First kisses are amazing. Some would say they're even life-changing. The thing I love about kisses is that they're never what you expect them to be. When you kiss someone, for a breif moment you can't believe it actually happened. You find yourself asking, 'Was that a kiss?' And when you realize that it was, you get a bit lightheaded. You can feel your heartbeat become louder and louder, and you hope it won't beat violently out of your chest. When you calm down, you feel peace. Peace and happiness. Satisfaction. And that's exactly what happened.
The kiss was brief, maybe 3 seconds or so. I pulled out of the kiss, experiencing all of the symptoms, and saw that Harry had a small smile on his lips, which slowly turned in to a quiet laugh. He was laughing. Why was he laughing?
"What?" I asked self-consciously. Of course I was going to be insecure about it. It was our first kiss and he was laughing.
"Nothing." He smiled, looking down at the smoothie in his hands.
"Was that...bad?" I realized how stupid of a question that was the second it escaped my lips. I felt a blush creep on to my cheecks, and I suddenly felt the urge to find a large rock to hide under for the rest of my life.
"No, not at all." He smiled softly. "It's just...we just kissed at a smoothie shop. In public."
Oh. That probably wasn't smart.
"Oooh." I said slowly, a bit relieved that he wasn't laughing at me. But then horror set in. People saw that. There were people everywhere, and of course they were watching us! I looked past Harry to see that there was a small crowd gathered outside of the smoothie shop. Loads of girls were on the phone, giggling. Even more girls had their phone out, pointed towards us, either taking pictures or video taping.
How didn't I notice them?! How did I let that happen in public?! I was so on my guard the entire day, and then BOOM. Harry knocked down every wall I had built. I was completely unaware of people watching us for about 5 minutes, and in those 5 minutes, I allowed myself to become the most hated girl in America. Probably the most hated girl in the world by tomorrow. I mean, no doubt it would be all over Twitter. It was probably already on Twitter a second after it happened!
"This will be all over the news..." Harry said quietly, seemingly angry at himself for letting it happen, too. "We need to get out of here." He said slowly, quietly. He stood up and put his arm out for me to grab it.
At this point, I was numb. My body was tingling and my chest was heavy, making it harder for me to breathe. But despite that, I quickly stood up without thinking and grabbed on to his arm, my hand resting in the bend of his elbow. I let him lead me out of the shop, trying once again to cover my face. We walked quickly out of the mall and into the parking lot, and thankfully, we weren't being followed.
He opened the door for me and I got in, and he went around and got in, himself. He stared the car without delay, and he drove out of the parking lot calmly. Calmly, but quietely.
"I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." He finally said, and I could feel him looking at me. But my eyes were glued to the floorboard. I sat numbly in my seat. My chest was still heavy, and a now rock had formed in the pit of my stomach, weighing me down. I didn't say anything. For the longest time, I just listened to Harry talk. I didn't know if he was talking to me or himself.
"I shouldn't have let that happen. I mean, I don't mind being seen with you. It's not me that I'm worried about. But I know what girls go through when they're seen with me. How did I let that happen?!" He looked at the road, his voice getting a little louder with every word. It was sweet that he felt bad, but I also felt terrible. Terrible for making him feel this way. I should have been thinking, too. I shouldn't have let it happen either. I wasn't mad at him, not in the slightest. But I was horrified. And terrified. I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
We sat in silence until Harry spoke again. "Maybe they won't know who you are." He said a bit more civilized.
"They'll find out. Your fans are better than the FBI." I finally answered.
"They are? No they're not..."
"Yes they are! You haven't noticed that?" I began laughing, and I started to smile subconciously, although I was still terrified and numb.
"How so?" He raised his eyebrows, beginning to laugh with me.
"Harry. They found your birth records. They even found Eleanor and Danielle's!" I giggled.
"True... that was creepy." Harry said a bit more seriously, before breaking into another fit of laughter.
"I know! It's actually pretty funny."
"They stalk us!" Harry laughed, "but I love our fans." He smiled to himself.
