"I'm too broken, just leave me."
"Never!"
"Why not? You can't fix me."
"I can try."
"Luke please, just let me die!"
"I can't let you do that Ashton. I love you too much. Give me five days, just five days to change your mind."
"What if you don't change my mind by then?"
"Then I'll be joining you in Heaven."
Ashton is broken beyond repair, or so he thinks. He is depressed, self harms, and has anorexia. He's done with living, and just wants to die. But Luke wants to fix the broken boy. He has five days to change Ashton. Five days to become Ashton's saviour, also known as, the five day challenge.
Warning: triggers and fetus 5sos, especially Ashton
dedicated to 5sos__Paramore_Lover FOR THE IDEA
---------------------------------------------------------------
Never surrender Ashton...
Luke laughed with Calum and Mikey as he climbed onto the tour bus. They had just finished a gig and Ashton had run inside the bus, which concerned Luke.
He said goodbye to Calum and Michael, who were going to hit some clubs before going to bed.
"Ashton?" Luke pulled back Ashtons bunk bed curtain and gasped.
Ashton gasped too, his hand tightening on the gun he was holding to his temple.
"Ashton...what are you doing? Where did you get that? Put it down, please!"
Ashton started crying. "I can't Luke! I want to die, I need to die!"
"No no no! Why do you think that?! Ashton please, your life is worth living! Please put the gun down!"
Ashton sniffed and tightened his hand around the trigger.
"Ashton! Im calling 911." Luke fumbled for his phone.
"No!" Ashton pleaded, knocking the phone to the floor. "I'm too broken, just leave me!"
"Never!"
"Why not? You can't fix me."
"I can try."
"Luke please, just let me die!"
"I can't let you do that Ashton. I love you too much. Give me five days, just five days to change your mind."
"What if you don't change my mind by then?"
"Then I'll be joining you in Heaven."
Ashton stared at him, and ever so slowly, lowered the gun.
Luke never broke eye contact as he grabbed the gun.
"You won't regret this Ash. I'll save you. I promise."
Day One
Ashton collapsed in front of the toilet and opened the lid, emptying his stomach into it.
When he finished, picked himself up and wiped his eyes. He took off his shirt and studied himself in the mirror. What he saw disgusted him. He saw an ugly, fat, body, but in reality, you could see every rib.
He sighed and yanked his shirt back on. "Luke will never love a fatass like me."
He unlocked the bathroom door and nearly ran into Luke, who was standing outside the door.
"Oh, sorry." Ashton ducked under him and kept walking.
"Ashton-" But Ashton pretended he didn't hear and kept walking.
He went to his bunk bed on the tour bus and pulled the curtain closed, needing privacy.
He opened Twitter and typed in 'Ashton Irwin hate'. He didn't know why he did it, he just did. He just needed to know what people thought of him, what they disliked about him so he knew what to change about himself. He had already changed his hair three times and gotten a tattoo, but now people were saying they thought the tattoo was stupid and that his clothes and hair were gay. Which didnt even make any sense.
He bit the corner of his pillow with his teeth tightly, blocking the cries from waking anyone up.
The last thing he needed was someone seeing him cry. He couldnt be broken, he was the daddy of the band, he had to stay strong for the other boys, to be the glue that kept them together.
But he was breaking. He wasnt strong enough to be the glue anymore. He wasnt strong enough to live.
He wasnt strong enough for anything, and these tweets proved it.
He sighed and turned of his phone, deciding he had had enough for one night.
"Ash?" Luke pulled the curtain back a little. "You okay? You looked a little sick back there."
Luke. Sweet, innocent, adorable, awkward, penguiny Luke. So young. Full of life and happiness. He was like the sun, and Ashton was a black hole.
Total opposites.
And although Ashton was the black hole, he kept feeling himself drawn to Luke, which scared him. He shouldnt have those types of feelings for a bandmate, especially a male one!
He smiled up at Luke, flashing his dimples. "I'm fine! Just ate too much at Maccas I think." He giggled like it was hilarious. Luke smiled. "Oh, yeah that might have been it...except I hardly saw you eat anything."
Ashtons heart pounded. "Ha. Well, I did so..." He pulled the blanket up. "Goodnight Luke."
Luke frowned.
"Could you close the curtain please? Its too bright out there." Ashton said, sheilding his eyes.
Luke stared at him for a moment before climbing into the small bed with him.
"Luke." Ashton sighed. Luke ignored him and grabbed Ashtons phone.
"I said I would help you and I am, so shut up." Luke said, opening up twitter.
He frowned at what he saw. Ashton fiddled with his bracelets and bit his lip.
Luke deleted the app and Ashton gasped. "No Luke! What are you doing, I need that!"
