floor and wrapped it around my arm. I held it out to Murdock and let him fly over to me and land on me. I walked downstairs to the lounge and sat at the table where I wrote Flitwick's letter. I sat down and let the owl step off of my arm before taking off the shirt on my arm. I reached over to the parchment, taking one and placing it in front of me.
"So Murdock," I said while taking the quill and dipping it into the ink pot, "are there any other animals in Goyle's home?" I asked the owl.
As I said this I realized that I didn't give him anything to answer with. I quickly took another sheet and wrote 'yes' and 'no' on it. I slid it towards the owl. Instantly, the owl placed one of his feet on 'no'.
"No?" I asked, "Not even other owls?"
His foot lifted, then landed on 'no' again.
"You must be lonely." I told him.
His food moved to 'yes'. I nodded and began to write back to Goyle.
My Friend, Gregory Goyle
I like your owl. He's very good company. Have you ever tried to talk to him? You can only ask yes and no questions though. He is giving me the impression that there have no other animals at your house and he's quite lonely. You should get him a friend. Perhaps a girl? They could be like you and I. Perhaps and Aeris or Avari? I like 'A' names. They're sophisticated.
Anyway, away from your owl. I hate it here. I'm alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. Potter and the Weasel are here and I feel like everyone is staring at me and making fun of me because I'm alone and vulnerable. I don't feel as fiery without you guys here and I hate it. I like my attitude, but now I'm a cowardly child. I'm not afraid per say, I'm just not as confident without you guys here. When you come back, I'll be incredibly ecstatic. I'll not be afraid to be myself. I wish I decided to go with Draco for Christmas. My father is so annoying! I can't trust him, just like he can't trust his childish daughter. Save me from this pathetic excuse of a school! This isn't vacation! It's torture!
Hope for a reply soon,
Rave
I folded the paper and placed it in a new envelope. I wrapped the shirt back around my arm and held it out to Murdock. The owl flew to my arm. I walked us back up to the dormitories. When we got there, I gave Murdock the letter.
"Bring this to Goyle. I assume you know where he is." I told the owl.
With no way to respond, the owl took the letter and flew out of the window. I closed the glass and walked over to my bed. I slipped under the warm covers and fell asleep.
***
"Foolish child, you may be able to stop your father, but you can't stop me." I heard a hoarse voice whisper.
Images flashed through my head. My father and mother were looking down at me. I recognised this as my room back at home, but it wasn't the same. I was in a crib, and I wasn't the only one in it. There was another baby with me. They had one blue eye and one black eye. Then everything disappeared.
"Let me show you the memories you have forgotten." The voice whispered to me.
My mother was there again. My father was nowhere I could see. My mother talked to me.
"Zimsy will take care of you until your father comes home from a long year of work. Zimsy and Haltak will take care of you. They won't let anything bad happen to you." She whispered.
There was another memory. I was levitating. I was about the same size as Zimsy. She levitated me out of the room as a doctor was holding a cloth to my mother's head, who was lying in a large bed.
"I won't let anything happen you, Raven Snape. My loyalty is to you and you only. Your mother told me to take care of you and that is exactly what I will do until the day I die, Miss Snape." Zimsy said to me.
I was taken to another memory. I was sat at the dining room table. I was alone with Zimsy and Haltak. A cake was in front of me.
"Happy fourth Birthday, Birdy." Zimsy smiled at me.
"I want an apple! Cut one up for me, please?" I asked Haltak.
"Don't you like the cake?" Zimsy asked, confused.
I shook my head, saying, "It's lovely, but I can't eat that."
"You are not normal, may I remind you, Raven?" Zimsy laughed.
I laughed and pushed the cake to her.
"You can eat it. It's for all of us." I offered to her.
"Even if I wanted to, I can't Miss Snape. I will place it in the fridge if you want it later."
I was taken to another memory. It was dark. I was in the Malfoy Manor.
"I want to go home." I pouted.
"Your father requested me to take care of you while he was at the school. Now, go play with Draco." Narcissa said calmly to me.
"I don't want to!" I yelled.
"You don't want to go see your best friend?" Narcissa asked.
"I want Zimsy!" I yelled.
"I can't have Zimsy here. She doesn't work for us."
After she said that, I began to scream. I lunged for her, hitting her, kicking her, trying to bite her.
"Draco, come down here now!" Narcissa yelled.
I continued yelling and screaming. I was now pushing over side tables, breaking vases, doing everything I could to try to changed Narcissa's mind. This was my first temper tantrum. It was the first of many.
"Rave!" I heard a boy's voice call to me, followed by two arms being wrapped around me, "It's okay. I'm here. We're going to have the best year together." He whispered to me.
That one year turned to many years until this year.
"Now let me show you a memory of your father's, since he can access all of yours." The hoarse voice whispered to me again.
The scene faded into a new one. I was looking from my own point of view, as if I had been there.
"Severus, we called you over because we wanted to talk about our children's futures." Narcissa said to my father.
"My daughter will be a healer, I don't know about Draco." My father said.
"Shouldn't that be my choice?" I asked him, but he didn't respond.
Of course he couldn't, this was his memory, not mine. I was just looking at it.
"You know that's not what I'm talking about." Narcissa said to my father.
"The Dark Lord has given his orders for their future. Nexxremys was a pure-blood and you're a half-blood, therefore, your daughter is the best match for our son." Lucius said.
"My daughter will not be forced to do anything she doesn't want to. She will marry who she wants to marry, wizard or not. I have taught her to not allow anyone to force her into doing anything she doesn't want to do." My father told them.
"You see how close they are, Severus. It's only a matter of time before the two grow up and realize what needs to be done, especially when the Dark Lord tells them that it needs to be done." Narcissa said to him.
"It must be those two. You know the Dark Lord will want it to happen when they come of age. His two youngest followers need to be brought together. We have no choice. You know this. The Dark Lord doesn't give choices." Lucius said.
"And if Raven falls in love with another Death Eater's son?" My father asked.
"You must ask the Dark Lord himself that question." Lucius answered.
The memory began to fade.
"Wait! What was the answer?" I yelled.
No one answered me. Was I meant to marry under the Dark Lord's orders without giving me a choice? I needed answers! Surely I wasn't going to ask my father.
Was I?
A/N
Word count: 7380
What up mah peeps? Okay I will never say that again. So Goyle and Raven eh? Nah, they're only kids. She's ten for Pete's sake, but here's something to hear for the first time! Raven was afraid of being alone at Hogwarts! She did say that she wasn't afraid, but had lower confidence, but we all know that a ten year old, alone in a ginormous school filled with tons of people older than her, is scary!
Question, do you really think that the Malfoy family and Snape family are going to be united through the marriage of Draco and Raven?
Luvz, Spade