"Good. Because you have no idea how much they love you... I would know." I trailed off, looking out the window at the cars beside us on the highway. I remembered the heat of the situation, and the fear and dread came back. "But they'll definately figure out who I am."
"Maybe they'll love you. They seem to be quite welcoming towards Danielle and Eleanor."
"That's because they're Danielle and Eleanor! They're lovable-"
"And who says that you're not?" Harry interrupted.
"That's beside the point. Also, they aren't dating you. It's different. When you're seen with a girl, they automatically hate her."
"Did you just say we were dating?" Harry smirked, ignoring my point.
I rolled my eyes. "You know what I meant." Although I wasn't annoyed at all. The idea of dating Harry brought butterflies to my stomach, but it also scared me... a LOT.
He just smiled cheekily to himself, and I continued watching the road.
"You want some music?" Harry broke the silence, already turning on the radio.
"Sure."
The first song that came on was "Photograph" by Nickelback. A lot of people don't like Nickelback, though I don't know why. I loved them. I expected to be the only one who knew the song, but apparently I wasn't. Harry started belting along to the chorus.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Harry sang louder than the actual song, and he sounded better than Nicklelback.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
"You're not shy in front of anyone, are you?" I laughed, leaning my head back on the head rest.
"I've learned not to be." He grinned, and continued singing.
He sounded absolutely amazing... angelic. I realized how lucky I was to be in the car with Harry Styles, listening to him singing. Live, and 2 feet away from me. His raw talent left me speechless, and the manerisms he had while singing did, too. He tilted his chin up, and he seemed to poke his head out a bit. He wasn't exactly smiling, but it was visible that he was enjoying himself. He put passion into every word he sang, and it left me breathless. So many girls would kill to be in my position. Why was I worrying about the fans? So what if they sent me hate? As far as I knew, I had Harry. The boy that I fell deeper and deeper in love with every minute. I've always loved Harry, but now I'm starting to get to know him on a personal level. I wonder if I'll love him... personally? Will I really, truly fall in love with him? The thought was exhilerating...
"I guess the movie's over by now." Harry interrupted my thoughts once the song was over.
"Oh...yeah, I'm sure it is." I responded.
"Look, I can take you by the hotel if you don't want to be seen with me anymore. I understand. You don't have to spend the week with us if you don't want to. I can even come by your hotel if you wanted me to. No one would see us and-"
"No. It's actually fine. I don't think I care anymore." I decided. The thought of people seeing Harry and I together and sending me hate scared me, but it was worth it. I wanted to get to know him and the boys, and no amount of hate can stop me from doing that. I wasn't going to let fear run my life.
"Good. I'm glad." He smiled, his eyes glancing over to meet mine, then focusing back on the road. "You want to do me a favor?" He asked.
"Sure."
"Call the boys and see where they are."
Holy yes I'll do that. Oh my gosh. The fangirl in me comes and goes, and right now it was taking me over.
"Yeah, which one?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"Doesn't matter."
I'll call Daddy Direction. He'll know what everyone is doing, even if they aren't together anymore.
Harry handed me his phone, and I unlocked it. His screensaver was his Twitter icon... him in his mustang. I went to his contacts and found Liam. I pressed 'call', and felt my heart skip a beat while it was ringing.
"Hello," His thick accent answered.
"Hey, Liam. This is Charlotte-"
"Charlotte! How are you, babe? Where'd you and Harry go?" He asked cheerfully.
"Oh, just to get a smoothie." I laughed. I liked talking to Liam. He treats everyone like he actually wants to talk to them. He's so sweet!
"Ok, cool."
"Yeah, so Harry's driving right now and he wants to know where you all are?"
"Your friend Jessica took us to a movie shack, we're just picking out some films- Niall. No, I don't want that one! Niall..." Liam started yelling, seeming to forget he was on the phone. " Sorry about that, we're going to watch them in the hotel room tonight. You and Harry want to join us?" He asked warmly.