"Why? So you can cry yourself to sleep over shit people say?" Luke hugged Ashton tightly. "You're stronger than them Ash, you dont need them, okay?"
Ashton sighed into Luke's chest. "Okay."
"Lesson one, don't listen to people who put you down, got it?" He pressed a kiss to Ashtons hair and climbed out of the bed. He made sure Ashton was tucked in before he shut the lights off and closed the curtain.
"Goodnight Ashton."
"Night Luke."
"Hey Luke?"
"Yeah?"
Ashton smiled slightly. "Thank you."
-
Day Two
Ashton woke up the next morning and climbed out of bed. He pulled back Luke's curtain and crawled into his bed.
Luke stirred and sleepily pulled Ashton closer. Ashton grabbed Luke's hand and held it tightly. He sniffled and waited for Luke to wake up.
When he did, Ashton leaned in a whispered in Luke's ear.
"Did you tell them?"
Luke yawned. "Tell who?"
"Mikey and Cal."
"Tell them what?" Luke looked at him.
"That I tried to kill myself." Ashton bit his lip.
"No. That's your story to tell." Luke smiled and they climbed out of bed.
Ashton pulled on a sweatshirt, pulling the sleeves down over his bare arms. He was cursing himself for forgetting his bracelets.
Luke frowned. "Ash we're in Miami, you're going to melt in that!"
Ashton shrugged.
Luke sighed but let it go. They had a fan signing today, and Mikey and Calum were waiting outside.
Michael eyed Ashton as they stepped outside. "It's almost a hundred degrees-"
"I'll be fine." Ashton snapped, walking to the car.
The three of them shared a look before following.
-
"No, I'm fine."Ashton waved away the water bottle a fan offered him. He signed her CD and gave a smile.
A few moments later, Luke bumped his shoulder. "Ashton you look really hot, maybe you should-"
"I'm not taking it off!" Ashton glared. "Just drop it, okay?"
Luke frowned. "But, you look-"
Ashton jumped up quickly, and his head spun. He groaned as a cold wave rushed through him, his body trying to cool itself down.
Luke held onto Ashton. "Ash? Are you okay? Ashton?"
Ashton shook his head, pressing his hands to his head tightly.
His heart pounded, echoing in his head. He fell light headed. He gripped onto Luke as he fell to the floor.
The crowd of fans gasped and security jumped up.
They pried Luke off Ashton and a medic was called in.
Luke watched Ashton be carried away with sad eyes.
-
Ashton blinked his eyes open.
He was in his bunk on the tour bus.
Luke reached out and brushed back a piece of Ashton's hair back, pressing an ice pack to his forehead.
"You fainted. Heat stroke." Luke explained at Ashton's confused look.
Luke sighed and put the ice down. He grabbed Ashtons arm and yanked the sweatshirt sleeve up, revealing many red cuts across Ashtons wrist.
Ashton gasped and tried pulling his hand away, but Luke was stronger.
"Lesson two, never put a blade to your skin. Love yourself, like I love you."
Ashton burst out crying. "I'm sorry Luke!"
Luke hugged Ashton tightly. "That's why you didn't want to take the sweatshirt off, huh?"
Ashton sniffed and nodded.
"Oh Ashton." Luke sighed. "Why?"
Ashton shrugged into Luke's shoulder.
Luke petted Ashton's hair. "How about this, for everyday you don't cut, I'll give you a kiss."
Ashton pulled back and nodded, wiping his eyes.
Luke smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Ashton's.
Ashton's eyes widened, but then he relaxed and even smiled. He kissed back.
Luke pulled away. "Kiss number one."
-
Day Three
"And what do you want cutie?"
Ashton looked up at the waitress. "Nothing."
Calum frowned. "But you skipped breakfast and lunch! Aren't you starving?"
Luke frowned. "Order him something guys." He grabbed Ashtons hand and led him out of the booth.
Ashton cried silently into his hand. He didnt want to disappoint Luke again.
Luke led him into the bathroom and locked them in a stall.
"Ashton...is there something else you're not telling me?" Luke asked softly, wiping Ashton's tears away with his thumbs.
Ashton sniffed and shook his head.
Luke sighed and unzipped Ashtons sweatshirt.
"Luke no!" Ashton protested, shoving Luke away. "Please don't!"
"Ashton, I'm going to help you." Luke said firmly. He grabbed Ashton's shirt and lifted it up.
Ashton cried into his hands. "Dont look at how fat I am!"
Luke was shocked. "Ashton, I dont think you even weigh ninety pounds right now! I weigh more than that, and you dont think I'm fat, do you?"
Ashton shook his head as a tear dropped to the floor.
Luke sighed. "Lesson three, starving yourself is never the answer, understand? You're beautiful Ashton, don't ever think you're not."
Ashton sighed and pulled his shirt back down, zipping up his sweatshirt.
"Hey." Luke leaned in and placed his hands on Ashtons cheeks. He bent the older boys head down and stood on his tip toes to kiss Ashton's forehead. "Kiss number two."
Ashton smiled.
Luke led them back to the table, where Calum and Michael were waiting.
"We got you a salad." Calum said.
Ashton smiled at them. "Thanks."
Luke watched him, making sure he ate it all.
"Good job." He whispered to him as they walked out. "I'm proud of you."
Ashton looked at him with watery eyes. "I love you."
"I love you the most."
Ashton sighed and took Lukes hand. "You know, when the five days are up and I still want to die, there's no way Im letting you go with me."
Luke squeezed his hand. "How about we both dont go then?"
Ashton shrugged.
-
Day Four
Luke ripped Ashtons curtain back.
Ashton sleepily blinked his eyes open as Luke climbed into the small bed with him.
"Luke?"
Luke held Ashton tightly. "Oh Ash, I'm sorry, I just had a horrible nightmare. You died and I tried to kill myself too but I couldn't die and I never saw you again and you were suffering so much, and there was nothing I could do and God don't ever let me go." Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke.
"I won't. I promise."
Luke sighed and pressed a kiss to Ashtons collarbone. "Kiss number three."
-
Later that day, Ashton snuck onto the bus while the rest of the band was outside, meeting some fans.
He blinked back his tears as he searched his bag, looking for his blade.
A "fan" had just shouted at him to kill himself, telling him he was worthless and a waste of space.
He was internally yelling at himself for thinking that he could actually change, that he could actually mean something to someone.
His hands were shaking as he dug through his clothes, but his razor was nowhere to be found.
"Ashton?" Luke called and Ashton swore under his breath, shoving the clothes bsck into his bag.
Luke came up to him. "Ashton, what's this?"
Ashton turned and gasped when he saw Luke holding a small white bottle.
"Anti depressants?" Luke read the label.
Ashton looked at the floor. "Sorry...."
Luke sighed and plopped down beside Ashton. "Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong, you never have."
He grabbed Ashton's hands. "You and me, we're going on a date tonight. Tomorrows the last day, let me try once more to change your mind."
Ashton faked him a smile. "Okay."
-
12:07
Day Five
Luke laid down a blanket and he and Ashton sat on top of it. They were alone in the quiet night, sitting on top of a cliff, looking over the sparkling city.
Luke checked his watch and his heart quickened when he saw it was his last day. Well, last night anyway.
He placed his hand over Ashtons hand. "Lesson four babe, be the little ray of sunshine you always are." He smiled. "You light up my world like nobody else..."
Ashton laughed and pushed Luke jokingly. "Oh come on, don't go all One Direction on me!"
"I can't help it, you look so perfect standing there." Luke teased.
Ashton smiled and drew his knees up to his chest. "I'm sitting you dork."
Luke smiled. He stared at Ashton as Ashton looked over at the city.
Slowly, he crawled over to him and put his hands on Ashtons face. He kissed him slowly. "Kiss number three."
He kissed him harder. Ashton laid down as Luke hovered over him.
"Wait." He said softly. "Whats lesson five?"
Luke smiled. "Be my boyfriend?"
Ashton looked at Luke and giggled. "Okay."
Luke beamed and kissed his boyfriend again.
-
Luke rolled over and blinked his eyes awake.
"Ashton?"
He sat up and grabbed his shirt, throwing it on. "Ashton? Where are you?"
He scrambled up and looked around desperately. "Ash!"
He ran to the edge of the cliff and his breath caught when he saw Ashton standing at the edge, the wind whipping his hair around.
"Ashton..."
Ashton turned and looked at Luke. He had tears running down his face.
He held his hands up and Luke saw he was holding his razor and the gun.
"Ashton, please, you don't have to do this! I'm sorry I failed, but please!" Luke cried, his legs turning to jello.
Ashton turned away from him, taking a step closer to the cliff.
"Ashton!" Luke screamed, running forward, just
as
Ashton
dropped
the items he was holding over the edge.
Luke grabbed onto his boyfriend and yanked him back from the edge. He breathed heavily, staring as the gun and razor fell.
"I...I dont understand." He said finally.
Ashton smiled and wiped a tear away from Luke's face.
"You saved me Luke. Thank you."
Luke stared at him before he jumped on him, tackling Ashton into a hug.
"You bastard, you scared me half to death!"
Ashton laughed and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."
A few minutes later, Luke let go and took Ashton's hand, walking back to the tour bus.
"I'm so proud of you baby." He stopped and kissed Ashton. "Kiss number four."
Ashton laughed, feeling happier than he had in a long time.