"Just a second." I giggled at Liam. "Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"The boys are having a movie night tonight. Do we want to join?" I asked the Chesire boy.
"Sounds fun. Do you?"
"Sure!" I got back on the phone. "Liam? Yeah, we'll join."
"Ok! Just meet us at the hotel, then. Tell Harry I'll take care of Paul-
"Paul?" I asked, immediately ashamed of interrupting. "Sorry, but what does that mean?"
"It's alright. Harry'll tell you. It's nothing. Sound good?"
"Yeah, awesome. See you!" I hung up. "We're going to the hotel." I told Harry. "Liam also said something about Paul?"
"Ok, yeah I'll call Paul and tell him we're coming in. They'll have to arrange security."
"No, Liam said he'd take care of it. What does that mean anyways?" I asked curiously.
"Everytime we go to the hotel, they have to arrange security to meet us so we don't get mobbed." Harry shrugged.
"That's crazy..." I murmured to myself.
I could never be famous, I'd get too annoyed. I thought to myself.
When we finally arrived at the hotel. It was absolutely huge. I didn't catch the name of it, and I didn't think to ask either. All I could tell was that it was extremely big, and extremely nice. Our car was automatically greeted by two white vans. Harry obviously knew what to do, and he let one of the vans get in front of us, and one got behind us. We drove to the back of the hotel and parked, where security was waiting for us to escort us in to the hotel.
Harry got out of his door, and a guard I didn't know opened up my door for me. "Hello, miss. What's your name?"
I got out. "Charlotte."
"She's coming in with me." Harry stepped in, putting his hand on my back for the second time that day.
The guard gave Harry a threatening look as if to say "That's not allowed", and Harry sighed.
"We're just going in to watch movies. The lads are about to be here anyways."
I decided to keep quiet and not say anything. It was already awkward.
"Fine. But no funny business." The guard sent Harry the same look, and he walked away.
Harry chuckled. "Way to not be embarrassing."
More guards came up to us, and I suddenly heard the faint sound of girls screaming coming from the front of the hotel.
"That must be the lad's car." Harry stated. "Let's go inside."
He still had his hand on the small of my back as he lead me inside the hotel. There were plenty of girls in the lobby, but security was swarming the place so that the girls didn't get out of hand. Five guards were walking in front of us and behind us while they lead us to an elevator. We went to the very top floor, floor 16, and I saw that it was roped off. The boys had the entire floor to themselves. We walked down the hallway to room 1598, and the guard that opened up my door for me earlier unlocked it.
"Go right in. The boys just got here, they should be up any second." The man said nicely, and it was the first time I'd seen him smile.
We walked in and the guard shut the door behind us. The room was absolutely extravagant. There was a chandelier, and the tile floors sparkled. There were two king sized beds with a million pillows on them, and one huge, black leather couch. There was a mini fridge in the corner, which I already expected to be jammed with food, and there was a plasma screen TV Harry plopped on the couch.
"I'm surprised they even left us in the room alone together." He sighed, sprawling out on the couch. "Our management team doesn't like us to bring girls in."
For just a moment, I felt a little insecure, thinking about any other girls Harry had tried to bring to his hotel. But then he added, "Then again, I've never really tried."
I was flooded with relief as I stood there, taking the whole place in. I'd never stayed anywhere this nice.
After trying to decide what to do with myself. I decided to settle on the bed, hopefully without wrinkiling anything. I'm sure the boys didn't care, but I didn't want to mess up the flawless room.
I sat down, and Harry gasped. "You better get off the bed! Zayn hates it when you mess up the beds! If he sees you-"
I quickly jumped off of the bed in a panic. I was rapidly smoothing out the wrinkles that I managed to leave when I heard Harry laughing.
"What?" I turned to him, running a hand through my blonde hair which I had messed up in my panic mode.
"You believed me. You completely freaked out!" He was laughing loudly now, falling on his side on the couch.
It took me a moment to realize what he'd done, and my mouth immediately took the shape of an 'O', and my face became hotter than you can imagine. "Harry Styles you jerk!" I threw one of the fancy pillows at him, nailing him in the head. Of course I wasn't mad at him, though. It was impossible to be mad at that laugh. He was still laughing, and I was getting another pillow to throw at him when the boys walked in.
I was laughing as loud as he was now, throwing another pillow at his head when I heard Louis' voice behind me.
"What's this?!" He came in shouting, and the other 3/5 of One Direction came in behind him.
"Harry's being a jerk." I chuckled, and Harry's jaw dropped.
"Am not!" He laughed from his position on the couch, running a hand through his curls.
"Harry's always a jerk." Niall came up beside me pulling me into a side hug. "So where'd you two go?"
"We went for smoothies at a mall a few minutes away." I answered, hugging him back. Hugging. Niall Horan. I tried not to freak out visibly, but it was harder than you could imagine.
I noticed that Jessica wasn't in the room, and I frowned. "Where's Jessica?"
"She went to the vending machine. She should be back-" Zayn started, but was interrupted by Jessica's cheery voice coming through the door.
She had a package of oreos in her hand, and she was studying them. "I forgot to ask if you boys wanted anythi- Charlotte!" She ran up and hugged me as if she hadn't seen me in years. "How are you?! How'd your date go?"
I heard Harry's laugh from the couch.
"It wasn't a date, but it was fun." I smiled, looking at her. I wanted to be cool in front of the boys, but I needed to tell her about how amazing my day was! She was glowing, smiling ear to ear. I probably was, too. I guess hanging out with One Direction can do that to you. "I'll tell you about it later." I whispered excitedly in her ear.
"It's about 6:30." Liam spoke up. "Ready for the movie?"
"Let's watch Grease first." Louis chimed in, getting pizza from the mini fridge.
The room was loud with chatter about the movie, our day, and pretty much anything imaginable, until Zayn opened up the cabinet underneath the TV and put the movie in. Louis turned the lights off, and we all settled on the couch, except for Liam and Louis who sat on the floor. I sat inbetween Niall and Harry, and Jessica was on Harry's other side, next to Zayn. Jessica kept leaning over and looking at me, sending me messages with her eyes. Her eyes were wide and wild, and easy to read. I'd gotten to be pretty good at reading Jessica, even without her trying to communicate with me. Her messages said things like "OH MY GOSH, CHARLOTTE WE'RE WITH ONE DIRECTION", and things of that nature.
When the movie finally started, the room was anything but silent. The boys, especially Niall and Louis, knew pretty much every line in the movie, and they spoke them along with the characters. And we all sang at the top of our lungs to ever song.
Summer lovin' had me a blast
Summer lovin' happened so fast
I met a girl crazy for me
Met a boy cute as can be
It was ideal, as the boys sang the Danny's parts, and Jessica and I sang Sandy's parts. Although the boys' harmony was perfect and Jessica and I sounded like screeching cats, it didn't matter. We all had so much fun together. It was so nice to let go and just...live. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hadn't been able to cut loose and have fun since my dad left. I was just too preoccupied with my problems, I guess. Being with the boys just made me feel so alive. I could forget about my problems and enjoy life.
I'm not going to lie and say the boys were already like my brothers and I was completely comfortable around them, because that's completely untrue. I still had a huge crush on all of them, and it still felt like they were a world famous band that I was lucky enough to hang out with. It was still very surreal. But the boys did have a presence about them... a presence I didn't know about. They made you feel like you could do anything, be anyone, and it didn't matter. They made you feel like you could act like a complete moron and they'd still want to hang out with you. They were open, they were welcoming. Their presence said "come as you are", and it was nice. No one's ever been that way with me before.
After Grease and all of the fun that came with it, we watched countless Disney movies. Although Niall doesn't like them, the rest of us did. So he kept trying to talk to me through the movie so he'd have something to do. Obviously, I didn't mind, and we talked about anything and everything. Throughout the night, I learned a lot of things about the boys.
People always talked about the boy's quirks and personalities, but I was never sure if that's just the way they acted for the camera, or if it's really the way they were. There was really no way to know until you've spent time with them. But I've learned that most of what I'd heard about them was spot-on.
Just like how people describe Niall: Niall talks. And talks and talks and talks and talks. He's seriously never ever quiet. He laughs at just about everything, and he really does eat a lot. He probably had 3 pieces of pizza per movie... and we watched a LOT of movies.
Liam is actually crazier than people give him credit for. Yeah, he's responsible, but he's really, really funny. He had something witty to say about everything... and I mean EVERYTHING.
Zayn is pretty mellow, but he has a crazy side. Sometimes he'd be laughing, bouncing off of the walls, but other time's I'd look over at him and he was sleeping on Jessica's shoulder.
Louis was crazy. Crazy and sassy. He had to comment on everything, and it was always sassy and hilarious. There's a reason he's called The Queen. He's so lovable, though, that it's all ok.
Harry was so emotional that it was almost funny. He was quite bipolar, too. He was either one extreme or another: Laughing like a madman or crying like a baby. He and Liam were really the only boys that watched the movies the whole time. The other boys just acted like they were.
After about 5 or 6 movies, we were watching the Lion King. Everyone had gotten rather tired, and Zayn was already sleeping. I had no idea what time it was, but I didn't care. I was leaned on Harry's shoulder, about to fall asleep. I felt him breathing in and out, and I smiled to myself. It was so peaceful, and I was so satisfied. There we were, watching movies with One Direction. One Direction. Our life. Our loves. Our inspriation. And they were with us. Talking to us... just being with us. And they actually liked us.
It was during the scene when Simba's father died, and Scar told Simba to run away. This was the worst part of the whole movie. It always made me cry before, but I was with the boys and I didn't want any of them to see me cry. I looked up at Harry, to see tears in his eyes. It was dark, but I could tell that his cheeks were red, and he sniffled. I almost laughed, but I didn't want to embarrass him. I loved the fact that he was crying, it was so sweet.
"I had a lot of fun today." I whispered at him.
He looked down at me, seeming a bit startled. He wiped his eyes quickly, obviously embarrassed. "I did, too." He cleared his throat. "Same thing tomorrow?"
"Definitely."
I heard Liam yawn loudly, drawing everyone's attention to him. Well, everyone but Zayn.
"When do you two need to be back to your hotel?" He asked politely.
"Oh, um, I don't know," I looked over to Jessica, who was asleep on Harry's shoulder. "Looks like she's sleeping..." I stated.
"It's 3 o'clock." Louis chimed in. "I didn't know it was that late!"
"3?" I asked in disbelief. I had to remind myself that I didn't have anything to do this week except for being with them. That was amazing. "Wow."
"I know. We're hanging out tomorrow right?" Niall stood up, and I stood up, too.
"Yes!" I smiled. "I mean, if that's all right with you guys." Hopefully they weren't tired of us yet. Well, no one could be tired of Jessica. So hopefully they weren't tired of me.
"Of course!" Louis stood up, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "We like you."
"Good." I blushed.
"We'll send a driver to take you home." Liam said, taking his phone out to text someone.
"Why don't we meet at the same McDonald's tomorrow? We can decide what to do from there." Harry stood up, finally joining in. He stretched, "12 o'clock?"
All of the boys, except Zayn, and I nodded, and mumbled a "sounds good", or something like that.
"Our driver should be outside the door in just a moment. He'll escort you out. Good to see you!" Liam smiled warmly, coming over to hug me. The rest of the boys did the same, except Zayn, who was asleep on Jessica's shoulder. Jessica must have situated herself to be leaning on him, as well.
"They're so cute." I aww'd after the hugs. I went a few steps over to the couch, and began shaking Jessica's shoulders. "Jess. Jessssss." I whispered, with no response. She just groaned, and leaned further in to Zayn.
"Jessica!" I yelled, "Wake up!"
I made all of the boys jump, including Zayn. He opened his eyes looked up at me, and I mouthed a "sorry". Jessica barely moved, but about a minute later, she slowly blinked into consciousness.
"Ohhh." She grumbled. "Crap it was just a dream." She mumbled with closed eyes. "Charlotte. I had this amazing dream that we spent the day with One Direction. It was perfect. They were all so hot and..." She seemed unable to stop, until she finally opened her eyes. The boys were laughing, and Zayn was still beside her, laughing.
"Holy-!" She yelled, running her hands through her hair. "It wasn't a dream."
"Nope," I laughed at my best friend. "Come on, we're going back to the hotel."
"Okkkk." She sang like she was high. Standing up, the boys all hugged her goodbye.
"Wish I-" Harry cut himself off. "We...could drive you home. It'd just be too much chaos."
"We get it, it's fine!" I chimed. "See you guys tomorrow!"
"Bye!" They all chorused as we left through the door.
When we got into the hallway, there was another bald man in a leather jacket waiting for us. "Am I taking you two home?" His deep, scratchy voice asked us.
"Yes." I answered.
"Come with me.
We followed him into the elevator, and eventually into the lobby, which was empty. We went out the hotel back doors and got into another white van. The man started up the car, and we sat contently in the back seat. I told him the name of our hotel, and he plugged it into his GPS.
I noticed Jessica was quiet for the first time in... a really long time.
"You ok?" I nudged her arm.
"I totally just embarrassed myself, didn't I?" She stared blankly ahead, and I laughed.
"No, that was great. They thought it was cute."
"How do you know?"
"I don't, actually. But they all laughed like they thought it was cute."
She rolled her eyes, and apparently decided to come back to her cheery self. "Ok, whatever. Charlotte?"
"Yeah?"
"WE JUST SPENT A DAY WITH ONE DIRECTION!!!" She screamed, ignoring the fact that their driver was in the front seat. He didn't seem to mind, though. He was probably used to screaming girls.
"I know!" I squealed, giggling hysterically for the first time that day. "It was crazy!"
"I know I know!" She laughed. She seemed glad to be able to let out all of the excitement that'd been bottled up inside, too. "So... where'd you and Harry go?!"
Harry... I kissed Harry. I kissed Harry.
The memory of our day was so astonishing, and it made me giddy. It must've been visible on my face, too, because Jessica seemed to grow more and more eager by the second.
"We went to get smoothies."
"Yeah?!" She was sitting on her knees on the seat, and she started bouncing.
"And I KISSED him!" I whisper-yelled. I realized that he could tell the boys how stupid we sounded, and how much we squealed over them. I didn't mind if they knew we were a dedicated fan, but if they knew how much we fangirled over them... that'd be bad.
"YOU KISSED HIM?!?!" She screamed, basically pouncing on me in a hug.
Oh, what the heck...
"YES!" I screamed, hugging her back.
The rest of the ride consisted of giggles, squealing, and things of that nature. When we finally arived at our hotel, I thanked the man, and asked him not to mention anything to the boys. He seemed amused by my question, but he agreed.
We got back into the room, and the first thing I did was dive on the bed in search of my journal. When I found it, I flipped to the next clean page and started writing hastily.
June 24, 2012
Jessica and I are back in the hotel... After spending the day with One Direction! It was amazing!! We went to McDonald's, to the movies, and then Harry and I ditched the movies. We went to get smoothies at the mall, and we KISSED!! It was unbelievable! How many people get to say their first kiss was with one of their favorite popstars?! A lot of people saw us, so I'm prepared for hate. I decided not to let fear rule over me, although it's safe to say that I'm absolutely TERRIFIED. I'll check Twitter in the morning to see what's being said about me. I'm too tired for all of that right now. We watched movies in their hotel room, and we just got back to our hotel. It's about 3:30 am.
Long story short, I had an incredible time! Hopefully the rest of the week will be just like today.
xxxxxx
Charlotte